What Are the Signs of Attachment Disorder in Adults?
- Written By: Drue Tibbits
- Edited By: PJP Schroeder
- Last Modified Date: 13 May 2013
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2003-2013 Conjecture Corporation
Adult attachment disorder is a term used to describe the emotional dysfunction of someone who cannot form intimate, caring bonds with others. The dysfunction may manifest itself as either a rejection of close relationships or a constant demand for them. Many of the signs of attachment disorder in adults overlap with those found in other conditions, such as borderline personality disorder. Signs of a disorder that avoids or rejects intimacy include excessive criticism of others, argumentative behavior, and provoking anger in others. Those who have an intense need for relationships, may be possessive, jealous, and have a heavy dependence on their partners.
Behavioral patterns that continually block any possibility of loving relationships may indicate an attachment disorder. These behaviors are usually self-protective mechanisms to prevent intimacy. On the other side of the spectrum, a person who has an overwhelming desire for a relationship may not seem to have this problem, but may be using attachments as a way to counter insecurity. Many of these individuals risk losing their partners as a result of their constant demands for closeness.
There are four distinctive attachment styles: secure, fearful-avoidant, dismissive-avoidant, and anxious-preoccupied. Two of these styles — fearful-avoidant and anxious-preoccupied — are considered an attachment disorder. People who are fearful-avoidant are afraid of relationships and distance themselves by acting cold, impersonal, and aloof. They engage in destructive behaviors designed to push others away. Those who are anxious-preoccupied demand constant reassurances from their partners, are unwilling to allow their partners any personal space, and may continually question their partners' fidelity.
In theory, this inability to enter into secure relationships stems from childhood events. Children who were abused, abandoned, or had emotionally distant parents may grow up to have issues developing healthy relationships. A child raised in a succession of foster homes or shipped from one relative to another may find, once he is an adult, that he has issues with trust and believing in the permanence of a partner. Adults with an attachment disorder are at risk of raising children to have the disorder as well.
The treatment of attachment disorder in adults involves therapy and, possibly, sessions with a psychiatrist. Often, the therapy involves both group and individual counseling. Therapists may use role-playing to help patients work through traumatic events of their childhoods. If the patient has a partner, the partner may be asked to attend counseling sessions as well.
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anon334419
Post 9 |
I don't even understand how someone with attachment disorder has a partner. I have been diagnosed with it, am 37 and have never had a boyfriend. I've managed some drunk sexual encounters, but no one ever wants to date me. I always thought I was just too ugly to love, although everyone says I'm very attractive -- that is, everyone but men I'm interested in. It's a horrible and lonely affliction. For me, it's still very hopeless, and people are always looking perplexed or talking behind my back, speculating on whether I'm gay (if I were, I would have no problem with it). Because they don't understand the problem, it just makes it that much more confusing, frustrating and lonely. |
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anon308270
Post 8 |
My earliest memorable cognitive thought was that interpersonal relationships weren't worth the pain of separation or rejection. I have never formed a lasting relationship, I never had friends, and there is no one at all from my past with whom i have any ongoing relationship, not even my family, with whom I have not spoken in years. When I see happy relationships they are foreign to me. Seeing others' success causes me indescribable hopelessness, followed promptly by jealousy, hate and rage. I alternate constantly between the facade I attempt to maintain in order to feel liked, and the reality of my underlying emotional state where I'm still just a ticked off, confused kid. |
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anon306931
Post 7 |
I really hope that this can be cured. My dad suffers from RAD. I guess that in his childhood he was disregarded because his older sibling was handicapped and all his mum had seven children and a dad that was an alcoholic. I wish I could help him! I want it so much, but some of the RAD cannot be mended I guess, especially when it occurred in the state when he was a baby. Well, here is still hope for it! |
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anon281570
Post 6 |
I believe I have an attachment disorder. I developed PTSD as a child and received no help. I continued to university and then collapsed in on myself. The hardest thing is that I'm aware of it and I've researched the implications. I don't want to create an unhealthy or dependent future for myself and recoil at the thought of suffocating someone I love and yet I want support too. Professional help is difficult and takes an agonisingly long time. Also, whenever I try and get close to someone on 'even' terms, it often ends with me getting my wings burned because I chicken out of divulging the truth. I'm scared that doing so will leave me rejected. So you see, it's quite a paradox to get around. Oh and the last twist: if I do find someone who likes me after all the crap I've gone through, I'm not entirely sure I'd trust that he wasn't in need of help himself! |
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anon275188
Post 5 |
I am 99 percent certain that my father has RAD. He was adopted when he was about 2 and we don't know what happened to him before that. I have been searching all night to try to find another person whose parent has/had RAD. All I can find are things about raising children with RAD. I would love to talk to another adult daughter who was raised by a parent with RAD. My whole life, I have been wondering what in the world was wrong with his brain and why I could never (and will never) be able to gain his trust or a genuine emotional relationship with him. He's a very good person; he just has no social skills and does not like to be touched/hugged, etc. I always chalked everything up to his "control issues", OCD-like behaviors and his previous alcoholism. But now he has been sober for 20 years and although many things got better since then, he is still so socially awkward it's kind of painful to watch. Is there anyone else out there like me? |
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anon265790
Post 4 |
Well, but have you ever thought that if a man has an attachment disorder and it overlays with young age and image of a freedom-needing man (say a media image) there will be no counseling together because he simply acts in a way that ends the relationship. If a woman doesn't go by herself, he rejects her. He usually says on this occasion that he has difficulties letting anyone close, prefers his freedom, spreads his wings fully when he is alone, solitude is intoxicating, solitude is strength etc. I know what I'm saying, because my ex had an ADS. There is no room for counseling, no room to form a bond unless I would be a virgin until a wedding night and forced a man into a formal marriage by playing difficult to get. When they hunt they behave normally. When their hormones are down, hell starts. So my ex had withdrawn into being fully alone and photographing birds. Birds are better than humans. He also seems to have no moral paradigms, no sense of what is good or wrong. He behaves like Dexter from that series. He knows how to play nice when he wants to obtain something profitable from other people, be it a better position at work, or an affair with a woman. I don't argue that these people may have been mistreated or suffer, but heck, I suffered my portion of hell with this "relationship". I need counseling now and am on medication for a year because I was rejected with no reason on my side. |
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icecream17
Post 3 |
Judging by this article, I think that my father definitely had attachment disorder. He was more of the fearful avoidant type because he was always a loner and very difficult to have a relationship with him.
He could also be argumentative and very critical especially with respect to my mother. My father would say things that would make a person so angry that it was hard to understand at the time what triggered it.
I remember him telling me that when he was a kid his parents divorced and his mother blamed him for the divorce. He had a troubled childhood and was always kicked out of schools because of his behavior.
He was finally sent to military school in Georgia and in the summers instead of coming home he went to camp in North Carolina. He felt rejected by his parents especially his mother, and I think that this was the source of his pain. I really believe that this is why my father was the way he was, but now at least I know the name of the condition that he suffered from.
It is so hard to have a relationship with someone like this especially when it is your father. |
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MrSmirnov
Post 2 |
@manykitties2 - That sounds an awful lot like a girlfriend I used to have back in college. She was extremely clingy and would go into jealous rages at the littlest things. She always wanted to spend time with me and if she couldn't she would cry.
I suppose at the time I suspected something was wrong with her, but I guess it was pretty likely that she had some sort of attachment disorder. I guess she had a pretty rough time growing up so I imagine that could have contributed to the condition.
Has anyone ever actually liked the attention from someone with attachment disorder?
While I can understand how someone being aloof all the time would be a problem, I am sure there are those that crave attention too. |
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manykitties2
Post 1 |
If you ever find out that you are in a relationship with someone who has attachment disorder it is a good idea to seek counseling together. Attachment disorder can be tricky to deal with as you never really know how much your significant other needs you.
I was in a long-term relationship with someone who was possessive and terribly jealous. They also had to be around me at all times or they panicked and would freak out.
At the time I thought they just really loved me and I wanted to give them all the attention they needed, but it turned out to be too much in the end. |
