What are Some Tips for Communicating with my Boyfriend?

@Benengle: I have no idea when you posted your concern, but I am going to respond in hopes that it was somewhat recent. I know this may hurt, but please tell me you will break up with her. It is not the "monster" who is causing this, it is also her.

She chose to have sex with him, unprotected that is, and she has a history of cheating. She will continue to hurt you for the rest of your life. Break it off before it becomes too toxic. Find the girl of your dreams who will treat you right and is not attracted to "monsters"!

I'm reading many of these posts and I'm really discouraged. I've been with my fiance for seven years. We are getting married in September. We have had such a hard time communicating. I am having a hard time understanding something and I'm not sure how to make it go away.

My fiance is truly a great person. I do believe he loves me with all of his heart. He has taken care of me and been there for me since I was 18 years old. We have been through a lot. He got me out of my abusive family situation. We were together for three years, and when he got a job offer we moved in together and have been living together ever since.

The only problem is, I can't seem to get any emotions out of him. He will tell me he loves me but he's gotten really out of tune to my feelings. When I express them, he just gives up. He doesn't really want to talk or he will say, "I'm sorry," but in the whiny way like he's just trying to shut me up. He jokes about sex all the time. He's constantly feeling me up. Talking about boobies and stuff. I am just starting to feel more like a sex machine than a fiance. I tell him this and he doesn't do much of anything.

I am exhausted. It's just easier if I shut my feelings out. The only time he seems interested in being remotely emotional is before sex. I'm very worried and sad right now. Not sure what to do.

@anon261919: Reading your post was like reading my own post. I'm on this site because I am having the exact same problem. I got up to write him a letter because talking is useless and this way I can get out what needs to be said without him interrupting, yelling, making up excuses and saying I heard wrong, or I'm getting confused, even when I know damn well those things were said. He finally admitted to basically cheating on me while I was in hospital, but then continued to say "he was looking after my place and was alone and what else was he supposed to do? Men have more testosterone than women". Pfft. Then went back and said he never said it!

We broke up and I wanted to move out but we live together and have just signed a 12-month lease and I don't want to burden anyone with my needing a place to stay or paying major fees for breaking the lease, and I do love him.

Men like this are not worth our trouble, or love and affection. So here I am writing my final letter to him and I think we will end up breaking up over it because he won't pay any attention to it. It's not healthy to be in a relationship like that. I'd suggest writing a letter and couples counseling, then leaving if none of the above work. We all deserve to be happy and healthy. Good luck hon.

So many of the comments here describe exactly how I feel, too. I've been in a relationship about two years and we have tried everything – I mean everything – to communicate better. Nothing will change how defensive he gets. He even admits that he gets very defensive, but then just says it's my fault for the way I approach him. And I've tried every way under the sun to approach him, but nothing works. He blows up.

I feel like I'm not allowed to have any feelings about anything, if they are even remotely negative or remotely related to him or something he may have done. This makes me feel like he doesn't care how I feel about anything. I'm just told I shouldn't feel that way, and then he justifies himself with some sort of explanation.

Is there any chance to make a relationship work with someone like this? I'm not saying I'm perfect. I probably get too emotional and I need a lot of sensitivity, empathy and understanding in a partner. And I don't get any of that from him, and never have over the entire course of our relationship. Is there any man who is not like that, though? The relationships I've had don't offer love and caring when it is needed most. He is perfect when we are getting along.

I have a girlfriend who is now my fiancee and whom I love deeply. We recently had a very beautiful baby girl. I was happy every step of the way throughout the pregnancy, and when the time came, I cut the umbilical cord. It was absolutely amazing.

I was so happy, I didn't realize the dates didn't match up. After she was born, it was mentioned at the hospital that the dates didn't match up, that my girlfriend had her at seven months. I just laughed and said must've been super sperm. A week later, my girlfriend broke down and cried and told me the baby wasn't mine and that she was sorry and thought I would've figured it out myself. I then told her she needed to tell the biological father, being the good man I try to be. No sooner had she contacted him than he immediately wanted to be a part of the baby's life and wants to get back together and be one family. Oh, and by the way, the reason they broke up before was infidelity, not to mention he was in the military, to make him sound like the perfect guy. He used to be a real monster to my girl and now he wants to prove to her that he really changed. Don't get me wrong -- he really does want to be a part of the child's life and I respect that, but seeing me in the picture turns him around and he has no respect for me at all. He just doesn't know when to quit.

I love my little family very much and would lay down my life for both of them, but it's like she's talking to him and to me, now. I looked at a couple of their conversations together and one morning as I went to work, no sooner had I walked out the door, than he called her and they talked for 15 minutes. I am very jealous of him and I don't know what I'm really supposed to do.

What makes me the maddest is they're talking behind my back. I feel like I could tell him off but she would flip out. She's very manipulative and convincing, but she is growing stronger and really working on it and I want our love back like it was before he came back into the picture. What do I do?

Please ask any questions that you have and I'll try and get on here every day. I really need someone's advice. My heart is eating me from the inside. It seems like every time they talk I feel very bad inside, like he is going to take them away from me. Please help me save my girls from this monster and selfish jerk.

Okay my boyfriend and I have been dating for a month and a half, and it's starting to get difficult to talk to each other. Sometimes if annoyed or something he did is bothering me, I get too afraid to bring it up, because I want to keep from getting in a fight. But he a good guy and I really like him but I have no idea how to fix this.

I have been with my boyfriend for ten months and I'm two months pregnant with his baby. He has no communication skills whatsoever. He gets mad immediately when I bring something up calmly that bothers me, and then he somehow tries to turn it around on me. The next day comes and he tells me I never communicate with him!

Also, he's never wrong and never apologizes for being a jerk. I'm always the one who has to break the ice. It's emotionally draining and I can't handle the stress of fighting especially while being pregnant. He has verbally abused me in the past as well as physically. Girls, if this sounds familiar get out!

This post is either correct or wrong. Men are the most naturally insecure, volatile creatures in the world. Any woman who has engaged men in verbal discussions or debates will find very quickly that men cannot handle it when a woman has the verbal acumen and mental ability to go toe to toe with then on a topic. He may engage her politely at first, but once he realizes she cannot be dominated through his words or through what he thinks is his superior intellect or reasoning skills, he will immediately resort to abuse in the form of verbal insults, intimidation, discrediting her thoughts, asking for “proof” to show validity of her ideas, questioning her sexuality or viability as a mate, insulting her beauty or femininity, calling her a vile name, accusing her of being "angry or bitter', or claiming she is under the influence of some evil outside force like the devil.

The government, the CIA, co intel pro, demonic spirits, feminism, materialism, intellectualism – there must be some reason why she isn't backing down, agreeing with or acquiescing to his manhood! They become very emotional, or as sis Letava says, “bromantic,” catching all sorts of feelings because you bruise their egos.

I have found the male of our species, especially the black one, to be one of the most emotionally out of control, ego driven creatures on this planet. And it shows up long before violence hits the scene. That temperament makes its appearance through the computer with people he has never laid eyes on! Forget wars and murder. Go to any blog, website, thread or comment section of newspaper, magazine or other form of written media, and you will see male emotion in full bloom!

And this has nothing to do with feminine traits. This is rogue masculinity in its primal form. Men are naturally insecure creatures, and if they are not conditioned and trained properly, they will always fall back to this behavior when challenged -- especially if they are challenged by a woman.

I have experienced this foolishness over and over again, so much so, that it doesn't even ruffle my feathers any more. I just sit at my computer and laugh, and laugh, and laugh, because I know where the ultimate fear of the average male is, and it's not in losing the war, physically. It's in losing his pride and feeling shame. That is the greatest fear most men seem to have. And they will do whatever it takes not to feel shame or embarrassment. And a person who is easily embarrassed is one of the most emotionally volatile creatures out there, especially if they have the physical strength to back up the bruised ego.

Women, if your boyfriend doesn't communicate with you and he blows up like a light switch and storms out to his mother and is 45 years old like the one I dealt with who carries a demon, please get out of the relationship as soon as possible. They are going through some evil thing and he can hurt you mentally and physically. Leave the relationship as soon as possible.

My boyfriend cannot have any conversation with an opposing point of view involved or he must make it into a fight. Then he blames me and repeats his point of view over and over, screaming I don't get it. Every single time I'm saying, "Baby I understand why you think this and why you feel this" and then I repeat what he says so he understands I get it, but then I say "However my point of view is different and I think..." and then he cuts me off screaming I don't get it. Then he will hang up if we are on the phone or starts throwing things if I'm there. It is insane.

My advice to a lot of you ladies, just leave these guys before it gets worse. I know I should have.

Thank you for writing this article. I read it and used it in my relationship and I feel that my boyfriend and I have never been happier. It's just a matter of miscommunication that messes a relationship up.

My boyfriend and I have been together for six months. We talk about everything and know everything about each other. It's long distance, so I pretty much only get to see him once a month. His issues mostly deal with my past; he won't accept it or try to get past it. he is overly emotional, and we fight almost every day usually about stupid things, but i have to disagree when this article says men are always easy and simple minded. He is actually very complex, and that's what makes it difficult because I find it hard to express my feelings and get my words out, and he is usually the one to guess and speak for me.

But today we had a fight, and he says he is tired of carrying both of our pasts and all of my burden, it is my last chance, and I don't know how to change. I had a rough time in my life and he picked me up and put me back on my feet, but now I have to fix this mess I made and do it myself.

I like a boy, and I'm somewhat sure that he likes me too, but the problem is that he never accepts that. I don't know why. I just want him to express himself before me so what should I do or say to him so he will tell me his feelings? Should I talk with him on the phone so that by getting into the habit he will express himself or should I avoid this? Please help me know what to do.

I have been dating my bf for four months and he is a great man but simply won't communicate at all. He will ask me what's wrong and when I tell him he gets very angry and tells me to go home.

He has mood swings that come out of nowhere and I am beginning to think that there is something wrong. He absolutely refuses to communicate about anything. Everything is a joke to him. I really like him and have feelings of love for him but need us to communicate and don't know what to do. It is really bothering me a lot.

I have only been with my boyfriend for a little over six months. We have been living together for two. We have not been communicating effectively at all and now he says he is not in love with me anymore.

I don't think I am in love either. It seems like it just slipped away because of our communication and intimacy issues. When we first met, we had a few arguments that ended badly. I was "too emotional" and I just got this sense from him that he wasn't down with my emotional reactions. I am very sensitive.

To compensate, I just tried to keep my emotions under wraps and I think this led to a blockage in being able to express myself to him. Now it may be too late to fix it. He says I am just a shell. I am not. I am so much in here. I just need another chance. Or maybe I should leave before it gets worse.

I'm going through this as well with my boyfriend. He is unable to discuss what he wants and needs and blows up every six months and tells me all these general issues that are in the past and cannot be changed (it's almost impossible to change behaviours when you don't even know what you've done).

I have been trying to open up dialogue with him and have heard some of his issues (when i have to actually drag it out of him painfully slowly). I said i would do what i can to resolve them and actually changed my behaviour, but have found that my only request for more affection, or for him to react to my affection (he was so affectionate the first two years) was met with a total boycott of all affection, and when i approached him about it he said he was angry at me and was sorry, then continued to avoid all affection for the rest of the time I was there!

From all avenues, i feel he's slowly blocking me out of his life but i want to give him time if he is just having issues outside of the relationship and can't talk about them.

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, living together for three and he thinks I don't express myself, or I never have anything to say.

He is getting frustrated with me and I need to be able to show him that I do care and I do love him. Expressing my emotions has always been difficult and he feels we are more like roommates than a loving couple. Please help!

This article really sums up a lot of things for me. lately I have been having doubts and become a little bit insecure for no reason.

I want to talk to my boyfriend and express how I'm feeling, he seems willing to listen but I'm afraid if i open up my mind to him he'll get angry and say I'm over reacting. I feel the words come to my lips but every time i go to speak nothing comes out.

I think I'm being stupid and should just let it all out, but what if he thinks badly of me? I want our relationship to work, i really do.

I tried to communicate with my boyfriend and he always ends up getting frustrated and stress out. After that he just completely shuts down and does not listen to what I have to say and begin to find fault on me.

He is fine communicating to his friends, only me. Is he just trying to be difficult on me. I really don't know what to do.

Kind of in the same situation. Been in a long distance relationship for four years and every time I have tried to talk about important topics on the phone it always ended in an argument. Very difficult.

He says he loves me and misses me, but after four years we are still living 1400 km apart, mainly because his conditions are not right to start to live with someone else.

I just ready this it's good and it's it's the truth about communicating in a relationship. I have a boyfriend and every time we start talking he gets mad and gets up and walks away from me and then takes a few day's to talk about the problem.

That's one thing that does get on my nerves is him getting up and walking away from me when I start talking. It's like he don't even care what I have to say, but when he talks I sit there and listen to him but as soon as I start talking he gets up and walks away from me.

How do I talk to him if he just keep walking away from me? how are we supposed to fixes anything if keeps walking away. Please help. I want our relationship to work but I don't want him always walking away from me either. What do I do? how do I get him to communicate with me and have him listen to me without walking away? please help.

Funny - my boyfriend talks too much and is unwilling to listen effectively. However, the article is correct on the fact that men only want to deal with simple problems and solutions. Anything too emotional or with too many opinions just upsets them and nothing will come of the conversation other than an argument.

i have a boyfriend and i read this article. i really want our relationship to work so I'm doing all that i can. he is trying to do his part also. I'll keep this site updated. Mrs troof sc

This, whole article discribes my situation. It's true life. --K.Stinson.

I am concerned though. I've done at least *half* of this, and I'm still lost in translation with my boyfriend. I ask him to express his feelings, because I talk about myself a lot, and then he just closes up completely without me saying anything. I'm worried that I'm going to lose him, and I don't really know *what* to exactly do.