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What are the Symptoms of a Nervous Breakdown?

Drug and alcohol abuse may be a symptom of a nervous breakdown.
Attempts at suicide may follow a true nervous breakdown.
Heavy emotional stress is a common symptom of a nervous breakdown.
Unshakable feelings of anxiety are symptomatic of a nervous breakdown.
Alcohol is often used to self-medicate.
Exhibiting strong feelings of anger can be a warning sign of a nervous breakdown.
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  • Originally Written By: Tricia Ellis-Christensen
  • Revised By: A. Joseph
  • Edited By: O. Wallace
  • Last Modified Date: 14 October 2014
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Many illnesses can cause what many people might call a nervous breakdown, so it is difficult to make an all-inclusive list of symptoms. Among the most common are a sudden disinterest in work or family life, alienation from previously close friends and family members, paranoid thoughts, persistent anxiety and the inability to participate in normal activities or maintain normal relationships. An increase in alcohol consumption and an increase in the use of drugs — whether legal or illegal — also can be symptoms. In some cases, a nervous breakdown might be accompanied by suicidal thoughts, simply wanting to die or an obsession with dying.

"Nervous breakdown" is not a clinical term but can apply to many different situations in which someone begins to exhibit symptoms of various mental illnesses or heavy emotional stress. This term dates from a much older diagnosis of people, particularly women, who suddenly became unable to function in their lives. The first symptoms often are or were ignored, prompting what is now known as a psychotic break from reality, or a psychotic episode. This might show up in the form of an attempted suicide or extreme behavior that requires hospitalization.

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In addition to the previously mentioned symptoms, certain other behaviors also might come before or indicate a psychotic episode. Among these are sleep disruption or much longer periods of sleep; significant changes in appetite, such as eating too little or too much; thoughts of grandeur or invincibility; and hallucinations. Other symptoms might include exhibiting strong or violent anger and having flashbacks to a traumatic event or events.

Perhaps the greatest predictor of a nervous breakdown is a history of mental instability within a person's family. People who have family members with major depression, bipolar, anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder or schizophrenia are more likely to be at risk for nervous breakdowns. Undiagnosed mental illnesses in a person's ancestors might also manifest as alcoholism or abusive behavior.

People who are undergoing high levels of stress — such as after a messy divorce or after the death of a parent, spouse or child — are more likely to have nervous breakdowns if they are predisposed toward certain mental illnesses. Also, someone who does not have a predisposition toward mental illness can have a nervous breakdown if he or she suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). PTSD can manifest years after a single traumatic event and might be triggered by a situation that seems similar. For someone who has undergone trauma, early counseling can help prevent a nervous breakdown.

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Discussion Comments

anon140017
Post 362

@post 354: Well, if she was calling the cops on you, why the hell are you missing her and feeling bad? "women who love too much" may help you. she wasn't/isn't good for you or your health.

anon139415
Post 361

Boy have I been there, been in abusive relationships all my life. I am free now, but I see when you get free your are left with all the emotional baggage. My ex-husband tried to kill me on several occasions, beat me, raped me left him and went into a battered Women's shelter running for my life. I had to move four times. I found another man who, let's face it, was maybe a step down, but not so good either.

Best thing though, to watch for is make sure they were never abused by their fathers or mothers. There are signs to look for: They are very good at making you feel you can't survive without them. I at the end had a complete nervous breakdown and thought I was going to die.

I am going to therapy and just keep picking myself up and dusting myself off. I have PTSD. I have been shot at, knife pulled on me, crossbow put on my forehead, black eyes, etc. I'm done with abuse and am pulling forward in my life at almost 50 with help from therapy and medications.

I have an eight year old and a 20 year old and I see in my 20 year old the grave effects this has had in his life and feel totally responsible for. It should be the men in his life who needs to account for his troubles, but where does it end? Was it really their fathers and there father's father? Gosh Who knows?

I have witnessed Hell but will not let it take me there. God has seen and knows all. Praying nobody else goes through anything like this in their life.

anon138953
Post 360

I am a 42 yr old wife, mother, and step-mother. I work a hour away from home so I resent my job because it takes time away from my three year old. My husband owns his on business and it is struggling due to the horrible economy.

Also, back about four months ago, I found out my husband was cheating on me and i confronted him. we have worked through it, at least he thinks we have, but I live in fear that it is going to happen again. He also drinks and tends to put his needs ahead of anybody and everybody. I am the one who supports our household.

I hate my job and I feel like I am drowning. I have no desire to do anything. I am on the verge of bankruptcy because I have done everything I could to keep my family happy and afloat at my expense. I do not feel like i have anyone I can turn to. My parents do everything they can to help out but because of me, my dad helped my husband start his business and in the long run my dad is also on the verge of bankruptcy and of course I feel like it is my fault. I feel like if something does not change i am going to completely go off the deep end.

I have always tried to make sure everyone around me was taken care of but now I need someone to take care of me. But I think of my little girl and know she needs me. I just need someone to take the stresses off of me.

anon138855
Post 359

i wish i had more time to read the experiences of the people who posted here. somehow i feel i am not alone in my nervous breakdown situation. there are a lot of filipinos having breakdowns due to the severe problems (financial) of our country that offers very low salaries that make people work like animals.

i have been suffering from a nervous breakdown for around 10 years, only realizing it in the last three years. i thought i was just becoming a very bad person and a loser. i never thought that my inability to function well was due to this illness. filipinos think it is a taboo to discuss about having depression and nervous breakdowns. i tried sharing with some of my friends but they just could not understand me.

how i wish i can be cured from this and be a helping hand to thousands of people suffering from this. but as of now, my life is in a misery, no job, having a lot of debts, no interest in life, easily distracted, unable to focus, and all those symptoms. i find it very difficult to relate to people.

Going to a psychiatrist didn't help, by the way. what helps me cope up is a friend who knows how to deal with people like us. regular talks with her helps me, most esp. when i am a week before have my period wherein i am extremely sensitive, easily down, depressed and all those horrifying experiences with people come up again on my memory as if they just happened a few minutes ago. it's so difficult.

i no longer know how i can help myself. i was hoping to interact with people who also have nervous breakdown but i do not have so much time on the internet as i need to help in our household and in our small business.

anon137028
Post 358

@anon122972: it's ok to be gay. it's a personal decision in your life and you should not be scared to express yourself. you shouldn't hide the fact, but embrace it.

As for the man who hurt you, he did not deserve you. Although i do not know you personally, if you were brave enough to put yourself on the line then he doesn't. i can tell you that which brings up issues of being gay because no one wants to wake up one morning and take a look in the mirror feeling like you jaded yourself by abandoning the way you feel.

anon137023
Post 357

I am a teen with emotional problems and i fear the worst for me. After a series of events, i feel i am having a nervous breakdown.

I'm not really good with opening up to people face to face but incognito, i feel it may help me in some ways. It all started back in 2007 when my father was killed in an auto accident and since then it's been a slippery slope from there, when both my brothers went off to fight in the war.

Then i started to question things i normally wouldn't, like my faith. I push god away as if he was to hurt me, but i know it would help me. then i started questioning my self worth and had thoughts of suicide but then it faded away. Then, about a month ago, it started again with stress from school. i went and saw a psychologist and he said nothing was wrong with me but then two days ago. i randomly burst into tears.

I need to get help from a doctor but i am afraid to tell my mom. any one got any ideas? i would really appreciate them.

anon136629
Post 356

This feels like an a.a meeting and it actually feels good. I have been stuck in my apartment for six days now. I thought I had all the answers to my mental stability and I have continued to fall, time after time, year after year. Holiday after holiday. Seems like I have been stuck on a merry go round, afraid to get on the roller coaster.

I have been waiting patiently for three months now, to see my two year old son. I know that it may be another couple of months before I get to see him again. I miss him so much. I was not a perfect fiance but I did not deserve to have my son taken from me and a.j didn't deserve to feel the loss of his father so young either.

I have been sitting here miserable that christmas is coming. I have given up trying to control my destiny in the past few hours and it actually feels good to leave it up to god to handle.

For the first time in my life I realize I cannot handle it alone. I need help and I will go out into the world and get it.

anon136351
Post 355

I just happened upon this site after looking up nervous breakdown symptoms. My stress seems so trivial compared to some of the stresses I have read about on this site. I would like to recommend a book that I think would be very helpful for many of you. It is called "Victory Over the Darkness" by Neil Anderson.

anon135989
Post 354

Recently my fiance broke up with me in the most heartless way. She set me up and invited me over to her apt and then had her parents call the cops on me and said I was harassing and stalking her.

I feel so low and depressed. I know it's not my fault but I can't stop beating myself up and blaming myself for the mistakes I made when I was with her.

Without her I feel hollow and I'm often cold. It's like I'm here but there is a greater part of me that is gone.

anon135384
Post 353

I quit my job of four years because I was so miserable there and I just didn't care anymore. I tried many times to find another job while employed, but failed. Now I am living with my mother at 29 years old. I feel like the biggest failure and loser.

I am in debt, no money, no car, and I can't even get a job at Walmart. I have a college degree, but in this economy that doesn't matter. I just want a good job and a husband who will love me, a house and a dog. The one man I thought loved me turned out to be a selfish jerk who treated me like his sperm toilet.

I had the dream of us being married since high school, but he is not the same sweet boy I knew in high school anymore. I am depressed and I have a hard time dealing with the everyday, normal pressures of life. I've thought about hurting myself or just disappearing, throw away my cell phone and just leave. Please God either help me or let me die.

Will Smith
Post 352

Three years ago my brother and I bought some land together. he was going through a divorce and stopped working so I took on two jobs to pay the bills.

Seven months ago I was on my way home and it had been raining and being a close family i called my mom so she would not worry about me driving in the rain. She said that my brother had left her house crying so I told her not to worry, that i would walk over when i got home and talk to him.

When i got there i walked over to find him face down in the front yard with a gunshot to the chest. he had shot himself. I worked and worked on him. He regurgitated blood in my mouth and then died in my arms. i have never seen so much blood. i was covered in his blood.

Since then, i have been slowly going downhill. After 15 years of being a hairstylist i lost my clients. My furniture has been repossessed. i lost my truck. I have lost everything. I have never felt so alone.

There are times i can't get the image of him dying out of my head and the smell of blood out of my nose. there have been so many times i have thought of killing myself just to end my agony, but i know what it would do to my mom and dad, being that I am the only son they have left. can anyone help?

anon133848
Post 351

I am 39 and divorced. I have 3 kids, 21, 15 and 10. I am also remarried to the most wonderful husband. He is the love of my life. My oldest daughter had a child two years ago while she was in the midst of a crack addiction. She has the baby and is living with my parents.

I work and my husband works out of town so no one could be home with my daughter in case she began neglecting my granddaughter. Then she got pregnant again. She said she wanted an abortion. I begged and begged her not to. She promised she wouldn't'.

She had an ultrasound at 10 weeks and we saw his little body moving his arms and legs and he was perfect! Then at 14 weeks she had the abortion. It has been two years and I still cannot forgive her. My husband and I were going to adopt that baby so she didn't have to raise him. Nobody wanted him, but I did.

I keep his ultrasound picture in my bible, and cry for him every December 16. Since my husband and I got married earlier this year we've decided to try to have our own baby. It has not worked out. He has less than normal sperm and the doctor does not think we will be able to conceive on our own. Time is running out as I will be 40 next year.

I feel like I have no family. My husband works out of town six months a year, my other two kids live with their dad six months a year and my other daughter and granddaughter still live with my parents. I am so alone!

It stinks because all I ever wanted was a family to cook for, make halloween costumes for and love with all my heart. Now it looks like that will never happen and I am so heartbroken it is hard to function sometimes. I cry and cry and cannot bear to speak to anyone. I cannot speak to my parents because I cannot bear hearing how great my granddaughter is doing and how happy she makes them.

My mom has completely taken over my granddaughter the same way she took over my first daughter. There is no room for me there. My other two children are gone so much of the time at my ex-husband's I feel like I am babysitting someone else's children when they come home.

It hurts so much. And now I cannot get pregnant and my husband and I cannot have our own family. I don't know how I can continue with life when I am alone so much. If i died today, no one would know for 4 days. Life is so cruel. I thank God for my wonderful husband, my wonderful job (secretary in an elementary school) and my home. At least I have that. But everything else feels so empty. I do not go out with friends and do not answer my phone. I have no desire. I just want to die.

anon133271
Post 350

Sad reading these comments, so I want to share something you can do to relieve stress short term.

It's a mind game. You take all the stress and bag it up and for one minute you are not allowed to think about it. The next time you can do it five minutes and increase it each time up to an hour.

During the time that you are not focused on the problems, you have to imagine yourself in a most desirable position. No such thing as work, no such thing as pain, no such thing as drama.

Pick something out to just stare at. Something soothing like a tree blowing in the wind, a pile of ants, something that is not human related and just relax.

This is the way I pulled myself out of more drama than I will bore you with typing out. It also slowly pulled me out of a year long depression to just wash it all out of my mind several times a day and change into that other person that was more interested in the wind or clouds etc.

anon133177
Post 349

I'm bipolar, and I'm cycling in and out of depression. It's gotten to the point where I don't even see myself as a real person. Not even worthy of anybody else's time.

My family doesn't give a crap about me- my mom's mad at me for even being bipolar. I distanced myself from all of my friends because I feel that if they got to know me they wouldn't like me. Finals are almost done and I'm going to fail all of them.

anon132752
Post 347

Gee! Where do I start. I lost some of the most close people I could have in my life. My Grandfather and my father. That was back in 2005 and before. Different times of death -- that's why I say that.

Anyway, from then on out I always felt so down. I feel like my mother doesn't really care about me, just being with her boyfriend and I feel like we are not even that close anymore. I feel like I have no one.

I have friends, but I don't feel like they really care. I have been trying to find a job, but that is not working out. I know I have such low self-esteem and so I pretty much am exaggerating on my applications about the type of person I am. I don't feel like I'm good enough for anything or anyone, to be honest.

anon131608
Post 346

I was glad I found this site, and somewhat comforted that other people feel as sad as I do.

One post in particular from a high school student in Sydney (I could tell from the reference to HSC) made me question how a young person could feel so much pressure and fall to pieces, although my older son, though only eleven, would probably relate to her feelings.

So many aspirational parents, so many unhappy people and all these expectations. But then isn't that at the heart of all this sadness and all these letters - expectations? Our own, other people's, the media, our society and our culture.

Would I be so sad that I have lost my job if I didn't have such high expectations of myself - if it didn't make me feel like the failure I am so terrified to be?

Would I feel such a failure for not being able to fix my awful marriage or have the courage to walk away? Would I feel such a failure for not being at the top of my game if my parents hadn't expected so much from me?

Would I feel so betrayed by people I trusted if I didn't expect them to think like me?

Who really knows the answers to these questions. I don't -- does anyone? It makes me angry that the very things that make us worth something - our feelings and emotions, are discarded, hidden and ignored by governments, workplaces and education.

The work environment is by far the worst. How did this culture develop that allows people to lie, cheat, bully, abuse and ruin lives? And yet if we speak up, try to change things, defend those around us we are labeled unprofessional. I understand a little why people walk into workplaces with a gun. Haven't we all fantasised about revenge on some dreadful and completely unwarranted attack?

What makes some people lucky? How do they get these breaks? Do you make your own luck or are some just born with a predefined path?

anon129542
Post 345

I'm in my 20s and have lost my job, friends and relationships due to what I am now understanding to be a nervous breakdown. I am in ridiculous amounts of debt as a result of being unemployed and trying to go back to school online, which was both a good idea and terribly, terribly expensive.

I have a heavy dependence on drugs, do nothing but eat, and only consistently talk to people online because they do not see me and therefore don't know that I'm wasting away. I lie to everyone. I do not feel like a person anymore. The other day I was sitting on my couch and I realized I couldn't feel anything in my chest. There was no heartbeat, it felt like an emptiness encased by flesh that i can't even really feel.

I am not necessarily sad and don't think really about anything. I cannot pay bills because there is no money coming in. I cannot ask family for money because I have started to put them into debt too and I won't do it anymore. I only see my brother and mother. I haven't visited my father in months.

I am constantly mean and do not know how to stop myself. I can say this all to you because I am unspecific and so are you but in reality I keep this from everyone because I'm so ashamed of myself. I have a degree, almost had a second and abandoned it because I don't care about it and it stopped making me happy. I quit the job I've been saying I wanted since I could talk, practically, and then got fired from the job I took after quitting my dream job.

I am not suicidal but think constantly about death, not about killing myself but about how I will probably die by myself in this room and no one will realize for days. I have paranoid thoughts about the end of the world and feel like we're dying constantly. I have no idea what to do anymore. I am afraid to leave the house unless my parent drives me and picks me up because I'm terrified of public transportation.

I can't go anywhere by myself. I was attacked by a driver a year ago and can't even take a taxicab anymore. I haven't socialized, gone to a store or anything like that in months. I am going to get evicted, probably get everything I own repossessed or who knows what.

I don't know where to start or what my options even are. I need help but don't know where to go or how to afford it because I literally have no money. I will have to tell my landlord that I can't pay next months' rent soon.

I already stopped paying bills for two months so stuff will be turning off shortly. I have no clothes that fit except sweatpants anymore (I'm not kidding). I have no real skills and I burned my bridge for a reference by trying to collect unemployment which I was denied because I was tricked into this situation.

I am trying not to just completely turn off but i feel like at any moment I'm just going to stop breathing and completely just stop existing, stop being, because everything feels over.

anon129017
Post 344

Recently I have been stressed and burned out. I feel as thou I am about to lose control. I am a single mum to a wonderful eight year old boy. I am a full time parent, student and also work full time. I have no family support and so at time I am racing around trying to get everything done.

I am at the point that I feel that I am unable to keep it together and fear that I may have to give up school. I have worked very hard to get to way I am at the moment and if I quit now I will not graduated and will not be readmitted in the program. I am still very thankful that I alive and will continue to press forward.

anon128828
Post 342

@Anon122972: i don't know how long ago you posted or if you'll ever read this, If your family really loves you they'll take you back, trust me. if not, then even they aren't worth it.

I have a friend who is gay and I've also had a guy tell me to stay then say I'm better without him. I am a girl so you may think i don't know what I'm talking about. I do though. There is nothing wrong with being gay. It is said God loves all his children.

The bible may say bad about gays, but remember god didn't write that. People who believe like your friends and parents did. If your friends are like that they are not your friends. You are not alone. Many suffer from your problem. You may think taking your life is better but you're wrong.

God does think that is wrong and think of it this way: you do it and yeah, everything goes away but news flash so does love and everything else because you're dead. You will feel nothing and that includes the good too. Would you rather not exist than have pain?

Pain teaches you compassion. It makes you better. Go to a herpes support group. Who knows? You might find a guy who is like you who wants you desperately. If you leave and the guy's worth it he'll chase after you.

I suggest you get your life set. You may think no one loves you, but i love you as i love everyone and there are people like me who love everyone without even knowing them and they care. I care.

Please look forward, not back. God does love you and he knew before you were born what your path would be so if he didn't love you he wouldn't have made you to begin with because he already knew all. Remember that. You are loved!

anon127926
Post 341

I feel life is crap. no matter how hard a person tries they will always fall. what is the point of living to just fall? Nowadays, you walk around with everyone living in their own world. It's pointless so the million dollar question is what's the point to life?

anon127816
Post 340

To 104563: You are not the only girl who has done something stupid, ie. sent a boy a topless photo of yourself. It could have been a nude one!

My suggestion is: withdraw your candidacy for school captain. That will eliminate the chances of this photo surfacing and possible embarrassment. Just say that you are too busy to be captain. Then if the photo does surface, it really won't be such a big deal.

Then learn from this silly mistake and move on.

anon126508
Post 339

I am almost 24 and I think I've suffered from mental problems for over eight years and just now realising that.

I am a university graduate and sometimes I behave normally and sometimes I behave like a 2 year old.

Two or three times a week my parents treat me as a 2 year old, and my grandparents also do that. They have been doing that for such a long time and now I am just realising that!

I am a fool, crazy, idiot person. I get so angry at myself. What should I do?

Crazy people like me deserve do die, or to be away from society. Please help me.

anon125930
Post 338

My 15 year old son was just committed to a long term adolescent psychiatric facility for a failed attempt at suicide. As a mother I never saw this coming and feel like a complete failure as a parent!

He's a wonderful kid, bright, energetic, passionate and has great friends. Never gives me a second of grief. How could I be so blind? I don't think I have ever hurt so much in my life and I've experienced hell. I don't know what to do. Not that anyone will help anyway, but just felt like venting.

joanna517
Post 337

Dear 122972: I read your post and I am very sorry that you are suffering. I hope that I can write something that will help you or at the very least help you deal with what you are going through, a little easier.

Oftentimes, parents want so much for their children that when they don't get it they can be cruel. Painful as this is you will need to endure it for now. Perhaps, given time, they will get used to it and although may never condone it- they may accept it. If they do not - then you will need to leave them behind and move on. It will be hard not having their support but you can do it on your own. Give them the time they need to accept you. If they never do - then leave them and do not visit. Perhaps your new love will have family that will love you also.

Everyone has stress at their jobs. Luckily you have a job. I do not know what kind of stress you are having so I cannot make any suggestions on how you could deal with it. Just be nice and always professional. Try not to give anyone anything to complain about you and things may get easier.

If you are finding that you are having more problems because you are informing everyone that you are gay - then don't tell everyone. They don't need to know. Just tell friends or co workers that you can trust or that you are sure are your friends. Dress well, be polite and professional and hopefully your work environment will improve.

As for your last boyfriend cheating on you and giving you herpes, that was terrible and you should not condone that behavior. In this day and age,with the prevalence of AIDS that's a dangerous practice. If he truly cared for you, he would not have done that. You can do better.

I know it hurts but in time you will get over it. But you must not stay with him. He doesn't respect you nor does it sound like he cares for you. Leave him and look for someone who will return your feelings. It will take time to find the right one. Don't rush it!

Never entertain thoughts of killing yourself. No one is worth that. You are what you are and you must accept it. You must get stronger. Your life will be harder than most but work hard, save and better yourself. Concentrate on your existence now. Not what you are, or how others are making you feel. Don't let others (including your parents)make your life unbearable. Take your life back and make it the best you can. Find things you enjoy and do them. If you have friends then visit them. If you like to dance - then go dancing. If you like to go to the movies - go even if right now it is by yourself. If you like to go out to restaurants -then go - again even if it's by yourself. You never know where you might meet Mr. Right.

The fact that you have a job makes you well ahead of the game. It is now just a matter of changing your way of thinking about yourself and your life right now.

Don't feel bad about yourself. Instead just be a good person and good friends will come in time.

Everyone has some people that do not like them. You cannot have all people like you but as long as you have some - you will be fine.

Remember, if your parents are being too hard on you then stay away from them for a while until they calm down. If they don't accept you then don't be around them. Make your life without them. I know it will be hard but your happiness and well being is what matters now.

Since your boyfriend asked you to leave - then leave-without a scene. Just leave and find a place of your own. Fix it up nice and wait for the right man to come. Don't sleep around. This way you can stay healthy and hopefully not catch anything else.

I wish you luck and if you ever need to talk again I will respond.

Good luck. Please, no more talk of killing yourself. Instead make life a blessing. You can do it. No one said life was going to be easy.

anon124267
Post 336

My heart goes out to all of you and I will be praying for you.

anon122972
Post 335

I am stressed. I feel so bad. i feel worthless. I have stress at job home and relationship. I am thinking to kill myself. I am living in jamaica and i am gay.

My mom found out and cursed me like a dog. my family is also pressuring me to get married and have kids because they hate gays and God will kill gays.

I met this dude from ny that I love so much. he was the first man i ever had sex with (even though i had gay thoughts, i battled with them for years and never acted on them because the people around me talk bad about gays and want to kill them).

He went out of the relationship and contracted herpes and told me he has it. I was upset but after assessing myself "i say i love this guy so i wo'nt leave him because of herpes." Unfortunately i visited ny and slept with him and the condom broke and i contracted herpes.

This guy treated me like crap but i can't find the courage to leave him because a voice just says I am used and stupid to love a man who wrecked my life and gave me herpes. I received a text from him telling me to be open minded in this relationship (damn)then a few days later, i got another saying he's tired of me and i must go live my life.

I cried day and night. I have no friends because of the fact i fear they might find out I am gay and curse, kill or withdraw from me. I am so alone in this. I can't relate to anyone so it hurts more. Now my mom wants me out. I am so done. I hate myself. Why did I come on this earth to bear all this? Why am i gay. i need someone to talk to. help me please.

joanna517
Post 334

Dear anon 122660: I read your post and if you ever just want to talk I will talk with you.I am not sure how to talk on this site with just you so others can not see the conversation as I am new to the site. I like the site and hope that I can somehow help others in need in my spare time, if I can. Take care for now and perhaps I will hear from you soon.

joanna517
Post 333

Dear anon 121817, I just read your post and was wondering how you are doing. I was also wondering if you could be more specific in regards to what you meant that you try to help everyone but all they do is walk all over you. How? And are these friends or family?

anon122660
Post 332

I need help. I think i am having a nervous breakdown. I have a 9 year old son who has been diagnosed with adhd and psychosis. He has been suspended from school several times and is on medication. I have no family support at all. I never get free time to myself ever.

I have no friends and no one to talk to. I am lonely for conversation at times and need lots of advice.

My son has seen several doctors and it breaks my heart to see him go through this.

I can lose my job from all the days i have to take off when he is suspended. Help.

anon122437
Post 331

I lost my brother in august 2009, then my sister in march 2010 and as if that wasn’t enough, my husband in august 2010 to two kinds of cancer: liver and pancreatic cancer. It was so sad watching him suffer but his last wish was to go to anchorage, alaska by way of car.

he was told in march that he had cancer and was given only six months and was in already in the fourth stage with no cure. So in June, my family and I set out on the road for alaska. We took a bucket with us which my husband vomited in at least two or three times a day, but he would not turn back.

During our trip he couldn’t handle the smell of food, drink or any body perfume or cologne, so when we ate we would stop and eat in a restaurant. The whole trip he only ate two times and threw that up too, so he just ate crushed ice. It took us four days there and six days back. During those days he saw all the wild animals it was possible to see, and he was happy.

We arrived home in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada in July. A week later, he was admitted to the hospital only to suffer slowly for 30 days and then pass away. For me it was the most painful and heartbreaking 30 days of my life. I know he’s in a better place but it so hurts always reliving his last day of his life, constantly crying because of reminders of him everywhere.

I hold his pillow at nights and even find myself talking to him like he was still here. I really think I’m losing it. I don’t know if the hurt will ever heal. This cancer he had was the worst and most painful cancer you can have. It tore me apart watching him scream even though he had continuous pain meds through intravenous needles. During a visit from the doctor, he asked the doctor to give him a needle that would put him to sleep so he’d never wake up from his pain. Oh, how i cried hearing him pleading to end his life. How could i help him but pray that the Lord would take him and end this pain? Now my heart is broken in pieces with grief, even knowing that i couldn’t wish for him back, not even for another day, just to put him thought that unbearable pain again. I have no interest in anything or even talking to his brothers and sisters because I'm afraid of breaking down. I’m just not ready. Can anyone help? I'm lost out here!

anon121817
Post 330

I am 16, it might seem like a young age to have stress, and i guess you could call it "teenage drama" but i feel as it is more than that. All i try to do is help and inspire others to do good, and all they do it walk all over me, and try to dominate me. I'm too passive to do anything.

It hurts because I can't stop caring, i just can't, even if i despise a person, i can't stop. It puts so much on me, i don't know what to do, and on top of that i got a bedbug infestation, and no money to take care of it. thanks.

anon121529
Post 329

Just wanted to say it has been amazing reading other people's stories because there is power in knowing that you've not been alone in your experiences.

My story is that I was working as a research psychologist, did the whole Ph.D. thing, was also raising a child under five and had a younger husband who kept making mistakes that hurt the family.

I was the 'strong' one in the family who kept everything going and absorbed and mitigated damage. I also came to hold the same role in my job and people came to over-rely on me there as well. Then I started feeling like I was burning out and this was a long slow build up - like over two years the burn out built and I made noises about it, but it was easier for everyone else to ignore it because what was best for them was that I kept carrying the load. I felt exhausted and trapped.

In the end, I started avoiding work and sent something to the higher ups saying I seriously needed help. They began giving it to me but on top of that I found out my husband had been stealing from me for over a year and this was not the first dishonest thing he had done.

I quit my job and my marriage and I moved out of the city to a cheaper location and at first medicated with booze (and was required as a condition of being able to quit my job to contract from home for my old job for another three months so I could hand over my role adequately). I was lucky enough to have a friendly neighbour who made sure I did not isolate too much, but then my grandmother died (which had preoccupied my parents so I got no support, only stressed people there) and my neighbour died two weeks later.

I guess I did not realize it at the time but I was slowly going more and more into a fantasy 'escape' world. When it became apparent that an attempt at a reconciliation with my husband was going to fail, I experienced what can only be called a psychotic break. It was terrifying. I was so lucky that I had a counselor who did not try and institutionalize me but gave me the time to work it through.

I can only describe it as a huge spring cleaning of my life. If my life were a house, I tore it down to the foundations and examined every part of the debris and made thoughtful decisions about what to keep and what to release.

I projected my mind out onto my environment, noticing and examining everything around me. If I found poisonous weeds in the garden I pulled them up at the root, while at the same time I told myself to keep pulling up the poisonous thoughts in my mind and throwing them away as the worthless things that they were and slowly but surely I began to get better.

Work the garden if you can, ground yourself, simplify, and take steps, no matter how small or how long between them and eventually - even though you might not currently imagine it is possible - you will be standing in the sunshine again.

I can't say I am completely out the other side - I have not gone back to working for anyone else, though I have started my own little business - very humble, not much money, but it is simple and keeps me connected with people. I've learned to revalue so many things in life because I realised that what I valued was something I had a choice over - if I put all my value on unobtainable things then of course I was going to unhappy.

This life is all we have and sometimes, yeah, it is really hard but when you have been to a point where you fear everything then really what is the point of fear? One foot in front of the other, learn to take pleasure in the simple things and the rest will figure itself out in time.

anon121224
Post 328

I'm having the worst time ever. Ive just spilt up with my partner. And with that I've lost everything: my future, my hope and my confidence. and it's my fault because I told a stupid lie. plus I've lost my job and my family have disowned me because i came out and now I've nothing.

anon120452
Post 327

My wife and I had infertility for seven years. After many operations we finally conceived a beautiful baby boy. He and I went camping, hunting and fishing every year and love was abounding between him, his mom, and myself. I coached his baseball team every year. Bought a batting cage and the baseball teams had a wonderful time every year.

Four months ago he died from an accidental overdose of Oxy and Xanax. Our life is forever changed. But God is still good and loves us! Please don't let the things of this world make you so depressed that you want to take your own life. We will all die at some point, but until we do, we have business to take care of.

I love talking to my son's friends. They need guidance and friendship. We need to give it to them. Also we need each other for a shoulder to lean on.

anon120244
Post 326

I feel lost and backed into a corner. I have no desire to do normal things. I'm 48 and divorced three years from a sixteen year marriage and unemployed four years from a twenty four year job.

I lost custody of my four children, whom I love with all my heart, in the divorce largely out of spite from my wife. We had a great and comfortable life but she showed clear symptoms of martyr syndrome throughout our marriage. Although I loved her deeply, I struggled with her negativity and suffered in silence.

On several occasions over the years I told her I could not take it anymore and wanted a divorce. I was bluffing because I believe to my very essence in non-severable commitment. Instead, she preempted what she assumed would be my filing for divorce and filed a restraining order and domestic violence petition as part of a formula to gain advantage in the divorce.

It is now three years since the divorce and I still can't let go. I'm suffering from not being involved in my children's lives and the corruption of our government (family court system) in unnaturally removing me from my children's lives. I also have severe feelings of a broken heart in seeing my wife dating another man.

Although I had an exemplary record of achievement as a manager at my old job, I've found it impossible to gain new employment. I believe it's a combination of my overqualification of achievement, bad economy, under qualification of my education and restraining order on my background check.

I'm estranged from three of my siblings as I felt they didn't adequately stand in my corner during my ordeals. I've taken 'healing time' by leaving society for a year and a half and hiking the Appalachian Trail. But with dwindling resources I'm at the end of my rope and can't see even a short term future.

I want more than anything to be 'saved' by finding someone who will love me for who I am but without a job and with the damage I've suffered, I have little hope and am not soon to trust.

I see myself as intellectual and have always tried to self-analyze to put myself on the right track. I see depression as self-sustaining but can't trust enough to reach out for help. I feel destined for disaster.

anon119796
Post 325

i think i am on the verge of a major breakdown. i just need someone to help me out - a real human being who can care for me, not a psychiatrist because i can't afford one.

anon119508
Post 324

I need help. My life is so full of stress and I feel like I can't cope anymore. I have a 16 year old stepdaughter who won't listen to me and hates me even though I love her. We argue every day and are always at odds.

My son is 13 and has low thyroid for the past two years with depression and it is a fight to get him out of bed for school every day. My finance is an alcoholic although he won't admit it and I hate his drinking. I have tried to get him to stop but he won't and it is breaking my heart.

I cry at the drop of a hat, and I feel like I am on overload all of the time. I am overweight, but I have dropped 15 pounds in the past month because of upset stomach and diarrhea. I can't sleep without medication, and I'm sure that one of these days I'm just going to drop on the floor from all the stress I have to deal with.

anon119192
Post 322

i am a 17 year old and i have a set of twin girls and recently my fiance of three years left for work almost 10 hours away and it is taking a huge toll on our family.

it's 12 a.m. and I can't sleep, i can't eat and have overslept for the past two days (thank god for babysitters).

i can't even look at my kids without crying and i can only imagine what they are going through looking at me this way. i gained 20 pounds last week because the one i love is telling me things like "it's been two years since the kids have been born. don't you think the weight should be gone now?"

how am i supposed to be strong for them through this if i can't even be strong myself. i have all of the symptoms above and more and can't even find a way to deal with them of to help them. well i guess venting helped a little bit but not as much as i thought it would.

anon118670
Post 321

I am glad to have found this site. I will turn 41 in two weeks. My boyfriend of one year broke up with me saying that I was crazy. I am eight years older than he is. He is 33 and lives at home and would rather share a bathroom with his grandmother than live with me.

I have spent the past few years in such pain and misery. My mother does not believe in mental illness and tries to use negative reinforcement to snap me out of my imaginary illness. I have two masters degrees, teaching credentials, etc., but no happiness. I just graduated culinary school and thought that might make me happy but the whole culminating graduation of working with others made me sick.

I am a perfectionist and was basically too slow in the kitchen. The teacher told me that I was kind and methodic in the kitchen (basically no future as a cook). I hate life. I have a weight problem and do not want to go on meds. I had an eating disorder and gained forty pounds and come from a family of thin women who call me a fat pig.

anon118194
Post 320

I'm starting to get worried that I have a mental illness of some sort. Sometimes I do weird things, like throw stuff for no reason, burst into tears, or just sit on the couch and kick the floor as hard as I can. I also have a tendency to just yell and scream out of frustration.

I've never had any violent desires towards myself or anyone else, though. I have been under a lot of stress lately, and I don't know what to do. I don't have health insurance so I can't afford to go see a doctor. I'm afraid that the impulses to do weird things are going to get so strong I won't be able to fight them.

anon117714
Post 319

Matt: I am so sorry to hear that all this has happened to you. I see that you are upset and have every right to be. I want you to know that although things seem really bad right now, they will get better.

I believe you should seek professional help or call a crisis call center. Although no one you know personally may not be answering the phone, that does not mean that they don't love or care about you.

The Crisis Call Center is always there to listen and to help when no one else can.

Last of all, I want you to know that although I don't know you, I love you. I love you for going through everything you have and for being strong. I hope you the best in your life and I know things will work out.

anon117033
Post 316

My name is Matt. This last year, I lost my wife to a brain tumor, my son to congenital birth defects associated with down's syndrome and being a preemie, my grandfather a month after my son, then my dad in June. I lost my job from the all the time I had to take off work, and find I am i able to support my family. My girlfriend kissed another man.

I find that I think about suicide a lot, have anxiety attacks, been seeing things out of the corner of my eye mostly but tonight it has gone further with seeing more vivid images that won't shut up about how much of a failure I am in every endeavor. I do not know what writing here will do for me. I find it difficult to write, and when I was sending text messages to anyone, no one was responding. I guess no one cares. Maybe I just wanted to justify the end to somebody.

anon115996
Post 315

This website has been extraordinarily helpful to me. Ironically, I am a therapist but think I need counseling myself. My clients are the most human contact I have. I am lonely and alone. My love life is falling apart.

I have been embarrassed to admit what is going on and seek help but I think now I will. To everyone else on the board, peace and love. Everyone's journey is their own, and know that it has helped at least one other person reading it. It can't rain all the time. Be encouraged!

Thank you for your strength and your beauty.

anon114545
Post 314

I am a 38 year old mother and grandmother. I have a lot of mental problems. Lately though, I think I am having a mental breakdown.

For the past two days all I have done is cry nonstop and the thoughts of suicide have really been bothering me, so much in fact, that I have set down and written each one of my kids a farewell letter.

I have also put all my bills and important papers that my husband would need in an easy to find place. I can't think of anything that has happened lately that makes me so upset! I have had a lot of loss in my lifetime and have suffered a lot of tragedies. I don't want to put my kids through what I have went through but I feel like I am wading through quicksand up to my neck in the mid of night, with no one around to hear me cry!

The darkness I feel recently has me so torn I don't know what to do. The only thing holding me here on this planet is my nine year old son! My husband is demanding that I see a doctor because he knows that I am in a bad place but I already take medicine for depression and bipolar. I have since I was 13. I don't like feeling this way. My head feels like its going to explode.

I feel like I should just take some extra pills and never wake up again and maybe everyone would be better off. Everyone talks about finding God and that would help. No it won't. I tried that. Most days I can't make it out of bed and haven't for years.

anon114465
Post 313

I wish nothing more than to be free of whatever it is I'm going through. I feel like I'm trapped by my own thoughts. I mess everything up. work, friends, relationships. the smallest thing can hurt me and I push everyone away, sometimes in very nasty ways.

I'm convinced I'm in no way lovable and there will always be someone better. I'm always depressed, paranoid, anxious and I can't even begin to understand what's wrong with me. I hate myself. I'm so unreasonable and horrible to people, but I can't stop it.

I always feel I'm the right and if someone hurts me in anyway, I tell them to leave. I just wish I was normal. I have no family. I'm coping on my own. all I want is to travel so I can find myself, but I don't even have the money to do that. I'm at rock bottom, and I've been here for so long that I'm starting to get used to it.

I need help and wish someone understood.

anon113585
Post 312

I have a friend I care about deeply. She lost it the other night. I hope she can read all these symptoms and get some help. Trashing the whole house and being delusional -- scary.

anon113070
Post 311

I've always thought this was something that happened only to a really small number of people, like they had to be really down and no one in the world really had them.

At least not me, I should have no reason to have this. I am so lucky like most people, I still have my family, few uni friends, a home. These symptoms scarily point at what I have right now though, but at the end of the day, I think it's up to us whether we have something or not.

I choose not. It's only a phase, time will heal all wounds.

I hope this has helped someone or given them faith that what they're going through will only make you stronger in the end. Peace, love --alv

anon112849
Post 310

You have to love jehovah. You have to love yourself first, and you have to love people, I just lost my daughter, she was killed by her husband. I was feeling down, and came across this site. How very sad it is.

I serve a very powerful, loving god, and He wants us to love and respect life. we inherited sin from our forefathers, but he has made a way out for us. We have to be humble or teachable. We have to recognize we need his direction.

Some of you need to seek professional help. Some of you have made bad choices, some of you are victims. But when you get tired of this world, run by satan, when you recognize you need answers, when you really pray to him for help, see who he sends to your door.

I am no longer down. I have always had the help I needed. Perhaps he needed me to tell someone this on this site. Perhaps he needed me to recognize that for myself. I'm back on track now.

anon111545
Post 308

ever since my mom passed away a year ago I've wanted to kill myself. i get angry a lot and always get in fights with my dad. i just wish God could put me back in that place before i was born. he knows i hate life so why was i even born? i think i am having a nervous break down tomorrow. i will just sleep all day.

anon110201
Post 307

I am a 19 year old female, and I am depressed. My parents won't let me live a normal teenage lifestyle, more specifically any social life at all at the present.

I feel trapped and in the first year had bouts of binge eating and crying myself to sleep at night. I think I'm in the process of a nervous breakdown. My mom controls me, still. I feel she has unreasonable (too high) expectations of me on my academic performance. She won't give me freedom.

When I found my English homework overwhelming me, I started crying and just too overwhelmed. I'm turning into a crybaby. When anything stresses me now, I cry.

anon108452
Post 306

Since surgery on my brain for epilepsy, I have suffered bouts of short and long periods of depression.

Before the op, I thought nothing of depression but it started snowballing and getting bigger. Self harming, suicide attempts and not wanting to be part of this world. I will be scared to go to sleep due to strong medication I'm on that causes vivid, nasty nightmares. Then on weekends I wake up in the afternoon and just lie in bed thinking what's the point in getting up.

Yesterday at work I had the worst bout of anger I've ever had for no reason whatsoever. My job's medical center made an appointment for me to see a GP at the local health clinic and the doc just said "what do you want me to do about it?" and prescribed me sleeping tablets.

Friends keep a distance from me now so I spend my time on my own within the same four walls. Work now says they are giving me medical retirement and I'm only 36.

anon108148
Post 305

Since I was a teenager I've always thought I was depressed, but at the same time I would think it was just me being over dramatic and trying to be depressed.

The thing is, I've never felt like I belong anywhere and I still don't.

I feel like nobody understands me. I have very low self esteem and when I come to think about it, I think it's thanks to my mother who since I was a child has tried to change a lot of things about me.

I've never found a good reason to wake up every day. I've thought about killing myself many times, but I guess I'll never have courage enough to do so, because deep down I have some hope that someday I'll be happy.

But right now, I don't feel like going out, I don't feel like talking to anyone, I don't feel like anything. I spent most of my time locked in my room and I just leave when I have to. Should I look for professional help?

anon106008
Post 304

I'm a 20 year old female and i became ill when i was 16 with not being able to eat in restaurants and in front of people i don't know, but i learned to deal with it and avoided the situations. otherwise i have panic attacks.

But as time has gone on, it's gotten worse and now i think i have serious depression and if I were alone and didn't know anyone, i think i wouldn't be here anymore.

I have issues with letting people know how i really feel and nobody knows what I'm going through and I feel like i can't tell anyone. Otherwise the people i love will leave me.

My dad disowned my auntie when she had a breakdown, and my mum isn't caring at all. Only my boyfriend shows love for me. And i don't want to hurt or tell him. And if i can't tell someone i love, then how can i tell a doctor? I'm so scared. I hate this.

raya0709
Post 303

I carry most of the symptoms as stated above. So, am I really going through a nervous breakdown or am I just assuming?

anon105282
Post 299

I am 19 and have been suffering from severe depression since I was very young. I don't really know medical reasons or anything, but I've always viewed myself as somehow inferior, even worthless compared to other people. These thoughts have followed me since I was in middle school.

I had an amazing friend turned girlfriend for almost two years, and they were the best of my life, but when that ended, I found myself in the most horrible pain I can imagine. Sure I was heartbroken, but I also found myself with almost literally no friends, and I was living in my own head for four long months.

I spent every single day totally alone, and it was so horribly depressing. During that time, I absolutely believed I was worthless, and there was something wrong with me as a person. After two months of this, I snapped and downed a mouthful of pills. I narrowly avoided the psych ward.

Afterwards, though, I slowly got my life back together again. I really wanted to be happy, and I committed myself to that goal. I dropped out of school, but I worked extremely hard on college applications, because I was determined to go back and do well. I got in to my top choice, and I am there now. It is absolutely incredible.

My years of despising myself and feeling worthless are in the past, and my future looks bright.

I sincerely believe that, no matter how horrible life gets, it is always possible to turn it around. A few months ago, I was in a dark place that it really seemed I would never get out of. If you are in that place now, stay strong and know that it is possible to improve your situation.

Now I'm looking at a bright future, and I am happy with my life and incredibly proud of myself.

anon104563
Post 297

I'm a 16 year old girl. At a glance, it seems i have it pretty good. Wealthy family, good schooling record, up for election as school captain. What many people don't know is I am severely depressed. I change around people and it hurts inside, too.

I've made stupid mistakes in the past that constantly gnaw on my conscience. I stupidly sent a boy a topless photo, and am absolutely horrified at the thought of it being released and my school mates, teachers and parents finding out. I know it was a stupid thing to do, but i don't need lectures.

I'm literally not sleeping from worrying that it will get out. Not only that, but i start my HSC in less than a term and my parents have high expectations for me (95+ atar expected). Today i got home and attempted to start one of the six assignments currently due, and collapsed.

I have not being sleeping, eating or exercising properly. I am going crazy about my stupid mistake, and always seem sad. Can anyone help me?

anon103198
Post 296

I'm not sure if what i am having is a nervous breakdown? i have always been a bubbly, friendly person with a lot to live for but as i have become more intensely addicted to drugs over the last two years, i have obviously fallen into debt and my mind and body are dissolving.

I experienced my first panic attack tree days ago, and since then i have not been able to talk properly, breathe properly, and I'm shaking, paranoid and panicky. I'm sleeping 24 hours at a time, eating until i feel sick to replace the drugs (which i am trying to give up) and keep thinking it would be easier for me if i ended my life.

The sad thing is I'm only 21 and my mental health is a state. i wouldn't wish this upon anyone. drugs ruin your life.

anon102570
Post 295

To all the people on here who are going through what you're going through, don't give up. Seek the Lord with all your heart and read the Bible. Try praying and find a church to go to and hear the word. Believe me, this works. The devil tried to steal my mind, my joy and my peace but God stepped in and delivered me on time!

anon102130
Post 294

Wow. All I know summed up in a nutshell is that most facets of my life really do hurt. i cannot pinpoint it on any one exact thing, but it's been like this pretty much ever since i could remember.

Having been the product of lousy parents combined with my own conscious shortcomings, it's easy for me to recognize why I'm the way that i am. i don't have blatant low self-esteem, still i often times feel that nobody really cares about me and that who, what, where, how and why I am makes no real difference to anyone unless i'm being used to spiteful ends. In short, i simply feel 'anonymously there'. it's as if i don't really matter much or make any sort of apathetic difference in the overall scheme of things.

I'm not a status nor attention seeking social-climber, nor have i been highly educated. I'm simply an individual of modest means who is very thankful to the Highest Power for everything He has done for me. yet i find that i want something more.

my main setback is that i don't know precisely what it is that i want. it isn't anything material. i have what i need for as far as that goes, and I'm not lonely for the sake of simply having to have someone around.

a lot of the time i feel that people are somewhat of a turn-off, yet i understand that i have to communicate with others because, well because i just have to. still, i feel that my station in life is less than fulfilling. i feel like a settled-in nobody and really don't know what to do about it.

anon100453
Post 293

Why don't people with these problems meet together once in a while and talk about themselves so they won't feel that they're alone? They might be the best people to understand each other.

anon99577
Post 292

I think I'm having a nervous breakdown. My life can be pretty stressful but there's no one thing I could really pin it on.

Several weeks ago I became very ill with upper respiratory infection that then became pneumonia. During the course of the illness I started hearing voices at times and developed all over body pains that now won't go away.

In the last couple of weeks I've stopped sleeping regularly, have no appetite, feel fits of rage, imagine mutilating myself, and don't want to talk to my friends or family.

I can't concentrate, I can't work, and though I know I really should, I just can't seem to care enough, but then I feel guilty about the apathy. I don't want to die, but it's like sometimes I have these images and urges to drive off a bridge or cut my wrists just to see what it would feel like.

anon99441
Post 291

One of the things that helped me the most: We all have two wolves to feed: the one representing good and the one representing bad and they constantly battle. Which one wins? The one you feed!

longjourney
Post 290

Centerpointe research institute-Holosync audio technology. Read up on it. It cured my nervous breakdown. Six years it took (it may be different for you). Trust me, it is no scam! It is so worth it!

The stories on here are so sad and I only got on here today. I feel so good that I can bless all you people with not only this gift, but a life saver! Thank you so much.

anon97924
Post 288

Wow, a lot of hurting souls out there. We're definitely not alone.

There really is freedom from the endless loop of negative thoughts and emotions, and it's free! Look up EFT. There's a lot of info out there.

anon97737
Post 286

I did everything wrong and lost the love of my life who now won't even speak to me. I was 37 and I don't expect to fall in love again because the thing was so huge nothing else will measure up.

There's two kinds of love I have found, the meet down the pub, get to know someone a bit, it might grow a bit then settle. Then I had this thing where I really, absolutely love this person, unconditionally. I felt my soul pour out through my eyes towards them. That will just make me sound psychotic, I know. At the time it scared me and I didn't know what it was. I believe in the soul. I also heard the voice of an angel. Yes, even more psychotic sounding I know, but I just heard it the once, at the very beginning, like a blessing. Except I pissed all over it and ruined things. I cannot forgive myself and I will always regret it.

We once had a perfect day by a river. It was like being in fairyland. Then nothing. I have never known psychic pain like this. On and on. Two years now. They all said time would heal and I still feel the same. I lost my life, I just forgot to die. I know this is a normal life event to break up with people, I've had relationships and split before. But this does not compare. They were a walk in the park. This was like being sucked into the vacuum of space. My heart, chest and arms went cold. I still have this. I still wake up very early sweating.

I can't imagine having to continue this life. I don't feel there is anything in it now. If someone gave me a million pounds it would not make a difference. There is no solace in anybody or anything. I know some people lose their love and they just get told move on, you'll meet someone else. Maybe. But it will be that down the pub love, that thing that isn't big enough and I can't imagine bothering. Whats the point? It's a half life.

I read a story once about a man who loved music and one day heard fairy music in his garden. He thought he dreamed it the next morning but when he put his symphonies on to listen to, they all sounded crass, discordant and worthless.

I feel like the elastic of my brain has stretched, and nothing touches me anymore. I don't want to be one of those mad people who can't forget and stalks and tries to get back all the time. So I don't. I know how they feel though, I think, but I just shake and cry and sometimes go out but it's like a sea of people who don't get the soul thing and in among them there isn't anyone who can make up for that kind of loss (I know one person who knows what I mean but he is still married to the woman).

I was so amazed that I had someone who made me so happy. I thought this can't be real this can't be mine and then of course it isn't. I hate waking up every morning. I have tried hobbies, going out, walking in the woods (miles!) and psychotherapy and I went to a retreat thing for the suicidal. I've taken pills and I've smoked too much and it all doesn't make a dent. It doesn't take the edge off.

I don't want to be patronised with the "you'll meet someone else bollocks." If that kind of lightning can strike twice, I will be amazed. But I don't think it does twice in a life. Not like that. And I am middle-aged if you consider you will live to 75.

I really hope I don't have long to go. I feel I've seen and done everything I wanted to and now I don't have him to be with and get old with and have a life with. I don't want this one. I just don't. I want to go to sleep and not wake up. More than anything.

Nothing has helped. I wish I could open up the top of my head and you could really know what it was for me. Maybe you do know. In which case I hope you get to stay with the person because I wouldn't wish this amount of torture on anybody. Friends, hobbies, work, etc., do not help. They are on the periphery. They are not being with the one you love. They just rub it in that's all you have.

I am trying new drugs now. Sertraline. I hope they do something because I can't take another two years of this grief. The only thing that took the edge off when I first had a nervous breakdown was diazepam. I wish they would give me a lot more. But that might be too tempting. I won't try and kill myself because I don't want to upset people, and I'm scared that I'd just get reborn and have to do it all again and spend a life in pain fully. So it's slogging this one out.

I don't know what else to do or try. Who knows why some people affect you the way they do? He was everything to me and I can't just get another one like people do kittens and hope it'll turn out as fluffy. If my soul doesn't fly out to meet them, they are not it. They never will be. And I have to spend the rest of my life with my soul locked in my body.

My heart is literally heavy. That actually happens. And its cold. This sounds so daft but I have no other words for it.

Anyway, I'm sure a lot of people reading this will dismiss me as mental. They may one day find their soul flying out to merge with their lovers. I wish them lifelong happiness.

anon95729
Post 285

The last few months, I have struggled mentally and emotionally. I went to the psych and obtained medication and things seemed to be fine for a while. As of lately, I am feeling worse.

Will the thoughts of escape ever go away? I am no longer able to focus on work, have definite disinterest in life, sex, friendships, entertainment, etc. I'm going to go back to the psych and reevaluate. This is the worst thing that anyone could ever go through.

And for people who say you have to want to snap out of this, can blow off because it's not that easy.

anon95189
Post 284

Every day this perpetual circle, this torturous existence, where there is no peace. I've come to understand that happiness is a gift, and only a gift, not available to everyone. The seconds of happiness I've experienced, I cherish, for they have been very few. But I appreciate the fact I am blessed nonetheless.

I know I have Asperger's Syndrome, but I run from the diagnosis on paper. I've kept away from the doctors who will provide that - even though it'll provide me with the help I need to cope in this world of i-logic.com. My parents are now in their 80's. They had me late. I won't be able to share this with them. Yet all my days I fight to make sense of this world with its confusing systems and complicated, forever changing rules of the most simple basic things to others, but hugely challenging for me to assimilate, dissect and then make sense of only to change again.

I know this must sound convoluted to those of you who appear to glide seamlessly from social interaction to social interaction. I do envy you, but to me it's a confusing mass of complication and tangled signals, which leave me exhausted in every area of life every day every night.

I adore my parents, and everything good within me is from them, but they don't know how I struggle every second of the day and night. I know I am not able to do this alone much longer. I have managed to mimic my way through life until now, but the burden is heavy and my mind is crumbling with the strain of the square trying to fit into the circle slot.

cyann
Post 283

Post #280, by anon92141 says:

"This website is full of the saddest and most insane stories I've ever read. I am overwhelmed with the sorrow on this web page and I can't believe no one else is mentioning this. Perhaps a few of you can take solace in the fact that one person at least has read your story and wishes nothing more than to help you. If only there was something I could do."

Absolutely true. And as I said in #277, the feeling of being isolated and alone and with nowhere to turn is the most overwhelming part of it all (to me, anyway). I keep thinking there should be a support group or something. Yeah, it sounds easy to say "get help" and I'm sure that's what most of us need but often it's not that simple.

I have a friend who goes to a therapist and I see how much it helps (although I told said friend a therapist would chalk me up as a lost cause when they heard about my childhood--either that or flat out not believe it) yet I know that's ultimately what I need, but we have to give up our health insurance at the end of this month or next month because it literally costs more than my spouse makes.

Even a $20.00 co-pay at the doctor's office sets us back so I have no idea what's going to happen when we finally go completely uninsured.

I'm a person of faith and I keep hoping and praying for a miracle but it doesn't seem to be coming. Personally, I think it's sad that strangers on the internet have been more caring and sympathetic than family/in-laws. That is pathetic.

Yes, of course, I feel like a personal failure since I can no longer take care of a family and feel just paralyzed by everything, but them making unfair and untrue accusations and making sure I know they don't care just makes a terrible situation even worse.

I'm glad people post their stories here though. I try to read them all.

anon92805
Post 282

I was diagnosed with PTSD from a traumatic sexual assault at twelve years old. Through the years my parents have spoken about the incident.

My sister is bipolar and has personality disorder causing her to verbally abuse me and my mother for as long as I can remember and defame our character "in the streets". She calls me a whore, tells my husband that I cheat on him -- crazy stuff.

Well I have been seeing a doctor who is helping me with my anxiety attacks. Long story short, my mother knocked on my door last night screaming that my father had tried to kill her and he had set the house on fire. My husband and I jumped out of bed with our two children and went backed to the house to make sure everything was ok.

I can't tell if my mom was drinking or is pre alzheimer's, because sometimes she's makes no sense. We got to the house and it was half burned. My father was stumbling around but coherent (drunk). He had been caught cheating, again. My mom gathered clothes and left without telling us where she was going. My father would not leave the home and said that he was going to bed. What? He battled the blaze by himself so I know that he inhaled smoke. He would not go to the doctor.

I am on the verge of a breakdown, I think. I am so numb right now. I can't even cry. I am a 29 year old mother of two but i feel like a 29 year old mother of five with three of them being mom, dad and my sister and they are all nuts! All I can do is pray for them and pray that I don't crack up. Good luck to you all.

anon92489
Post 281

Three yrs ago this month I was diagnosed with depression. I have been on meds since and was doing all right until a few weeks ago. Now I am having panic attacks again, insomnia, and extreme crying episodes. This is driving me crazier than I already feel. I don't have thoughts of suicide, but there are days when I can barely get out of bed and go to work.

anon92141
Post 280

This website is full of the saddest and most insane stories I've ever read. I am overwhelmed with the sorrow on this web page and I can't believe no one else is mentioning this. Perhaps a few of you can take solace in the fact that one person at least has read your story and wishes nothing more than to help you. If only there was something I could do.

anon91823
Post 279

Things will get better with time and treatment. Seek help and reach out. people care and will help you.

anon91733
Post 278

Three years ago my fiance and I split apart for three months after being together for two years. She had two children from a prior relationship and together we had a son. I was to get stabilized and she was going to stay with her parents for a short while until we got everything situated.

One week before I was to pick up the youngest to come and live with me, I get a phone call stating that she had passed out for a few moments due to a migraine and that the three year old and two year old had gotten out of the house. The police were called by a neighbor and when they arrived they saw the living conditions at the house and our children were taken by DSS, and they have been in foster care since.

I lost my job in management, my house, and I honestly haven't felt right since that day. Every day it is a constant fight to put one foot in front of the other in dealing with DSS and how they continue to violate our rights, change what they require, and lie while under oath on the stand.

When all of this started, the DSS investigator and attorney actually advised us "not" to fight this and to "not" seek legal council or else they would have to show pictures and make it hard on us.

Every day – every single god blessed day is a fight to do the right thing – to not crawl into a bottle, to not drown my sorrows, waking up at night sometimes more than 10 times in cold sweats and crying because I am afraid that I will sleepwalk and do something to hurt my fiance's mother who is the cause of all of this because she is a slob and allows food to sit on the floor and mold, allows her dog to defecate all in the house and doesn't clean it up. My fiance was working full time and trying to clean the house when she got here and she was the only one trying to clean.

I feel so worthless because chances are, I will never see my children again if the DSS motion to terminate our parental rights goes through. We have done everything they have asked of us except be able to obtain our own residence. They require us to get a minimum of three bedrooms, which in the area this case is happening runs in excess of $1000 a month.

For two years we have been told that DSS will serve us with child support, yet I have never been served. They served my fiance and she was ordered to pay $192.00 every two weeks. On any given bi-weekly pay period she might make $250. It is a violation of federal law for her to have to pay more than 50 percent of any one given paycheck, but yet they put her into a situation to where she pays it so they aren't "technically" taking it. As for me, I was informed by a judge that DSS can list me as refusal to pay child support even though I haven't been served, because in the state of South Carolina, it is my responsibility to make an offer -- even though I have no clue how much to pay, where to pay it, or who to pay it to. I'm still at fault.

When all of this started, I wasn't a resident of South Carolina. My children had only been in South Carolina for a month, yet I am unable to go to Alabama for work without it being held against me in a negative manner because I'm not here.

I get so sick while I am here. I have slept for two days straight and after being up for a few hours, slept another 20 hours. I stay so freaking tired. Due to all the stress of this, I have been diagnosed with a heart condition, and my body is covered in sores and scars from breaking out into hives. At one point, I was spitting blood from my gums which I take care of, constant stomach cramps, having to find a bathroom out of nowhere for fear I will mess myself. I squat down to get something and I have to have help standing back up, and I have constant migraines, loss of appetite, feeling like the skin on my entire body is numb. When all of this started I would break down into tears if I heard a child. Now I break down into tears for no reason. I can be just sitting here, not thinking about anything, and this urge comes over me to just scream and I start crying but I can't because I don't want anyone to know how I feel. Sometimes I can't sleep at all because I start to go to sleep and right as I am nodding off I hear my children say "daddy" and I jump awake thinking that maybe I finally woke up from this nightmare and then I realize that they aren't there.

Yes, I have extremely violent thoughts towards the person who caused this, who has been the cause of my fiance hurting, who has been the cause of us falling to sleep in this converted garage holding each other as we both cry ourselves to sleep. I missed my children's first day of school, losing their first teeth -- everything that a parent treasures as their child grows has done nothing but haunt me.

I feel so worthless and like I am unable to make the right decision about anything. I can't do anything violent towards anyone for the sake of my children, and they are the only reason why I don't drown my sorrows because I never want them to look and see that daddy tried to solve his problems with violence, alcohol, or drugs. Every day it's a fight to not go that route; children are all that I ever wanted in life.

I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. At least there I have my children and I can hear them laugh as they play.

cyann
Post 277

A common theme I see in all these stories is the feeling of being alone and that no one cares, or at the very minimum that others would be better off without you. That's sad, but I can relate because I am in my mid 40s and going through the worst time I ever have: a severe drop in income (about an 80 percent drop) and therefore I am dealing with certain bankruptcy and I'm not entirely sure we'll be able to keep our house either (what's pathetic is our house payment is less than we would pay for a one-bedroom apartment so where are we going to live? We can't afford to live anywhere).

We're (spouse and I) on poor terms with our families and always have been. There's always been blatant favoritism with regards to mother and mother-in-law and they've always made it known that our siblings are a priority (yes, we've been told this) and they get unlimited money and their kids raised for them while they go on with their lives.

I have never asked anyone for anything – ever. I am responsible and have always paid my own bills and raised my own kids and don't hand them off just because it's inconvenient and I'd rather go to the bar. I've never gotten any credit for what I do and instead I'm hated and despised and our siblings are bowed down to and worshipped. But guess who gets called when mother/mother-in-law needs something because the rest of them are too irresponsible and are too used to taking instead of giving?

I haven't mentioned too much about our current problems because I started to, and then had to listen to false accusations about how we had obviously gambled our money away (We had not. We had no income at all for a year except my part-time wage, spouse got no unemployment even, and then spouse was lucky enough to land minimum wage for the past nine months or so. This is an income problem, not a spending problem) so it just wasn't worth it to confide in anyone. That was my mother who spewed these lies. My mother-in-law just keeps saying cheerfully, "this too shall pass" and contacts us once in a while via e-mail saying that she assumes we're doing well. I want to slap her.

I won't tell any of them anything anymore. They don't care about us. But two of our siblings have had houses bought for them by my mother and mother-in-law because they couldn't afford them on their own and it wasn't fair that we had a house and they didn't. Never mind that we saved for years for this house and had no help whatsoever. Maybe I should be used to it by now because it's always been this way, but it seems like the more time goes on and the worse things get, the more resentful I get.

To make matters worse, my oldest kid dropped out of high school and moved away to live with an unemployed roommate with anger management problems. That's bad enough, but the realization that the kid is better off there than with us is what's really devastating.

I was on anti-anxiety meds in the past (for problems that were nowhere near this bad) but had to go off them because of the cost. And that's when I still had insurance! Now we're uninsured and broke, so there's no chance of me getting any help. My spouse has completely checked out and doesn't know what to do and so expects me to just handle everything like I always have. But I can't do it; this is far beyond the scope of what I can handle by myself.

Not sure what to do. I'll just plug away until it gets so bad that I absolutely can't function anymore. I have a feeling that with all this major stuff going on, it's going to be something relatively minor that's going to just send me over the edge.

It's awful to wake up every morning disappointed that you didn't die in your sleep.

anon91603
Post 276

I must be having a nervous breakdown. I am getting no help from anyone in my family in dealing with my mother who alzheimer's. no one offers to help and I am exhausted and am hanging on to my job by a thread.

I average one-two hours of sleep per night and then have to try and be productive at work and then go to care for Mom. I feel trapped in this routine and sometimes I think it would be so much better if I died (which I may from the stress) because then someone else would be forced to step in and help.

I have no joy in my life and prayer helps me for a while but the sheer physical/emotional exhaustion is overwhelming. I know deep in my heart that I cannot continue this much longer.

anon91338
Post 275

I feel, overwhelmed, tired, full of anxiety and fearful too. I have a one year old child and I am a single parent.

I was in love with the father of my baby. We tried for 10 months to conceive him. When I was four months pregnant, I found out he was having an affair and I kicked him out of the house and I have been crying on and off ever since. Some days are effortless and some are extremely draining and emotional.

anon90193
Post 274

I used to have a fast paced high stress level and totally unrewarding and thankless job.

I was getting to the point where it was by a pure sheer force of will that I had to wake up in the mornings and go through the morning routine to get to work.

At work, I did not care. I just couldn't have been bothered to do anything. This had gone on for about three months.

After work at home, I had turned to alcohol as my "self medication" to help me just have enough drive to go to bed and attempt to sleep. When I tried to sleep, I simply couldn't. I had insomnia so bad that when I actually was forcibly taken to a clinic, the doctor prescribed me with a one-month dose of temazepam with the possibility of follow on scripts.

I felt ashamed that my life had slipped so far out of my control. I wanted to die just to end it all.

Fortunately, I was saved by someone who actually had the time to actually sit down and listen to me. It took all my effort not to cry and feel ashamed about the way I was feeling, because I thought this person was judging me. I felt even more uncomfortable that the person told me they were going to go talk to a psychiatrist for me and arrange a session.

I didn't go. I was forcibly taken and the psychiatrist diagnosed me as a stress related "burnout".

I lost my job however, and was given lighter duties.

I was forcibly sent to rehab for my alcoholic urges.

I felt completely ashamed about my whole life and I wanted to end it all. But I met a man at the rehab clinic. He described his life. He described how he became a heroin addict. He went into details about how he got himself out of it and back into a "normal" society.

I felt his story was exactly how my life was playing out, minus the drugs.

After I left rehab, I felt like a new person. I felt good.

Now, I've met someone and we've been married for close to two years now. Before we got married, she was what I would class as a normal person. After three months of marriage she turned into a drama queen and was having tantrums about everything. I told her I can't deal with her tantrums and drama antics.

She has no job. She doesn't bother looking. We are simply existing week to week on my pay. I get less than forty thousand a year. We are up to 36k in debt to the bank. I've become socially withdrawn and I can't deal with her crap anymore.

I've tried telling her that I'm feeling like this, but she wants no part of it. Instead it's all about her as usual. I've tried putting up with her for these past two years but I feel I can't anymore and I want a divorce because of the way she treats me.

I've started feeling the same way I did a few years ago and the "coping mechanisms" I was given from rehab aren't working anymore. I've come to the point were I want to end it all again, but this time no one is listening. Not even my wife.

She tells me it's all my fault.

I don't have the energy anymore to fight back. I simply walk away and lock myself in a room and play online games, which make me forget about the real world.

It saddens me that I am using the internet as a means for escape because this time I simply can't afford to pay for a psychiatrist appointment this time.

anon89915
Post 273

It's when you let go of that rope and stop controlling. That's when God will help and he works through others so reach out to people who also love God. suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

anon89257
Post 272

I've called out to God but he never answers. I have been taking care of people since i was five and I am now 42. I can't do it anymore. I keep looking for something to make me happy. I just don't know what it is.

I'm at the end of my rope and my hands are burning. I just want to let go. Even the thought of doing laundry seems to overwhelm me. I don't want this anymore but I have no way out. If God can hear me, I'm begging him to help me.

anon89198
Post 271

I go to work and come home and sleep and wake up and go to work. That is how I live my days. I think about dying every day. Do I want to die? No! However, I see it as the only solution.

I work my butt off to keep the bills paid and never anything left over. I keep telling myself I have one year left because my daughter will be 18 and in the Army. Then I can do it. I have no friends, I stay in my house even on my days off, I don't like to go out in public for fear people are staring at me. I hate the way I look.

I have a short fuse but have learned to bottle it. This is not the way I would have pictured myself in the past but it seems things are getting out of control. I cannot talk to my family because I am ashamed of the way I feel. It makes me feel stupid, selfish, needy and weak for the thoughts and feelings I am having. I pray to God everyday to give me the strength to go on. Is there really a God? I am trying to have faith that there is, but only time will tell.

anon89078
Post 270

I'm 26 and for a slight moment I was happy when my 40 year old sister moved out. now she's back and i hate my life and her. Her ex threatens my family always have and she puts us in danger. I hate what my life has become. I have moments where i lose my temper and sit in the corner and cry. I have to move because I feel my family is toxic.

anon88836
Post 269

I don't know if I'm having a nervous breakdown or not. I can't sleep most nights, i stay up till the early hours, I have anxiety episodes and have been doing it on and off for the past year and a half.

I become severely depressed when i reach my peak of being happy and my motivation just drops to zero. This keeps happening and i don't know what to do about it.

anon88212
Post 268

I'm going through a mental breakdown and I can't tell my family because I'm ashamed of it. I fear that I might need to be hospitalised to a ward to recover because the event that caused this happened a year ago and I have tried everything to move on but nothing has worked.

I tried bottling it up and in the end, I realised in the end that I never was okay with it and felt the same since the day it happened. The event was losing the most important and amazing girl to walk into my life; it was something that I wasn't prepared for and it happened so suddenly in the time we were extremely happy together. She brought a purpose to me and I learnt my place in the world when I was with her. She made me a far better person, made me the happiest that I've ever been, made me happy to care about her, support her dreams and to put her before even myself.

To say more, had she lost a limb, an eye or anything or if together with her in 50 years time, I'd still feel the same for her because she was the wonderful girl that had such a huge positive impact on me and because being with her as a person was extremely important and special to me.

I felt so different in many ways when I was with her and I was once a guy who dreaded the thought of having kids and having responsibilities as a parent. But when I thought about her, I smiled and loved the thought of one day sharing the responsibility of being a parent with her.

The moment we first were together, we talked for hours, like we knew each other since we were kids, and had so much in common, there was something unique and magical about it and in each other's arms, I knew that she was my twin spirit.

Losing her is the most painful thing to happen to me. My life has not made sense ever since then, which was about a year ago. I looked for someone new only for that not to work, tried to live in denial that she was an important part of my life, took up snowboarding, went on holiday for two weeks and took up another language. Even after a year, I feel the same. I feel I'm getting nowhere and that there is no end.

I tried everything to move on from the loss but I have accepted that after so long without her, that I feel the same and that moving on is impossible.

This loss of her was my fault and I feel nothing but extreme guilt that it was my fault entirely. This guilt has just brought me to a breakdown. I can't make sense of my life or find a purpose or discover what I am meant to do.

I can't talk to people that I know about it because I'm ashamed of having this breakdown. I fear the thought of it leading to me being admitted to a ward to recover because it will be noted and I would be ashamed of this breakdown and that everyone that could see my record would know about it. But my sister watched a show with me and it has shown me what I have to do.

My family and I watch the Mentalist together and after learning of Patrick Jane, I began to see that he was very similar to me. I could relate to him and see that we have a lot in common. Even if he's fictional, he has became my idol and hero for being able to cope with a breakdown and the loss of his family for something that was his fault. I admire the character for having this extreme pain too, how he copes with it and that he can live with having the pain with the attitude that he has. That his strength led him to overcome his breakdown.

So, I decided to live on to become like my hero and to be strong. It's perhaps quite odd of me but it has given me strength and more of a purpose. I can thank my sister for it.

anon88196
Post 267

I had a high powered job as a magazine editor and on my way walking to work one Monday morning I was assaulted and stabbed. I lost my job in February of last year, then in the November I started to have a small tremor down my left side. I am to have two brain scans next week.

However, this week I have felt so tired I have not been able to function. I have lots to do and although I get up in the morning positive with a list of things to do, by lunch time I am exhausted and have to go to bed. I am also eating a lot more than I would normally.

If I go on like this I shall be obese.

anon88157
Post 266

I feel like I just want to die; everything seems to always go wrong, I have been unemployed for two years now, my mother passed away three years ago from breast cancer (she was my only family) and it's still hard for me.

I am alone with no one to help, even for a few hours with my four year old. My other daughter will be 11 and they really cause me nothing but aggravation and anxiety most of time.

They don't listen to me, my oldest does not do her simple three chores, and she can't even put her clean laundry away! I don't sleep unless I take two Xanax a night to control the heart palpitations, cold sweats, acid in my stomach and to help me sleep for at least 3-4 hours without waking up in a panic.

I have been crying a lot more recently, and having flashbacks to my home taken from me from a corrupt bank who was paid their monthly mortgage and still foreclosed anyway.

I started grad school but I am unable to focus due to the constant distractions of my children and their constant demands. we are going to be evicted soon, and pretty much back to square one, where I was three years ago.

anon87197
Post 265

i have six children and all I've done is cry after the sixth one. that's when most of my problems came.

When my youngest child was three (she is now six), my husband and the father of my children confessed to me he had an affair with my best friend since fifth grade and he said he couldn't hide it from me anymore and then two weeks after he told me, my husband tried to commit suicide on pills. He survived and my stress got worse after that.

Now, three years later all i do is sleep. i don't want to do anything at all. I just want to sit around the house and my kids always get on my nerves very easily and i feel like the world would be better off with out me in it.

My 11 year old daughter always yells and cusses at me and i can't correct her because i feel bad but it really hurts. she is always calling me stuff and me and my husband always fight and our sex life is not there. we never are romantic together and all i do is sit and cry.

i really need help but i always miss the appointments because i sleep past them.

that's my story. i hope nobody feels like this because it is not very good and it feels like your world is just crashing down.

anon85697
Post 264

Man that's unreal. I thought I had about two or three of them, but not all of them. But I know my causes. It's just that I am stuck with it.

The funny thing is, that the rage I have been eating is starting to affect my health. It's like my stomach cramps all the time. Its feels like I am white hot with rage.

No one around me notices that I am having these problems. But I am a master of suppression. So I stuff down -- way down -- and pretend that it does not exist.

God I can't remember when the last I slept, and I mean slept right. Most of the time I get about two hours. It stinks. I hate my home, I hate my job and i really hate my life. But out of all of the evils that I have, I would say the job is the least of evils.

The chaos is known as my home. I can't sleep, can't eat. The only thing I know is hate, anger and rage.

anon85121
Post 263

@anon83488, article no. 260: I go through the same pain, but life is a climb and once we reach the top we get a beautiful view, so we should never give up! We'll get through it.

One day, we will look at our past and laugh about it. By the way, remember we’ve all got something unique -- something which the others don’t have. God will surely help if we trust in Him, though sometimes it seems that he is hiding. I believe he's got a plan for us -- a good one, that is -- something we'd never imagined!

I remember 'things are yet to happen, life has more to show!'

anon85061
Post 262

i feel today as if I can't do the things I need to do: cleaning, paperwork, all the usual things, laundry. I don't even want to take care of my pets.

I have been taking prozac for six months, and it helps every now and then. I am three months behind on my house, three months behind on my truck, (last three payments) am thinking of applying for food stamps. I am on disability from a terrible accident. I pray.

Every day I know I am going to get up and hurt emotionally and physically, so sometimes I don't want to get up. I was not raised this way. I have dreams of my accident. I drink more now. picked the cigarettes back up.

I just wan to go under a rock and cry. I don't want anyone to see me.

anon83488
Post 260

Attempting to "hold it all together" juggling bills, work problems, health problems. There are times I simply want to curl into a ball and cry. I procrastinate doing things that would help some, because nothing ever seems to be enough to make any real difference.

When I see others who are happy and, by appearances, are doing okay, I want to be glad for them but can't help wondering "Why can't I be like that?"

anon83119
Post 259

I feel absolutely terrible. I haven't slept properly in months. My final year university exams are next week but I don't have the will or energy to do them.I do not know what the root cause is, but I want to make it go away. I have undergone a serious amount of stress with my final year project, which caused my insomnia, and things have just got worse from there.

anon83061
Post 258

I am very depressed. I have been thinking of killing myself just to get out from under the pressures. I can't go to a doctor like everyone says because I don't have insurance and I cannot afford another bill, I can't afford the bills that I have now. I am raising a 15 year old granddaughter and I don't know what that will do to her. I guess if I'm gone I won't know.

anon82890
Post 257

I was diagnosed bi-polar 20-plus years ago, hated the meds, didn't take them and that was that! Since then, I've attempted suicide twice (before that, three times), I have self-destructed in every way possible, and tried to push everyone away, even my family and husband.

After a very serious surgery, I finally had a breakdown, huge! That was two years ago. I have only begun treatment for it this year, and we haven't gotten the meds right yet. So my days are, well, undependable at best.

Do I still "feel" like dying? Yes. Do I want to die? I don't know. And that's a big difference for me, that's hope.

So hang in there people, there is help, free, help, on-line (Good Samaritans), phone (suicide hotlines or 911), hospital emergencies rooms, churches, salvation armies, all these places and more! The best thing someone told me this year is "reach out, take one little risk. You can't fall out of a basement."

anon82484
Post 256

I just saw a photo which I cannot describe. When I just try to recall photo I have serious back pain. I also read that whoever saw that photo had a great nervous breakdown problems and I think I am having them.

anon82394
Post 255

My life has turned into total crap. Previously I worked for a contractor to the government. Worked that job for seveb years, faithfully, and eventually bought a great home, Mercedes for my wife, motorcycle for me, and we lived it up with everything a six-figure income could afford. Yet I was in debt up to my ears.

When news came that the job was in jeopardy, we put our home up for sale, knowing that the mortgage would eat us alive. After buying a smaller, less expensive home, we sold the bike, the Mercedes, and lowered our luxury items significantly. I started working for a very reputable computer company, a Fortune 100 company, earning about 20K less but still being able to provide for my family.

During that time, the stress levels caused some cardiac issues to open up, and I was forced from my job due to health reasons. I haven't worked since. It has been over nine months since I have worked.

We had to file bankruptcy to cover our debt, after trying a non-profit debt consultation company for two years. We decided to keep the house, thinking that I would find work enough to pay the house payment. That was six months ago. We made it work for 2-3 months, but we now have fallen three months behind on our house payment, and stand to lose this house as well.

I come from an upper-middle class family and both of my brothers are wildly successful. Both are debt free, as are my parents. My father once told me that if I filed Bankruptcy, then I can kiss my inheritance goodbye.

I have not told my father that we did. It was the only thing we could do. If we didn't, repossessions would have occurred and we wouldn't have anything right now.

With this new news that we may lose our home, that coupled with my lack of job, and to make matters worse, I am out of my Effexor 75's for anxiety attacks, I am really going out of my mind.

I can't sleep, my eating habits have been binge for one meal, and skip the others, I am constantly crying and just today I thought my family would be better off without me. What does that say about me?

I love my wife, and I don't want to leave her behind in my self pity. I am seriously debating admitting myself to the local psychiatric ward to try and get a handle on my life.

Do you think this has anything to do with me being a rescue worker at the Alfred P. Murrah Bombing back in 4/19/95? We just had the 15th anniversary, and i always get teary eyed around this time.

Sorry to ramble, but I have to get this off my shoulder.

anon82045
Post 254

I have felt and experienced some of these things and my heart and soul goes out to all. Can I humbly ask you to all call on the Holy Spirit. Literally call out Holy Spirit come to me and give me Your advise and comfort and strength right now. Human beings. We are not meant to feel this way. God does not wish this for us. He does love us.

anon81640
Post 253

Tell me why? Why does this happen and why does this affect me so hard when others simply deal with it. Trust me, I've tried to deal with my depression and numerous issues but to no avail. Why can't I be as strong?

I am alone in my own little messed up world, living in a dinky town where everyone knows your business so to get help is hard. How can you trust anyone, only to know that somehow others will find out what a bleeping cuckoo fruit cake that I am and then it will only push me to the brink because no matter what I try to do to reach out, everyone will know!

anon80859
Post 252

anon74756: I'm not really sure what you believe, but the God that I believe that watches over all of us is love not hate. so, being love, why would he send us to torment for eternity? and so, Psalm 34:18: "The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit."

Only God knows what is in our hearts. He also understands what has brought us to where we are today.

Whether it is hereditary or abuse; it doesn't matter. God loves us and wants the best for us.

anon80858
Post 251

anon4389: I'm in your wife's position, and i myself have a very unsupportive spouse. I think the only advice i could ever give you is to love her no matter what.

I can understand how it is so terribly hard for you. The thing is you have to understand that one of the saddest places to be is where you don't even understand yourself.

anon80852
Post 250

To 199: One of the first things that I did when I was experiencing similar symptoms was call the local county mental health system and got in for an appointment to be evaluated etc.

I have at other times during acute phases of my illness (I am not implying that you are "ill" as I am) I have just gone to my local emergency room and have then been referred to in-patient hospital stays from there, if necessary.

Believe me, I have been terrified at those times, but also, strangely comforted as well, as I knew I would then be getting help for the even more terrifying symptoms I was having.

You are not alone. You can get through this. I try to focus on just getting through one day and try not to focus too much on the future or ruminate about the past. I know that is much easier said than done sometimes. Take good care of yourself. You deserve a good life.

anon80099
Post 249

I've read people's comments and all i can say is deal with it as we have only one life. I lost my husband, my world fell apart, and I have no one on this planet who is truly mine.

You know what? I am moving on and fighting every day to survive. Trust me: what does not kill you makes you stronger! Don't a let nervous breakdown bring you down. Get help!

It is a beautiful life even if we are on our own.

The air we breathe is enough to feel the strength of nature's power.

Take a walk and heal your pain by writing back!

anon

anon79268
Post 248

after reading all the posts, i think i am lucky enough that mine is a better situation than them. I am nearing 50 years old two months from now. Am suffering so much from nerves every time i would feel by hypertension attacks.

If this is really you can call nervous breakdown, i am not so sure. All i know is that i am afraid to die for the sake of my children and family and for my own plans in life.

I had a total hysterectomy in 2008 and since then, felt 180 degrees difference in my health. Added to that, i am now suffering from anxiety and depression because of a legal case battle which was filed by an ingrate person whom i used to help and even fed, as they called it. It affected my life, my career, as i feel no one around me understands what i am into now, and not one of them has given sympathy.

All by my side is my family, my two daughters and my husband. I'm afraid I am losing my health. Don't really know what i feel and obviously don't know what to do. I can't overcome this nervousness. I hope my sharing with you would feel me easy and comfortable. Please give me advice on what to do to become strong and brave. My doctor says i need to undergo a stress management seminar.

Now that my career becomes very lousy, i wanted to shift it to something as productive as my career. But, can't decide right now because i am not yet ready for another phase of my career. Please post some tips and points to do to overcome feeling like this. Thank you.

anon79202
Post 247

I am sure that I am having a breakdown. I just don't know how to get help. I am 31 with no health insurance. I witnessed my mother's breakdown when I was 15. She lived in a closet for months. I can't even walk outside without having a panic attack.

My three children were recently removed from my custody and given to my mother. They say I neglected them because they witnessed a fight between me and my boyfriend. I have lost all faith in our government. I have never abused my children in any way!

I, on the other hand, have been abused my whole life. My mother had her breakdown because she found out she couldn't have any more children. Well while she was living in the closet I got pregnant. According to her it was a gift from god to her through me. I have been fighting with her for 15 years over my kids. She has repeatedly turned me in to child services for numerous bogus claims. Now it looks like she has finally won.

The government took my babies and gave them to the woman who nailed me in my room for three days without food or water. The woman who duct taped my hands to my feet and forced me to kneel on dry rice. Now, I don't have the energy to fight anymore.

Please, all who read this, pray for my babies.

amypollick
Post 246

@anon77341: Please, please go see your doctor, or clergyperson, if you have one. No, they will *not* think you are selfish for being thrown for a loop by your daughter's suicide attempt. Who wouldn't be? I don't know of anyone who wouldn't be completely overwhelmed by such a thing.

You need to get some help with your depression, because you are most definitely depressed. Whether it's therapy or medication, please see your doctor and get some assistance for your situation.

You're *not* being selfish or inconsiderate. You're taking care of yourself and there is *nothing* wrong with that! In fact, it's the very best way of being there for your daughter and for the rest of your family. Good luck and God bless you.

anon77600
Post 245

It's hard to be anyone when everyone seems to hate me. I've thought of suicide multiple times but knew that it wasn't a joke or game. Once you lose, you lose.

I used to be abused verbally and physically by family and people at school. I still am. I just wish people would take my words seriously for once.

I'm done. I have no power to write more.

anon77341
Post 244

I feel so down and alone, and quite panicky all the time. Money issues are really taking their toll and getting worse.

I have the tax man on my back, my eldest daughter tried to commit suicide last week over the breakup of her two year relationship.

I've been to get her help and support, and the funny thing is I was going to OD the night she did but fell into a deep sleep from exhaustion and didn't go through with it.

I'm feeling worse each day and I know my husband is worried but he doesn't realise the extent of my feelings and depression. He is the only person keeping me alive at the moment as well as my children but it's becoming a real struggle.

I just want to disappear. I don't think I want to die; I just want this hell to stop. I feel I can't breathe!

I'm afraid to tell my doctor how bad it is after what my daughter did. I feel they will think I'm being really selfish, and should be there for her. I know I am being selfish and inconsiderate but I can't help how I'm feeling.

Someone please help me. I've lost all interest in myself and I'm avoiding others and going out, I don't bother to get dressed and do daily activities like cooking and tidying. Help me!

anon76076
Post 243

I am experiencing a serious meltdown at this time, and don't know where to turn. I've been starting to share some of my difficulties with a few others, but have made the decision I need time away from work and other people in general, and I hope to move from my current city within two to three months.

I have lost all interest and pride in my work, despite having established enthusiastic relationships and getting positive feedback. Just a couple of weeks ago I applied for a position that will pay twice as much, but I'm walking away from it. I can't cope. I am overwhelmed, profoundly sad, and have been experiencing mental/emotional abuse from some family members and some others for a long time.

I am a 46 year old woman, straight but never married (had a few boyfriends in the distant past), have no brothers or sisters, and have ended up profoundly isolated in life because of some dysfunctional family dynamics. Did I contribute to my isolation? Surely I did.

I made mistakes, because I could only guess at what normal was and what was expected of me. I made many foolish mistakes trying to fulfill everyone's expectations and disprove I was a variety of things that I was accused of being over a lifetime (nerd, ugly, lesbian, overprotected, thin-skinned, stupid, spoiled, and I can go on and on.) I feel like I've had a lifetime of experiencing that as soon as I exhibited some momentary happiness, others felt obligated to wipe the smile from my face and replace it with a lot of tears.

At this point I have no desire to associate with other people, not right now.

My symptoms include apathy about work and family (except for my mother), horrible headaches 70-80 percent of the time, inability to fall asleep despite terrible exhaustion to the point that I have to take 100 mg Trazodone, depression, numbness, the urge to run, horrible inability to concentrate or focus even on the simplest things, preoccupation with reading up about emotional abuse, severe impairment of short term memory, stress eating, and inability to "keep up" with life in general.

I notice that literally everything is taking me at least twice as long, and often much longer, as it used to. I cannot wake up at a productive hour in the morning and get to work on time. I feel very misunderstood and pressured.

My 16 year old brother died (cerebral hemorrhage) when I was five. Despite the stresses prior to his passing, those first five years were the most normal of my life. Even then, though, my parents had a very estranged marriage.

My father traveled a lot and his way of dealing with ways that he said my mother made him unhappy (chief complaint was that she did not like his parents or sister) was to have affairs. That came to a head when I was 13, when my mom and I walked in on my father and his girlfriend du jour at a motel in Kansas City.

The next 19 months were centered around very bitter and hostile divorce proceedings, with my mother trying to lay exclusive claim to me, with my father becoming determined to maintain contact with me. As the only child, I ended up trying to please them both.

Only at this age can I see how my father and stepmother were using their quasi-covert contact with me to torment my mother. They were not sincere; I was used. Over many years, they kept showing up in my life, which caused me to make clandestine arrangements to accommodate seeing them when they would make trips to my city (I was living with my mother, who had cancer; she has recovered). This disrupted my life, caused me stress, and set me back in school. My mom's additional demands on my time set me back even more.

I went through my 20's and 30's always trying to cajole all of them in order to avoid any big conflicts, which I perceived as being worse than what I was going through. I feel like this situation was so unusual that no one could understand. Naturally it isolated me socially as well.

Too frequently I realized that I was merely an interesting case study for those to whom I explained the situation. They were not true friends, but rather found me an interesting case to gossip about. My trust for people went down the drain.

It came to my attention in 1998 that my mother's relatives were proclaiming how unfair it was to my mother that I was not earning enough money and remained living under her roof, despite the fact that she is the one who desperately wanted it that way. I had tried to leave several times, only to be relentlessly pursued by her until I moved back. None of her relatives ever bothered to contemplate how unfair this was to me.

In 2001, I left her household for good, although it cost me academically and professionally. I gave up pursuit of a master's degree and a job. I was blacklisted for a variety of reasons, including a reckless involvement with the academic department's IT jerk, due in large part to my severe depression at that time. He took full advantage of that and said all the words he knew I wanted to hear, got his way, then very unceremoniously and abusively dumped me.

I was unable to get any meaningful employment, certainly none in my field of choice, and ultimately pursued work in unrelated fields.

After my stepmother died, I moved to the same city as my father. I still didn't get how he had used me along with my stepmother, and thought we could finally have a normal father-adult daughter friendship. He did assist me financially along the way, because despite my education, my jobs have never paid sufficiently to cover my expenses. I've always been in "desperate for a job" mode, and would take whatever I could get. My top year was $27,500, and it has gone downhill from there due to time off from work thanks to severe depression.

In recent months, my father has become increasingly mean and selfish. My 80-year old mother, like myself, can barely afford to meet expenses. I have been unable to help her, being too restricted myself. My father is loathe to help me out significantly, as he expressed he doesn't want one thin dime to go to my mother. This is horrible for me.

Several years ago, he was worth in excess of $800,000. Last year, his worth dropped to $622,000. This year, he was worth $577,000. I have no idea where his money has gone, because it seems to me one could live quite comfortably on the interest alone, in addition to the handsome social security checks he was receiving. Not bad for a traveling salesman.

Two months ago, he opted to pay Uncle Sam 35 percent of his net worth and put the remainder into an 10-year annuity. He is 84. He has fixed it so that I would get half of the remainder and my stepsister and two step-brothers get the remaining half (they are not related by blood to him that I know of, and are all well off).

It is also set up that the money cannot be withdrawn upon his demise without paying a significant penalty. He just moved to an independent living facility that is costing him over three times as much as he was paying for a nice apartment "because he needed more social contact." He had my stepbrother sell a sofa bed that I was interested in, citing that I didn't have enough room in my small apartment for it. It turns out that my stepbrother has the sofa.

My father also, for some bizarre reason, asked my stepbrother to sell my car (in my name!) and neither one of them bothered to consult me before my stepbrother listed it on Craig's list. I became upset and demanded he pull the ad, as this car is in my name. I asked my father who was supposed to get the proceeds of the car. He would not answer me, which told me everything.

A week prior to his move, same said stepbrother and his dominatrix wife were over "helping" my dad pack. Their idea of "helping" was for my stepbrother and dad to sack out on the sofa watching football while the wife was in my father's office quickly stuffing his financial paperwork into boxes with things like wreaths and junk. This struck me as more than suspicious. They were not helping to pack dishes or fragile items, but were caught up digging into his financial portfolio, previously set up trust, and will.

He is so enamored of my one stepbrother that I would swear they were gay if it were not for the step- relationship. I started feeling nauseated at witnessing the favoritism of a man who is not even his blood over my mother and me. I began to realize what a fool I've been to have had any faith or trust in him whatsoever.

On more than one occasion he made wild claims about the amount of money he lent to me over the years. I finally called him on it, but I was sickened that he regarded me as such a burden.

In addition to all this, over the course of two years my father has been calling me several times a day, at work and at home, trying to track where I am. It is embarrassing and annoying at work, and additionally stressful when I'm at home, because I understand his motives. He wants me to report to him where I am, where I've been, what I did, what I'm doing, and no matter what I've done it's the wrong thing (it should have been something else instead).

He has negative feedback for any constructive or enjoyable activities I am pursuing (currently enrolled in two business courses and my parakeets are having baby birds). He's made "jokes" about eating the birds - sick.

He looks for what I'm not getting done as opposed to acknowledging what I am doing. Also, I have been happily working in an office that serves minorities and have been enjoying it. On several occasions when he called me, he used the n-word, which is against my values, and I had to tersely remind him that he was doing so on an office phone (calls are randomly recorded) and that this was against both office policy and my personal policy. It seems to me he was trying to sabotage me.

After he moved in to his new expensive independent living complex, he decided he needed a new desk with a filing cabinet and comfortable chair. Since he no longer has a car, I was elected to drive him to the furniture store to help him accomplish this.

I don't really know why I accommodated him, but I suppose I was numb with depression and not thinking straight. He stole yet another afternoon of my time for his own selfish concerns. He needed a new desk and chair like a hole in the head. It's all to appease his ego and image. Because of doing this and helping him move in, I ended up falling further and further behind with everything in life. My concentration went -- totally blown.

I'm in severe depression as I'm failing miserably at everything due to his interferences and selfishness. He's totally self-centered and uncaring of the fact that both my mother (severely crippled) and I barely make it paycheck to paycheck. I have not returned his repeated sarcastic calls for several days now. I'm worn out, sad, and numb. He says things like, "Hey, remember me? I'm your Dad. I request you return my calls." Funny - he hasn't remembered he is my father and not my stepbrothers' father for 30-plus years now.

I just want to run - I feel sick. Hardly anything matters to me right now, because I feel like so much of my life has been based on, and destroyed by, lies. The things that keep me hanging on are my mother (we communicate daily and she is being 100 percent supportive), and my birds (I want to provide them a happy and healthy home, and I want them to live; they have become my family).

I'm sorry to have gone on so long. I'm just hurting a lot and need time out. Thanks for letting me share.

anon74756
Post 240

To those of you who think suicide is the answer: think again.

Satan tries to make you believe that that’s the only way out. He tries to get you to accept that it would be best for everybody involved – especially you - if you just made yourself disappear, just ended it all.

Well, it isn’t best, and don't you believe it! In fact, what satan doesn't whisper in your ear is that suicide will only be the beginning of real and everlasting torment in hell for all eternity.

Think about it.

Do you really want to spend eternity in hell where your torment and suffering won't stop, but will now continue for ever and ever?

I know the pain you’re in. I know the pain of feeling like no one loves you, and I know about the emptiness that feels like it's slowly killing you, and (under the influence of satan) you think about just giving up because you just can't take it anymore.

But let me tell you – there is a way out! God, through Jesus Christ, has made a way for you to surrender your heavy load, all your heavy burdens to Him, and live!

Jesus said, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).

What that means is this: If you will believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and that He died on the cross for your sins, then rose again on the third day, "He [will be] a Rewarder of them that diligently seek him." That means He will "give you rest."

If you will accept Him as your Lord and Saviour, admit you are a sinner and ask Him to forgive you for your sins, He will do it.

Ask Him to come into your heart and take over. Obey Him. And you will find "rest unto your souls."

This is God’s promise to you: "In hope of eternal life, which God, that cannot lie, promised before the world began" (Titus 1:2).

God cannot lie! But satan can.

anon74371
Post 239

You are so not alone! And, unless a someone goes through this sort of thing personally, no one else can understand the emotional toll this takes on a person.

I found a fabulous psychiatrist, a certified therapist, and a major hospitals psychiatric day-program, which was 9:30 - 3:30 for a week in intensive therapy, both one-on-one and group. I got so much out of the help I sought.

I learned to manage my cutting, learned to speak without anger coming out, patience. Really, I learned how to be in a social world again. These people saved my life, literally.

Seek help if you need to. It will only help you.

Regards.

anon73348
Post 238

I have just turned 18 years old. Over the years i have struggled with many numerous difficulties, but i credit finding the right information to have kept me alive.

Finding this site was in part due to my continued quest to learn more about the stress i deal with and how to overcome it. I consider myself to have almost been in a constant state of nervous breakdown, emotional meltdown. Despite sobbing myself to sleep only three nights ago, i am proud to say that this in no longer something that happens as it used to, which was basically 100 nights in a year.

You see, i have been through much physical abuse. In my case, from christian parents being overly disciplinary, coupled with a lack of restraint when emotional, and being emotionally disturbed. (but aren't we all)

One of the greatest struggles for me has been my social life. i was forced into being home schooled, meaning i have had no close friends for most of my schooling. I was no allowed to touch the toys of other children, not allowed to watch cartoon, nor was i allowed to be around other kids when they were participating in these activities. any challenging would mean physical and verbal abuse.

Not doing what i was told could end up with me being thrown into a wall, swung into a piece of furniture, etc. trying to get out i called the kids help phone. i only had the confidence to do this at age 16, after i admitted to my mother that i was only attracted to men, as a man.

but my mother caught me on the phoning the kids help line once, the time i was going to actually report the situation, and the phone disappeared from our home.

I have not been allowed to talk with my grandparents since age nine, when i slipped up and said something i wasn't supposed to. i said my parents argue a lot, and that there was never enough food. that got my wealthy grandparents on my mom's case. Gradually those conversational privileges were ebbed out. the first time i tried to kill myself was at age eight, when i tried to drown myself in the shower, by taping my mouth, etc.

I am always trying to be the good child i am always praised by others for my responsibility, though i don't tell anyone what i have been through.

I guess i have just survived with my resolve that i can get through this all. Some of my resolve means getting myself financially independent. So I've worked hard to develop any skill i can, and i working construction i eventually found myself managing six people on a 21 million dollar government project, at age 17 (i should have been 18, to even be onsite, but got placed there anyhow).

Despite this success, making the project the most profitable for the year, but the company was already on hard financial grounds, and cutting back employees' wages.

In the process of starting the next project i was given a $8 wage decrease, so i opted to quit. Now i have been unemployed for the past four months. I have kept busy, doing anything i can as i always have, but being back at home so much brings so much more difficulty.

I tried dating a few guys relatively my age once again, something i hadn't done for a couple years since i was forced to break up with the one person whom i have ever been mutually in love with.

That relationship wasn't perfect, but we connected, it was entirely long distance. The outside condemnation made it dangerous, and i was once again nearly killing myself. He struggled with the same hateful self feelings, and loneliness.

i had told him that i was going to find a girl like my parents demanded, but never have, and i can't go back. I have never even kissed, or held hands with someone i liked.

I am not good looking and have to pay for $50 in surgeries that are required for my health, or i risk compounding problems.

And the business i started two years ago, not incorporated, has never been profitable.

I can't talk with anyone because i am so cut off, especially since i admitted my sexual orientation.

Honestly i can only see prayer as misguided desperation, and have vowed that it will be by my resolution and using the resources at hand, not drugs, not any more expensive counselling, not religion that gets me out.

And one day i will have an excellent life. But i just have to get my footing, and despite always slipping, i readjust. It is life, life is pain, but thank goodness we get stronger when we choose to stand up.

after reading so many of these stories, i no longer feel alone. and i just threw out my various sucide items out a week ago. it is still hard, but i am fully capable of getting through this. any other doubt life will try to impose upon me. thank you all for sharing.

I hope this contribution helps someone.

anon73158
Post 237

I've been under a lot of stress at work and I am the only one in my department supporting a lot of people.

My new boss is a control freak and a micro manager who is adding more stress on my already stressful environment. I had a breakdown at work and yelled at our SVP and accused him of allowing the abuse with my boss to continue. I started crying and could not stop.

I left work and went to the doctor and he put me on medical leave for a week.

I feel like a total idiot now and feel I committed career suicide. I know the stress will not change and need to find another job.

anon71188
Post 236

I'm 15yrs old and I've been dealing with a lot in the past few years and i don't know how to deal with the stress that i go through every day at home and school. it's hard for me to tell people how if feel so i keep a book abut how i feel i really don't know how to cope with my feelings and stuff like that. i don't want to have a mental breakdown in school.

anon70902
Post 235

I'm a 22 year old female, with a four year old and a one year old. I recently found out I am pregnant - six weeks along, and expecting him/her this same year in November.

I grew up always having to be mature and never being able to live up to my childhood or teenage years like a normal life. Even when I was pregnant with my first, I sacrificed my personal life and everything else to be the best mom.

I finished school but couldn't do the normal things people my age did since I was pregnant and so young. I haven't really communicated to much of my old friends since then.

Nobody I knew then could understand my feelings or position now in life. I devoted my life to my children and feel like my entire life has been to live for other people than myself.

I do love my family, but now that I am expecting another child, I feel very unprepared -- mentally, emotionally, and physically. I don't know if I can handle all three children, trying to raise them the best I can, to give them all the attention and still keep sane.

I haven't pampered or even had the time to treat myself in a long time. My hair has grown into lots of knots, and unbearable to even manage. I don't fix myself to go out, let alone have the time. At this moment, I want to chop my whole head of hair off, have a long bubble bath with nobody around, take a walk alone in the park for some fresh air and maybe even a massage to lessen the tension in my body. That's too much to ask for, though.

What's even sadder, is that I have no one else to talk to. My children are too young to listen to me be upset. I can't show them my true emotions. I stay happy in front of them to make sure they don't get negative energy off of me. But when they are fast asleep, all I feel is loneliness. I live for my children. But I wish I could just have some time for me.

anon70266
Post 234

i have been through a lot in my life and now at the age of 48, i have been traumatised sometimes by my family and upset by people that have been in my life. as a child i most probably cocooned myself in my own little world protecting me from some of the nasty people in the world.

what i do know is although it may have affected me to some degree, you do have to learn to be more selfish, not by being horrible, just by walking away, keeping away from those unthoughtful people for your own sanity.

If you have your health and look at as many good things and people, that there is in life (life which is special), there is a lot of good out there and beautiful things. Appreciate it. That's the way forward

anon68304
Post 233

I have been into trouble for a couple of months managing my 72 year old father suffering from nervous breakdown. We are wealthy enough to get medication for him.

It started out last September, when he was sick and was very cold leading him to faint and we brought him to the hospital for a one week stay. Everything was okay. Then after one month, just last November, he was attacked with unexplainable behavior, saying bad words and crazy things, and then until now, we find it hard to control him, on things that he wanted to do.

He never gets tired of walking and going into places, knowing that he was physically skinny and thin. Was it that hospitalization thing that caused this nervous breakdown?

P.S. Our family has gone through a lot of problems and frustrations/failures too and that's what we've been worrying and wondering for he never still forgets those and kept on talking about such things.

I appreciate any advice or recommendation that you can give, in case you have an idea on how to manage that kind of person. I love my father so much and I pity him seeing him in that situation. he's a very responsible father ever since and had worked hard for all us, before.

Thank you!

anon68183
Post 232

For poster 225. I am a Christian and I have prayed for you. In the name of Jesus I break the power of the devil and all his angels on your family, especially you and your brother.

In the name of Jesus, I speak peace and healing and protection into your lives. I will pray all this week for you. God is much bigger than the devil but you must call on the name of Jesus because He has promised that everyone who does so will be saved.

Meanwhile, please find an Aglow Women's Fellowship and ask them to pray for your deliverance as well. May God be with you. Hang in there.

For all the other posters, I have prayed for you also. God loves you all. You are not alone.

anon68145
Post 231

I'm 17 years old and I have never found things so hard, ever.

I dropped out of school when I was 15 due to bullying, and never got around to doing my exams. Then dropped out of college due to the amount of stress i was going through, so I still haven't done my exams.

My life is good, very good but recently my dad has started hitting me. I have a boyfriend who lives a few miles away who has been there for me through everything, but we hardly see each other. I have horrible thoughts about him leaving me, cheating on me and all sorts of things.

I have random panic attacks when I'm out in public. i hate leaving my house and i hate waking up every morning. i can talk to people but only through text or online. i can't talk to anyone in person or on the phone.

I have self harmed, but not bad enough so I have to go into hospital, but i have had many suicidal thoughts and i even planned how i want to die once.

I'm scared to go to the doctors in case they think I'm being stupid. I want to see if i have depression or not, because honestly I think i do have some sort.

I really want to admit myself into a mental home, for the best. i cannot control myself and it scares me. My uncle committed suicide and i can't put my family through any more of this pain.

Please help me.

anon67122
Post 230

I have not been on medication for years. I overcame alcohol and drug addictions. I have been sober for along time. I thought I was doing good but life kept throwing me surprises.

I am a good man, I just can't live with myself anymore. Last summer I wasn't thinking and I cut my hand with a knife. I told no one about because I didn't understand what I did. It was just a strange impulse.

The last few days I have been getting this feeling I just can't shake. I feel almost mindless, as though I am medicated. I feel so overwhelmed mentally and the same sensation in my body and in my chest. I am having a hard time to take care of myself and I live alone. I don't know what's wrong with me.

anon66392
Post 229

my step sister was about 11 at the time she was sexually abused by my dad before i was even born, then when i was born obviously i was a baby so i don't know if he abused me or not.

one day my step sister, who was 14 at the time, told my dad to stop it and she was going to tell mum what he was doing to her. he ran out and killed himself. my dad has two sons from a previous marriage, teenagers at that time. I was only four years old i don't remember my dad at all.

my brothers came over to see me a few times and we used to play mummys and daddys and well, my brother then sexually abused me. next time he came over to my house i hid behind the sofa because i was very shy. i never told my mum because i was scared i was going to be told off. life has been horrible for me since that time my brother did that to me. i never talked to people. i always wet myself and played with myself, but my mum never knew why. She properly thought it was to do with my dad.

i only found out my dad killed himself when i was 18. My family lied to me all my life never told me about my dad or how he died or why. well i could go on telling my story for ever but i won't bore you. i am now in my 20's and i am currently having a nervous breakdown and it has lasted two years so far. It feels like I'm dying. I have a lump stuck in my throat all the time, panic attacks and chest pain. This is what anxiety and serve depression do to your body.

i am having loads of tests done to try and help me out of this horrible pain i go through every day but i guess only time will tell if i will make it out of this mess. thanks for listening.

anon66377
Post 228

The only reason i have not killed myself is my son.

Sometimes i think he would be better off without me and that i am bad for him. i do not hit or abuse him, or anything like that and i love him a great deal, it is just that life has become so painful that i am overwhelmed and i do not know how to function.

We watch tv together at night, always alone, as i am divorced and he falls asleep on the couch in my arms. i find it very hard to wake up in the mornings. i make lists of things i have to do and it is a real struggle to get through them. all of the negative things people have said to me keep coming into my head. i know i am not hearing voices, it is just memories of bad things. there is a constant negative internal dialogue and i cannot fight it. even doing simple things like gardening or washing up will trigger the memories.

i was married to a very abusive man. He verbally abused me on a daily basis for about eight years. He would start being verbally abusive until he started screaming at me. I would beg him to stop torturing me. Often i would just end up curled into a catatonic ball and shut my eyes and put my fingers in my ears to try and block him out and then after a while i would snap and start screaming into the pillow or beating myself. This would happen every couple of weeks. When I snapped he would just watch me and walk away.

Over and over again he would tell me I was stupid and crazy and that normal people were not like me and that everything I thought and felt was wrong. When I was six months pregnant he got drunk and beat me. He refused to take me to the hospital the next day. I later found out that all through the marriage he had been telling friends and people at work that i was crazy. After I had my son, he would scream at me the most filthy abuse and take my son and drive off leaving me alone. He constantly threatened to take my son from me.

I eventually had the strength to leave when I realised that his abuse was affecting my son. At first my son would cry and then he started pretending that nothing was happening. I begged him to stop abusing me in front of my son but he would not. After I left he got shared custody through the courts and would drag my song crying from my arms every week. he was still in nappies. He would lock my son in his room and yell at him to shut up when my son cried for me. it went on for so long.

I have tried to survive and have worked and brought a house but he will not stop torturing me and my son and i do not know what to do anymore. He is quite a powerful, well known man and I know that he has done a lot to turn people against me. Even telling people what has happened to me just makes them go away - too much baggage, so we are quite isolated.

Every day i want to kill myself, and every day i have to tell myself to stay alive for my son. I have no energy, my thoughts have slowed down and become scattered, i find it hard to eat or sleep, i have to force myself to get dressed, to wash, brush my hair, to shop and make diner. i am not sure how much longer i can go on. for years after he left he would yell at me to 'die screaming in hell' and that it would be better if i was dead.

i can no longer work and i do not know how i will pay my mortgage any more. any contact with him makes me feel ill for days. my son hates visiting him and for the last six months of last year he would cry before he had to visit, he would cry at night and cry in the morning before he had to go to his fathers. it broke my heart and i stopped eating and sleeping properly and have just been getting worse since then.

i sometimes wonder if he is being sexually abused by his father, and this thought is so awful that i feel as though i am falling into the most terrible nightmare. years ago he drew sexual pictures of a child and a man, and i took him to be interviewed by the police but because he didn't disclose anything they didn't do anything about it. all my son said was that there was a very big secret but he wouldn't say what it was.

now my son wants to be a policeman when he grows up and last week his father said that he couldn't. so i told him he could, and asked him why his father was so against the idea. I think my son is starting to hate his father but I do not encourage it because I think this would be not ethical. I try not to think about the possible sexual abuse issue. Around the same time that he drew the terrible pictures, his father was coming to pick him up and he said to me 'daddy do you want to suck my lollipop'. I have tried to talk to people about all of this and everyone is so dismissive.

Today I found another picture he had drawn many years ago. I kept it because it bothered me. It is of a black figure of a man with a hat coming into his bedroom. I am trying to process everything and i do not know how to. No one listens, it is like no one, the police, therapists, anyone, wants to know. last year someone found a diary that pretended to be my son's. it claimed that his father had sex with him when he was eight. i tired to get various officials involved and no one was interested.

i am in a nightmare. Sometimes i forget all of this and pretend it has not happened, and that i when i want to kill myself, but then when i remember i become overwhelmed and i do not know what to do, it is so painful.

anon66364
Post 227

My mother is cold and sadistic. for example once i begged her to hug me when i was five and she thrashed me with some thorns. she threw me into the deep end of a swimming pool and pushed me down when i tried not to drown and laughed about it later.

She barely looked at me as a child or touched me and her mental cruelty led me to many breakdowns. The first was when i was fifteen. I started self-harming when i was about six. i developed bulimia around about the same time. she dragged the family into a cult and i was brainwashed. i was raped several times as a child. one brother killed himself, the other has tried to many times and is constantly suffering and ill.

i talked about her cruelty with him a few years ago and he said, there is just one word to describe it all: 'infanticide'. i think that part of her would like me and my brother to die. when i am around her i feel like killing myself and self-harming; she has a way of breaking my mind very quickly. i think she is a psychopath. she has a small insight at times and says that she knows she is cold and has emotional blocks, but what she means is that she does not have normal human emotions.

i have gone from breakdown to breakdown. i always make the mistake of telling her that i am failing and part of that is she has hurt me so much i want to die and she either laughs at me, or tells me i have always been crazy and so have my brothers or she spreads gossip about me. But most of all when she has broken me and she knows my defenses are down she starts being very abusive. I have found it very difficult to face that my mother is a psychopath. I had had another nervous breakdown and I cannot work or eat or sleep properly anymore and constantly think about killing myself.

This happened after visiting her. She is coming to visit my town to take care of me in a few weeks. I am afraid that she will push me over the edge. I spoke to her on the phone this evening and the things she said to me broke my mind and i started screaming and wanted to harm myself. I remembered that this is what i did when i was a child. I have been in relationships with men who are like my mother, sadistic, who like breaking me and then when they have just watch and say even more abusive things. My husband was like this. They had a certain affinity with each other, a bond.

when my brother hung himself she refused to come to the funeral. i was 23. he died in another city. i wanted to have his body sent back so i could bury him properly and say goodbye. i begged her on the phone to let this happen and she hung up on me. he was cremated without my knowledge and the ashes were sent back to me in a plastic box which i held a funeral for. after that my other brother went mad and tried to kill himself several times, it took him five years to accept that our brother was really dead. my mother decided to have him committed.

i think that she is evil and so does my brother. when she was pregnant with him she held a seance. she has been involved in the occult all her life, tarot, seances, cults, everything. I was afraid of her when i was a child because I though she was a witch.

a few years ago she and i sat on the veranda one evening - she lives in a big mansion- and she started abusing me again. I looked into her eyes and i saw pure evil, it was almost as though her eyes were glowing red. I have never seen such raw hate in someone before. I felt very strongly that I was in the presence of evil. that night i prayed for protection and called on my dead brother. there was a terrible storm. in the morning the chairs we had been sitting on had been blown away and one of the lenses of her glasses was cracked. I went up to an old church in the mountains and prayed.

in this same church i had asked her to pray with me for my dead brother and to send him love. it is an ancient french church. there was a statue of the virgin mary in an alcove, and as i prayed i suddenly saw that it was surrounded by flowers, many bunches of flowers. when she spoke though, i had a sudden flash of something very evil and i felt a horrible chill and revulsion. her prayers were fake, there was no emotion, and afterwards she just sat down with her friends and joked and laughed about other things.

i know that she might have driven me crazy, so much that i think she is evil, but i do think there are dark forces, evil or psychopathic.

my brother, the one who died, said that demons were trying to destroy him, he drew pictures of them. my other brother has said that demons are trying to destroy him too. i have had many encounters with something horrible, but have decided that maybe we all suffer from a sleep disorder hypnagogia, which makes you think demons are attacking you at night. they feel real at the time. four weeks ago i had a hypnagogic experience which was like a demon attacking, it was terrifying, i prayed hard and laughed at it and it went away, but i woke up feeling exhausted

it is awful to think that my mother is evil but her actions are evil. i went to a therapist a long time ago and my therapist thought my mother might have been involved with witchcraft when i was younger and that she still is.

the terrible thing is that, ten years ago, i lost some of my central vision and now when i close my eyes i can see a tiny red pentagram. It is not always there, but sometimes it is very bright, and i do not know what it means. maybe it is just a scar or a hallucination that only happens when i close my eyes, but it will not go away, and it has been ten years. i told someone who knows about psychic things and he said it meant that i was protected, but i do not know.

i know i am slowly losing my mind and i feel as though an evil force is trying to push me into killing myself.

once my mother called me up when i was a teenager and told me that a friend of hers had come around to her house in a terrible state claiming that a demon had tried to push his car off the road that night, shouting at him that it wanted my soul. she told me that she had told him not to tell me in case he frightened me. But then she told me herself. I know that i might be absorbing her destructive insanity, but i am frightened of the possibility of evil forces. it is strange that me and my brothers have all had the same experiences and there is part of me that just wants my mother to love me and so i try to deny what she has done.

If there are any Christians reading this please pray for me to be protected.

anon66331
Post 226

#222: I too, am a caregiver to my husband who has M.S. We have moved because I was laid off from my job of 22 years due to an injury.

Now trying to adjust to my new home and new job and I'm finding it hard to settle in. I feel very homesick and I'm sorry we decided to move. I want my old life back again even if I was in pain from work, but that won't happen. I just want to feel as ease with the changes in my life and be able to carry on and enjoy everything God has blessed me with.

I feel I've lost my self esteem and self confidence. I just keep trusting in God, lots of praying and keeping talking to my husband and my family. I will be asking my doctor about the adrenal stuff, thanks for your comments.

anon66253
Post 225

I had one recently. I suffer from OCD and extreme paranoid delusions. after getting denied from UF I went crazy.

anon65250
Post 222

I had a "nervous breakdown" a couple weeks ago. I have always been the caretaker of everyone. My four children, husband and now my terminally ill mother. I told my husband and my sister what I was experiencing and no one would take me seriously. I almost called 911 a couple times.

I went to see a naturopath and was put on adrenal support and magnesium. I feel better already. I know it is not normal to live this way, as I used to have panic episodes when I was young, and went years without any symptoms.

When you get majorly stressed it burns out your adrenals, so please look into this, because it will only get worse if not treated naturally.

Also, seek the Lord. He healed me of panic disorder years ago and now it has returned due to my own lack of faith and not relying on Him enough. I know I will be whole again and not have to live this way.

anon64941
Post 220

I'm 19. A while ago I decided to go with my two brothers to visit our Grandma and Mom up in our old town. Grandma is sick with lung cancer, and we take any opportunity to visit her.

Our Mom is a drug addict, so we lived with our Dad in the after the divorce when I was 12. We all went through a lot of therapy to help us through the event, and it did.

While in our old town visiting, I decided to take a walk on my own, which I always do when I'm there. I came to a river and watched as the water flowed by, and thought about how my life used to be as a child here, and that's when it hit me.

All my suppressed memories came storming back. Memories of my parents' bloody fights, my mother violently beating me, the suicidal thoughts I had when I was under nine years old, all the hate, having no friends and no one to turn to. Thoughts of the divorce, living temporarily with my manipulative other grandmother in the city.

I began to feel physically nauseous, and actually threw up on the beach.

On the walk back I started thinking about where I was going with my life, and was college worth it?

After getting back to the city I could hardly sleep anymore. If I did I'd wake from horrific nightmares. I eventually dropped out of college because I was too fatigued to even go.

My Dad rapped on me a lot for that, saying he was disappointed, which caused me to start having frequent breakdowns. I moved in with my boyfriend.

I eventually left my job, because I'd have breakdowns at work, and I got tendonitis. It healed, but my wrist still hurts whenever I do anything that uses it.

I can no longer paint or draw or play video games without my wrist hurting. Even typing this causes it to throb. Now with no job, I can't afford my share of the rent.

I'm scared he might leave me because of my mood all the time, though he reassures me all the time that that will never be the case.

I went back up to my old town for another visit. My mom had recently survived a stroke. When speaking, she only makes sense 50 percent of the time now. She asked me to wake her for a doctor's appointment, but I slept through my alarm. Because of this, her disability income is threatened.

When I woke up that day, I got dressed, walked back down to that river, lay face down in it and was ready to drown myself, then my phone rang.

It was my boyfriend. Don't ask why I answered it. He somehow knew that I was far from okay. My voice was all distorted and I couldn't form a proper sentence. He told me to come home as soon as possible.

The next day I was sitting alone at home while he was out. I had started to become fearful of any dark corner, and can't leave the house alone. I've grown distant from my friends. All they do is drink and drinking makes me cry. If they don't drink, they viciously gossip or complain that they are bored.

I had taken nearly a full bottle of pain killers and was going to slit my throat with a large knife. I couldn't bring myself to do it, I waited too long and the painkillers started making me nauseous.

He came home to me locked in the bathroom, barfing all night. When he finally got the door open he furiously asked me what was going on and about the knife. I told him everything, and he made me promise never to try to kill myself while I'm with him.

That's all that keeps me alive right now. He's taking me to the doctor this week, and told me to tell her everything. Maybe I could get on anti-depressants or something. For now I just wait.

anon64624
Post 219

Poster no. 218! You've described me exactly! I don't go to school anymore because I've got serious depression. I completely ignore my family (I don't mean to) and i hate it when people talk to me! I go to counselling once a week but i haven't been going long enough to see any changes.

I sleep on average 13 hours a night and some days i only eat a pomegranate and a microwave meal. other days i eat loads and i've been losing weight but as soon as i lose it i gain it again! I know how you feel. I've felt like this for three years.

I snap at my family for no reason, even if someone looks at me i have a go at them. I'm getting really angry for no reason and It's so annoying.

I've cut myself a few times but the scars aren't that noticeable. I've stopped cutting myself now but i've gone on to pinching myself.

I also get extremely upset for no reason.

I talk to myself because i feel no one understands me.

I think I'm going mad because i hear things no one else hears.

I just hope counselling helps me get better! xxx

anon64483
Post 218

I'm a 14 year old girl and no one at school likes me and I have no friends at school, and only two friends I see outside of school (one of them I only see when I'm with my other friend, and I barely have contact with her) and my other friend I've recently been feeling uncomfortable around.

I love my mom, but I have a very small amount of contact with my brother, and I hate my dad and my little sister.

My mom is the only person in my life I can go to, but she works a lot and is hardly at home, and when she is home, she's always busy with the rest of the family.

I have an eating disorder. I over-eat and I've been noticing that I've been gaining weight around my abdomen and a little on my thighs. I really want to lose the extra weight, but I have depression, which prevents me from wanting to get up and do anything.

I've also started abandoning the things I love to do the most, such as singing, writing, and drawing. I'm feeling as though I'm letting life pass me by completely.

I have a lot of sleeping problems. It takes me about two hours to fall asleep, no matter how tired I am, because I'm in bed shaking and trembling, thinking there is something behind me that has the intention of killing me or hurting me somehow.

I have hallucinations. I hear voices whispering my name, and I will hear the noise of something moving around in an empty room next to my room, though I'm absolutely sure that nothing is there, and I know for a fact that it's not a "house noise" like rattling pipes or an air vent.

I've physically hurt myself, but I've never told anyone and no one has seen the scars. I hide them with gloves, arm-warmers, and long sleeves.

Every time I cut myself, I think afterward that it was a stupid thing to do and that I'll never do it again, and yet, I still do it every now and then.

I've been having suicidal thoughts. I've been believing that death sounds like such bliss compared to life, and I've come very close to killing myself.

I hate school with a passion, and I've become very lazy when it comes to schoolwork, though I do enough to keep up my grades just to make my mom happy.

I get angry sometimes for no reason at all. I start feeling irritable and unstable randomly, and when this happens, I don't want anyone to talk to me, touch me, or even be near me. I also hate being touched in general, no matter what mood I'm in.

I have large surges of anger whenever someone touches me, even if it's a common accidental rub of an arm.

I don't feel normal at all. I feel like a complete freak, and I just want it to stop. I want to feel normal like everyone else. Even though I am told that I'm unique and different in a good way, I'd much rather be boring and normal.

anon64463
Post 217

I had a rough childhood with an abusive father, along with alcoholism. i then had a baby at 20 years old, and had a rough few years raising him alone after I had left his father for being an emotional abusive partner. he also fathered another baby at the time.

I've married since then to a wonderful man, but i also recently lost my father who I loved dearly despite everything. I did not have any friend support during this time and it constantly haunts me to this day.

My son has now turned 17 and it is a constant battle raising him. I cry almost every day. I sometimes think the world is against me, and I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out.

Depression is in the family along with alcoholism.

I am so done with this crying, the only thing that keeps me here is my two little girls from my present relationship.

Oh God, help me get through this!

anon64461
Post 216

Please everyone go to your nearest hospital and request to be self admitted to the psych ward, then proceed to find the nearest church. Pentecostal, baptist preferably and have someone lay hands on you and pray. speak to the minister about your sadness. The Lord hears all and he loves you, truly he does. You just need a little faith

anon64070
Post 215

I am a 41 year old male. I was informed several days ago that my wife wants a divorce. Was married twice before, both left for another guy. The first by way of a Dear John letter while I was serving in the 1st Gulf War, the second cleaned out the house before I came home one day and left a note on the floor.

I always thought I was a nice person, never hurt anyone, maybe a little too quiet at times, but I've wanted a family more than anything. I know it sounds pathetic (it is), but I'm unlovable. Once, it happens. Twice, red flag. Three times is a consensus. I'm a loser. Global warming has less evidence.

I've thought about checking out several times before. Not sure if I was ever truly serious about it or just feeling sorry for myself. For my entire adult life I've been too much of a coward to commit suicide. Now I wonder if I'm too much of a coward not to.

anon63464
Post 214

i need help and don't know where to turn. I'm usually the one everyone comes to. I have too much on my plate and i have no insurance to get the help i need. i just want to cry and crawl in a closet and let life pass me by. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.

anon63384
Post 213

I am a 44 year old mother of a 14 year old and 18 year old sons. My oldest son has a seven month old daughter and the state has custody of my 14 year old.

I have been surviving and suffering most of my life. My Mother loved me, but she was manipulative. If I didn't do what she wanted she either would not speak to me or give me the silent treatment. I "escaped" from home at 23 years old, right into the arms of a horrendously abusive man. He later became my husband and father of my children.

I had a daughter. she passed away from a misdiagnosed case of pneumococcal meningitis at 20 1/2 months old. She would be 17 now. When I was pregnant with my last son, he shook me so hard I almost miscarried. He physically abused me two more times, the last one saying he was going to kill me.

That wasn't the worst. He emotionally, mentally and verbally abused me for 12 years. I finally told my mother three days after the last beating. A sheriff came to my house while he was at work, took the report and pictures and then took me and my two sons to a safe house. I testified against him in court and he was sent to prison. I divorced him while he was in prison. We have never seen him again.

I moved us to the other side of the state. I was afraid of him and still am. I just got out of my last abusive relationship with a man that abused me in every way except physically. He made my son's life a living hell.

My 14 year old son is now in the custody of the state. He had to be put in a residential home for troubled teens. He had begun to bully and abuse me. He would not listen to me anymore. He was excessively truant from school, smoked weed every day since he was 10. He was also depressed. He is doing much better now.

I have spent my time working on finding me. I lost me, or never knew who I really was. I had complete care of my one year old sister thrust upon me when I was 12. I had to take her everywhere I went. I lost a lot of friends that way.

My therapist said those ages I was were when a teen figures out who they are or want to be. So she said I am like a teenager now that needs to be reparented. My Mom passed away in 2003 at 60. Thank God for my Aunt. I live with her now and she is the perfect person for me to grow. I see my therapist here at the house two times a week and my psychiatrist every two weeks.

I have P.T.S.D., agoraphobia, ADD, chronic anxiety disorder, severe depression and who knows what else. I am on Seroquel 37.5mg.at bedtime, Trazodone 225 mg.at bedtime, 2 mg.of Ativan four times a day, 20 mg.of Lexapro two times a day. I am still very depressed. It had lifted for awhile but it's back again. I'm so tired of feeling sick.

In December, I took an overdose of fioricet {barbiturates} and cut up the tops of my arms pretty good. I have never hurt myself before. My Aunt and Uncle took me to the E.R. and I admitted myself to the psych ward. They kept me for three days. I was so embarrassed and ashamed. I cried constantly.

I need a lot of prayer for me and my son. Thank you for reading this. Please comment if you identify or have words of encouragement.

anon62586
Post 212

i just don't know where else to turn. I'm 24 now, but i feel that my downward spiral began when i decided to divorce my husband.

he joined the military and became someone completely different, and i couldn't take the loneliness. then i met my present husband, and we have a son together. Some days are harder than others.

I'm no longer attracted to my husband, i don't know if i ever was and it's starting to have a real effect on us. i won't go near him, i cry a lot, i feel depressed and run-down most of the time. I so badly miss what i used to have, and can't let that go -- it haunts me. i am beginning to hate my husband and my son, and i want out of everything i have.

anon62561
Post 211

I'm 20 and just ran away from home with a boy that i love. my family is not talking to me. mummy and daddy say they hate me and will never talk to me ever again.

i really feel so down i never stop crying. often i think would it be better just to end my life. i really try to act happy around my boyfriend but he don't understand that it's hard when you have no one to turn to.

he keeps saying now he's going to leave me because he can't handle me being down so much, and my family moved back to boston. what do you think i should do?

anon61827
Post 210

I am a 39 year old male who has suffered from what I believe are several "nervous breakdowns" through the years. These breakdowns are always related to how I deal with stress.

I had a traumatic event when I was in my early 20's. My father had a slow painful death and I watched him die. After his death my mother became addicted to anti-anxiety meds and almost died as well.

We lost our home and it was printed in the newspaper as a foreclosure. I was devastated. I began having panic attacks on a daily basis and couldn't function. I was put on Paxil and Klonopin and it seemed to help. I seem to have breakdowns when I feel my security is threatened. I am sure this goes back to losing my father and our house but it is impossible to turn off.

I was recently told that a girl some 20 years ago told a friend that I tried to rape her. I was devastated. I never met the girl or spoke to her, let alone try to rape her. Even though she claimed this 20 years ago. my what if thinking kicked in and led to a breakdown.

I can't eat, can't sleep, can't work and fantasize about suicide although i doubt i am capable of it. Why can't I think clearly and discount it as high school drama? Instead I lie awake, worried that she will somehow decide to bring up this fantasy crime and try to prosecute me.

I know it sounds crazy but it is all too real to a tired, stressed, post traumatic mind. Please help.

anon61763
Post 209

I have been going through issues with my husband accusing me of things and not listening to me. He has been doing this to me for eleven months now and i am losing my mind.

The stress has gotten to me so bad I don't know whether I'm coming or going. He will not listen to me at all. I have even tried to kill myself a couple of times. I need someone to talk to and do not know where to turn.

anon59491
Post 207

i am frightened for my son. he is 22 and has been

on unemployment for the last 10 months. he has slowly become more and more reclusive. he seems to have a fear of moving out and now spends more and more time alone in his room. he has developed a relationship on the internet with a girl in another

state and makes himself available 24/7. he has lost

all sense of direction. is he becoming mentally ill?

anon59413
Post 206

anon511, I agree with you. Psychic people have always been treated like they have a mental illness. medical professionals should research more before medicating people, to them, give a person a pill and its all solved.

anon59046, don't be so quick to judge. Matt7:1 specifically tells us not to judge. I am a christian, but I also believe that using the bible for an argument for everything is just as bad to not use it at all. forcing your beliefs on someone will hurt more than help. If someone tries to force you to eat something, are you going to eat it? there are 6 billion people on earth, not everyone is a christian.

anon59269
Post 205

To anon59046 : The promises of God and of Jesus are the only way I survive my nervous breakdowns and mental issues, and I am aware that I have them. I agree with you telling people they need to turn to the Bible and church friends for help, but I also agree that they need professional help also sometimes.

And you have to be careful with your words, not to scare people, because when we are down, any negative words give you more to worry about, and make you even more weak sometimes. It's always good though to remind people of God's love. I try and do that in all my posts.

anon59046
Post 204

To all of you I wish you well. Please seek help from any one. There are numbers ask at your children's school, on line or where ever help is out there.

To anon511: Seriously a psychic? I'll pray for you. My aunt was a successful educated business person as well. She thought she had some gift. guess what? she has schizophrenia, and it was not diagnosed until she was under a lot of stress and the gift she thought she had turned into a nightmare.

In my opinion if you see things (like spirits talking to you), you're drugged, have a mental illness or need to read your bible.

If you are a christian please heed this advice and seek help from the church. Speaking with unfamiliar or familiar spirits is not safe or ok before God. Read about Ezekiel in the bible.

anon58775
Post 203

I give up. I never do anything right. I've been depressed and haven't looked for a new job like I should, so my boyfriend, who never spends time with me or touches me told me I have a week to move out. I gave up my house, my freedom of having fun with friends, and my heart for him, and because he doesn't know how to make me feel better, he doesn't want me anymore either.

I don't care anymore about anything. I just want to not think or feel or exist.

I'm not sure how much longer I can put up with this.

jennyw75
Post 202

anon55673 #185: Our issues sound so much alike. Please let me know if you'd like to discuss them -- maybe it will help us both. Two real people, with this horrible thing that happens to us. I'll say a prayer for you, and you do the same for me. It truly helps. (This is my second episode; the first was at 27, and I'm now 34). Peace ;0)

anon58193
Post 201

I think I have had a genuine nervous breakdown. I cannot sleep and have had a total of nine hours sleep in four nights.

The reason is I think that I had a very hard childhood. We lived below the poverty line and I never had new clothes or decent food. My parents mostly ignored me and called me names. My father even stole $50 from me which is all I had. He promised to pay it back, but never did.

When I asked him about it, he called me vile names. I was age 14. My mother never said a kind word to me. In fact, when I was 15 and came home from school and told her I was hungry, she pushed a bowl of beans in front of the door and told me I had 10 minutes to eat it. I suffered like this for 17 years, and remember there was never any laughter in this hell-home.

This has been on my mind lately and probably contributed to my breakdown. Also, I have health probs now, such as osteoporosis from never having any healthy meals. I am struggling with severe depression now, and wonder if this depression is in itself the breakdown.

anon58189
Post 199

at this moment in time, i just want to die. It's all I ever think about. I've previously saved the two closest people in my life as their suicide attempt failed, so i couldn't possibly put anyone through that.

i just can't be bothered with life. my family don't bother with me, i feel forgotten. I'm not alive -- i just exist. i go to work to survive. i don't even know how to construct these sentences, so many feelings and emotions, I'm constantly crying, or full of anger and rage. i just want to sleep all the time, and my house looks like a bomb has hit it.

i want to be admitted, i want to be helped, i want all this to go away, so i can laugh again. I'm fed up of people calling me mad or crazy or weird.

so the first step is going to the doctors, but what if they just think I'm being silly?

is there a number i can contact, to take me to the mental hospital right now?

what impact will this have on my work, and my life after wards? what if they never let me out again?

does any one have any answers or advice for me? i can't cope anymore!

anon58066
Post 198

I suffer from a post traumatic stress disorder, depression severe anxiety and panic attacks. I believe a year ago I suffered from a severe nervous breakdown. I wish I could sleep forever. I worry my husband is always going to leave me. I drink and take too much medication.

I have started recently to hear voices see things and dead people who can't possibly be there. I try to kill myself. How I am still alive I do not know. It is almost like I am stuck in hell.

I feel so alone even though there are some who swear they love me. Help me pray for me something. It's like something broke inside me and I can't fix it. I do not want to be crazy. I get afraid that my Lord won't even love me anymore. I am so stupid I can't clean my home anymore. I hare me. Where did I go? I am still here, but no one will help me fix myself.

I also even with the death wish am afraid of being murdered and tortured. Weird, huh? Does anyone relate to how I feel?

anon57739
Post 197

I just want to die. My life can be so much worse and maybe it's not that bad. I just hate being alive and I feel like I'm only staying around because other people want me to and I don't want to hurt them, but I really don't know how long I can keep this up.

I take tylenol pm pills most days and gradually take more with every dose. I just want to fall asleep and stay asleep. I just feel that if I'm not successful in a suicide attempt I have to face people on why I did that and then my life will be set back if my attempts are not successful.

I don't want to hurt my family or friends but I feel like I am hurting myself every day by sticking around. I am thankful for what I have but I really believe it's time to leave this earth.

Every day I'm either scared, shaking, worried, tired, confused, guilty or sick. I went to the hospital a few months ago and they tried to admit me but I played it off well enough because I know my mother would have just flipped out so I played it off for her.

What's the point once they let me out of a psych ward? I'm worse than where I started and they prescribed me something that I never took. At times it can die down a little but not for long; it comes right on back.

Many days I just think about how to kill myself. I don't tell anyone and believe me I do not do it for attention -- I really don't want to be noticed.

But one day I hope I really get the courage and just take all the pills I need to end it all. I'm sorry if I hurt anyone. I just can't do it anymore.

Moderator's reply: Hello anon57739,

We are very sorry to hear about your situation. Unfortunately, we're not trained to deal with your issue and urge you to seek professional help. If you are not happy with your current doctor, you should seek out another. There are experts that specialize in exactly your problem. Please contact them. You can get through this.

Best,

The wiseGEEK Team

http://www.wisegeek.com

anon57718
Post 196

I guess I had a nervous breakdown around 18 months ago. I lost interest in my job, my social and family life. Everything was so dull and boring. I felt like I was trapped and had nowhere to go, yet I wasn't sure what I want to escape from.

I started to experience panic attacks and persistent anxiety. Everything was a effort and hard work. One day at work, I just gave up! I wanted to curl up into a ball on the floor in the corner of the room. I lost all confidence and was so scared, I couldn't understand what was happening to me. I forgot to have a laugh, so I called it.

I have been on depression pills for over 18 months now. It took me a whole year to start feeling normal again. But life is still hard. I guess now I'm dealing with it, because I so don't want to go back to that, or wish it on anyone else.

green777
Post 195

Has anyone got the answer for 182. is this a proper mental breakdown? thank you

anon57553
Post 193

what is the best medicine for a nervous breakdown?

anon57471
Post 192

when i was 14 i fell into a depression, and secluded myself in my bedroom and played alone online for hours talking to strangers. i kind of made up stories to my friends and even though i knew they were stories i sort of started to believe them. eventually i tried to commit suicide and i was in a hospital for over a week. they put me on antidepressants and i went to therapy, but by the time i was 16 i was off of everything and doing fine. (i did tend to have a very messy room at the time, and even still have trouble keeping things clean).

I've been pretty much happy and healthy until recently. I moved out of my parents' house and into a weird relationship with a man who is already involved with someone else. Didn't bother me for a few months until mid November. I had a major health scare and after finding out that nothing was wrong with me, my anxiety went away, only to crop back up every time I felt a twinge or bump that i had never felt before.

a friend of a friend recently had a break and is basically now believed to be schizophrenic and is on medication.

there is a history of mental illness in my family and I'm now very very afraid that i have a mental illness. what if all these strange feelings I'm having are just the start of a complete psychotic break? it really scares me, because at the end of the day all you really have is yourself, and sometimes i think I'm losing myself.

I have very uncertain feelings regarding this man I am involved with and he knows that I am going through problems. He says he will be ready and prepared to be with me by the end of January or I can leave him and he won't even complain about it, but I've heard it all before. meanwhile I'm moving back to my parents house, and I'm halfway there.

i don't want to make future plans. i don't want to go to work. i don't want to pack, clean, or move but i don't want to stay in the apartment. i don't know if i want to be with him. i don't know if i love him anymore. i don't really want to see my friends but i don't want to be alone.

i have the most anxiety when I'm away from him

when I'm alone, and i seriously feel like there is something wrong with me. i watch other people around me engage in activities and I'm like, "they're not thinking about whether they are crazy or not right now, they're having fun! so why aren't i?"

one year ago i was having fun, sometimes my job pissed me off but overall i was having a blast with life, not worried about anything, had never experienced anxiety before.

now i just don't feel like myself, I'm always worried that there's something wrong with me, and i feel like I'm losing control. people at work say I'm not the same, my friends say I'm not the same, and I'm very conscious that i don't feel like myself. what's wrong with me?

anon57396
Post 191

My mother-in-law has been in the hospital for six days. They have done every test possible, and are now saying it was a psychotic episode. She is actually making herself have these symptoms.

She has stopped eating and wants a feeding tube. She told her doctor she is dying, and that all of us in her family don't visit enough.

He says she just wants attention, and he is giving her two days to get up and start eating, or he will be sending her to the psychiatric ward. I live 3,000 miles away. Should I just get on a plane and go?

anon57395
Post 190

I came across this site whilst researching because I've been feeling a bit down and really not myself following a period of extreme stress. Having read a lot of the posts I now feel ashamed because there are so many of you who are in genuine difficulties. I hope life becomes good again soon for you, particularly in the holiday season.

anon57258
Post 189

I am really depressed, sad, feel unappreciated, just want to sleep, don't want to eat.

I am manic depressive. I don't like the diagnosis of Bipolar. I don't want to talk to my family because they're going to say, "there she goes again." i don't want to talk to anyone really. Nobody ever really understands. I sometimes wish that I could just get hit by a car or something. I am sick of the medicine I take.

anon56696
Post 187

I'm 21 years old and went through a nervous breakdown at 17. I knew I had issues with what was going on around me, like my brother going through therapy for a "mental illness", which the family is not sure he has. My mom also remarried when I was 15.

They pushed me to go to an excellent university that I got into. I knew if I went I'd have the worst time but at the time when I could have gotten help for myself, I went to a therapist who pretty much aggravated the breakdown and didn't help it. I didn't feel like she understood my complaints, and kept taking my mom's side. Anyway, I went to this great university, and have been here for three and a half years and right now I'm at my breaking point. I'm taking some time off to work.

Please, if you are a family member of someone with a breakdown, the best advice you can give them is to take it easy and not push them to do more and more.

anon55986
Post 186

185, you just described me last year. Exactly the same symptoms: couldn't sleep, eat, anxiety, vomiting, worried about getting hooked on sleeping pills.

I loved my job, had a great supportive husband, but was just trying to doing too much.I felt like I was running from A to B all the time. I couldn't work because I was so exhausted from not sleeping. I was just on auto pilot.

I thought I must have been depressed, as what else could it be? I tried anti-depressants for four days and would never touch them again. If anything they made me truly feel like I was going to lose my mind.

I also think the anxiety/panic was probably the worst symptom (apart from not sleeping) as my stomach was constantly in knots. But I got through it. It took two months and I think I suffered from rebound insomnia while trying to wean myself off sleeping pills. And it was nearly instant. As soon as I starting sleeping properly, I wanted to go back to work and felt like my old self.

All I can say is you will get through it, try not to research your symptoms too much (I was searching for anything that would explain what was happening to me) because all I was doing was reinforcing my anxiety.

I found the Linden Technique helped. Good luck.

anon55673
Post 185

I think I am having a nervous breakdown. The problem is, my life is good and I know it. I have a wonderful wife and a great job.

About three weeks ago I started having some bad sleeps, and started taking various pills to help me sleep. They haven't worked. So I began to panic about not sleeping. The pills may be messing me up, too.

Now I have been puking, have no appetite, can't stop feeling a constant state of panic and urgency, adrenaline constantly pumping through my body (especially when I lie down to sleep) and basically just want this nightmare to end. I have always had a tendency to get depressed and am a rather anxious over-thinker.

Well, I've never felt this confused and distraught before. I can't work, sleep, or concentrate on anything. Someone posted that he/she felt a complete disconnection or abandonment from God. That is how I feel! More alone than alone can be!

green777
Post 184

I put a post in yesterday, no. 182. Does this sound to anyone that this is a breakdown or something else? I'm still trying to get my head round it.

anon55480
Post 183

Several years ago I had a nervous breakdown. The symptoms were 1.) complete, utter loss of control of my thoughts 2.) when the loss of control happened I felt like I was being attacked by unimaginable things/demons 3.) I felt as if God's "protection of my soul" was missing 4.) no matter how much I attempted to regain control it was impossible.

I will never forget the looks of my co-workers faces when it occurred. They looked at me as if I was... it cannot be described.

I knew what they were thinking (are you OK?) but no matter how hard I tried I could not "break out of it". At the time I was separated from my spouse of 25 years. My only thought during this breakdown was to reunite with my spouse and that is exactly what I did. When that reunification occurred a couple hours later the "breakdown/loss of control" thoughts stopped.

I sincerely hope that you never feel like this, so much so that I pray/wish this never to occur to my worst enemy. It is a "total loss of control" feeling of your mind, as if your "soul anchor" has been cut loose.

In retrospect I believe that when we go down the "wrong path" we attempt to justify that path over and over again in our minds with various excuses, only to find we never should have ventured down that path in the first place.

That was my "ending point" and my "breakdown" point. This is the truth as I lived it, so help me God, Amen.

green777
Post 182

i had a week with my partner who had friends round and she said how much she loved me and stated if she had known me years ago she would have liked a family with me, followed by going to her sister's 60th birthday party, where she told her that we were engaged. Then we went to a halloween party and had photos taken with her kissing me and she was ok. Then two days later, she just walked out on me and went back to her roots some 300 miles away.

She would not talk to me when, after five days, someone took the trouble of phoning me. I managed to get a few words out of her and asked if she still loved me and got the reply, "no. i only want my things." so i put all her clothes in bags and all her other stuff in boxes for her. someone was going to come for her stuff.

after about a month someone did come, but he only came for his daughter's things. my partner told him, "i don't want anything." so all her clothes were thrown in the bin, and dvds the same.

She did not want her certificates, or two ornaments which were meant to go to her daughter, didn't want her car. To make matters worse, she did not want any of her photos which included her two baby books, rare photos of her dad and six dvds of her daughter on holiday and at christmas when she was about 2. it seems she wanted to just forget the eight years she spent with me.

She paid everything and had all bills, etc., in her name as that is how she wanted it. Things was a bit tight so it was a strain financially as i was out due to having a stroke. i looked after her, made her drinks and basically ran errands. after all the time, i never hit her or anything like that.

i just can't understand why she said how she loved me and told her friends and family all the time, laughing and joking then a day later not wanting to know me. why get rid of all your stuff to block me out? after all she had a life before me so why did she feel that getting rid of all her clothes and personal stuff and her photos about 500+ was the answer?

she always cried when she saw her dad's photos so why did she feel everything had to go? i was told a form of depression runs in her family. It just doesn't add up, losing everything just to forget me.

i was not bad to her at all. It seemed an odd thing to do. the ornaments that were in a will for her sister were thrown out, her daughters prom dress nearly went and all the photos were also put in the bin. not by me but by the friend, as that's what he was told to do.

i'm totally gutted and after a month i miss her so much. i've tried to talk to her, emails etc., nothing. I think like a few others in her family she's had a severe breakdown. but it doesn't add up, her throwing everything away. After all if it was just she got sick of me, why say she loved me by telling her friends and sister and throwing stuff away that was around before we met? it just doesn't seem normal.

anon54897
Post 181

I have had difficulty securing a job for two years now. I have applied, interviewed, but no offers.

I am educated but I feel worthless. I am now having financial and marital problems and I feel as if I have had several mental breakdowns.

I am anxious all the time, feel as if I can barely function, and I don't feel interested in really doing anything anymore.

anon54765
Post 179

After reading everyone's problems I feel as though my issues are not as troubling as they were before.

I want to get them out anyway. I grew up with a father that constantly cheated on my mother and was an alcoholic. Whenever he cheated I happened to always be there to see it and then tell my mother. Even though I was small I guess I felt the need to talk about it.

I don't completely remember every time but my mother has told me what I used to say. I then started having serious boyfriends when I was 14 and now I'm 26. From 14 and on they have all cheated on me.

I have now been with my current man for about a year and a half and he lies and lies. I'm not sure whether he's cheated but I feel that it will or has happened because of his constant lying.

I gave up working full time in order to go back to school. He told me he'd take care of the finances while I finished. I continue to work a couple days a week because I cannot be fully dependent on a person but now that I want out I cannot afford it. So now I'm stuck with this verbally abusive lying jerk!

I have no family that would help me. They all think I'm a loser for being in school at my age even though I have had a career for 10 years making lots of money, I just don't have any left over after school.

At the moment we have a one bedroom apartment and we sleep in separate rooms. He does whatever he wants and I still feel as though I'm disrespecting him if I go out and talk to other men. I get hit on all the time and I say sorry I have a boyfriend. Why? Shouldn't I enjoy myself the way he does?

I know this is stupid in comparison to everyone's issues here but I feel so lost. I just want to finish school but I don't think I can afford to move out and do school at the same time.

I have considered just ending it all but I would never on the account I have a younger brother who looks up to me, but without him I'd be gone for sure.

anon54752
Post 178

Stay strong my man, they're the same feelings i get but you've got to stay strong and be brave. don't be afraid or fear anything. you've got to put your trust in God wholeheartedly. Remember that we were created for a purpose.

The question is, what is the reason us humans were put on this earth, the answer is my friend 'to worship our creator'. The life of eternity starts in the hereafter, just get through these tests and keep praying and praying.

anon54616
Post 177

I have the following symptoms:

Disinterest in work or family life.

Sleep disruption or much longer periods of sleep.

Significant changes in appetite, such as eating too little or too much.

Paranoid thoughts, such as the thought people are trying to harm you.

Thoughts of grandeur or invincibility.

Feelings of persistent anxiety or panic attacks.

Hearing voices.

Seeing people who are not there.

Thoughts of dying or wish to die.

Exhibiting strong or violent anger.

Having flashbacks to a prior traumatic event.

Jango
Post 176

The only cure for this is to have firm belief in God and in the hereafter. You have to think that this life is only temporary and you're going to live forever. Every soul shall taste death, so why worry? Think about the life to come (Heaven and Hell).

When you start to think on this level this world won't mean anything to you, you will face your problems head on and won't even get stressed.

God created everything. He is our creator and sometimes he will put you through these tests. God says that after hardship comes relief and be patient. So always pray to God and do not let the devil deceive you that God does not exist, because the devil will always make you worry about the little things.

Be patient and you will all come through this and know that there's a creator above the seven Heavens who is watching us all the time and listening to our prayers. God bless and be strong.

anon54503
Post 174

I had a nervous breakdown six months ago. My husband couldn't handle it and walked out on me and my son. It was "too much" for him to take. He said I had issues and I was a drama queen.

I couldn't believe a man I dedicated my life to couldn't see I was suffering and cared so little about me that he just left me in a hospital alone. I have been through months of counseling. I can finally say that I am in a good place and I know who I am and where I am meant to be. Sometimes it takes tragedy to make us see who we really are. I am blessed to have the best family and friends and the most amazing son. I had dark days. Days when it seemed there was nothing to live for, but my son would make me get out of bed and refused to let me quit. He is only 11 years old, but he so the strongest person I know. It is through him that I see God.

My prayers were not being answered. I begged God to bring back my husband. Now, I realize that some of God's greatest gifts are really unanswered prayers. Please, know that you are not alone. No matter how dark it is and how hard it seems you are not alone. There are people that have suffered. There is a purpose to your life. Keep your eyes and your heart open and God will show you your purpose. God Bless!

anon53679
Post 173

I have read many of the comments above and my heart goes out to you all. I suffered a "nervous breakdown" earlier this year having gone through many problems and I lost my dad a year earlier. Looking back, I can see many of the signs were there but neither I nor anyone around me recognised them.

I was having counselling already when I finally succumbed but it was the counselling that finally got me through and I am now a fully functioning human being again. My husband says he can now appreciate what stress is and would be a much better manager now as a result of my (our) experience.

I urge anyone who is feeling stressed, depressed, suicidal or in despair, please go to your doctor and get some help. You are not alone in what you are feeling. Also recommend reading Shoot the Damn Dog by Sally Brampton when you are feeling a bit better.

anon52765
Post 171

My heart breaks for all of your posts. I reached out about my sister, and now I'm going to say a prayer for all of you 12 year-olds to 50 plus.

Hang in there, everyone. You are all important, unique people who are so important to God you don't even know. Please hang in there and keep asking for help. I don't know you, but I love you all.

anon52764
Post 170

anon6334: I couldn't find my post, but it sounds like we're experiencing the same.

anon52763
Post 169

I am begging for anyone's help. My sister is 51. She is a type A personality. She moved away and life isn't what she expected; not the dream house/life she expected.

She has normally been very high strung, energetic, problem-solving, assertive, go-go-go. Now, she is pale, quieter, can't finish a sentence, exhibits "paranoid" like behavior, gets angry quickly, couldn't make it to the bathroom in time because she "forgot." She's only 51. Her husband says it's all menopause.

Everyone is saying what's wrong with your sister? Some days are okay, then she starts to unravel, literally, not being able to answer a question. She gets extremely and easily agitated, and most recently, talked about something that just wasn't occurring like she said. What do we do?

It's got to be more than menopause. One minute she's connected, the next, she's way out there; counting the tiles on the wall. Brain tumor? Bipolar plus menopause?

Someone, please help. I don't want to get a call from my brother in law saying she's in the hospital or worse. What do I do?

When a good friend confronted her about "what is going on with you", she completely cut her out of her life. I have to stay connected to her as I'm out of state.

She has a 12-year-old daughter. I tried to talk to her husband, and he's chalking it all up to the change of life. Numerous other women, who've been through menopause, think there is something seriously amiss.

Please, please, please. Someone help and suggest a course of action that won't make her cut us all out of her life. All we want is for her to be well. Thank you and God bless you for answering.

amypollick
Post 168

Angela, please, for your sake, tell your parents or another trusted adult. If they don't believe you, find someone who does who can talk to your folks.

If you are in the U.S., you can also call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. It is free and open 24 hours. I promise these people will listen to you, will take you seriously, and can give you help in telling your parents. It's confidential and anonymous.

I don't know you, but I care about you and I'm glad you're reaching out.

Please, please, please, call this number or talk to your parents right away.

anon52400
Post 167

anon52211: everything's going to be alright, this is a newly found development in your system. you've discovered stress, what once was a confusion will become a relief. you will learn that there is nothing wrong with you.

anon52336
Post 166

it's me again, angela. i just posted a comment last night. i had committed another suicide attempt again. i can't help myself, but i had always thought of dying. good thing the wound wasn't that deep. if it was, i should've been dead.

i really think i need serious medication from a psychiatrist or someone, but the problem is who or how and when? i don't want to tell my parents or anyone for they might not believe me.

anon52211
Post 165

hi, I'm Angela, 13 years old, but i think something's wrong with me. i feel really stressed out because of too much studying in school, my grandparents blaming me for something i didn't even do, and my parents getting mad at me for no reason at all.

I am exhibiting violent anger, and had committed a suicide attempt once. I am also experiencing some paranoid thoughts like someone hurting me or something like that. I am posting this because I need some help from you guys. I would really appreciate it if you could help me out. Thank you.

anon52162
Post 164

Dear 51907, I am sorry to hear about your losses. I am sure your loved ones who have passed on are in a better place now though, a place of absolute peace. I know that sounds like your stereotypical generic condolence sort of message, (apologies), but i assure you it was meant sincerely, and it is what i believe. (I do have some questionable beliefs though i suppose.)

I believe God loves every one of his creations, and so in my views (*somewhat warped optional) the way that everyone can be happy would be to re-do things over and over again, until every last living creature is saved. Crazy logic i know, it's just what i think i guess. *shrugs.

Perhaps when that happens all beings throughout the universe will know true peace, or perhaps i just need to tone down on the sci-fi film viewing. Either way, good times.

This world sometimes seems to want nothing more than to bring us to our knees, and to stand despite your heavy burden, takes tremendous resilience and courage. you have my greatest admiration and respect and you are stronger than you think. As do all those who continue to fight and struggle on through these tough times.

Be well dudes/dudettes. - Dan

anon51907
Post 163

after losing both my parents two months apart them my favorite uncle few months after that, with my daughter going for an operation which they thought was cancer, losing my relationship and then my other uncle dying, i am surprised it has taken me a year to lose it. i have no family and no one to talk to which makes it harder.

i really thought i could deal with this, that i was doing ok till day after day got worse. I started drinking more, sleeping and not eating and just hating life, and the only reason i haven't hurt myself is because i have a beautiful daughter. i was embarrassed when the doctor said i have suffered a nervous breakdown. i thought, "what the hell," but in reading other people's comments, i am glad to know that i am not alone.

Dan anon51028 that was a sweet comment you put. actually brought smile to my face and i haven't had one of those for a while. it's hard trying to hide everything, pretending you're not drinking when you are, eating then secretly throwing it up. i did want to die. i thought it would be better off but my daughter is my rock and i am going to fight this.

anon51606
Post 161

I am having anxiety like never before. I used to be such a focused person and had a thriving business, around march, i lost what i thought was a stable job and i loved it and the people there. after two years of having three different jobs one of which i was fired from, but kept going at the subject to show i could do it regardless, the second the recession started, i got made redundant as i didn't care about the job. the third (the best job i had) i worked in a college and that helped my Asperger Syndrome as i saw people grow up around me. it was a contract so was bound to end, although I feel they got my hopes up as they said they would take me permanently but then the recession hit the sector and i was out. i then made it worse by contacting them too much. now the friend i had there doesn't reply to my e-mails so i e-mailed the manager and they have said i am near a nervous breakdown as i recently lost my closest relative. i had to give up my business as i lost faith and now am in a job i hate. yes it's a job but again i find I can't be bothering or not being able to learn new skills. as i have AS i hate change as much and need to be forced into it. when i lost my closest relative i just wanted to give up. i have to keep going as my financial situation is really bad. i feel there is no way out. the college is kind enough to offer me a week's volunteerin with them as i asked them if i could do volunteer work with them. do i quit my job to go back and get my therapy with their guidance team or keep going with my job in the hope my depression goes away? i used to love life but this year i feel like i let go and now lost everything and let my parents down. i wanted to go home to be with my parents. they said i couldn't as my dad has parkinsons. i am a nice, friendly person and a straight talker and feel i have let my parents down by letting go. my brother tells me i can't do anything, as my skills are somewhat small down to my AS. i haven't fallen back on my degree and went my own way, following something i believed in, which isn't working anymore. if i don't try, i'll end up with dead end jobs so i feel stuck and need some major guidance. My parents said they can't help me, i have lost my passion for my job and need some major help. my jobs are limited by my epilepsy, I'm approaching 27 and want to do something brilliant before my dad gets worse. I feel like I'm losing my marbles. i couldn't afford to even eat when i was out of a job and don't want to work as i got tired of being pushed around by everyone.

anon51469
Post 159

According to the letter of the industry, any form of religious belief is a psychosis. This means that any religious experience is officially a psychotic episode. Nevertheless, there are obviously many people in the fields of psychiatry and psychology who subscribe to some sort of religious belief, mostly monotheistic. This is a double-standard that's widely accepted, because if it wasn't, then lots of people in the industry would be diagnosed as mentally unsound, and, you know, that's probably not good for business.

I'm not dissing the industry, or religious beliefs in this statement, I'm shoving you toward a different mode of thought.

Your problems aren't unique. Everyone in every culture around the world, from the dawn of civilization has had them at some time or another. They, and we, will continue to have the same problems well into the distant future. I don't mean that in an isolated event context, I mean your neighbors are just as crazy (and consequently just as boring) as you are.

Miraculously, (there's that psychosis) since everyone has the same problems with the same problems, anyone can find the solutions for those problems with roughly the same ease as the next person.

Pro Tip: It starts with a shift in your perceptions, self and otherwise. It's not as hard as you think. No way is it that hard.

Don't say, I've been suffering/struggling/battling with depression/anxiety/stress. Instead be more original. Go for the gusto, and try asking yourself why you'd be depressed.

Try it. Right now.

There's a lot to be depressed about, honestly. The state of the world, as we know it now, is darn-near irreparable.

What's the cause of all this fighting and violence worldwide? Who started it? Is anyone qualified to finish it?

How about that energy/financial/technology crisis we're all itching about? Is this heading anywhere good? Can you do anything about it? Should you? Who told you that?

Besides anything grown locally and passed to you by hand, is there any such thing as guilt-free food anymore? Ever looked into dairy products? The meat industry? Chocolate? Doesn't this proved how very screwed we are? Does it, really?

No, you can't reach around and pull your boss's mighty head from their mighty rump, and alas, you cannot teach within a single gesture the virtues of neighborly conduct on the road. But the saving grace (That's two! I'll be committed soon) of their abuse of free will is that it's only stronger proof of your ability to follow your own goals and dreams. Don't let their mistakes become yours. If they already are, then stop it. Now.

The fact that you can perceive that there's something wrong with your life means that you'll always have hope. (This actually makes sense if you think about it.)

Emotions can't be bottled up -- that's a physical impossibility. If it feels like they're clogging your synapses, it's because you're dwelling on the effects of your emotions, not the cause.

It's your life, so who's better qualified to make the decisions in it? You, or someone else? Professional administration of guidance and medications are important, make no mistake, but the fields of psychology and psychiatry weren't invented to protect you from emotional suffering. They were invented to help you get used to it.

If you're suffering, then (obviously) you're doing something wrong. You always have a choice. It's your existence.

People change, people turn, people drop. I promise you we've seen it before. What you do under those circumstances determines who you've decided to be. You can decide to be anyone. It's your existence.

Breathe deep! There's a whole forest beyond those trees. Some day, your eyes will focus, and on that day, you won't need silly metaphors to explain your life to you.

Now, let me get some sleep. --cg

anon51300
Post 158

i'm 31 and a mother of four and i think im cracking up. i've suffered depression on and off for years but i've just had my youngest daughter. she's almost six months old. at first i thought I had post-partum depresssion, but now i'm sure it's a break down. i've no one i can talk to although i've been with my hubby since i was 18.

he can just sit there watching me cry and rolling his eyes. when i try to talk to him he just says he don't care. the house is a mess because i cannot keep on top of it. nobody lifts a finger. we just live like pigs to be honest. i've had bad thoughts but love my kids far too much to leave them in any way. i feel very unloved by everyone. my parents have not been to my house once to see my daughter. they expect me to go there and i don't drive and they have a car i just wanna say screw the lot of you and run far, far away.

anon51277
Post 157

my fiance left me after 5/12 years. At the same time my youngest graduated high school. after almost 30 years of always having someone with me and now i'm all alone. i had a breakdown. i miss my fiance every day but he won't even talk to me. my doctor has me on meds but they don't seem to help.

anon51028
Post 156

"There is always light at the end of the tunnel, just sometimes it happens to be quite a long way to get there." To those that carry on and fight despite the pain, "The hotter the fire, the more refined and stronger the metal." To those that have laid down and given up, "get back on your feet soldiers, we are at war and this is definitely not time to be resting." Life might deal you some crappy hands, some low blows that knock the crap out of you, but does a climber get stronger by walking along a straight bit of land or walking down easy descents? No he gets stronger by climbing the biggest climbs known to man, getting to the top and saying, i did this, against all odds. Defy this world, no matter -- what don't give up. Instead, let the pain fuel you and push you on, you'll get to where you need to be. I hope and pray that God will give you all peace.

my heart is saddened to see so much pain in this world, but it doesn't make me think "oh what a crappy world." It makes me think "this world is crap, but what can we do to make it better? it is our right and our duty to reduce the pain of our children and our children's children is it not? Stop dwelling in your pain, and instead focus on what you can do to put your life back on track and make things cool once again.

No matter what you might currently think, hope springs eternal, and whether you give up on God is up to you, but if you've been dealt a crappy hand in life i promise you this, God will not and has not given up on you. Stay strong and do not falter. things will be made cool again, that is my hope and my faith.

So i say to you let the pain not extinguish the light in your eyes, but instead let it fuel you to do what is right and just, to stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves and to persist no matter how tough the going gets. Sure the odds are stacked against us in life. the whole system this world is based on rewards negativity and selfishness, but if the odds are stacked against us, i say.."stack the chips high, i like a challenge" and to those who say "you can't succeed" i reply in the words of Barack Obama "yes we can!"

Anyway, i'm rambling and joking aside, i sincerely hope everyone feels better, because being in a funk is not a cool place to be. apologies to those who see this light hearted message as salt on their wounds. i assure you it was not intended as such. Be well - Dan x

anon50894
Post 155

at 41 i finally think it's going to happen -- a nervous breakdown. i have four children. the last had colic and that lasted eight long months. I started taking zoloft I am up to 150-200mg per day. She's 3 now and she's cries a lot more than talks. My husband works a 24 hour shift leaving me here all day and night. I keep telling him that I cannot do all this anymore by myself and him being gone. My oldest son quit school but only needs 2.5 credits to graduate. He tried to get those but was kicked out when he fought someone in self-defense. Has broke his other wrist and has many medical bills that he can't pay nor I. My husband I found out in June 2008 was taking money out of his credit cards and putting them into the stocks to "make" more money which he didn't and still had to pay the credit card. I found this out by accident. I have lost all respect for him. He's a really nice guy but it was so deceitful to me. He's so sorry now. He filed for bankruptcy last month.

My oldest son is disrespectful to me. He has to be bipolar. He takes prozac when I ask him but thinks it's not helping him but it is! I have been through a divorce, being single for five years with my crazy son's behavior and never once did I feel like I wanted to hurt myself. The doctor tells me to take xanax but it makes me sleepy. How can I watch my little girls when i'm fighting to stay awake?

This zoloft is not working anymore. I am depressed and don't think I can handle switching meds without being hospitalized.

What the bleep happened to me? Nice house, nice hubby, four kids that are healthy. I think it's years of stress from when my son was 11. He's now 19 and I am so sad I just don't know what to do. Eight solid years of stress isn't easy to do. I am just waiting for the next crazy incident in my home. I want to run away -- far!

anon50191
Post 154

I am going to die alone. I have talked to God about this, for a long time, and I have tried a hundred different ways to give fate a chance to work its magic. He is not listening, or He does not have ears. Also I recently found out I may be dying of a prostate illness. I really don't have the money or insurance to even go find out more about this. I'm 26. So now I live in a state I hate (Alabama) possibly dying and I haven't even told anyone. Well I told one girl and she said something to the effect that we are all going to die, "so what?" I believe God exists, but I am really angry with him. I am not a bad person. It seems like whenever I get hopeful he rubs it in my face, if anything. I don't want to not feel, I don't want the drugs. I am a recovering addict, and I am still clean. But I cry all the time, alone, or sometimes in public when no one I know is around. I love my family too much to kill myself but I am exhausted mentally spiritually and emotionally and I just want to die.

anon50024
Post 153

im a 35 year old male and just got married to a wonderful woman. i have an 8 year old son and i am lost. i feel like whatever i do isn't good enough. i want to just sleep and not wake up. i don't have it in me to end my life but i don't want to live either. I've tried to kill myself and someone found me not breathing. all me and my wife do is fight. i want to just escape the pain i feel. i used to use drugs. i have eight months sober. if anyone has anything to say that might help, please i need feedback because I'm losing it.

anon50013
Post 152

Some really sad stories here, especially the lady who lost her 17 year old son. I have a son the same age and can't imagine losing him but I almost did three years ago and this is where my depression comes into it.

We were out shopping on New Year's eve 2005 to spend my son's Christmas vouchers when he suffered a massive fit, stopped breathing for a few seconds and turned a greyish colour at which point I thought he was dead. I remember going into a blind panic and I felt like I wasn't in my own body, such an awful feeling and I hope I never feel that again. Since that day almost four years ago is when I changed and started to withdraw into myself. I walked out of my job of 10 years and have been unable to work since due to the anxiety of leaving the house. I rarely enjoy things I used to and I'm drinking far too much alcohol which I know is making me feel worse. Thankfully my son is ok and was diagnosed with Epilepsy which is controlled on medication. I don't know if it is true depression or PTSD but it sure is ruining my life and I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

anon49635
Post 151

I feel so screwed over. A job that never stops piling on more work, yet with no help to do it. A son that has utterly lied to me left and right, and stopped going to school (age 17, but this started when he was 15) all because of a girl he met online. I work in social services -- and you know what? Nothing works. Nothing.

anon49101
Post 150

Seven months ago I delivered a beautiful baby boy. He died an hour later from PPHN because I took antidepressants while pregnant. It took 4 months and I got off my meds. I got pregnant my last week of use. I was still going through withdrawal but was happy and longing to see this new baby. Although I was constantly filled with dread that this baby would not come home either. At my 18 weeks ultrasound, my fears were confirmed and my baby no longer had a heartbeat. I delivered him a week ago, but am at a complete loss. I only eat because I have 6 other children and they need to see me eat. But eating makes me sick. I sleep 12 hours a night, but don't feel rested. My husband is worried because I just stop functioning for long periods of time where he says I just stare at nothing. My insides feel like they are going through a meatgrinder and I am constantly crying. I can't function. I'm afraid to ask for help because I'm afraid they'll force antidepressants on me again. They didn't work for me before and I had no emotions for 8 years. I feel now. I want help, but want natural help. I can't go back to pills that killed one son and caused long term damage to my 3 living boys. Is there help without meds?

anon48655
Post 149

everyone needs to know that they have the power of prayer. I went through a breakdown and it felt like i was in one of those movies where you can see everybody talking but you can't hear them. i know the pain. i feel better now i've been on antidepressants for half a year and i don't feel the sadness and depression i felt so horribly before. i also prayed so much in those times knowing that God would bring me out though my faith and i was right. Get on an antidepressant if it doesn't work try another one till it does and pray continuously.

anon48583
Post 148

Well how do I put this? I lost a good job that I was at for 11 years. My best friend died on my birthday. I almost died of PE and now my family is being kicked out of our home. The real sad thing is, these are the last words I will ever write on this phone.

Moderator's reply: If you are considering harming yourself, please don't. Your family needs you now more than they ever did. Suicide never solves anything. Please get some professional help. Call 800-273-TALK to get the help you need. Our thoughts are with you. The wiseGEEK Team

angelfireal
Post 147

I don't know if I've had a nervous breakdown, but it seems like I have. Three years ago, my marriage of 12 years ended. It wasn't a big messy divorce, we were not happy together and were better off apart. I had our four kids during the week and he would get them on the weekends and for the first time in my life, I was totally alone. I had no friends and didn't feel like burdening my family by going to see them all the time, so I spent my weekends alone. I started spending a lot of time online, meeting and making friends. Soon, I started meeting guys in person that I had talked to online. I started seeking company in any way I could get it. I met this one guy and thought that I had fallen in love with him and he moved in with me and my kids after we had only known each other for two months. Things seemed to be great and for a few months, I was so happy! Then things started going downhill fast! He started spending more and more time in the bedroom online talking to "friends". Then two years ago, I almost lost my kids because of lies that people told to Child Protective Services. I started cutting myself and memories that I had repressed started surfacing. I remembered being sexually molested when I was little. I couldn't fully recall the memory and when I would try to remember it all, I would talk in a little girls voice. My boyfriend laughed when I told him and told me I was making it all up, but I really don't believe I was. We started fighting a lot, he would threathen to leave and I would tell him if he did, I would kill myself. Once, I even started to take a bottle of pills and he stopped me. Another time, I had a knife and was going to slit my wrists right in front of him. We fought over the knife and he ended up getting cut really bad. Shortly after that, we had to move to a different state and I had to leave my family, which I hated having to do. After moving, I thought that maybe it was what we needed, a fresh start some place and that things would be different, but things got worse. He became mean and mentally and emotionally abusive to me. I stayed because I thought that I couldn't and didn't deserve any better. Things got bad and he ended up hitting me. After that, he broke up with me, leaving me hours away from my family. I took my kids and moved in with my parents for a few months, found us a place of our own and it seemed like things were going to work out for us. But I was lonely and started looking for love any place I could get it. I started dating a guy that lived 800 miles away but we had plans for him to move to be with me. Things seemed to being working out for me for the good for a change. I felt happy, something I hadn't felt in a long time, but our relationship started falling apart. I am now in another relationship with a guy I have known for over a year, but he is in prison and has a few months left before he gets out. I do still have bad days, days that I don't want to get out of bed, days where I feel like doing nothing but sitting in a dark room and crying, but I always find the strength to pull through. My kids have been my source of strength. I think of them and that they have been through so much and are still able to have a smile on their faces. There are times I still want to cut myself, days where I think I am worthless and not deserving of life, but those days come rarely now. I have been to the pits of hell and on top of the highest mountain and I know that I might end up in that pit again, but I keep on going. During my hard times, I turned away from God, I thought that He didn't care, that He wasn't listening to my pleas, but it was down in that pit that I heard His voice and knew He was there, even if I couldn't see Him, all I had to do was reach out and take His hand. I know my fight with these feeling and thoughts I have are not over. I want to be like I was before all this happened, happy and content with who I am and my life. I don't know if I will ever be that person again, but I hope to love the new person I have become someday. I have read many of the posts on here and all I can say is hang in there, there is someone there with you, even though you might not know it, someone to share your pain, your troubles and trials. In the bible, it says "Be still and know that I am God." All you have to do is listen and reach out to Him. He will take your hand and He won't let you fall. I am trying to find my way back to God and know that it won't be easy, I have done so many things and have to ask His forgiveness for a lot, but I know He will forgive me. He will never forsake you. So please, everyone, take care and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

anon46212
Post 140

I'm a guy, 21 years old, and I get constantly paranoid about things, I find that if I drink it makes it better so I do drink, not too much and not in the daytime, but I always have a drink at night. I'm absolutely petrified of being ill, and am constantly checking myself for symptoms of horrible illnesses and making myself believe I have them, especially meningitis. It’s crazy I know, but I can’t help it. even if I have stiff neck or a little rash or slight headache, I convince myself I’m really ill. Its a horrible way to live. I am also so scared of this. I have a major fear of becoming ill from germs and uncooked food to the point now where I won’t eat chicken at all, and will hardly touch meat. I have to prepare food myself to my standards or I’ll worry its dirty in some way. And if I’m stuck in a situation where I have to eat food that I fear is uncooked or dirty, it has made me suffer from bulimia, not to mention I used to be going on 16 stone and I had an important relationship when I was younger in which my partner left very suddenly giving me a weeks notice. My father left when I was 2. I always feel insecure and find it hard to relax. I feel like I’m always on the edge. What’s more is I know how silly this all sounds. I used to be normal. when I was younger I didn’t care about dirt or anything -- it wasn’t an issue. Now all of a sudden why do I think about death and being ill all the time? I don’t understand. I wish so much that I could just get on with my life and be normal. Thanks for listening guys. Sorry if this post gets you down. And I’m not crazy – I just need to know that someone somewhere understands me. Best wishes -- Jay

anon46119
Post 139

The old terminology is interesting. I have been trained in couseling as a social worker. It's interesting to see all of the posters' stories. I guess I could be having one right now. A breakdown, that is. I have not succumbed to it just yet. I lost my husband and brother within one month of each other. After that loss I starting dating a man I feel deeply in love with --or so I thought. He is passive-aggressive and has recently gone back to his "controlled" drinking he says. We lived together for some time. I had to move back home with my father as he had issues with dementia. I don't see the man much anymore. He is constantly busy working and never seems to get anything accomplished. He always blames others. I guess I seem addicted to this reltionship as I do not want to be alone. So I put up with some of his abusive behavior. I have been advised by many friends to just let go of him. But I have a hard time doing it. I go to see him and he is indifferent. When it suits him it's fine. He, like one of the other poster's husband, seeks friendship and porn online. He had gone out with others and lied consistently. I don't know what has happened to my self-esteem that I put up with this crap from him. He sucks me back in every time I try to let go. I don't think medication is the answer for me. I had two bipolar sibs. One is fine the other was killed as he was self-medicating with alcohol. I don't sleep well and have had insomina since the loss of my husband and brother. When I do sleep it's too long. I'm just making it through with good friends and a strong will not to let it get the best of me. I look up and try not to fall back -- and pray a lot.

anon45677
Post 137

When you first realize you were raped 40 years ago, you watch your mom die of cancer, you lose your dog, you gain a lot of weight, you don't care to see anyone, including your spouse, and you lose your career of 22 years, because of a car hitting you while in a crosswalk, and you have really powerful feelings of ending it all, then that's a nervous breakdown. Thank God for good pyscho-therapy and meds. I wouldn't be here today to enjoy my two year old grandson if it had not been for loving family and dear friends to see me through the darkest time of my life. I pray for all who suffer any type of mental illness or anguish. I'd rather be sick in bed with a bad case of flu. Good luck people. Stay strong and look upwards for grace and guidance.

anon45576
Post 136

My long time girl friend of about 10 years has just moved back in with me. I love the girl more than life itself. She cheated on me with some other guy, some trash ball that only plays girls. I try to live my life right for God so I did forgive and move on but it's not the same for her I guess. She doesn't want much to do with me and I'm not sure why she is even staying with me anymore. I felt like I was on deats door step without her and now that she is back I have to swallow all the pain that comes with her new found ways. I left my job of five years in car sales that she disliked because of the hours and for good reason, but I have left any pride that I had along with everything else. I don't sleep and I force myself to eat but I'm dropping in weight again and last time it was 20 lbs. My doctor put me on so much crap that I felt like I was a zombie and I don't think my answer comes from a drug. I throw up blood sometimes and sometimes I hurt so bad inside that I just want to die. If there is such a thing as loving a girl too much I guess I know what it's all about, but I've been through so much in my life with her, some things that most will never live through or understand. I just want to feel like me again. I want my pride back and my since of self worth back. I want to wake and be happy to start a new day and not to stress hardship that is soon to come my way. I just don't want to be me anymore I can't win this battle because I can't change the way I feel about her. I feel like life as I know it is over for me. I am without work and pressed hard for money and my love is in vain. When I look at myself now I don't even see a man anymore and I don't see a reason to live.

anon45491
Post 135

Wow, so many people, with so much sadness. I cried tonight after reading about a women losing her son in death, so painful, remember 'time heals the pain'. There is a part of scripture in the Bible, where Jesus' followers were asking him as to when will the end of this system come? He said there will be signs, 'Men will lovers of themselves, greedy, blasphemers, without self control, people will become 'faint out of fear; isn't that what we see a lot of today? Fear, it is almost in the air that we breathe, there is a reason behind all of this angst, and for those of you who feel that they are just not coping in this life and in this world, well you are probably the most normal, because it would be a sick twisted soul who could say that this system is normal. The reason we feel distressed is because nothing is the way it should be. Look in the Bible for answers. Look for the group of people who teach from the Bible, who talk about Paradise, who give a positive hope for the future, dead loved ones to be raised up back to life so that you can see them again, diseases cured, and a hope to live forever on a Paradise earth. We all yearn for that kind of peace.

anon44598
Post 134

112: I am trying to keep it together but i feel like i am losing it. My husband is very mean to my son (from my first marriage) and to me and it hurts so bad to see my son hurt. Anon37986, did you give your son the energy and attention that you should have given your husband? Some women tend to place especially boys up on a pedestal so high they enable them, while the husband rarely gets any attention. You may have unknowingly created the sitution and resentment your husband has towards your son. I am going through this right now with my nephew who just started staying with me. My wife really likes him and feels for his prior situation. She didn't realize that he became the main focus of her everyday life and pretty much kicked me to the curb. He loved the attention and even demanded it more. Therapy for both me and my wife helped to find the problem. She had no clue what she was doing. To find out her mother did the same thing to her brother growing up, and her father had the same resentment for his son. Its amazing the bible says that husband and wife should love god first, each other second and the kids third. Most women cannot put their kids third. But if they did they would have strong structure in their household and the probability that their kids would grow up to be strong, normal adults would be very likely.

- anon37986

anon44101
Post 133

I recently split up from my partner of 10 years, but as we can't sell our place I still have to live with her. I'm unable to find a date, unwilling to lean on my few good friends any more than I have done already, find life to be a completely futile exercise in breathing. I feel as though nothing I do for anyone is remotely appreciated, I've found careless words from people of late to be deeply hurtful, I don't feel that I quite fit with anyone anywhere, quietly resentful of others, especially my ex, I wish some days that I could just stop breathing to be perfectly honest.

I managed to lose about two stone in a month a while back as I totally lost my appetite. I've become vastly more dependent upon cigarettes and caffeine, and actually quietly enjoy the idea that maybe one day the smoking will trigger an asthma attack, though at the same time am fearful of it. Every time something goes my way, something else wipes it out pretty quickly afterward. Everyone seems so demanding of my help and I try, I really try, but just don't feel capable of anything. If I have quiet time I just end up wondering what is the point and driving myself into a greater spell of depression. Just occasionally I have an up day when I can smile for no apparent reason, and the world seems to smile back, but I just can't hold onto that and it slips away like sand through my fingers. I don't want to see a Doc as that's like admitting failure somehow, and I don't think drugs are the way forward. I never seem to have the energy to do things after work and frankly life just seems pointless. Sometimes I can't breathe, I lie awake at night thinking, endlessly turning the same loops in my head, and like some others it seems I've been getting the sensation of things crawling on me, making me insanely itchy.

It's nice to read others and know I'm not entirely alone, but I just don't want to play any more.

anon44001
Post 132

hello everybody. Well i don't know if i had a nervous breakdown or am i really going crazy, but this is what happened to me. i just lost my nephew last year. i saw him lying dead at the hospital. i got so scared ever since then. i'm so scared i've been thinking i'm going to die. when something hurts in my body i already start thinking that i have blood clots or when my left arm hurts that i'm going to have a heart attack or when my head hurts i have a tumor in there. when i get so scared my whole body starts getting so numb and my heart starts beating so fast, i just feel like screaming so loud for somebody to help me from these. i already went to the doctor and everything and they haven't found anything. i need help. i'm going crazy. i have a 10 months baby girl and that's why i want to live is for her, or else i wouldn't care about my life. somebody please give some advice of what to do, please! oh-- i'm only 21 years old.

anon43992
Post 131

Anon43991, one of my former co-workers had a nervous breakdown that sounds a great deal like what happened to you. He was under a lot of stress at work, and was in the grocery store one evening. He said he felt like the walls were closing in on him and doesn't remember getting home. He called his mom, but was incoherent and when she got to his house, he had long scratches up and down his arms from where he had clawed at himself because he said he felt like bugs or snakes were crawling on him. He decided to check himself into a hospital and spent 14 days in treatment. It really helped him and he was able to come back to work.

anon43991
Post 130

I was sitting here last night thinking about my life and how I am such a doormat. I let people walk all over me just to avoid confrontation. I have major mood swings and feels so tired all the time. nyway, the more I thought about things and people in my life that made me mad, the worse I started feeling. My head hurt and body aches soon followed. I decided to go to bed and when I lay down, I felt like my blankets were going to smother me so I threw them off of my bed. Then my clothes irritated me so I took thiem off and threw them across the room. As I lay there, I got the feeling that there were bugs crawling on me and needles poking me. It all itched so bad that the more I scratched the worse it got. I was shaking all over and when I finally did go to sleep I would wake swinging my fists like I was trying to fight someone. I have never been in a fight in my entire life. Has anyone else experienced this?

anon43708
Post 129

i was a fourth year college student, male, 22 years of age. i can't explain what i have felt, because sometimes i am having a nervous breakdown. while i'm having it, i've also got a mental illness and body weaknesses, and my appetite too was not very good. Now i am looking for an expert who can restore my health and help me live a normal life or a professional who can help me.-- jsal

anon42883
Post 127

Get your doctor to put you on Loxamine tablets(or the generic equivalent).Has worked wonders for me. Also get yourself a pet, preferably a dog you have to walk each day. The dog will give you unconditional love when you most need it. These two things really *do* work. Nothing to lose by trying it.

ariel55
Post 126

Regarding Post No. 125: Been there, done that. The valium is not only addicting--It also has withdrawal properties! That's a triple whammy adding the original condition which is not only not helped, but made worse! Arrest your downward spiral, unless you think you have nothing to lose!

anon42574
Post 125

I am having a very hard time sleeping lately. I feel like my heart is pounding and I've drank a pot of coffee, I'm jittery and feel close to losing it. I guess I've been diagnosed with depression and PTSD, as well as anxiety but I've never had such manic-like behaviors until now. I am scared. My mind won't shut down it is racing. I feel like I want to die. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I need help but I just want to go to sleep. I know I'll feel better tomorrow. I guess I'll take some valium. But I don't want to get addicted. I hate myself.

anon41671
Post 124

I read the first few, and feel very stupid saying anything about my life after reading about the mum who lost her child. she should be given morphine for life. I don't know what is happening to me. But recently I think everything is being tape recorded. So I talk to myself and say the most outlandish things to see if there is a reaction. (It really seemed logical, until I realized A. I'm talking to myself. B. I believe others are listening through recording devices.) Now I don't believe it was some government ABC group. Just my boss monitoring me. All the same the more I talked to myself the easier it became (I don't hear anyone talking back) but will answer my own questions. I don't feel I'm in any danger of hurting myself or others but do have a growing sense of unease about myself. I'm an unmedicated manic-depressive and have been for 10 years. usually depression. this has been an extended manic episode going on six months and it is tiring. My work preformance has improved but mostly because I have been flirting with everyone, and in sales that's helpful. I don't know what to do. It really is like I am going to burn out.

anon41524
Post 123

I lost my job last October. This is the fourth job loss in the last 8 years. I have frequently changed jobs in my 20 year career because I keep getting into hostile work situations. I'm a very nice, easy going person but somehow I seem to irritate people.

Being laid off, I have lots of time to think. I realize how meaningless my life is. I have few friends, few interests, few accomplishments. I used to think I was smart and above average. But I don't connect with people and the emptiness is starting to hurt badly. I'm a failure. I just feel like I'm not very good at being a human being, like maybe I was actually supposed to be something else. I work hard, had goals, have a masters degree in business. I am good at appearing normal to the outside world. Like an alien from another planet would be. No one understands these feelings, although I haven't shared them much with others. I feel like everyone else knows "the rules" except for me. It is so dehumanizing. I'm tired of being alone and lonely. I worry about having a nervous breakdown because there's no one to take care of me. But I know I'm just warehousing myself until I die.

ariel55
Post 122

Hello, everyone! I read the latest post and want to reach out to those who reach out. My worldview sees the tough economic times exacerbating every vulnerability. One good, strong, interested friend can be a great help. And keep seeking answers--I think they are there to be found. Almost everyone has some kind of vulnerability.

anon40414
Post 121

It made me feel good in a strange way to totally understand what each of you are going through. I have been through so many tests for physical illness and all the mental anguish has made my physical illnesses all the worse. My fiance is an alcoholic co-worker who has gotten out of control and has either rage or indifference to me at all times. I have a demanding job wherein I am employed by my alcoholic best friend who is abusive and both of them ignore my feelings. My stepdad passed away around Thanksgiving and I had a hysterectomy which put me into full menopause and an emergency visit back to the hospital from surgery complications the day I found out my fiance was looking for sex and friendship on the internet. He explained to my doctor that he was afraid he upset me terribly and she instructed him to explain to my boss that I may be irritable and disruptive at times. she felt badly for him to have to bring it up and she stopped accepting patients unless they are pregnant. my left leg has been numb for 3 weeks now and the back of my brain is also numb often. I have trouble sleeping and have a doctor who watches over my meds, which I am taking a nerve pain medicine, xanax and he just added vitamin B6. I can't stop thinking. I can't stop being in pain and every day that I make it, I have someone in my life that makes sure the day gets ruined. I don't enjoy anything, I nearly cry because I wake up each day, I have no energy and can't think very well. I feel like people are out to get me and I feel like people know my vulnerability right now and are doing what they can to destroy me. I had a nervous breakdown several years ago, but then I dealt with getting off of prescribed meds. I don't take depression meds any longer because of how awful getting off them was. now, I can't tell what is wrong with my thoughts or if several people are trying to hurt my well being. There is evidence that someone is tampering with my office, my home, my cell and my laptop but I also know I am having great difficulties with reality and that is a sign of a nervous breakdown.

anon40005
Post 120

i'm not sure if i'm having a breakdown. i lost my 17 year old to cancer. we were so close. he had cancer from the age of 7. it's been 18 months since he passed. he didn't just have a rare form of cancer he also had diabetes at two years and Addison's disease. i and he coped so well until the last two weeks before he left me. So many things went wrong during that sunday morning. the idiot doctor taking us seriously. i clearly heard his chest crackling like sticky tape, and then the heart attack followed. i cannot move on from that day. i don't accept what happened, although i know it did, and pretty much every day i cry for him. i've had the talking therapy and i know it did nothing for me. i sleep when i've whacked myself out, i'm paranoid and keeping hoping i'll die in my sleep just so i can be with my baby. i sleep in his bed and won't let anyone in his room. i dropped his cup the other day and wept for hours. it's doing my head in and everyone around me. not sure what my purpose is anymore. my mum and dad are so supportive but walk on eggshells when i'm around. dad says i'm unstable. i never used to be. it's like someones hijacked my brain these days, so what next?

anon39926
Post 119

i am working real hard and recently one day i didn't want to go to work and i needed sleep like never before and after i read this article i knew i had a nervous breakdown!

Thanks!

anon39858
Post 118

I would love to advise the lady losing her temper if I were not feeling exactly the same. However, I do know that it's not just me--I think the financial collapse is taking its toll.

anon39692
Post 117

ok, my uncle and grandfather both committed suicide ( on my dad's side), my mom has been on anti-depressants for 6 years. I have always tried to "block out" everything in my life instead of dealing with it. I am now 40, with a husband and 2 teens. I have been down before, but this has been all summer long. I am not wanting to go back to work because I personally, along with the rest of my colleagues, cannot stand our new boss. So this isn't helping. Anyway, I have been very unhappy, with lots of rages the past 2 months. My family is living a life of hell. I feel nothing but hate and anger. One minute I might be ok, the next I just want to rip something, or someone apart. I don't like this at all. Please give me some advice.

anon39500
Post 116

Human beings are intricately woven in many layers. While I feel the pain of the prior poster, the self that is reaching out for help seems even stronger than all the problems. You seem to be a very strong person.

anon39395
Post 115

i had a great job and left it for something i thought was even better. it turned out not to be. i was under great pressure and broke down. i ruined my reputation in my industry and have not been able to get my head screwed on straight. i have hurt my wife and daughter terribly. every day i feel at the end of my rope. it seems no one really knows how i feel. i screwed it up by not leaving well enough alone. drugs only made it worse. i see no light. what is the answer?

anon38606
Post 113

all this sounds good, I guess. people talking about how they feel but does one overcome this? Is there a pill that can help? I feel just like anon37191(105). I don't know where to turn.

anon37986
Post 112

I am trying to keep it together but i feel like i am losing it. My husband is very mean to my son (from my first marriage) and to me and it hurts so bad to see my son hurt. My son is 18 now and he has cried and asked why he is hated by his stepfather. I have a daughter with my husband and she is very much affected by the situation. our household is so divided and there is no love in my house. i am so sad and have started to cry a lot. i always dream of heaven and wish i was never born. I hate my husband for what he has done. My son is now homosexual and very sexually active and was recently tested for std. I don't know what to do. I can't take it anymore. God please help me.

ariel55
Post 111

Feeling a bit better today. I want to share a bit from therapy--Two circles, one inside the other. The innermost circle represents the self. The outer circle is the opposition. If the self is balanced and centered, the opposition can be overcome. If the self *is* the problem, one tries everything to return oneself to functionality--counsel, food, exercise, helping people,

medicine. And you learn hard lessons to avoid its happening again.

anon37940
Post 110

Hello Everyone

I have had 2 breakdowns and usually cause ruptures in my family. I have been great for a few years and I am hoping it has passed but I still get quite anxious. and always waiting to slip up. BUT I also have the inlaws from hell. but have a really supporting family. the man I have been with is going through is crap with his family who keep being nasty as hell. They don't like me but have been trying to make friends for two years, then all of a sudden they decided not to out of the blue. We have been both through mental illness, and it just seems like they have both families blocking any future for us. I could go on and on. They paid him not to see me. I could literally write a book. It has been going on 13 years.

anon37829
Post 109

I agree with anon511 and would like to hear more of this viewpoint. It is my chosen way - but I do know of at least one person who has been helped by counselling (cognitive behavioural therapy).

I have had many sadnesses and troubles and regrets, even terrible ones, but I manage to get over them in quite good time through opening my mind and heart, my whole being, to Nature and to the Divine. These are forces bigger than our little tiny nervous systems, and can effectively rejuvenate us - after all, we are part of them no less than the trees and the animals. No religion, just energy. And the only way I can get these is by rejecting unhappy thoughts, no matter how pressing they are, and by being a voluntary optimist - no matter how bad I feel. It is an amazing process, almost anti-intuitive. But it is revoluationary when you succeed in doing it. And this is how I am still alive today - not only alive, but with good energy and able to make bold life decisions too. I am also still making new friends and keeping the old ones. All of which is a miracle given the darkness I am often subject too since the past 15 years.

I cried reading some of the posts above. My strong advice is: try to find a higher source of energy and love. There is one, just find a way to plug into it. You may need to find different methods at different times - that is the process of evolution. But at least you will then have a source of succour. Also, you will have a goal, a mission, and a quest that will frequently pep you up and keep you moving forward. The light at the end of the tunnel will again be lit.

anon37763
Post 108

Hi, my name is Patricia. I am bipolar. My father and my great aunt were bipolar. My first major depression was in my 20's. Many called it a nervous breakdown. Finally about 8 years later I was disgnosed and began medication. Since then I have also discovered many things that have helped me stay sane (at least most of the time!) I offer free bi-weekly newsletters with ideas, downloads etc. I love to share what I've so freely been given. --Patricia Potts

anon37669
Post 107

Yesterday, I visited a therapist who was able to help me process my stress. 'Said she, "All stress at once I do not inherit. Let each day stand on its own merit. (Patricia Potts, Utah)

anon37204
Post 106

I believe in "talk therapy"! Surely you can find at least one, maybe more, persons who will even just let you vent. The post from the lady who feels like she's drowning just breaks my heart!

anon37191
Post 105

I know how it feels, I have felt down and depressed a few times in my life and it also got to the point where I too didn't want to get out of bed, talk to anyone, answer the door or the telephone. Be in public places let alone speak to anyone or do anything. I was over it as far as I know, I felt fantastic then the past couple of weeks I hate being around people, I don't want to go out, I don't want to do anything or even go to bed. I feel angry inside to the point it is rage and over what specifically? I have no idea. It's a mixture of thoughts and feelings. I don't have anyone close I can explain it to, or even put it into words so they would understand. I don't feel close to my partner or my kids at times. Anyone I do tell laughs it off and says ill be fine, but they don't have to live with it day in and day out. I don't like Doctors so that route is out. I just want my life back. I guess ill work on it as best I can when I can.

Thanks

anon37112
Post 104

Ariel55 says that I feel for those in desperation! I also tried to care for my mother and put her in a home when I realized that she and I really did not mix well. The economic situation is exacerbating everything, and it seems to be gathering speed. Please reach out for help--many are willing to help!

anon37084
Post 103

I am trying to figure out where to turn right now. Sitting here, I feel like I am going out of my mind. I have a blur of thoughts racing around in such a jumble it gives me a headache. I feel like I cannot breathe and am struggling to keep my head above water. Life has become unbearably overwhelming lately. I work full time, go to school part time trying to obtain my degree, and with what little time is left try to fit in family and what few friends I have. I feel very alone. I'm also flying into fits of rage or panic more frequently. I was on anti depressants for awhile but stopped taking them because I didn't feel they were helping. As far as dating and relationships go-forget it. I am a disaster in that department so I don't even bother anymore. Besides what guy is going to want a mental case like me anyway? Day after day I feel like I am trapped in a sinking car, trying to claw my way out and the car just keeps sinking further and further. Who knows, maybe eventually I will just drown.

anon36981
Post 102

I am just very sad. Four years ago we found out my mother had cancer. A year later she had a heart attack, stroke, Parkinsons and more. We had that under control and Pow!--another hit of cancer and they give her little time. She has been my best friend since I was a little girl. I am 58 years old and have lost all my life long friends. My grandson turned to drugs, rehab after rehab. I had him arrested twice, and this list could go on for hours. I feel numb. things that use to make me happy don't, I am just sad. I am married to a wonderful man and he doesn't understand why I am so sad, and I have tried to explain over and over but he just says get on with your life there is nothing you can do. But can't I do something? We hired people to take care of my Mother and it should be me and I can't. I cry and cry after spending time with her. I see her wasting away, she doesn't know me sometimes. didn't know me for over a year at all. It is a rough time and I have no one to talk with. Sincerely-- Miss Sad

anon36814
Post 101

i really need help. my life is going haywire first my parents divorce then i started eating less

now my sisters have been kicked out of the house

and i feel too much anger. i feel like just screaming out loudly

anon36786
Post 100

I feel I have lost total control over my life. Everything is going down hill fast. Just when I think something might be turning around and I statrt feeling like my old self- someone or something pulls the rug from under my feet and I fall back into the blackness. Why am I still here? Why get up everyday just to feel this way again. I would love to go to sleep and just not wake up. Too easy. Nothing is that easy for me. I'm not asking to have the world, just a very small piece of happiness. Is that too much? For me I guess it is.

anon36423
Post 99

I have had to deal with the death of my mother in January and now with the death of my father in law, I have been more than helpful with the grieving on both sides of my family but I am feeling like crap because of things that have been said about me not doing enough. I just want to fall off the face the earth and make everyone happy for a change.

anon36417
Post 98

posted 7/12/09: for all those who have posted - thank you for sharing your comments and situations.

*Please* seek immediate professional help if you or a loved one begin to have psychotic or nervous breakdown symptoms. Life is stressful, and especially for those who had an unstable parent or upbringing. It's NOT your fault if you have mental or emotional health issues - repeat, it is *not* your fault! But please get help, counseling and/or medication to deal with it, and be patient. If it takes 10 years to overcome 16 years of abusive parenting, that's okay. Online resources are important, but having an objective, trained professional help you us crucial. They will save you time and can help put you on the right path. Take care and hang in there. Mark in Boston

anon35715
Post 96

I've dealt with mild depression and OCD most of my life. However, about 10 years ago I experienced a "nervous breakdown" during a very stressful period. Although I was still able to function enough to get by, I ultimately "lost" a few years of my life trying to recuperate on my own. I've since gotten medical help and take my mental health very seriously these days.

anon35217
Post 95

anon33693 - I don't know if you will read this, but believe me it was good to know that atleast you made an effort to recognize that you might be dealing with a problem.

You know I just feel that all of us have to deal with things in life that we would not want to, and it's always like an endless fight, but then I am sure that we can always give our best to what we have and at least feel satisfied about it.

It is always difficult but I am pretty sure that things get better, it's not just living for the sake of it...you are alive and things will get better.

I just hope that all of us could be optimistic about our lives, I am sure things do get better if you work hard. Best of luck guys!

anon35173
Post 94

I have suffered from anxiety and depression also. I still do but I am better now. Pray and ask God to help you. God will hear you. He puts us in these positions to use us to help others.

onon6543
Post 93

My son is currently in the in patient psych ward for a nervous breakdown and diagnosed with bipolar. He is fighting staying in and wants out. His doctors said the meds have not had a chance to stabilize yet. I am so fearful that he is not getting any better. This is his 4th day. This is so scary. Looking for advice.

ariel55
Post 92

Hi, world! I sought you out because I am older than teenage (almost 60), and was helped by the others' posts. I am undertaking something like my 5th "nervous breakdown". It is always at first alarming because "my program isn't working!!" But I know now that there is a physical cause (mine may include the fact that my grandmother had similar symptoms.

I sincerely feel to reach out to the young people. This is an event which can be survived! It's not the end of our worlds, and we still have many, *many*! resources available to help us re-order our lives (so take heart!). I agree that medication brings its own problems, and that truly healthy human beings can have psychic, visual and auditory experiences.

anon34445
Post 91

Just wanted to say thanks to a lot of the comments I read. It helped put things in perspective. I have come to terms with that I am either falling into a depression or on the brink of a nervous breakdown (since symptoms are similar and the timing is impeccable).

I just graduated college and I am a worrier. So each day I worry about the fact that I have a college degree and I just got a minimum wage job. I know things will get better, but like I said...I'm a worrier. All in all I've had a lot of bad things happen to me, the most recent being only 10 months ago my ex of a few years killed herself, shortly after I broke up with her. So no response needed, just saying that your comments inspired me to actually go seek help with what is troubling me instead of just letting it get to me, and also just letting me write this comment to actually talk about it with someone other than myself.

anon34196
Post 90

We *all* have problems whether they are mental or physical. People come here for help. Read up on depression and stress and you will see that it can cause changes in your body/mind.

anon33905
Post 89

Hey Luke,

So many people go through life with real handicaps and *manage to accomplish something*. You're healthy, you weren't abused as a child, and you have a supportive group of family and friends. There is no reason you can't enjoy your life. You're just anxious, nervous, and feeling sorry for yourself because you have no perspective. I'm 21 years old, I have chronic & crippling ulcers (think internal bleeding), and yet I'm the lead design engineer and partner in a growing electronics company. I'm basically disabled and yet I still accomplish things, and always make time for friends and family.

anon33693
Post 88

First, I want to thank you all for sharing your experiences. The acknowledgment we make that something is not right with us is certainly a difficult one, but this page really has helped me to accept that as personal as what I'm going through right now feels to me, it is not an uncommon phenomenon and many others are out there coping with their own challenges.

I'm 31 years old now, I have a loving family, some good long-term friends and a reasonable job.

Over the last year however, I've found myself retreating from my friends (many of them are now married or in long-term relationships) and I no longer enjoy the company of my family and prefer solitude. In this self-imposed exile I find myself regularly succumbing to my moderate addictions to alcohol, tobacco and internet shopping (mostly for DVDs) as I'm finding it increasingly difficult to find any meaning or pleasure in my life without these things. I've not been in a sexual relationship for about 12 years now (although I'm by no means unattractive, I've never really managed to 'connect' with the girls I've met over the years) and although I'm trying hard to meet someone, a part of me is terrified that instead of resolving this empty depressive state I find myself in, I'll just be dragging an innocent person into my personal hell.

Things have gotten worse lately, I'm struggling to do my job (my mind is constantly bombarded with anything other than work-related thoughts) and I really don't care about these mundane office concerns, but I know that losing my job will deal me a crippling blow. I'm in a fair amount of personal debt which will take years to pay off, and I have no savings, assets or pension.

At this point in time I honestly feel like I am merely going through the motions of living, and that the whole business is a pointless farce and that the space I take up on this planet would be better used by someone else. The only reason I'm still here now is because of the emotional pain it would cause my family if I were to end it all.

I'm still not 100% sure if this is depression or a nervous breakdown I'm experiencing, but I've just recently discovered that the intensely unsettling turns I have been experiencing sporadically over the last few months are in fact panic attacks, and I now wonder whether this depression has developed into nervous breakdown territory.

My situation all feels a bit pathetic to me after hearing of the ordeals that some of you have been though, but I suppose we all have different mental thresholds.

I'm trying to organise to get some counselling (though I have no idea how they are going to simply 'talk' these feelings away!). Maybe they'll put me on antidepressants - I've heard that these generally have unpleasant side-effects and in some cases can exacerbate a depressive condition, but I suppose it's worth trying if it might help.

Sorry this is a long one, I guess I just needed to get it all out somehow - it feels a bit better.

Luke

needtolive
Post 87

I have finally come to grips with how I'm feeling. I need help! Over the last 5 years my 25 years of marriage ended, my baby brother was killed, my step-father who I could relate to died of cancer, my job of 18 years laid me off, my daughter hates me because I left her father, my son is having issues because of the divorce and to top that off my only valuables were lost in a fire. I have a job that pays 1/3 of what I was making, I have had to work 2 jobs to support me and my son. I don't like my manager but like what I'm doing. My co-workers are not trustworthy. My family is broken up; I was diagnosed with cancer in 2002. My mother doesn't talk to me. What else is there?

anon33008
Post 86

I started having a nervous breakdown, when I was eighteen years old because I had unpleasant teacher in my school who was intolerant and unrelaxed, likes to yell hard and going too rough at me. I was unable to listen, focus, wait, follow, go by and understand instructions or directions exactly and effectively are told and given by my teacher, remain on tasks, being careful what I am really doing, being unable to think clearly, Every time my teacher or someone else call, tell, and ask me about something and to do something immediately I would start to jump, get restless, be out of line, get jumbled, tell response and comments that seem aren't truth and illogcal.

Phillip P

anon32813
Post 85

Hey I have just turned 15 and I don't know if I am in the middle of a nervous breakdown, I fell out with all of my friends recently, and we went back to school on my birthday and because no one talked to me I had a panic attack. Since then we have become friends again but ever since then I have lost all feelings for everything. I don't care about anyone any more, I keep hearing voices and they keep shouting my name and then say they were joking, I am really confused.

The other night I burst out crying and I was shaking really badly because my dad was talking and the night before I put my fist through the living room door because my mum put the tv on. Help me please am I having a nervous breakdown or am I just paranoid?

Aimee

anon32334
Post 84

A classmate in our year 8 class today just fell off a chair in Math, and started swearing like crazy, saying "why me" and then started crying. Is that a nervous breakdown or an anger management problem? even the ambulance came...

anon32306
Post 83

I'm 25 years old. I had a loving husband, a good job, a beautiful home and the world at our feet. one day my husband just walked out and 2 days later i found out that i was pregnant. My husband would not return to try and sort things out although he has no reason not to as he swears there is nobody else involved. That was in January. I cry everyday and i cry myself to sleep every night. I barely go to work and when I do i come home in tears or cry at my desk all day. sometimes I go days without eating and I just drink endless bottles of wine, although it's no good for the baby. I have no control. I have shut out my family and friends and sometimes I get so upset that I wet myself. I pray everyday. I'm only happy when my husband is around me. The doctor says i'm on the verge of a breakdown if this is only the verge then I don't no how bad a breakdown is. surely its no worse than this.

anon32200
Post 82

I'm 17 and about a year ago i lost my niece and since then my sister has become very depressed

now she drinks when she has a problem and whenever we try to help she gets explosive and says she wants to be left alone and she is fine. Today she got really mad and starting screaming at us and hitting us saying hurtful things. Is this from the drinking or something worse? I just want to see my sister happy again.

helpmeout
Post 81

i guess i went through a nervous break down when i was 16. i heard voices of people who weren't there and i saw strange things ... i made bad conclusions about good people and so i lost some good friends and started isolating myself. i have never been threw any traumatic experience or anything before, but i don't know why i slipped into this? i was a normal guy and no one has given me a proper explanation for this.

during that time a lot of people thought that i had an attitude problem. now i am 20 and i am out of this seeing and hearing thing! but i find so so so hard to concentrate on my studies. i still find it difficult to talk to people eye to eye. but sometimes i just forget myself and my inner talents come pouring out and it makes me feel so good, but sometimes i get into this depressive cycle that i find so hard to break free from. i was once so full of confidence, up for adventure, felt so alive but now, foof, i just can't give up on myself. i know but sometimes i give in. i pray that i will make it threw this. please help me out!

anon30600
Post 79

Anon511, I started to read your last post and didn't agree, but the last sentence says it all, maybe you are right.

I do hope researchers look into the above issues with a clearer and more open mind instead of just prescribing medications.

anon30173
Post 78

I'm a 22 year old male. I had a nervous breakdown about 6 months ago. I had been in a depressive period for probably about 6 months prior. I think the depression came after I started to become discontent with my own contentment.

For about two years I had been a physically active person. I started running after high school, lost lots of weight, felt attractive and wanted to live life to its fullest. I was always happy and it seemed like everyone around me was neurotic and trying to cramp my style. I am in the arts at a state school and would always be teased about how my major was useless, but I knew I was smart and had value and ignored them. Somehow though, all the negative voices that are in my life made it into my head. I started feeling alienated from people,like I couldn't connect intimately. I started feeling really driven to succeed financially cause I got scared of the economy and my degree.

The summer before my breakdown I stopped exercising. I didn't see the point in keeping myself maintained and my hygiene (which was never really good to begin with) started to slide. I often felt the need to talk fast. I made friends who thought of me as kind of hyper and spontaneous and I had my first girlfriend that summer, which was a good decision since I was 22 and had never been in a relationship. It helped that the thing was a low expectation summer fling. I have gained about 15 pounds since.

When the break happened I was living alone and it was probably the most horrible position to be in. I was too stubborn to go to a psychologist and just fought my emotions everyday by myself. In 6 months I've done nothing school-wise and am in serious danger of not graduating on time, but who cares, cause you're a human being before you're a student or an employee. Even now I tend to become delusional about things (I'm a philosophy student too, I call delusions an occupational hazard).

My behavior and personality have only over time become easier to control, but I'm still not there.

When I had my break it was horrible and dramatic. One night I literally thought I wasn't gonna wake up the next morning. I went to bed thinking I died. I was seriously manic for like a week.

All in all I just have to say the following

1. surround yourself by people who affirm your dreams, your life, your health, your body and your whole person.

2. don't let yourself be guided by delusions... research for facts in the world and listen to what other people say about your behavior.

3. please eat right and exercise... it's a must. Also, make sure that you make time for *real* fun (not X-Box). join an intramural sport or something, get active.

4. write it out, If you're just walking around having thoughts and not recording them then you're not taking this thing seriously, but don't fool yourself, your crazy diaries are just that and you're not arriving at any new universal truths of the universe, just truths about yourself.

5. *seek help* from people who know how to handle this sort of thing, but never let yourself be victimized, even if you're suicidal you have some sense of your own worth, and you need to protect it and develop it and understand it.

God Bless

anon29144
Post 77

i don't know if what i'm going through should be called nervous breakdown or not.

i'm only 20 years old. in my own view i have had a tough life. a lot of issues at home with my elder sibling who hates me. i have been in a complex for all my life due to my sister which has a huge impact upon my social life. i have had unsuccessful relationships. the past 7 years we have had major financial issues which are spoiling my relationship with my boyfriend. i fight with him on minor issues just to take out my anger. i want to run away from all things like forget the world exists. i'm avoiding my friends. i don't have anyone so close that i could share my feelings. i can't sleep anymore. i cry on minor issues, my head hurts all the time. i just wish someone could help me because if i talked to someone they might think i'm mad and laugh.

hope u all understand.

anon28918
Post 76

I checked this site to read about nervous breakdown symptoms but kept on reading all the comments and posts. First, I think it's not easy to talk about one's private life, intimate details, and open up to the general audience.

My mother was a Psychiatric Ward nurse way before I was born. She used to take me to the hospital childcare and once they closed the doors, I was left in the nurses' room but I would always wander around. There were very serious cases to just "mild" cases. Mental diseases come in all sort of shapes and colours and are very complex. However, one cannot and should not confuse mental diseases and disorders with other conditions. There are several professionals that are (or should be) qualified to help diagnose something. A general practitioner (e.i.family doctor) may prescribe proper medication for some cases and may direct you to a specialist. One cannot forget to always look for the best health practitioner and check credentials. Check second and even third opinions and make sure you know the authority for a reliable source. The more information you can get, the better.

As long as there has been a human on Earth people have been dealing with all sorts of odds. Society has portrayed the "picture perfect" family for too long, but the reality is way different. Everybody has different coping skills, personalities, abilities, strengths, etc. People function has a whole, in a society, community, family, and as an individual.

I read these peoples' testimonies and my heart goes out. I have been there and I can relate to many things. I can tell you that there is always Hope and Help. Don't give up on yourself or others no matter how hard and impossible it may look. Those other people (whether your children, spouse, parents) have the same problems. Everybody is trying to cope. There's just too many things going on at the same time, and people try to do too much or too little. It's essential to have a good balance or equilibrium. Taking care of yourself: a healthy diet, exercise, relaxation...If you need some time off, take it. Take a vacation! Some people even change jobs, careers, cities and countries. What works for one may not necessarily work for another.

An unhappy person in one place, maybe happy in another.

As for a nervous breakdown though, it's very serious and should be properly diagnosed. One should not confuse it with stress, fatigue, anger, or any other conditions. In some cases it may be helpful to have someone around to do the basic living activities even if it's just temporarily. There are other resources and options. Don't forget you're not alone!

anon28121
Post 74

Please tell me what are the symptoms of, on the verge of and actually having a nervous breakdown? I used to be a very houseproud mother. My house would be sparkling clean everything put in its place dishes done etc. Now I find even doing the simple tasks are daunting. My son is undergoing referrals so we can find out what is causing his behavioural problems. His problems are my downfall. He totally disrespects me, he steals from me and when I chastise him for it or say no to him, like oh you can't have the yoghurts they are mine, these ones are your's, he goes off and takes them.

I find myself after he has done this wicked and evil deed that I start throwing everything around in the house. I feel as though I have no motherly bond there with my son anymore *at all*, whereas when he was little it was such an overwhelming feeling of love I had for this precious tiny human being and now most of that, if not all, is gone.

I cry all the time. I worry for all my children. I go into irrational states of thinking, well if I did this to myself then maybe the kids would realise that mummy means business and just lay off from her once in a while give me a break kids, please. I am shaking. I put my hands outstretched and I shake uncontrollably. I am sitting with my head in my hands at the moment wondering well why am I feeling like this? What have I done to deserve such an uncontrollable son and why can I not cope anymore? So after expressing my symptoms is it actually a nervous breakdown or just on the verge of one??

spoildbrat
Post 71

i am a 38 year old woman. my mom was totally disabled when i was 7 years old. she passed away when i was 16. it was horrible and took me years to deal with.

anyhow, now i am married to a wonderful man. he is now disabled and has got so many things going on with him all i do is worry. my dad is now 85 years old. i work a full time job but if the phone rings at work i freak. i always think its bad news with my dad or husband. i'm on pins and needles just waiting for something bad to happen. i don't really sleep, at least not soundly, i always think something is going to happen. i have noticed lately i have real bad headaches. i'm tired all of the time. do you think this might be a nervous breakdown?

anon27000
Post 70

I am 17. I have grown up around people who are bi-polar and manic depressive, borderline personality, etc. and witnessed my mother and sister suffer nervous breakdowns.

I have also had my time spent in therapy, but nothing has come of it. My doctors always just say that any emotional distress I endure is due to being a teenager, and smoking pot.

But when I don't smoke pot I feel the worst, which is why I started smoking it in the first place.

This past summer, August 31st, to be exact, was the worst day of my life, nothing really bad happened, but I remember feeling like I was dieing the whole day, like nauseous and hard to breath and everything. Over the following days it lessened in intensity, but it's still here and now it's almost March and I am beginning to feel like I'm losing my mind.

See, the thing is, though, is I can pretend I am okay and say things that are nice but all the while I have weird thoughts.

I just feel like I have no control over any of my actions and I am angry. I don't know what's going on.

anon24127
Post 68

i find i can never really be myself. well, i am myself but in a way which i consciously alter. i always think about what i say and often have several personas around a variety of my close friends which i easily slip in and out of, altering such personas according to how well i feel people respond.

im 22. when i was much younger, maybe 5-11 i remember what 'being yourself' was like. some people you got on with others you didn't, it didn't matter. now, however, i try to please everyone; make them think im interesting and fun.

personally, i think it's from being too self-absorbed. is this normal, to want to alter yourself to be liked in a way that, whether true or otherwise, improves a perception of existence.

i know this really has nothing to do with what people are discussing here, but thought i would share nonetheless. im very thankful for having a wonderful girlfriend and a loving family

anon22636
Post 67

I am 24 yr old woman, currently in grad school...and working towards a Master in Science. I have been in a serious relationship from past 10 years, the person i love, loves me more than anything in this world...wld do anything for me ..understands me like no other...and we truly have a beautiful relationship...however my parents have been unaware of this...and i recently told them....and they are absolutely against him because he is not as educated as me and his family is not as financially well of as mine...and have refused to even consider this person ..and have begged me to stop seeing him and talking to him...i am from an Indian family therefore parents have a huge say in who their daughter marries...and i don't want to hurt my parents in any way ..but ever since this episode i have been feeling very low...i live at home...i don't feel like doing anything...just lying down in my room all day...don't want to go outside...have a concentrated continuous pain in my head ..loss of appetite ....and have no will to do anything... am i going on a path of nervous breakdown?

anon22390
Post 66

Can I just get some drugs and make this go away?

anon21729
Post 65

I have recently been going through a really rough time. It started about a year ago when i had an affair and found out my husband was having one too. We've tried to reconcile a few times but there is just to much damage. Needless to say, this emotional upset in my life led me into a depressive mood. Once I started having feelings of hopelessness, I sought out counseling through my EAP. I originally thought my down mood was because of my situation but after talking things out with my counselor it appears I have suffered for many years with a level of bipolar disorder starting from childhood. My family used to call me Dr jeckyll and Mr. hyde but we just laughed it off. After I began to spiral downward with thoughts of harming myself and leaving my children and uncontrollable persistent crying, I made the choice to try medicine (which has been equally hard for me because I hate taking any kind of medicine). The prozac has helped but I am continuously swinging between feelings of feeling great one day to feeling like there's no point to life the next. I have always been a spiritual person but find it hard to pray theses days. I have 2 small children that I don't even interact with. I go to work and then go home and get in the bed everyday. It's becoming increasingly hard to function and have found myself in the bed for days at a time on a few occasions. the problem is I've always been the go to person for everyone elses problems. i've always been the smart, pretty girl with everything i could ever want. The one smiling on the outside most times and then flipping out at the drop of a dime and going off the deep end on someone. I find it helpful to have a therapist and she has recently referred me to a psychiatrist. I don't really want to go see a psychiatrist because my culture has a hard time believing in certain mental illnesses. They believe you should just be able to pray your way through. I don't know, I hope I get better soon because most days I don't want to be here in this life. To all who are suffering, you're not alone.

anon20685
Post 64

Hello to all of you who are suffering. I have been down that road since I was very young. I am in my late 50's now and finally know what normal is. I saw a doctor and was prescribed imipramine. I have tried just about every other drug there is. This is the only one that worked. It takes about 2 or 3 months to normalize you and get the dosage just right. You have to be patient-it is so worth the wait! No more anxiety attacks, no more paralyzing depression, no more fear about what is going to happen next, no more overreacting to what happens next. Hope this helps all of you or as many as possible. It is great to be able to function every day of my life and to sleep well, but most of all, it is wonderful to know what normal is.

anon20167
Post 63

Im a twenty year old male. i consider myself good looking and so do many others i've had a few girlfriends and i use to be so happy until i started smoking drugs i started because my girlfriend that i loved with all my heart left me after two joyful years i smoked weed constantly everyday for about a year i didn't have a job or social activities that i used to. they occupied my daily life before sports, friends, and just socializing itself. i became a useless good for nothing jobless guy with no life no girl friends apart from a few that didn't really last long. im still sad but really have motivation to succeed in life i have plans now and plan to stick to them i want to get back into sports and best of all stopped smoking drugs my family can see the change and that makes me proud and motivates me more to keep going i hope all goes well there's nothing to fear about the future i use to fear it so much.

anon19833
Post 62

I'm a 43 year old mwf. I grew up the youngest of 4, with an alcoholic for a dad and a hard working wonderful mom. I saw things that no person of any age should have to see. (ex) Christmas Eve 1974, my uncle was stabbed in the stomach by his own brother. The brother was going after my dad and my uncle stepped in. When I was 12, my dad held a loaded gun to my head, while yelling to my mom to get his sleeping pills. She ran and got them. He took 30 in one swallow. He was in a coma for a week. When I was 14, dad had been gone on a drunk trip for days... I was awakened by my brother saying "wake up...dad just shot himself in the head." (He was very calm about it.) I jumped from bed and ran down to the end of our driveway. Mom had already gotten towels and had them wrapped around dad's head. She was frantic. She told me to hold the towels on tight, but there was blood already starting to trickle down the road where he laid. There's other things to add to the pot, but these are the major ones.

When I was 16, I met a boy that was 3 years older than me. We fell head over heels for each other. When I finished High School, at 17, Mom took me to the city hall and signed the papers so that we could legally be married. God I Loved Him!!

We were married for 3 years and at 20, I had our first and only child. My husband and I always both worked full time jobs. Hard jobs, but we managed. Our child grew up and so did we. I still had a whole lot of resentment towards dad though.

In 2001 I had to have a hysterectomy. The nurse that I had failed to check on me through the night and allowed my catheter to almost explode. I was diagnosed with a disease in my bladder caused from small tears inside of it from it being stretched so far, for so long. I only have a stinging sensation when I need to urinate. I am up and down all through the night because the only way to alleviate the pain, is to empty my bladder. In 2004, my precious mother-in-law was diagnosed with leukemia. We saw her go through so much. After 10 months, she lost her battle. In June, 2005 I fell down some stairs, and it caused a bulged disc in my lower back. That has since evolved into pinched nerves running down both of my legs. I am in misery pretty much most of the time from my navel down. In Sept. 2006, my blood pressure shot up to 250/150. I was immediately put into ICU for 3 days and had meds ran through iv's to get it down. Upon questioning me, the doctors diagnosed me with panic attacks. That explained the not being able to breath and feeling like an elephant was sitting on my chest. In May, 2007 I was diagnosed with cancer in my thyroid. I had it removed 2 weeks later and had the radiation treatment 4 weeks post op. Since my blood pressure was so touchy, I still don't have my thyroid med regulated. To say the least, FATIGUE. April 1, 2008, my precious husband of 25 years was diagnosed with cancer in his esophagus. This was totally from left field. He was told that he had inherited the condition that his Mom had and could be corrected by stretching the esophagus. When I took him to have the procedure done, the doctor told us that he found a large tumor at the base of my husbands esophagus. He would have to undergo extreme treatments, including radiation, chemo, and one of the worst surgeries that can be performed. The summer is a blur... no sleep, anxiety attacks, severe back pain, leg pain, racing heart, sweats, day and night, worry, worry, worry about my darling husband. He was on a feeding tube for 3 months and lost 40 pounds. His poor belly would be growling so loudly at night, that I would just lay and listen, and cry for hours. There was nothing else that I cold do for him. Just Love Him. He had the surgery on July 7th and we were told that he would probably lose another 40 to 50 lbs. Thank You God! He has maintained his weight, and hasn't lost any at all since the surgery. I am so thankful for that. But...I still have the most scared, worried feeling hanging over me. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up... I cry constantly, my heart aches, both physically and emotionally. I'm so frightened. I shake all over. I sometimes hear a voice telling me it would be so easy to get out of this, but I fight back. I couldn't do that to my family. Am I on the verge of a nervous breakdown?

anon19739
Post 61

What is the difference between Bipolar Disorder and Perimenopause.... Normal- teenage- marijuana experimentation and Substance Abuse... ADHD and Normal Behaviors of Boys...Obesity due to lack of discipline or Obesity caused by a Metabolism or physical health abnormality... A Psychiatrist and A Bipolar/Codependent/Dominating Male.....????? I'd really like to know. I have read "self Help" books, CD's DVDs, Workbooks, taken several classes on Marriage, Parenting, Women's emotional health.(Christian and Secular) Attended "support" groups for all of the above. Done everything the "MD's" have said. Tried Prescribed Meds that make things worse. Holistic and Chiropractic therapy, one on one counseling for myself, my husband (married for 23 years) and 4 of my 5 of my children ages 21-7. I am a very successful "Above Average" Mammography Technologist at a very well known "best hospital in the world" very well liked, work full-time, live in a Upper Middle class America". Am Exhausted, anxious and now having Major health problems...Ready to check into a Psych ward.

anon19123
Post 60

I believe I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I am experiencing thoughts of wanting to go to sleep and never wake up ... at least in this life. I feel so pressured by all that's happening around me. We owe the IRS 39,000 and they just put a lien on our home. Our youngest daughter has decided to get married and has only given us 5 months to pay for this wedding. So much is expected of me. My oldest daughter only talks to me when she needs money and wants a free dinner at the house. My husband is a hard worker and tries his best to support and pay the bills. I cannot find a job to help with this mounting debt and I feel so hopeless. I just want to end this emotional turmoil! I am also struggling with feelings of abandonment from my father who died 2 years ago and I haven't come to terms with that either. A few years prior to his death he completely disowned me just because I held him accountable for a very serious situation. I am at the end of my rope. I feel so unloved and feel like I truly have no purpose in this life. I just want to feel secure and feel loved and respected. But I guess that is too much to ask? I feel so alone and as if I have no one else to turn to.

anon19011
Post 59

after trying everything to find peace and be able to cope, I finally found the one person who loves me unconditionally and has my best interest at heart. Things are falling into place and life is beautiful once again.

anon18631
Post 57

anon16134: i feel the exact same way.

anon17497
Post 56

i think i'm having NB..that's why im here..seeking answers while i still have some reasoning left...43, dwm, no job..feel like i wasted my life..please help me

anon17243
Post 55

to all those people who aren't sure if you are having a break down let me assure you if you truly have one you will know it and never will be able to forget it, just had one last year im 48 and menopausal !! its a terrible illness id rather have 10 kids then relive that again.....

anon17210
Post 54

im only 16. when i was about eleven i started having extreme feelings of sadness regularly, for no reason. this evolved into low self esteem. im a normal girl, i have a normal life, im pretty and fairly likable. but inside, i hate myself so much. i desperately want to be someone else. i look at myself in the mirror and think i am disgusting. i have no sense of worth. i constantly have the same replaying thought in my head, i could die right now and none would miss you. ive cried and cut myself in the past cos i would just feel anger towards myself. someone please tell me whats wrong with me. ive still got the rest of my life ahead of me, and im scared i will just get worse. i don't know who to talk to.

anon16397
Post 53

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder 8 years ago. It is just my opinion, but I think the words "Nervous Breakdown" are being used on this site to mislead people into thinking they might be experiencing a true "Mental Illness". Many of the entries on this site appear to be people who are experiencing extreme difficulty coping with the everyday stresses of daily life. Life in America in this day and age require many people to stretch themselves to thin with work, school, children and relationships with spouses/lovers, family and friends. If the problems being experienced began after a recent loss(within 6 mo to 1 yr) -(death, job, breakup, illness)there is a good chance that with the help of a good therapists and possible short term medication most of the symptoms being experienced, (crying, lack of energy, feeling down) should be short lived.

The major concern begins when a person makes statements like, I just want to sleep and never get up, I want to die but would never put my children through something like that or people would be better of if I were gone... these kinds of statements are a real sign that professional treatment is needed as soon as possible. A person is considered suicidal when they announce the desire to die and can give a detailed plan explaining how they intend to commit suicide. If this situation occurs immediate emergency medical treatment is needed.

There are many forms of diagnosable mental illnesses (Depression, Major Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, Personality Disorders (antisocial, borderline, paranoid, schizoid, avoidant...Etc) to use the term "Nervous Breakdown" downplays the major life altering issues people with diagnosed illnesses face. We often do not work or go to school, Have extreme difficulities with relationships of all types, We experience difficulity making and keeping friends,(people are generally very uncomfortable when around someone they know is mentally ill)

As your site says a "Breakdown" is when a person attempts suicide or a person behaves in such a way that family or friends would immediately seek and get psychiatric hospitaliztion... If you are questioning whether you may be suffering from any type of illness see a doctor - you'll either get treatment for short term emotional/lifestyle stress or you will be told you now have a uncurable lifeling mental illness. Each person who visits this site should ask themselves is knowing what's wrong with me important enough that I should actually go to a doctor or ask for random advise from unknown people with no medical degree or treatment experience

anon16134
Post 52

Hi all. First, I just want to say that this site and the things said on it saved my life tonight. I often feel overwhelmed and helpless. I feel like nothing I ever do for anyone I work for is ever good enough, no matter how hard I try or how hard I don't try. I want to get better, but my feelings of happiness or motivation never last for long. As a woman, I feel like so many depend on me for happiness or to be the "caring, understanding" one in a relationship, but it is so hard. I feel guilty for feeling the way I do and wanting to help myself yet not being able to truly help others. I also feel ashamed of my self when things go wrong.

I want to make my life my own, but I fear it's too little too late. This is the kind of fear that paralyzes and results in sadness, extreme frustration over small things, irritability, and as I have already said, helplessness. How do you stop crying all the time?

anon14892
Post 51

i have a terrible problem which seems to be getting the best of me. My daughter Linda, is an educated person with a college degree in the field of Psychology. She has a great job, beautiful baby, but a very unstable relationship with her child's father. They fight and argue all of the time and these "battles" go on for hours. She keeps saying she doesn't want him here, throws him out constantly, but he never leaves. This goes on at least three times a week and it gets very out of hand. She cries and screams and says she hates him and knows deep down he will never change, but yet she wants him here to help raise this child and she doesn't want to be alone. She has very low self-esteem and he is a pathological liar. Bad combination, huh? Anyway, Her tears and heartbreak go into rage with him, and i don't like seeing my daughter like this and i can't anymore. I tell her she knows better and she desperately needs to see a therapist, but she will now. They live with me so i always make sure the baby is far away from the screaming and raging. My daughter was never this way and now she is changing into someone i don't even know. What can i do?

anon14604
Post 50

There is a significant difference between the Medium who is clairvoyant and/or clairaudient and the mentally ill person who hears voices and sees people who are not there. They are completely different things and at total opposites of the spectrum. The Medium is not mentally deranged.

Lazarus25
Post 49

I definitely had a nervous breakdown, either that or was suffering from severe depression for a good 8 months. I am 25 now, this was when I was 22, every single day of my life now I am grateful to be alive. Sometimes I have a flashback of stuff I used to do to myself and just think 'wow, how did I not die?" It all started with me finding out the love of my life who I had dated for 5 years had cheated on me, numerous times throughout our relationship, and everyone knew about it but me. On top of this, he gave me herpes. I survived that, fine, and managed to fall head over heels in love with the only other guy I have truly loved in my life up to this point. I dated him for a year, until one day a woman showed up at the door with a baby. There was no denying it, the baby looked just like him. From there I dropped out of college. I got straight A's my entire life, and the one time when it counted, I just couldn't do it. It was like everything I had thought up to that point, about friends, about love, about education was just one huge sham. I went from being completely in love and having a wide circle of friends to not trusting anyone, and thinking the entire world was against me. I started doing drugs, 8 balls of coke followed by Oxycontin. I spent all my money on drugs. I locked myself up in my room and did drugs. When I came down, I took handfuls of sleeping pills just so I wouldn't have to be awake. When I did go out, I did drugs and made out with woman. I alienated myself from all my friends. Looking back, I could have handled things a lot differently then I did, but I just didn't care at the time, I wanted to die. During this time, I got fired from my job. Ironically, that was the kick in the butt I needed... from there, things started to look up. I started working out, stopped doing drugs. Got a new job and made some new friends. A little while after that, I met a guy and we picked up and moved across Canada, on a whim, with nothing but 2 suitcases of clothes. I don't touch drugs, just the memory of me sitting in my room, snorting coke until my nose bled, feeling like I wanted to die, like my whole life had a been one big lie, I had been living in a bubble and it burst. I was a very, very sick girl then, I don't think anyone knew how to deal with me, I didn't know how to deal with myself. When friends would call, I couldn't even bring myself to answer the phone. Eventually they stopped calling, confirming my delusional suspicions at the time that they were all against me. I tried anti-depressants on and off, Celexa, Paxil, Effexor, personally none of them worked for me. Even if they did, the other drugs I was taking probably rendered them useless. I am well now, I have an entire new life in a beautiful city and live a healthy, active lifestyle. I work with troubled Youth, aged 15-20 and feel like I'm making a difference in the world. The point of my story? there is hope. I honestly thought, things would never, ever, ever get better. That's why I wanted to die, I honestly believed that. So no matter how bad you feel, or what you are going through, please just hang in there, because things can get better.

anon11853
Post 48

The comments about the medium.

I used to 'hear' voices. Well the reality of the matter is that my former mentor died and when the world would be falling apart I would have conversations with him 'hear voices' and things would work out. Logically speaking it is probably simply what he said in life replaying itself when I need advice.

Lately I have not been having these conversations. I have not been 'hearing voices'. My father died less than two months ago. Work in some ways is improving but my contract ends and owing to the nature of my job getting a new one at the end of the contract is pretty much impossible.

I am falling apart. I know it. I also know because I am NOT hearing voices, that calm advice from my mentor that I am depressed.

Maybe someone who is depressed should not put their opinion forward regarding the comments of a medium but I do not think she should be criticized. Everyone's life is different. The standard's of normal are different for everyone. If they can function in society they should simply be accepted. D.

anon11294
Post 47

when you're on the verge of a mental breakdown, and are already diagnosed with anxiety and seeing a counselor, how do you react? Simply by just telling the counselor, and getting their advice?

anon10799
Post 46

I have ready many of the comments left here as well as the advice. I am 25 years old. I'm not sure if I have reached the level of a nervous breakdown, but I definitely am having issues coping. I feel so overwhelmed, exhausted, and depressed. I work full time and go to grad school at night which leaves me stressed out. I am in a long distance relationship and also, never have time to see my friends anymore. My family is also not doing to well, as a my mom is extremely depressed and my brother is a drug addict (who recently sought treatment thank God!) Well, I know my problems are minor compared to many who posted on here. But I guess I just need to get all this off my chest. I can't sleep much anymore and I basically shut myself into my apartment all weekend. I really flipped out tonight and when I spoke to my girlfriend about, she was not very understanding and basically told me that things weren't that bad. This upset me even more. I really just need someone to be empathetic and listen. Well, for all those who have read this, thanks for listening!

anon10506
Post 45

I feel so guilty. I have read all the post on here and feel ashamed for even thinking I have issues I cannot deal with. Although, I was able to relate to a few cases here. Last night I locked myself in my bedroom and just cried and slept. I am already on meds, and I have made an appointment to go back to talk with my psychiatrist. I just cannot deal anymore. I was so afraid of flipping out on the kids. I have been extremely moody. All I want to do is sleep, but of course it takes me forever to get to sleep because of racing thoughts. I worry about every little thing. I have increased in the number of panic attacks I get. I feel as though my nerves are crawling all the time. It seems like I am getting worse instead of better. I just don't know what to do. I pray that I will not wake up. When I do I am so disappointed. I won't hurt myself, but I am wishing something natural would just take me out of this world. I cannot stand that I cannot deal with everyday living. And the sad part is my life is much better than it was 7-8 years ago. But yet I feel this way. I just don't want to be awake anymore. Everyone tells me I am so strong and that if it weren't for me the kids and my fiancee would not be where they are today. Okay so I have made a better life for them so what about me. I cannot do anything for myself because I always feel sooooo much guilt afterwards. I am not strong anymore...I can barely even move. So now what?

sstevens
Post 44

thank you for your comments

opmom
Post 43

to sstevens,

you're not alone!!! i think all moms feel like they're going to have a nervous breakdown at some point. i have 3 kids: 5, 3 and 10 mos. there are some days (most) where i am literally running from task to task. helping them go potty, making snacks/meals, refereeing fights, cleaning up, doing laundry, feeding the dog, answering the phone, shopping for groceries, balancing the checkbook, paying the bills...the list goes on. this is coupled with the fact that i try to get my kids out for social and play activities, i try to socialize with friends and spend time with my husband and i also work from home every day! sometimes i am so tired and frustrated that i cannot accomplish all that i want to in a day. my advice to you is to get your household organized to streamline things like chores, grocery shopping and meals. assign chores with a reward/punishment system for your kids. have a heart to heart with your family and make it clear that you need help--without yelling and screaming. that always shuts them down right off the bat. you also need to let go of some of the perfectionism and just accept that your house won't be perfect--and be happy about it. life is too short! i know that sounds cliched, but i've relaxed a lot when it comes to stuff like that.

while this may all be useful advice, if you feel like your emotional and mental state is more than just the normal stressed out state of being of a mom, you should go see a doctor. you could have a hormonal imbalance or a psychological condition that should be treated!

sstevens
Post 42

I am a 31 year old mother of 3. My youngest child is 6 months old. Since having my son, I have not had a decent night's sleep. I understand that he needs to eat...that is not the problem. The problem is that I feel like I have to constantly make excuses and make my family understand that I need their help around the house. Being tired from lack of sleep and everyone dirties the house behind me when I clean it drives me crazy! I hate filth and I feel like I am unappreciated for what I do and I feel like my fiancee doesn't respect what I do around the house. He works and I don't and he often asks when I start complaining about how tired I am..he says.." what are you tired from?" Is he serious? He has never cooked a meal in this house. I have to ask or beg him to help me..he helps sometimes! When it comes to our son, even when he is off and at home, he doesn't really help me as much as he should with caring for him. Now the kids they just make a mess and I yell and punish and it is so frustrating that one day I told them to just do whatever they felt like it because I am tired of cleaning up after people. No one listens to me. When I complain people get mad at me for being angry. I have migraines everyday and I just feel depressed. I love them but sometimes I wish I could just go away from them for a day. I feel like I am going to pop a vessel in my brain! does it sound like I am about to have a nervous breakdown?

bigmetal
Post 41

needhelp08,

wow, it sounds like you're having a hard time. i think that a lot of parents have a hard time coping with life, work and family. there's just not enough time or energy in the day to do everything we feel that we need to be doing. my suggestion to you, is first, go see a doctor who can help you get well with medication (if needed) and therapy. it may mean that you switch doctors to find one that will put the extra effort of getting it right for you. second, if you can financially afford it, quit like your husband asked you do to. consider finding a work from home job, or babysit a couple times a week for a little extra cash. there are lots of ways to find extra money. i feel like living inexpensively is significantly less stressful than trying to work to make more money you're just going to spend. third, focus some time on yourself--reading, exercise, eating right, spending time with friends, etc. you won't be a good mom and wife if you're unhappy. if you're religious, pray a lot--i do it every morning to have the patience and strength to get through the day with my young children. it's hard to get out of a rut, and i hope i'm not minimizing your trials. hope all works out for the best for you!

needhelp08
Post 40

Okay.. This all started a few years ago.. About 10. They put me on prozac and said I was depressed. Bla bla bla.. Then it was Prozac and something else for that extreme PMS disorder..

Now, they have me on Prozac 20mg, Wellbutrin SR and Klonapin.. I recently went to work four months ago full time because of financial problems.. I am no longer home with my three kids. Their school work is suffering (not mentioning the never ending battles and headaches with my middle child who is autistic).. Recently, I have been distant from everyone.. Even the people at work notice, my husband keeps asking me if he disgusts me, my friend that I used to talk to on a daily basis says she thought maybe I died and no-one told her.. lol She says it as a joke of course.. I used to get great pleasure out of my children, but seems recently I have lost my ability to be a good parent.. All I want to do is sleep and when I am up, I don't want to be bothered. I used to take great pride in my show dogs, which now seem more of a hassle to me than anything.. My house is a mess and I have gained 20 lbs in three months. No, I am not pregnant... Then the other day, I snapped.. I wanted to kill myself.. I kissed my kids bye, and walked out the door. I blew up for no reason when my husband made a joke with me. I went to a meeting at my son's school (he is in special ed, so we have frequent meetings) and they told me that he misses me and often wants his school to call me at work so he can just talk to me. He is only mildly autistic, he is not like Rain Man. They also told me that he and his brothers (who is very gifted academically) are struggling in school now and they want me to quit my job. I am stressed at work. It's a very fast paced- hands on job. It doesn't pay well. Last month one of my show dogs was struck by a car and killed.. This week one of our goats was killed by a neighbors dog. I keep having panic attacks and migraine headaches which my doctor tells me is tension. I feel let down every morning when I wake up. I don't smile, I don't laugh. I cry constantly. All you have to do is say something in the wrong tone and I am either in tears or ready to beat ya (no I don't hit my babies) but other adults, I would rather kick then to talk to.. I don't talk to my parents much, when they call, I find a reason to get off the phone. I don't talk to my siblings at all.. I haven't went to any family funerals or events at all because I just don't want to.. It's not that I don't care, I just don't feel the need. Needless to say, I didn't kill myself the other day, my husband called me on my cell phone and put my kids on the phone.

My kids are all between the ages of 4-9.

My autistic son keeps pooping his pants, it was only a few times a week at the beginning of the school year, now it's multiple times daily.. I refuse to wash those soiled clothes from a 6 almost 7 year old, so we just throw them away.. I am losing my patience with this situation.. I am sitting here tonight trying to think of an excuse not to go to work tomorrow. I want to stay home alone with my 4 year old and clean. I often want to clean my house and have these big plans of doing, but I just can't manage the energy.. If there is a chance to sleep, I would rather do that than anything.

My husband told me to give my work a two weeks notice, last week.. (the suicide thing was on Wednesday after my son's meeting) I couldn't. I am scared of getting yelled at by my boss who terrifies me. I don't know why.. I am not typically a person who intimidates easily.. I just don't know what to do.. Everyday is a struggle just to get through.. Every tree or cliff I see on the way to work on the way home seems to call "Crash into me". Of course, when my children are not with me.. I would never hurt my babies.. The only thing that keeps me from doing it is the hurt it would cause my kids and my dad. My mom wouldn't care too much, she would play it up of course for the sympathy, but she would still have my brother who has always been the pick of the litter.. My dad would be upset as I am daddy's little girl.. I just don't talk to him anymore..

My husband could always find someone better, perhaps even a better mom for my kids.. But, I would never do anything to cause my kids one moment of sadness.. I thank GOD for them, if it weren't for them, I wouldn't still be here..

I don't feel that I am depressed.. I have been spiraling out of control for awhile now, but really badly in the past few months.. Where does one go?? What does one do? The pills aren't helping, so I have quit taking them... I just don't know what to do... Any advice??

cal67
Post 39

how do u know if it is a nervous breakdown or depression? i see similarities but i don't think i am depressed.

anon9344
Post 37

I came across this article during some research I was doing about whether or not I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown due to prolonged stress at work. I also came across Burnout, which feels closer to my current experience. I have a BA in Psychology, but am by no means an actual psychiatrist or therapist, and reading other comments from others on this posting, I thought that these links about Burnout could be helpful.

Apparently Burnout tends to happen more often in certain occupations (e.g. customer service, lawyers, etc.) and situations (e.g. caregivers of loved ones), which may be helpful to some of the people who commented on this article. As for what to do, I'm not sure.

I would recommend going to a licensed mental health professional for actual help with your problem, especially if you are in a lot of pain, but as far as getting started with how to even find the right help:

- Calling a help hotline and asking them for resources.

- Talking to a psychiatrist or psychotherapist, or a counselor at your work or school, or your doctor (or a religious advisor like a priest or rabbi). Nothing to be afraid of here - you don't have to actually be crazy to talk to a mental health professional, just like you don't have to be sick to get a check-up from a regular doctor. And just like any doctor, if you don't like them, you can always go somewhere else for a second opinion.

- Attending a related support group meeting. The leader can probably tell you pretty quick if you are in the wrong meeting, and may be able to refer you to another group.

- Search around on the internet for resources - I usually just type whatever question I have into Google, and usually get the information I need.

I hope others find these resources as valuable as I have.

anon8830
Post 36

Some very eclectic comments here! I hope the editors don't take any of the comments down barring extremely obscene circumstances. With psychology being such a broad science and including so many different studies, including paranormal and spiritual studies, and the fact that every person is very different from every other it isn't surprising. One very effective exercise that many psychologists is writing down what you're thinking, which is pretty much what the people posting are doing. Writing down your feelings, even if it's in a private notebook and no one else sees it, can be a very helpful stress reliever. But on the other side, some people writing here are looking for feedback and it will be stressful to not hear any feedback. This is just another example of people being different. There is no universal answer to how to help people dealing with mental problems because different techniques will help some people more than others. Find what works best for you in dealing with stress and many of your mental problems and if it's too much for you to handle, seek professional help. Or go to a professional anyway, and they can help you find your own way to relieve that stress. Like for me, I feel like I'm close to a psychotic break and I feel most relieved feeling like I'm helping someone else with their problems. Strange huh? Good luck to everyone dealing with these problems.

anon8183
Post 35

I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm afraid I'm starting to have a nervous breakdown. I am VERY emotional, so emotional in fact, I've been crying for 6 hours straight. I don't care about any decisions any one asks me to make, I don't want to do anything, I just want to sit and cry. I'm also afraid that if I tell someone that I think I'm on the verge of one, they won't take me seriously. I've have never felt like this before and keep thinking what it would be like if I wasn't here, but then I don't do it, which is good, but I don't want it to get worse, what should I do???

sisfam
Post 33

A young lady that i work with is in the hospital. her daughter come to the job and told my boss that her mother had a nervous breakdown because i yelled at her mother. could that be true? could someone have nervous breakdown if they think someone is yelling at them?

anon7701
Post 32

I think I had a break down last month and maybe still having it. The sad thing is that I am 19, and the reason is breaking up, or better say, being left by a boyfriend who is my first love. I hate to admit the state I was in, but I had episodes of crying for hours, laying on the floor not wanting to get up, hiding underneath my desk, periods during which I wouldn't be able to fall asleep even though I've been up working for 48 hours, then periods when I would sleep for 15 hours. there were several days when I didn't go to my classes even though I would get dressed, and got all of my things, but then I would panic and wouldn't leave the room. I have two weeks on anti-anxiety drugs.

Now after writing this I think I should get some help. Maybe it's not necessary since I am much better now and have managed to continue with everyday life.

noobynoob
Post 31

please, my mom is crying all the time, i am 13 years old and it's tearing me apart to see her like this. she has almost all the symptoms except the voices and seeing things.

noobynoob
Post 30

ok what do i do if i am so poor i can barely afford the air i breathe, but i'm experiencing the symptoms of a nervous breakdown? is there a "home-grown" way to treat it?

Moderator's reply: a nervous breakdown is a potentially serious thing that can adversely affect your health. you should make every effort to seek medical attention — many cities, counties and states have a department of health that may be able to help steer you in the right direction to get inexpensive or free treatment. our articles, How Can I Reduce Stress? and What Are Coping Mechanisms? may be of use in finding ways to alleviate and cope with stress, but they should in no way replace medical treatment.

anon7050
Post 29

I want to know exactly what the final definition is of a mental breakdown. I can't cope with my daily life I often find myself wondering and I know what I'm doing but I don't know why I've hurt myself in the past not on purpose but in over using my body for the purpose of bettering my family they keep telling me that I'll be ok and that I should keep going and soldier on but I can't keep going if my body and brain are broken. I want to tell them that I have to take some time for myself but they're so proud of me for being the rock in all of their problems that I don't have the heart. What do I do I keep smiling but I want to die and I feel like I'm already dead inside!

anon6998
Post 28

Although I am seeing a lot of people out there who are indeed suffering and others who are trying desperately to help those they care about who are suffering, I am also seeing a lot of trivialisation here. I am very disturbed that anyone would even think that bringing their 'experiences' of being a medium into this topic would be remotely helpful to anyone who is genuinely suffering. In fact, these kind of discussions are harmful to anyone who is genuinely in need of help and support for mental health issues. It is also my upmost belief that individuals who have suffered a breakdown following the loss of a loved one and who have turned to mediums for 'answers' are often permanently harmed by the so called 'information' and claims of contact with the dead. Grief counselling is available and is bar far the best option, and in cases where anyone feels that they are experiencing a breakdown or suspect that their loved one is having a breakdown, Professional medical help should be sought in all cases! If this simple rule was followed, a lot of harm and distress could be avoided, and in extreme cases suicide averted. I would urge the editors on this site to review very carefully the subject matter of all postings due to the very serious nature of this topic, and the devastating effect that wrongly given advice can have upon a vulnerable individual in need of help and support.

Moderator's reply: you are correct in emphasizing the importance of seeking the treatment of a licensed medical professional. our article speaks for itself in promoting that as well. that being said, we do welcome different views from our readers, but remind fellow readers and posters that the discussion here is not meant to replace the advice and treatment of a medical professional.

anon6466
Post 27

Hello my name is Sarge and well I am really trying to figure out if I am just down or having a breakdown. I will start at the beginning 3 months ago my wife left me. She said she wasn’t happy. After that I started putting things together and found out she had a boyfriend. Been dealing with that fine I think. Last month I met the most perfect lady was great for about two weeks. Well let me back up when I met her I didn’t want another relationship. But it just happened. But anyway things were great, better then great. I haven’t felt this good ever. But as fast as it started we went badly. I started sitting outside her place checking up on her. I don’t now way I put it in my head she was messing around behind my back. It was almost like I was hopping she was. Well thing excelled from there and we broke up for a short time. See she is going through a 28 yr. divorce and mine is a 10 yr. I want to help her and every time I messed things up. Well this last time I started sitting outside her place again checking up on her. I know she isn’t cheating she has never gave me a reason to think that but my mind just gets to running and then I just get stupid. Well in the past two weeks I have lost a uncle and a aunt. My uncle I wasn’t close to. My aunt we talked off and on but still not really close. But found myself really emotional. At the present time I and my girlfriend are not talking much. She says she needs her space for the divorce. I can relate so I don’t have a problem with that. My problem is I am finding myself very emotional. I can’t stop thinking about her it doesn’t matter where or what I am doing she is on my mind. It is affecting my work my social life. I tried going out and drinking didn’t help. The more I drank the more emotional I got. I can’t even set a watch a move and see a emotional part in it without tearing up. I have lost 16 pounds in the last month. I don’t eat. When I think I am hungry I buy like a big Mac and fries. I can’t even eat all my big Mac and Fries. This used to not be a problem till me and her started having problems. Guess what I am needing to now am I have a nervous break down or am I just feeling emotional because of the holidays. I really need to know because one more thing happens well I just don’t thing I can stand anymore.

anon6456
Post 26

I weighed 301 pounds in May. I started exercising, eating right and writing a script that's been in my head for year. By Nov. I was down to 195 pounds. In the last 3 weeks I've been bingeing and have gained 50 pounds. If I could pinpoint what triggered this I could stop it. I think my only friend dumped me. I told him I was raped by 3 different men. First when I was 10, 2nd at 18 and then 30. I said the last time I had consensual sex was in 1994 and the last rape was in 1995. I told him I felt ready to have a relationship and have sex and wanted to know how a man would react to this information. He said very nice things and made me feel normal. I haven't heard from him since. I get depressed easily. Nobody wants me fat or skinny. I'm a caregiver and my last vacation was 7 years ago when I od'd and spent 3 days in the hospital for observation. If I didn't have food to turn to I'd have nothing. Nobody has ever taken care of me and I'm just tired of everything being the same. If I could go back 3 week and eat right, exercise and write my script, everything would be o.k. How can I start over?

anon6334
Post 25

I have a problem, my oldest sister seems to be having a nervous breakdown and i don't know what to say to her anymore. I really need some help.

olittlewood
Post 24

i think the term "nervous breakdown" is used to casually. as a mother of three children, i bandy that term around pretty frequently with my friends and family. example: "i was shopping at walmart today, and the baby was crying and the other two were tearing food off the shelves. i thought i was going to have a nervous breakdown!" i've never had any problems with depression or any other mental illness in my life, but stressful life events such as a job loss or financial trouble can put you close to the edge of feeling like you're going to break down. i think we need to identify what pushes us over "our" edge to the point where we feel like we can't function in our particular lives and come up with a plan on how to cope. take a nap, meditate, say a prayer, call a friend or eat a cookie! i don't want to minimize the real problem of emotional or mental illness, but i think that a lot of normally "healthy" people can feel "crazy" every once in a while. it's good to have a fall back plan when that happens.

anon5189
Post 23

There certainly are chemical imbalance issues which can cause mental irregularities and are best treated with chemical solutions. A lot of people who present with signs of depression though really just need truly caring, empathetic human contact. The Internet, paradoxically, has made it easier to communicate in some ways, but has also caused some to withdraw from good old fashioned mano a mano social interaction. It's naive to say a hug will cure everything, but a lot of people just need to feel a warm, caring body next to theirs so that they don't feel so alone in the world.

anon5062
Post 22

My sister, Missy has been taking care of her 20 year old daughter for right at a year now due to a horrible car accident that left my niece with a traumatic brain injury. She has a shunt to help drain off her brain fluid and has suffered a few strokes that has left her right side paralyzed. This is the second accident my niece has been in and strangely it is very similar to an accident she had just 5 years earlier where she suffered a brain injury and recovered, but this time she has not recovered fully. My sister does every single thing for my niece 24-7 because Jessica can't do it for herself. My sister is very worried because the doctors say that Jessica could develop another shunt infection, which almost took her life not too long ago. My sister has just suffered her second, what she calls, episodes, where she loses all control of her leg muscles along with the loss of any other muscle control and she drops like dead weight. The first time she didn't hurt herself too bad but just yesterday she was in her kitchen and lost muscle control again and this time she hit her face very hard on her countertop, she said it was like slow motion and this time she wasn't able to still hear and see, she said she must've gotten knocked out, and when she came to she said both of her eyes were almost swollen shut and there is a gash in between her eyebrows. She has been very angry lately and cries constantly, is way stronger than normal when she becomes angry. She can't sleep at all. She is always running to see if Jessica is still breathing. Is this a nervous breakdown? And how can I make her understand to go to the doctor, she seems to think that nothing will happen to her and she can't see the seriousness of this. Before the wreck happened Missy was very level headed and was very upbeat, the normal happy person, but now she is extremely depressed and has shortness of breath and chest pains sometimes!!!

tasha32
Post 21

I have had a so called nervous breakdown not too long ago. It was an awful experience. I think that it is a condition not to be taken lightly. I wanted to kill myself, I was so angry and I didn't know why. I have been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. I have had this all my life, I just didn't know it until way later in life. I took my family through a rough time but they stood by me at that time and if it was not for borrowed prayers I don't know were I might be now. Iam better now, just wish that I could get some sleep at night, that is my only problem now but all in all I am here.

anon4944
Post 20

glenrobsar, my ex used to work for a govt defense contractor and had a top security clearance. when we could have used some counseling, we feared to get it for the same reason as you. however, later (too late) we learned that the company had it's own in-house counseling department that we might have benefitted from. if you don't have that option, you would be wise to begin sending your resume around and testing the waters for getting another job. won't be long, unless it's already happened, til you're one of the few worker bees staggering under the dead weight of all the drones. the problems at your work all stem from incompetent hiring and management and it's a major problem in more work settings than you would believe. good luck and take your experience, skills, and work ethic somewhere else where you will be appreciated, but be smart about it and do your homework first.

glenrobsar
Post 19

I'm worried about being at the start of a nervous breakdown. I'm pretty scared to go to anyone about it because of my security clearance. Every day that I go to work, I have to sit and force myself to go through the motions of getting ready. I dread entering the door to the building. Every time the higher-ups come by, they want more and more info that we are not manned to take time and get them. I have more and more of my people under me pulled out (especially the well-trained) and given new people with no training. When I voice my displeasure with this practice I'm told to shut up and stop complaining and to "deal with it". I've been at my job a little over 19 years and have dealt with a lot of crap, but I'm at my wit's end! I know it's wrong but I want to jump over the desk and beat the tar out of some of the people above me or just yell back at how stupid they are. I know I'm close to losing it but I feel that if I go to mental health then I'll jeopardize my clearance and I can't have that. Any advice?

anon4723
Post 18

A nervous breakdown isn't a medical term so HR can't do anything for you if you just tell them you had a nervous breakdown. But if you go to the doctor and get diagnosed with depression or anxiety or something, that's a medical condition and then the company can't mess with you because you have a medical condition!

anon4720
Post 17

I was told by my Human Resources department today that I had not experienced a nervous breakdown. What does he know? I was bullied by my senior management and I felt so low that I cried everyday at work. I had dreams that I was ending it all and felt the pressure of everyday life so hard. Now with anti-depressants I am starting to feel a bit better although I am still frightened to walk out of the door in case my manager sees me and want to hurt me. Does this sound normal to you?

The HR guy said he needed a doctor's report to tell him if I had had a breakdown.....What!!!!! I know that I did and that life is starting again for me

anon4556
Post 16

My stepdaughters mother has said she was "crazy" and had a nervous breakdown. Her daughter knows all about it and even tells her mother that she is crazy. Everyone has always thought that the mother was a little off, but how safe is the environment for her kids?

anon4474
Post 15

Everything happened so fast....4 days ago my 19year old brother(a college student, a part time grocery clerk)and I were having our typical days-end discussion..

Fast forward...>>he has since been to the psych department, hears voices, sees celebrities, thinks everyone is conspiring to kill him, wont eat or drink and has absolutely no idea who I am.....

This wonderful young man..never smoked, drugged or drank...never cursed, confronted or fought, now has spent the last 2 nights sedated and oacassionally strapped down to his bed...

It started as what appeared to be an inability to focus during a conversation, ramped up to seeing and hearing voices and finally to threats of killing myself and the rest of his family...This all transpired in 72hours as we watched in horror at the transformation..

As of this writing the care facility is in the process of getting court ordered documents allowing them to force(if necessary)him to take medication..

I pray that this is short-lived...I keep asking myself Why? How? We never noticed any signs prior to that, that there was anything wrong and its simply ripping us apart emotionally......

mustardseed
Post 14

If your wife is in the midst of a nervous breakdown, first reaffirm her and your devotion to her. She needs to know that she has you to fall back on. Understanding that no one would ever desire to be in the state which leads to and then culminates in a nervous breakdown is important. It would be helpful to do some research so you understand what she is feeling. It can be one of the most terrifying things you can experience. Help your wife seek counseling and a physician to talk about her problems and find relief. She obviously may not be able to do a lot of things she use to, be patient she needs time. And, yes, I have been through this before and can say without a shadow of a doubt, that you need support - both husband and wife. Further, if you don't already know God it is a good time to turn to HIM and ask for help. He can help bring peace into a situation which seems at the time hopeless. Plus, reading the Bible can bring peace too - especially the Psalms.

anon4389
Post 13

How does one deal with a wife who has symptoms of a nervous breakdown?

oceana1
Post 11

hello,i am wondering if anyone can give me advice.10years ago my 17yr old was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer,he beat it twice but the 3rd time it came back he was 14yrs old,he has been on palliative care ever since,for the last year he has withdrawn from friends and schooling,his health remains stable,but mentally i am not so sure,after 4yrs we have finally got a counselor for him,but our relationship has taken a lot of knocks,he refuses to go on holiday even,he wont go anywhere he says he feels like he has nothing in common with normal people,lately i have changed,i saw the gp who said that pills wouldn't help as i need to be focused on my sons other health conditions,he also said that because of our circumstances,there might not be the right help out there for me,so i came out even worse than i went in, i feel different too,i used to be content,and focused on life,now i couldn't give a damn,i have recurring suicide thoughts, and i pray that when i go to bed i wont wake in the morning,but i do,and so the day starts again,i forgot to mention that i am a single parent,as his dad walked out the day he was diagnosed because he said i could cope better,i could, but this last year i have found things increasingly difficult,am i depressed or going mad or having a breakdown.

anon3279
Post 10

Nervous Breakdown is the old term for dissociative mental break.

Many causes are claimed for these sudden mental events. But in the 1960's designers found a problem with the physiology of sight relative to the vision startle reflex that could cause such an episode. The office cubicle was designed to deal with the phenomenon. These events do not happen where cubicles are used.

One of the first symptom of Subliminal Distraction exposure is hearing voices. You do not have to be mentally ill to hear voices and victims usually have an explanation that involves paranormal sources or magic.

These events happen around the world as Culture Bound Syndromes. Each ethnic group explains the event in terms of their culture and belief set.

The Virginia Tech shooter had created the "special circumstances" for SD exposure. When he had the expected mental event he acted out the psychotic delusions by killing 32 people.

L K Tucker

anon2319
Post 9

Yes there is help fot a nervous breakdown.

I have been seing a herbalist, she is restoring my health, you have to be paitient.

anon2307
Post 8

I TOTALLY AGREE with the Psychic medium...I work with people who have disabilities and mental health issues...who is to say they are NOT seeing and hearing things?

anon2258
Post 7

what are the best medicine for the nervous breakdown?

anon2047
Post 6

To the above. You are not psychic you are delusional, you have never been properly diagnosed. You create the fantasy of it, what you experiance is not real. Your imagination is just so fluid that you can cope with it.

anon511
Post 1

You can't assume that people who see people who aren't there and hear voices are having any sort of mental illness. I, for example, am a medium. Spirits talk to me and I hear them. I've never been diagnosed with mental illness, have a graduate degree and own two businesses, am as sane as the average person. What makes me different is that I'm psychic. The medical profession should research this area so that they're not unnecessarily medicating people.

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