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What is a Mommy's Boy?

Some sons enjoy a close relationship with their mothers in childhood.
A mommy's boy tends to have a special attachment to his mother in adulthood.
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  • Last Modified Date: 19 August 2014
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A mommy's boy is a boy or a man who has a very close relationship with his mother. As an adult, the man may talk to his mother on a daily basis and spend more time with her than some consider normal. Often, he will turn to his mother when he needs advice and may respect her opinion above that of other family members and friends. In some cases, he may continue to live at home with his mother far longer than most adults. Such a man willingly does things for his mother whenever she needs help and vice versa.

Usually, the term carries negative connotations, and these men are seen as overprotected, smothered, and incapable of doing things for themselves. Interestingly, however, daddy's girls are not viewed as negatively. As such, it may be concluded that many view a close and protective relationship between a father and daughter as healthy, yet consider a man’s close relationship with his mother wrong and unnatural.

Often, the person who has the strongest feelings of displeasure concerning a man's relationship with is mother is his wife or girlfriend. Frequently, a woman in this position feels insecure about the attention the mommy's boy gives his mother, and she may believe his attention should be centered on her. The wife or girlfriend may be angered when her partner seeks his mother's advice or shares intimate details about their relationship with her. Women in this situation often become extremely resentful of the mother/son relationships.

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In all fairness, the mother of a mommy's boy may feel jealous and resentful as well. She may believe her son's significant other isn't good enough for him, for example, or that no woman is really good enough for her son. In some cases, the mother may actually interfere with her son's romantic relationship, attempting to cause problems and remain the center of his attention. The man may be unaware or unwilling to face up to the negative emotions or behavior of either woman in his life.

Though being a mommy's boy is often viewed negatively, it is interesting to note that many people think a man's treatment of his mother is indicative of the way he will treat his wife or girlfriend. If that is true and the man can love both women, a man who has a good relationship with his mother may actually be a good partner in a close, romantic relationship. That is, of course, if the new woman can find a way to embrace his mother and gain her acceptance as well.

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anon944752
Post 116

@anon247429: I do not agree with you at all. Being a Mummy's boy is not normal. There can be love for the mother, of course, but the girlfriend/wife should never be treated disrespectfully or be unappreciated (even if not done on purpose).

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 15 years and we have two beautiful kids together, but the relationship is now dying because of him being a mummy's boy. I get along well with his mum and she treats me like a daughter. I can't complain about her, but she just never sees me as her son's partner and she is never letting go. I am always second in everything: discussions, holidays, dinner, outings, you name it. If there is something I want to discuss with my boyfriend, it has already being discussed with his mom first. She calls every day to ask him if he wants to eat her food, as if I am useless and cannot cook. She calls for him to go to walks with him. If we go somewhere, she is always there. If I plan something, the plans then change to something else because mum suggested it. Aagh!

He got sick and I was out of the picture completely. I think the doctors thought he was not actually in a relationship, but that he was a 36 year old guy living with him mum. If he has news, mum comes first. I have felt so useless and unloved. I feel I need to get out before it makes me ill.

anon941799
Post 115

Someone once said, that it should never have been part of a wedding ceremony when the dad gives away his daughter. Instead, it should be ceremonial that the mother hands over her son.

kat1716
Post 114

I would also like to add that my m.i.l is lovely, I like her and we get on very well. This can also make the situation difficult as I really don't want to upset her. I have tried to be subtle at times but get nowhere. When I have made it more obvious in what I'm trying to say, I worry that I may've gone too far. I don't want to fall out with her at any cost.

anon940879
Post 113

All these posts are saying exactly the same. That your man is always going to choose his mum over you. I can't compete with my mother-in-law because she gives, gives, gives and does, does, does and he never has to give or do anything in return. How can anyone compete with that?

This is why the mothers always win! Because in normal relationships there needs to be give and take and mutual respect. My boyfriend goes to his mum, rants and raves and eats all her food and she says nothing! When I tell him his behaviour is unacceptable he thinks I'm crazy and trots across the road where he can do anything and his mother will still worship him.

womanhelp
Post 112

Unfortunately, I married a mamma's boy in January 2013, and this is my love marriage. But now our love marriage seems a hell marriage. From the start, his mom never liked me and my family.

I don't have any problem with his mom's daily basis calls, but now she is creating problems in my married life. She has a problem with my family. She says all kinds of rubbish about my family members and expects me to listen silently. Now she wants me to leave my own family. And my husband didn't say a single word to her.

I don't know what should I do. I am in India so divorce is not easy for me as it will affect my parents.

anon347507
Post 111

I am going insane with my boyfriend’s mother. Every day, she rings him and some days three or four times, and has the most stupid things to talk about, like what the weather is like, what he’s doing for the day, blah, blah.

I argue with my boyfriend all the time, saying don't be telling her personal things in our life because I don't want her knowing my business, but the rows get so bad and he won’t listen or consider my feelings. He just keeps on answering the calls and all.

He tells her all she wants to know and I’m sick of it. I feel she’s putting strain on the relationship, but it’s like talking to the wall with my boyfriend; he adores her that much.

I live with my boyfriend, but her calls are doing my head in. I’ve just given up trying. He is the love of my life and the first lad who has treated me right and I would be lost without him. I just can’t stand her. She has nothing better to do with her life than ring him up all time with stupid things.

Sometimes were in the middle of going shopping and she rings and he answers straight away, with me looking like a fool waiting until he is done on the phone. It’s very rude. I do get mad at him. I give up. Something I have accepted is she is a loser with no life and loves being nosy about our lives and he is worse for telling her everything she wants to know. I just have put up with it forever and I try my best not to let it get to me, but even the sound of the phone ringing makes me want to throw it out the window and go mental on her.

The worst part is she loves me loads and must think I adore her, but I can’t tell her to stop ringing. She would tell half the county about it and would get people to feel sorry for her. She doesn't work. She’s on welfare and only 53. I think she is just pure lazy and loves scabbing off others, but no way will she be taking a cent off me and my partner. I won’t let it happen. God only knows what’s going to happen when I have children. She’ll be calling 100 times a day, sticking her nose into our business.

If anyone has any advice on how I can deal with it better when the phone rings and not let it get to me, I would really appreciate hearing from someone. I am done talking to him about it. It gets me nowhere and I’ve been with him four years now. Does anyone have any advice to keep me calm and not care? I find it so hard.

anon347210
Post 110

My suggestion is "Please never marry a mommy's boy."

anon290498
Post 109

Ladies, I certainly can understand where some of you are coming from with mothers who are overly clingy how that could be very irritating. I can also understand where it is very bad when a man spends more time with his mother than his wife.

I must say though, that some of you have real insecurities, emotional hang ups and are extremely controlling and jealous.

If the so called momma's boy does not clearly meet the description of 1 or 2 and you leave him just know that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

You may get something far worse than a guy who loves and respects his mother in another relationship.

anon289383
Post 108

I just ended a three-year relationship with a mommy's boy and all these stories seem to have the same problems. Your man spends all his time in his mother's face. The intimacy, romance and respect is missing. Instead, you get judgement and demeaning comments to the point of verbally abusive. Anything not to take away from or displease mom.

Your man seems like a surrogate husband and you are there just to be arm candy for the socially acceptable circumstances. I too, thought if he treats her well, he will be good to me to. We went out for two and 1/2 years and I questioned a few things but dismissed them then. What a great guy he was!

Then I moved in. Wow, did things get ugly quick. She was horribly rude and mean and he did nothing about it. He then started acting the same way. I tried to talk to him, only to be told I was nagging, fat, selfish and many other names before I got cut off and was told to go away and punished.

I have more respect for myself then to allow someone to treat me that way. I gave him an ultimatum and eventually left. I'm glad I did!

anon286567
Post 107

I can totally relate. I have been with my boyfriend for three years and some months. Recently I asked him to go to a resort with me instead of going out with his mother, and I was glad that he agreed. But then when we got there, I thought this woman lost her son or something with the the amount of time she spent on the phone with him. Mind you, we only went for a weekend.

This has been ongoing. They are so close it sickens me. When she is sick, he takes care of her instead of her husband and she always wants him to do things for her and buy her stuff. She is OK with me, but I feel it is too contentious since he is 36 and I'm 32 and she won't give him the encouragement to start his life. He even sometimes sleep with her, and she does everything for him. I don't know if I can be with him anymore.

anon284204
Post 105

My mother-in law actually thought my husband should leave me at home in a snow storm (knowing I would be snowed in) to stay at her house because that's where he should be and should not be out driving in the snow (he is a professional driver; it's what he does for a living).

When we first moved into our own place together she would make family size aluminum pans full of his favorite foods such as chicken alfredo, lasagna, etc. However, I am a vegetarian and I could not eat any of it. Before we moved in together, she suggested that we fix up her basement and live in it. Previously, when my husband was not around, she would make comments stating that when it came down to it and he needed support "they only had each other" referring to him, his sister and his mother.

We actually lived in her house for a few months and I thought I would completely lose it. One morning she actually knocked on our door (which was his childhood bedroom) to wake him up for work. She didn't want him to be late.

On our first married Christmas, we decided to spend Christmas Eve at her house with the family and chose to be at our home on Christmas Day so my stepson could be at home to open his presents and we could begin our own family holiday traditions. Well, she made it very clear to me and informed me that she was jealous that I was going to have "her boys" with me on Christmas. My father-in law told me in front of my mother-in law on a separate occasion from the one just mentioned that his wife was jealous of me – now this is coming directly from my father-in law.

Before we could move in to our own home, we had to reside in at her house for a few months until the house was ready. She was not happy that we were getting our own house. She did not and still has not congratulated us on the new house. As a matter of fact, she couldn't deal with us moving our furniture, did not help at all and was so hurt by it all. We moved literally about eight minutes away from her house driving. Really? Are you serious?

Once we moved into our home, I basically refused to go back to her house. We were in our house for months before she ever came by to visit and when she came, she brought my husband his favorite cake. She comes to our house every now and again and she must always bring something. She can't just visit. With the economy being what it is and my husband's part-time work hours being cut, we were having some financial difficulty, making it hard to keep groceries in the house the way we once did. We always have food in the house. It may not be what we want but by no means are we starving. My husband works crazy hours so for lunch he would stop by mom's house to see her periodically or whatever. She started cooking lunch for him and now he goes over there almost daily.

Since we moved out of her house things have not been so bad because she can't control what goes on at my house and she hates that, but of course, she can cook her son lunch every day at her house. Now she loves telling me that she does not cook as much as she used to when both her kids/husband were home. However, every day, my husband comes home with a plate for only him (remember I'm a vegetarian). One day I went to pick up my stepson from her house, and as soon as I walked in the door she told me I needed to fix my husband a plate for him. I completely ignored her and sat down after my visit and when I was about to leave she got up and fixed a to-go plate for my husband because she knew I wasn't going to do it.

Oh, a while back, when we were still living at her house, we were having a cookout. My husband was the one cooking on the grill and as the cook, he was eating as he cooked. She said to my husband, “Since your wife won't fix you a plate, I will.” Also, every time I have a party or event at my house, she tries to take over the menu and make it her party. One time – the first and only time we asked her to make one entree – she took over the entire event. I was pissed, so now I simply tell her I don't need anything. Now trust me, I hold my own and made it very clear to my husband that I will not have her disrespecting me when she would make family size pans of his favorites. I told him if I ever walked in my house again and looked in my fridge and there was a pan of food from his mother that I cannot eat he could go back home and I meant it, and he knew it. That never happened again and I have literally trashed whole pans of food because I wasn't having it. I made it very clear that never will my husband be staying at her house while I am snowed in at our house. How dare she?

When she brings him his favorites, that's when I become the community volunteer and donate food to others less fortunate. When she finally did decide to visit her son at our home she would refuse to eat any food I cooked, so I returned the favor. Anytime I was at her house (and that's the ultimate slap in the face in her book) I would not eat any of the food she offered After I realized she was waiting until my husband was not around to say inappropriate things to me, I made it very clear to him that I have never ever said anything to disrespect his mother and I expect the same from her. And, I told him that if she said ever says another thing directly to me that I deem as unacceptable I was going to rip her a new one (just wanted to give him a heads up).

For a while, he could not see or chose not to see what I was telling him. His eye-opener was the morning she knocked on his bedroom door to wake him up for work, knowing his wife was lying right next to him. He could not believe it, and that's when he started setting boundaries. I'm trying to put a stop to the food she is cooking for him daily. He likes to allow himself to believe that he only goes over there for the food. He sees nothing wrong with this and that's what's pissing me off. I told him that it is O.K. every now and again but she could not handle that and now it's every day she is making something for him, but of course she tells me she never cooks anymore.

I'm going to put a stop to it one way or the other. I told him that him going there feeds into her sickness and makes it harder for her because she obsessed with him. I've dealt with it for as long as I'm going to and I'm done. I'm going to make it clear to him again, show him this website and even share this with a therapist so he can really see just how sick this is.

I've even told him that she wants him for herself. As you can see, I don't have a problem speaking my mind. Her illness is getting worse now because he is feeding into by showing up at her house so often, and I want him to see that that regardless of what his reasons are, it's sick. He's lost sight again and she's out of control again. As his wife, I refused to have to compete with his mom. He knows she is jealous of his relationship with me and I am not going to be apologetic for our relationship because she can't handle it. This is her issue, not mine.

I am not jealous of her and I will not allow her to run my life. She is enjoying herself now because she is cooking for him. Since she's been doing so, she has barely said a word to me because she knows she is wrong. A sensible woman in her right mind would provide a plate for her son/daughter in-law/or would suggest that her grown son go have lunch at his house so I am going to check him or leave him. I'm prepared for both. I've had it!

anon279632
Post 104

I was in a relationship with the love of my life for the past six years and last month he told me that if his mom says no to our marriage, he will not marry me, but he would wait forever for my hand. He told me to my face that I am an ungrateful person, and that other guys would have dumped me if I gave them half the problems he's having because of me now (problem = asking him why is he so dependent on his parents even after six years in a relationship).

I left him for good. It hurts, but I know I deserve better than this.

anon264574
Post 103

Honestly, there are a lot of insecure woman in this world. A person's relationship with their mother, no matter how close, doesn't bother me at all, unless she's meddling. Other than that, pack a lunch, call him 10 times a day. I am his wife, not his mother! In that dynamic I know my place. And I am not insecure or jealous of someone's mother!

anon258926
Post 102

I, too, am dating a mama's boy. He is 24 and relies on her for pretty much everything.

She calls him several times a day, texts just as much, and makes him go on trips with her every vacation he gets.

She is racist, too. Because I'm Hispanic she claims I will trap him with a baby. I'm 26 and have never trapped anyone with a baby. I have no children. In fact, his stupid mom had him when she was 24! Yet I'm the one who traps men?

She's a gold digger and the most immature 40 something year old woman I have ever known.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

madeleine
Post 101

OK, so here's my story. I met an (Arab) man (I know just right there) who told me he was divorced with two boys who were in England. I believed him. (I know, stop right there, again.) and since he seemed like a gentleman, we continued dating. I had no reason to doubt him.

After about three months, he revealed that he was married to his first cousin back in Syria but that he had left her two years earlier and would divorce her but the dowry was too high and he couldn't afford it. He said not to worry and so I just put it all on a back burner. But, it became very evident to me that his mother and his family disliked me because I'm an American, non-Muslim, woman.

We continued our relationship, which was beautiful with the exception of those times his family attempted to get him to break it off with me. Very recently (after dating him almost two years) he told me that we had to be "just friends" because he is under an incredible amount of pressure to give his marriage a second chance. In fact, he (and his mother) have written the immigration papers to bring his wife here -- a woman who can't speak English, has no education, and is 25 years younger than him. I was so hurt that I wanted to break it off with him completely, but I love him and it's so hard.

He says he wants me and loves me and that he doesn't love his wife. But, he says his wife may show up here any day. I'm being tortured by this. What do you people think?

anon255484
Post 99

I have been married to my husband for nearly six years now and we have known each other for 12 years -- ever since college, that is. And during that time, he always stayed away from his home as much as possible. He always did things that he wanted to do and not what his mom dad said or thought were right.

But since we have been married, it feels like although she doesn't live with us, she is always here. She said to do it this way and that way, and he doesn't want to see my point if everything goes wrong and I dared to blame it as her fault (or because of her suggestion). My married life is so affected because of her "do this" and "I told you so."

I have had ruined birthday dresses, parties, my daughter's earrings piercing..so so so many incidents. Help.

anon253434
Post 98

I have dated a guy for 12 years and his mom is very close to her son (only child, single parent). He is 32 and I am 36. He cannot do anything without his mother's knowledge, or vice versa. He has to be at work at 7 a.m., and she calls every morning to wake her Boo-Boo (his nickname she calls him) up. She calls him from once a day up to as many as 20 times a day and she even calls at night to remind him to pack his lunch. She will bring food over to make sure he eats while I sit and watch him be grateful for the food while I have to feed myself. Even though his mom makes good money from her job, she borrows money from him every week (she is a gambling addict).

I tried to call her and explain that he is a grown man and she needs to step back and be his mother, not his wife, but all she kept saying was he will always be “my baby,” and she will take care of him until he's 80 if she is still alive.

This woman (and her 73 year old mom) even came to our house at 11:30 p.m. to clean the bathtub so he could take a shower. What? Oh and she will come to our house and clean when I'm not here, like he can't. She used to live an hour away until three weeks ago when she was evicted. Now she lives two minutes away and is trying to get a place right beside us!

anon251465
Post 97

Oh I'm so pleased I found this site! I've just ended a nearly two-year relationship and engagement, because I can't spend the rest of my life being second best to his mummy.

He's spent the last two Christmases with her (I'm not even considered. I wasn't even told until 3 months after it was all arranged, and then I had to ask!). I've made my feelings very clear: no silly games, just the truth, yet on the day my mum was rushed into the hospital, he went to go on holiday with his mum.

I wasn't told, it wasn't discussed, and I certainly wasn't invited. So fine. If he loves mummy best, then he can be with her. Oh and obviously she hates me. I guess that was a given!

anon249019
Post 96

I have a mom who is quite controlling (coming from a guy).

I was diagnosed at birth with COPD, and it is used as an excuse all the time. Mom says don't do this because of your health.

Also another excuse is age. Mom is older, so she knows best. I recently had to tell her multiple times she is wrong, because she tried correcting me on a topic I know better (computer science).

The problem is deep down I know she is smothering me, but it's either go with it or lose all support (also known as empty threats).

anon247429
Post 95

I know what some of you are going through. My boyfriend who is 10 years older than me and has his own job lives with his Mom. I moved in with him (left my family to move from CA to SC).

I found out after a few months I was pregnant with his baby. Every time we discussed something that would bring us closer, or him taking care of the baby, his mom would step in and say I need this or Son don't you need that instead? He chose her over me and his baby every time.

I am still pregnant but I moved out and back to CA. I begged him to come with me, he said he couldn't leave his mom. He won't even be here for the birth of his child. It's unbelievable. I know I can do it myself as I already was a single mom before this. But I never thought I would have to go through this alone again.

anon244288
Post 94

Some women just can't accept the concept of parental respect. They need to go find an orphan who will worship them, or someone with less parental respect than themselves (which could prove difficult. Unless it's another woman, in which case it shouldn't be too hard at all).

anon238278
Post 92

Okay, so defenders of the overbearing mothers, enter this post on the "immaturity meter" you seem to possess and tell me what the outcome is.

I met him when we were both 37. She bought him underwear for Christmas -- at the first time I ever met his family I might add. Then there were the "visits" to our home when I moved in with him, without a call or even a knock at the door. She'd just saunter right in and crash on the couch for days. Oh, and then she'd come into our bedroom when were were sleeping to "wake him up for work." Shall I go on?

Any of you people who are defending sick, deranged and pathologically narcissist individuals of this nature clearly have something in common with them. Get help for yourself instead of attacking those who have had to endure emotional vampires in their lives.

anon237479
Post 91

I've recently started seeing a man who turned 22 a few days ago. I am soon to be 26. I know he prefers older women. I had wondered for the last couple of days what kind of relationship he has with his mum. Seems my intuition was right.

He's a night person. At 4:20 this morning, after getting a little steamy with me, he left the bed to go watch tv with his mum in her room. I'm completely freaked out by it. Aside from my opinion that this is unhealthy, I also think it was highly inappropriate.

anon236168
Post 89

I read a lot of these posts, but mine is a little different. I have two mommy boys who seem to not be able to go out and live on their own. One 26 and one is 28. They're both married and both wives have a problem with this. I even have a problem with it and they're my kids. My oldest boy can't do anything without his mom.

People have actually said they act like they're married and I also have told my wife that it's gotten that bad. I can't seem to be able to teach them how to be men and be responsible adults. She has that hold on them.

When I try to talk to them it's like I'm talking to a wall or they get mad and think that I don't love them. Anybody have any advice for me?

silence87
Post 88

Many of the people commenting are trying to prove that it's an oedipus complex and loving one's mom is a bad thing or trying to make it into incest. But from my personal experience, what I've seen is completely different.

The most respected person and the person whom I do obey most is my mother. According to you I may be a mommy's boy. I had a six year relationship with a girl and she's probably was the love of my life, but from the beginning of our relationship she didn't like my mom. My mom really liked her but I don't know why she always felt jealous of my mom. Even at some point of our relationship I had to stop talking with my mom for a while just to make her happy. She wanted me to give her the most respect and obey her like the way I obey my mom. The most weird thing was she wanted me to call her mom while having sex.

I'm not saying she does not love me but what she wanted was really impossible for me. She didn't even like my mates and friends. Literally she wanted me to worship her! Is this called love? Thank God I'm single now. I feel alone but it's better than worshiping a human being. Anyway, I wish her a happy life with her new boyfriend.

anon235505
Post 86

Here is one for you. I'm actually civil partnered to the 'mommy' and the strong bond between her and her adult son has proved a nightmare for our own relationship. He lived at home until recently, mostly unemployed, never contributed. His longtime girlfriend dumped him. He is here daily and into the night and when not here, he calls frequently.

It's 3 a.m. on Sunday morning and my wife is downstairs on the phone with her son as I am left yet alone again. I'm in a three-party relationship and I see no future in it.

anon235361
Post 85

I married a mama's boy knowing how it might be and I can see now how she is trying to come between us but he doesn't see it.

Example. I was sick and went to the ER, and yes, he went with me. He talked to her after we got home and she was mad at me for keeping him out after he'd worked all day and he was tired? Excuse me! I had pneumonia!

I love my son too but I'd expect him to be with his wife, tired or not!

anon234687
Post 84

Thank God, I found this. I am married to the youngest of three brothers and I am giving a big warning. Beware the nice sweet elderly lady in her 70s and 80s. They, especially, get away with everything, they are the nearest to evil you can get, and ironically they constantly use the rosary beads in prayer. They have every ache and pain and are continuously looking for support and sympathy.

I may sound awful, but one night I arrived home early from my Weight Watchers class and well, I caught them discussing me on the phone and it wasn't pleasant. I am and was referred to as "she". Her true guise fell after 10 years of marriage. My other sister in law says we weren't lucky with our mother in law; how right she was.

anon229628
Post 83

If these mothers love their sons too much, why don't they marry each other? This shouldn't be a problem in the first place. --speaking my mind.

anon228409
Post 82

My husband's mother lives with us, and he is such a mommy's boy that he sleeps with her and I sleep alone. It's an Indian family, unbelievable. The guy is educated and has brothers in US, but mother will live only with this son in US. She cooks, cleans, washes and does everything for him to win his attention. She does not even allow us to go out or talk at home together. On one or two occasions my brother in laws helped to keep her out of our home and then my husband spent time with me. Seems like this marriage is going to end soon.

wendyyg2003
Post 81

I want to thank all the women who have posted on here with your personal stories! I have truly been living in a surreal nightmare. My husband's mom was completely verbally and mentally abusive towards me and my husband would literally back her up. I always blamed myself for these attacks and bent over backward doing anything and everything possible to seek their (my husband's) approval!

Please, if you're another woman out there and reading any of these heart-breaking accounts, and you feel sick to your stomach and have a revelation of understanding something for the first time and the revelation is you're no longer confused about your husbands behavior, run! Leave now! I stayed in denial for eight long years. My husband's mom is a master manipulator, liar, victim on the face of this planet. She literally controls my husband and her entire side of family. She is a true sociopath. There is something very sick about a woman who takes pleasure in abusing others, controlling her son and other family members. It's sad but the son of one of these mothers are sometimes just as much of a victim being completely brainwashed to the point that their mother is more important then their own children, wife and sometimes even their own father.

My husband was a very negative man -- always complaining and worried something bad was going to happen. He had serious anger issues, making us walk on eggshells. He would put me down in a passive-aggressive way. Sex was always used against me and I was told he was no longer attracted to me because I was such a nag. I am a petite woman and he was very rough with me. He would try to make me feel insecure and used control like it was a tv remote.

Control comes in a lot of forms, I know now. In fact, each of these behaviors I talked about above is a form. I might have stayed longer had his mother and her husband (not my husband's biological) were caught molesting my child. My husband's mom convinced everyone in my husband's family I was making it all up. They believed her, too. My husband's own sister accused my husband of doing it, saying he did it to her. My husband could not ignore the overwhelming evidence and barely chose me and his child over his mother's lies. While the detectives were investigating and arrested these demons, he could never stop feeling sorry for his mother, which physically made me sick.

These men are so messed up in the head by these mothers. They will never change and will have issues of trust, insecurity, control and intimacy for, most likely, the rest of their lives.

anon226449
Post 80

I have been married to a mummy's boy for two years, and he has not been interested in me at all from day one of our marriage. And we rarely have any physical connection, either. He always hears only his mother's and brother's words and never considers my feelings. Whenever his family creates some issues, he takes their part and argues with me. I am fed up. What to do?

anon222743
Post 79

When I got married, I found that my mother in law still purchased underwear for my husband who was 27 years old! We could not go to bed until she slept, because until she dozed off, my husband would just sit with her and talk to her. My mother in law and father in law seemed to have no relationship, father in law was always busy in his books, tv, friends etc.

We stayed married for six years and had two kids, but my husband never came out from his mother's womb and could never relate to me. He would share everything with his mom. I left him four years ago and I hope his mother is now happy to have him back 100 percent.

anon216860
Post 78

After reading all your stories and seeing most of you wanting advice, I am going to give you the heartbreaking truth, and I pray you all listen to me.

No matter what his mom says (either her or her words out of his mouth) it is not your fault. You are not the problem. The sad truth is that these mothers are in love with their sons, and vice versa.

You are a sexual surrogate because society forbids incest. That is the reason “she will always win,” as some of you have said. For all the charm these momma's boys have shown you, they have not shown you love. A man who truly loves you would never treat you the way these boys have.

Do not second guess yourself; you deserve more, and are worth more. For those of you with kids, completely cut off him and his mother. Otherwise, you pose the risk of his mother damaging your children as she has her own son. Protect your children. Do not expose them to your guy's sick and twisted relationship with his mother. Never allow them to think it is healthy or normal, because it isn't.

Stop taking the abuse, because everyone who has posted on here has been emotionally and mentally abused. Talk to a shrink and verify what I have said. Ask a shrink what the Oedipus complex is, because that is the problem with your momma's boy. See what they say, and know that you are a good person who deserves more out of life than fighting for the leftover “scraps” of affection he isn't giving his mother.

anon213904
Post 77

I have been dating my husband for years. Things were OK until we got married and moved to his house with his mother and family. I realize that they have become involved too much in our husband and wife life and his mother would like to decide everything, even how we would bring up our child. And he let her do that.

She abused me when I had just got back from the hospital after giving birth to our daughter and they do not let him to take care of me and the baby. He let them do that.

A lot has happened and one day I decided I had to leave their home and asked my husband if he would come with me. But, instead of choosing me and our child, he decided to stay with his parents, because he thinks it would make him a good son to them. This just happened last month and I am still hurt so much. I do not know if one day he would realize something, or it might be too late by that time.

amypollick
Post 76

@anon193311: If your boyfriend doesn't have your back now, he never will. Four years is a long time to put up with this. Sounds like you two need to get couples counseling, so maybe he can grow a backbone and stand up to this woman, if he really wants to spend the rest of his life with you. If not, say goodbye. Life is too short to spend the next 20 or 30 years with a woman who tears you down and is never happy. Just my two cents.

anon193311
Post 75

Help. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost four years. Our relationship has had its ups and downs. I am big chested, but I don't flaunt it or wear clothes that say "here they are." I try to keep them less noticeable. My boyfriend has no problem with them, but his mother can't seem to grasp the concept that they are just boobs, and I can't control the fact that they are big.

We went through a time period about a year ago, where every day she was saying rude comments about them in front of her family. She would make jokes, smart remarks, etc. She never has done them in front of me, but I would find out about the comments. She once was doing laundry and said to my boyfriend while lifting her bra up, “Her bras have to be so much bigger than this.” She made the comment at dinner in front of her family that the only reason why my boyfriend went out with me was because of my boobs. She's even said, “I bet she has to get special bras made.” But before the whole bra thing she would buy everything that I had, she would get: make-up, socks, hairspray, etc.

I had told my boyfriend countless times that I don't appreciate it and it hurts my feelings. And I thought maybe he finally said something to her.

Just when I thought things were getting better, she struck again. I was in a wedding this weekend, and the dress I had to wear was a long, pink, strapless chiffon dress. I loved it, even though it was strapless. My chest looked nice. The dress didn't make them look bigger or anything. While at the reception she comes over to me and says "I feel so bad for you in that dress." in front of everyone. And I told her I liked my dress and I didn't feel uncomfortable at all in it. She just looked at me. Then later on the next day, she said it again to me. I thought I was going to scream. I don't understand what the big deal is. My mom asked me how the wedding went and I said just fine, but later on when my mom and I were talking alone, I burst into tears and told her what she said.

I love my boyfriend, but I'm not going to spend the rest of my life having his mother pick me apart. She had facial faults but I am not going to stoop down to her level and make her feel insecure about them. I like his family, but not his mother. She has made it very difficult for me to like her. Help? Please.

anon191950
Post 74

@Post 73: You're certainly right, but there are also women who simply cannot seem to allow their boys to grow up and make decisions independently of themselves. These women obviously have attachment issues and many need counseling to find out why they have unhealthy relationships with their boys.

I think about my great-grandmother. She was the mother of five boys and seven girls. None, and I mean none, of her daughters-in-law were good enough for any of her boys. That included my grandmother, who was one of the finest Christian women ever to walk this earth. Her sons, for the most part, had the backbone to stand up to her and defend their wives, but it was always a battle. My grandmother probably got along as well with her as any of the in-laws, but it would have taken someone like Charles Manson to not get along with my grandmother.

I mean, just read Dear Abby. The controlling, domineering mother and milquetoast son is a common theme. Even taking into account that there are two sides to every story, there are far too many of the mommy's boy stories for them all to be untrue. As many accounts as I have read of these situations, there has to be some fire somewhere. There's just too much smoke for there not to be a fire in the area.

anon191652
Post 73

Some men may rely on their mothers more than they should, but I was a single mom, and my son and I are very close. My son never had a close relationship with his dad. He was never able to talk with him.

I raised my son to be a good man and caring and kind. I think there are a lot of women out there who are very insecure and controlling and when they don't have their husband's or boyfriend's attention 100 percent, they become jealous. And it's not only the boy's mother but other women too.

I have let my son go and become independent but no matter what I do, the wife is still jealous. Please seek help and get over your insecurities and all the other issues in your life. Look in the mirror and stop blaming everyone else but yourself!

anon182198
Post 72

Well, I have been reading all comments and I am relieved that there are other people out there suffering from the same thing! I'm dating a mother's boy who is 10 years older then me and I feel like this person is going to destroy me. I used to think it was my fault and beat myself up until my friends told me that I'm not that bad!

Right. Where do I start? I moved in with my boyfriend and the first conversation that I had with her was that it took two people to keep a house. When I moved in with him, I was going through a parental break up and my flatmates were not very nice so we moved in together. Anyway, a while passed and I really did not enjoy talking to her. Whenever I did, it involved stuff I could change about myself (this was after I felt better and pulled my weight). But I used to smile and grin and bear it. He used to always say she liked me. I stayed in the house and we had an argument. However, I pretty much immediately apologised.

His only brother shouted and screamed at me the next day and my mama's boy of a boyfriend let it happen. Anyway, more time passed and she told me no more arguing. This was because he always promised me that we'd go away and whenever we did, it was always to his mom's house. We were to spend New Year's in the place he lived after seeing his mother for a good few days before. She took control and said we were going to her friend's house. I wanted to be polite and I said nothing. He, however, did not either, and all the planning that I had put into spending it in his hometown went to waste as we reluctantly went to a kids' party at his mother's friend's house.

Due to her domination and control and nonstop going on about how we were going, the argument that we'd had in his house was yet again happening. He told me we'd go out in his hometown but she declared this was too expensive and we were going home now with her. Then we had an argument and that's when his brother screamed at me and he didn't do anything. His mother declared that she had "defused" the argument between his brother and me. However, he was roaring and screaming at me and I was trying to calm him down by just saying, come on pet, I've said I'm sorry to everybody. That day I asked my boyfriend to go into town with me as I didn't know the place. She said what is she looking for? A chaperone? I wasn't. I just wanted to spend time with my boyfriend and I didn't feel comfortable going into a city I didn't know by myself. Anyway, that horrible visit ended with me using my best fake smile as really I was in bits.

The boyfriend decided to spend Christmas with me and invited mummy along. I met mummy as he was working and she declared that she was here to see him, he asked her, did I understand that. I was again wearing my fake smile, said I did but it was good to see her. I later told him and he screamed at me, saying that she never said that and he didn't believe me.

She also told me that she didn't see what he saw in me. She was staying in our flat for 10 days and it really was hellish. I took her shopping and then just came back before we went elsewhere and I reheated the chinese that I'd ordered the previous night as I was working a sleepover and boyfriend finished work at 10. It was for a one off as it was more convenient. She demanded to see what I had reheated and I showed it to her, and it appeared to be up to her standards. Anyway, she and I went food shopping even though either they were supposed to go or we all were supposed to go.

We later cooked Christmas dinner together. She had pork in a load of fat in the oven and I didn't know. I was in my bare feet putting something into the oven, I think it was potatoes or something, and the fat dripped onto my feet. I squealed in pain as it was a natural reflex and she said, oh I will need to be very quiet from now on. She told me later that she didn't want my cooking and she was a very picky eater, she only ate her friends' cooking and she was very good at cooking and went on about food poisoning, as if my cooking was so bad that's what would happen if she ate it. Again I bore it all with a grin.

She continued to insult me and demean me over the Christmas dinner table. I grinned and took it. However, my boyfriend didn't say anything. I didn't have much money and I bought most of the Christmas decorations and nobody gave me any money. I had agreed to go halves with boyfriend on a turkey, yet he and his mum agreed that I and her would pay for the food. She didn't give me anything for the food that I had paid for and wanted me to pay two thirds of the bill and told my boyfriend that we were halving it. He took her side and believed her and I was made to look like I was the one only willing to pay the third.

He said he would take her shopping and he did. He bought me a jumper when he was out and she advised him to give it to me at a later date when I was being "good". She also demanded that I cook when I finished the backshift and they were both off all day. My boyfriend said he'd do it but she demanded I did. So fair deuce we did it together.

As time went on, I was on his playstation and saw a picture of this girl in her underwear who had interfered in our relationship previously I asked him quietly to remove it from there. Mom then demanded to know what was happening and I asked him to stop involving his mother. She said she involves herself, he told her and she said people are different, she obviously likes that part of herself and I was an idiot. She later told him that I wanted him to myself without friends, which is not true. I always encourage him to have friends.

She then told me she was sick of all this talking when I came in from a backshift because they were quiet people. All I was doing was trying to make polite conversation. I then didn't say anything. Then if I would ever talk she got off her seat and overpowered me, wagging her finger at me, telling me to shut up. My boyfriend did nothing about it.

Eventually, it got to be too much and I stood up for myself. She said she had not done anything wrong and started crying because she was very sensitive. He had not taken any of my feelings into consideration, yet he immediately took hers into account and demanded I apologise. When I tried to explain later, he just went off in a huff and said he would not listen to any bad words against his mum. All I was trying to do was explain what happened.

After that, I bought his mother flowers and him a PS3 magazine and she said apology not accepted. I was her problem. After that, they slept in the front room each on a couch. I went in to get something and she just looked at me and nodded her head in disgust.

He phoned a girl from the bathroom and she knew he did but they told me it was all in my head. She always tells him he's right for treating me badly, staying out all night. I ask him to let me know he's safe and he tells me no he doesn't have to because I'm not his mum. She asked him to ring her if we argue as she cannot sleep at night? So he does.

There is no civil way of talking to him anymore as he demands complete silence and if I talk, then he says he wants peace and quiet and either says he'll phone his mum or he does phone her. She's called me the devil woman also and encouraged him to work 90 hours a week when we first moved into the flat and I was wrong for wanting to spend more time with him as we had been apart for a year and a half. The rent was dear so he worked 90 hours a week. He could have worked less.

She tells him that she's right and my opinion doesn't mean anything in the nicest possible way. She has even made up that I called her phone nonstop and hung up. His brother accused me of ringing his girlfriend and asking where my boyfriend was when he was in London. I never did. My boyfriend advised his mum also that I never. At that stage there was more stuff being made up that my friend Sarah had been ringing his brother's girlfriend when she was with me and saying stuff about his brother. This never happened.

His mum also accused me of playing games with my boyfriend and manipulating him, when ever he does something wrong like staying out all night and me thinking he is dead. He is right, for example. His mother said I am all these bad things and he never stands up for me. I sent a card of apology and she dissed it saying I was thoughtless and argumentative not to send a letter.

She keeps bringing up that Christmas whenever he speaks to her and any other arguments he may have told her about. I am told to think before I speak and to look at my behaviour, I try and act calm but when he mistreats me I will say something then it's him and his mum can't believe my behaviour and the way I am. It's as if I am supposed to let him walk all over me and with her support, that is exactly what he is doing. His mum didn't like his previous girlfriend either.

I did my best to help him with a course he is studying, but she said it's my fault he is failing and he believes her. I honestly did my best to my own detriment to help him with his course.

His mother and father have split up and she didn't allow him to see his father after that. Anyway, she is so manipulative and needy she wants to be his world and reminds him all the time how good she was to rear him! Which he is supposed to be grateful for.

However it's him, he can't let go of the apron strings. I have tried to ask him to stop calling his mother but he won't. Anyway, I'm getting myself out of this situation in a few weeks as I can't stand it anymore and it's driving me insane and tormenting me.

My advice: stay away from mummy's boys. They will destroy you and it will never change. Or if you can't, you always be the other woman and you'll need to grin and bear it. But it will never change.

Anyway, thanks for reading this if you have. I know it's really long and maybe long-winded, but I wanted to explain my situation. Any thoughts please share them with me. Thanks for reading. Sorry it's so long!

anon177334
Post 71

Have you ever heard the saying, "if I can't have you, nobody can"? Well these mothers take this quote to a whole new level. Talk about a case of the Oedipus Complex; these mothers and sons take the cake.

Unfortunately, it never changes and more often than not the son remains in denial about what his mother's intentions really7 are towards his relationship. These mothers cannot, in a normal sense, fulfill their son's personal needs and can't seem to be unselfish enough to consider their happiness and developmental growth as an individual.

It is so sad and extremely unfortunate. Don't' waste your time! I did, and in nine out of 10 situations, my husband chose to spare her feelings at the price of destroying mine. Do not give these selfish individuals the satisfaction of continually causing you pain or destroying your relationship even. They will do it deliberately! Play their silly little game, and win. They won't change, unless he really takes a stand, or something drastic occurs. My husband stood up to his mother correctly one time, and she and his brothers put a guilt trip on him until the day he died.

Do yourself a favor: pretend that she is the best thing since sliced bread, then go home and throw up. Once you have secured your relationship with him, find a way to put a sufficient amount of space between the two of them while pretending you love her to keep your stress level low.

Once you have done this, you control the phone call, visits, money and everything else. At least she won't have the satisfaction or opportunity to wreak havoc in your life. Remember: don't let her or him know your true feelings. If he's too spineless to regulate, it will just cause you a lot of pain.

Bellaxo
Post 70

@Number 63: Your husband will drain your life more if you do not leave! Let that mother-in-law have him and they can live happily ever after, mummy and son forever! You only have one life. Live it without a jealous mother-in-law.

Bellaxo
Post 69

I don't understand 'why' these sons allow their mothers do be like this. They can put a stop to it. There are so many hard working, independent men out there. Why do some women stay?

I am living with a problematic, needy mother-in-law now, but once I move out of here, I am finished with her, for good! I will never be good with her, i have never met such a fake, needy person in my life. she acts all nice to me in front of my partner but as soon as he is not around, she will say a comment to put me down. But then I go out of my way to shut her down and shut her up!

I will not be treated like this! I know why her sons are not married, but they only are the ones to blame; they let her control them. Once I move, I am not wasting my life on a old, uneducated mother-in-law!

anon170074
Post 64

I am the 55 year old twin sister of my brother who still lives with mum. Since we were about 17 years old, he began drinking, and not a week went by that he didn’t terrorise mum, dad, and me. He had insane ramblings, awful abuse and real terror. My parents would often drive to the supermarket parking lot, or bushland and sleep in the car just to get away from him. The police were often called, and would haul him away for the night, but that didn’t work, because when the police let him out in the morning, he would be back to the house, even more aggressive and violent, often ripping off the door to get in. Funny thing is, that when police would come, he would be meek and mild in front of them.

There’s loads more I could tell, but it would take forever. He’s had girlfriends over the years, but the girls soon left. This went on until we were 47, when my father died. I had left and married, years before. He has since taken over completely now, but not so much drinking. Nonetheless, he is still aggressive and violent, naturally to me, but to mum as well. He will not leave, or help her around the house at all. I must go over to do it, and if mum left, he would follow her to the ends of the earth. It’s so strange. He seems to hate her and me] yet if he goes away for a few days, he has to call mum several times each day! He cannot even make a decision without mum. It’s always Mum, mum, help me with this. And she dares not refuse.

The most recent outburst, was just a couple of days ago, when I was trying to clean up piles of his junk to take to the tip. He did nothing. But when I suggested I take eight old batteries to the tip, he went off his head, completely, as usual. There is no reasoning with him. You can’t talk to him. And mum has tried for all those years, but to no avail. Now she’s very frail, and I’m so worried about her.

Yes, there’s been all the AA, mental health visits, and he’s been on an antidepressant for years, but nothing seems to work. I realize this story is somewhat different from others, but I have a real problem as mum gets older. She’s 80 this year, and now weighs 6 stone -- less than 40 kg -- and is not in good health, and with all this worry and misery still going on. I’m scared for her.

anon170062
Post 63

It's Easter, and I'm home sicker than a dog. Where is my husband? At mommy's house. Where was I last week when he was sick? Running everywhere getting medicine, food he would eat, clear fluids. Sad to say, we've only been married two years. We won't be married for three. This is just once in a long line of times he's picked her feelings over mine.

Last mothers day, not only did he get me nothing, but when I got home after working a 13 hour shift, he wasn't home. He was again, at mommy's house. His reason....."you aren't my mom". I should've filed then, but we had only been married a year. The signs were there prior to marriage. I was so stupid to think he would get better after we were married.

anon163962
Post 62

For all you women who are considering or have left your Momma's boy, I say, great! I just ended a four year off and on relationship with a Momma's boy and it was a miserable experience. It truly is like being the "other woman". I felt like I was dating a married man, except my ex-boyfriend was an only child and dependent emotionally on both of his parents.

You keep hoping it will change and then you realize that if you want to stay, you have to settle for being second all of the time, spending holidays alone, etc. Do yourself a favor and end the relationship now. It took me a long time and I tried and tried to make it work, but to no avail. It's his problem; don't make it yours, too.

anon159005
Post 61

my man just got close to his mom and she talked so much stuff about him, that he needs to grow up, that he can't be faithful all that kind of stuff. But now he stays with her a few times a week and shows her way more attention than me and when he comes back he has an attitude towards me.

anon158673
Post 60

I have been with my husband for 23 years and married for 13 of those. We have two beautiful daughters. However, I have spent the duration of my time with him competing with his mother. She has interfered throughout our marriage causing arguments. On all occasions my husband has taken her side against me and the children. He has left me on several occasions due to arguments over her as he will not have a bad word said about her.

He did not have a very good relationship with his father as he emotionally abused him over the years. His mother's response to that was to ignore him. When we had our first child they would treat her different from his sister's children and cast our daughter aside. On many occasions this would happen and my husband would sit back and say nothing. There is only so much you can ignore. Therefore, I would have to stand up to them as I was not going to allow what they did to him to my child. After these confrontations, I would be told I was in the wrong and blew it out of control.

My mother-in-law has racially abused me in front of my husband and he stood by and said nothing, even though our youngest daughter witnessed this. His response was that I bought it on myself. I have taken him back so many times and I don't know why because his loyalties are not to me and our children.

After this incident, he said that if the children did not want to see his mother anymore, then he did not want to see them. He speaks to her every day on the phone or goes straight to her house after work. He does not do anything in the house to help, yet he is always around at hers repairing things or taking her places. Yet he won't lift a finger at our house and does not want to be bothered in going out as a family. He tells her everything and tells me nothing.

I try to make him see what is going on but he just sees me as the bad person and her as the victim. I'm so silly. I should have seen this coming as my mother-in-law's mother was controlling and tried to break up her marriage but never succeeded. So I have had it constantly over the years from him and his grandmother. Recently his grandmother and father passed away and it appears his mother's hold on him has become even tighter. The marriage has now ended for good this time as they have both now got what they want each other. They are now living together happily (or so they think until he finds someone else).

What makes me laugh is he can't go a day without speaking to his mother yet he can go weeks and months without seeing or speaking to his children. I thought I could eventually make him see sense. I was wrong its actually got worse. My advice to anyone in this situation for your own sanity and happiness get out why you can as you will waste your life trying to change someone who can't see what they are doing is wrong.

Don't waste 23 years of your life like me. The way I look at it is his mother won't be around forever and his children will be around a lot longer. So when she is gone he will be alone because his children may not want anything to do with him. I felt like I was the only one going through this because I would tell people about it and they would think I was crazy for putting up with it. So reading these has made me realise that I am not in a minority. The only thing now it has left me feeling like I need therapy to get over this.

anon155488
Post 59

Never, never, never get involved with a mommy's boy. 26 wasted years under my belt. He has never lived more than 10 minutes from her. Has gone through dozens of women, including three wives. I am number three. The worst mistake of my life was to move in with her, because she couldn't live by herself anymore. I am the nurse, maid, secretary, laundress, housekeeper and everything else. My fault. For sure. Heed my warning.

anon154206
Post 58

I've dated a momma's boy for the past two years and was it hell. i would try to help them out by cleaning their house and she would make snickering remarks like oh you're finally doing something.

He is 28 years old and still lives with his mother. I've told him many times to come and live at my place, and he says no because his mother needs him and also his six year old brother. she makes him pay bills, clean the house and treats him like a slave and I despise seeing him get treated like that.

Not only does she treat him like a slave, but also a baby sitter – baby sitting for long hours and with an annoying kid. So i texted my sister in law and asked her where her brother was and she said she didn't know. so i called my boyfriend's phone but there was no answer, no answer, until a woman answered the phone and said it was elizabeth.

I was livid. then i called again and they answered again. and hung up, so i called once again and my boyfriend answers and tells me that it was a joke and that it was his mom acting like another girl. i was so ticked off. he had me on speaker and i told him to go bleep himself. he started saying it was my mom and i finally told him I don't even care if it's your mom.

Now he and his mother got offended by what i had said to them, so we broke up the relationship. What hurt the most about this situation is that he doesn't see that she was secretly trying to give us problems. and now because of a prank she pulled it ended our relationship. I would never date a momma's boy again. I want a real, independent man who puts me first and then everyone else second.

anon153324
Post 57

I am being neglected by my boyfriend and he does not even spent weekends by me anymore.he just want to be with her 24/7. I am 27 with no kids and he says i am a daddy's girl. he is 30 with no car and still stays with his mom. he never takes me out anymore and we must spend weekends and weekdays with his mom because his dad just recently moved out because he got another woman.

I feel as if i did something wrong and my old feelings and insecurity are coming back. I am a strong woman but when i go to his house i am weak.

She is so controlling that i don't want to fight with her because i am scared i will lose him. I feel like a second option to him and his ex girlfriend still visits his mother so he said anyone can visit his mom and she can be friends with who she wants to. i am so sick.

anon148636
Post 56

Stay away from mommy's boys!

My ex's mother encouraged him to verbally and physically abuse me. she would abuse me, in front of him, while he watched and did nothing. His mother would blame me for things and he would believe her, despite there being no evidence. These mums manipulate their sons and they never seem to realize it.

anon143878
Post 55

This article seems to be written from experience. The part I connected to the most was 'unwilling to face up to the negative emotions or behavior of either woman in his life'.

My fiancee always felt like he was stuck between two fires. He felt like he couldn't help the situation and that me and his mother should work things out by ourselves. He never started a sensible conversation himself, although he was an intelligent person.

It was amazing to see how he was so independent at work, yet talked to his mother on the phone every day. He was an only child, and always helped his mother when necessary. His father never talked a lot, and I was sure he liked me a lot more than his mother did.

The worst part is that I was only 20-21 and he was 33-34. His mother didn't seem to understand that I just couldn't do all the things she expected from me, such as full responsibility for the house and the meals. She said I was a gold digger, because her son gave me presents. But really I was a student and he loved me very much.

At some point, yes, he loved both women. But pretending everything is going well and then calling me to tell me what your mother has been saying in my absence? That is so selfish and hypocritical.

I'm now 22 and my heart still aches, but I'm glad I broke it off. Maybe when she passes away and I'm an independent person, we can give it another try. If not, I hope for the best for that next woman while his mother still controls his life.

anon142898
Post 54

I am a 36 year old woman and I had a three year old daughter with a momma's boy. When I met him, I didn't know their relationship was like this. He always told me he needed to pay his debts in order to move in with my daughter and I and he never had money for anything, so I waited all these years.

One day, his mother told him she was dying and she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him and all of a sudden, he bought a house with/for her behind my back and he told me my daughter and I were welcome to come. I broke up with him for five months, then we decided to try to works things out, but it didn't work.

He told me that in order for me and my child to move to his house, I had to adore his mom, help her and do as he says so I broke up with him for good and now he wants to fight for custody of my child. I am taking him to court because he never lived with us and never had the baby over nights. I feel so abused. Did I do the right thing?

anon140669
Post 53

Attention all women: run for the hills when you sense that your man is a mommy's boy. Run. Do not waste one more minute with this man. he will ruin you make your life and your kids miserable. he will confuse you, destroy you, and damage you psychologically for good.

These men have extremely controlling and manipulative mothers who are so insecure that their son is their security blanket. I have wasted 17 years of my life living with a man like this. My daughters and I have resented him to the last drop. When you marry a man, he should be a man: independent, secure and have his own mind, not a mommy's robot. Run. He will make your life miserable and hell.

Bellaxo
Post 52

I also feel so sorry for you women while reading all these posts. It is so sad to see how much we just want our partners' love and attention and we do this for their attention, but to only get blamed as the one who is doing wrong. But in the end, the mummy's boys are the one who will lose out to a beautiful wife, beautiful kids and an independent home life.

Bellaxo
Post 51

When i moved in with my boyfriend, i saw him slap his mother on the behind. I was so shocked and felt so sick in my stomach. I then thought to myself: how does a mother let her son do this? This is bizarre. It would be like him watching my dad slap my butt. Gross! That image still is in my head.

anon136559
Post 49

anon8691: It looks like you are great mother. To grow four sons is a hard work. But when you say there is nothing more secure than a mother's love. What do you mean, "secure?"

Do you think a wife or girlfriend can't give secure love? Is it because you will always give them love, but a marriage can break up? But what happens when you're not be around anymore?

A mother has to give her love to her husband first, but when that doesn't happen, that's when problems happen.

anon136043
Post 48

I hate her too. It's like you love the man, but should you stay or go? Is it ever going to get better or is this evil witch going to be in our lives forever, always in the way?

We're never alone and my sex life has gone to hell. i don't understand. it's crazy as hell. i really don't know what to do or think. i just pray to god I'm doing the right thing.

anon135035
Post 47

I have dated a mommy's boy for two and a half years, then we decided to get married. We were so good together when there was only the two of us. Until one day, we decided to get our own place. I told him that we should stay at our place for five days, and split another two days to live with his mom (since I know his mom is very attached to him). I thought I did the right thing, caring for his mommy's feeling).

However, it turned out that when he told his mom about our plan, his mom cried. My boyfriend was devastated and determined to do anything to make his mom happy. He asked me if we could stay at his mom's seven days a week after marriage.

I told him that I really couldn't, and that I really loved him, that I respected his mom, but that I also love myself too. I suggested we talked this issue out with his mom to sort things out. Ironically, his mom said in a very innocent voice that she would rather see her son and his future wife under the same roof with her, and that I should think like her son and I were not meant to be, and that she didn't mind if we called all the marriage plan off.

Along the way, my boyfriend didn't do anything. His ultimate goal is to make his mom happy no matter what. He only said he was very sorry for all the things that happened, but that he had to do whatever that kept his mom happy. I was devastated, I was crushed.

I really love him and never expect this thing will ever happen to me. Should I sacrifice all my life to live with his mom to make him happy and just to be with him? I really don't want to lose him, but also know I couldn't survive if I moved in with his mom's house seven days a week. Any advice? What should I do?

anon131599
Post 46

I have been with a momma's boy for six years now.

We have two kids that he spends no time with because his mother always has something planned for him to do. When I first met him he was still living with his mother (he was 40) when he came to my house she use to call my house 10 or more times a day to talk to him. His mother knows all our finances, talks badly about me to him, leaves nasty messages on my phone yet he will never say or do anything to protect me.

Everything his mother asks him to do he does. I wouldn't mind once in a while, but it's to the point every day he has his days planned. None of which includes seeing his kids. He calls her on his lunch break but never calls to check on his family. I don't even have his work number. He has a joint bank account with his mother!

Their relationship is exactly the same as a marriage without the sex.

Anyone dating a momma's boy, leave before you have kids. It will get worse as the years go by.

anon124996
Post 45

My husband tells me he loves me a lot but I can see that I am his second preference. First is his mom and second is his sister. Now I think I should accept the truth and be happy that he at least says he loves me. It's a lie, but what can one do other than that?

anon124094
Post 44

After 31 years of putting up with the hold the M-i-l has over her son, being told if he ever had to decide between us it would have to be her, I decided the fight wasn't worth it, she could have him.

So, I have lived life my way for the last four years of the marriage, and I have refused to be in her presence, talk to her, or do anything for her as I used to do. He has to buy her cards, birthday and Xmas gifts, all the things I used to do. He can see her and talk to her. I wouldn't stop him doing that.

She can't tell her toxic lies about me now. she has wrecked his life, but she ain't having mine.

anon116797
Post 43

I have been dating my moms boy for three years and i am miserable, stuck and lost!

my boyfriend is 28 and has never worked a day in his life and sleeps all day and plays video games all night me and his parents support him. his relationship with his mother is so sickening. i think most of the time she is the gf and i am a maid or a chef.

i will never be good enough and he will never grow up. i made the biggest mistake of my life staying in this sick, incestuous relationship. they lie in bed at night and watch tv together and hold hands on the couch. sometimes when i take a shower, she is down here in our bedroom. meanwhile I'm in a towel. If she comes down to our room and wants to watch a movie. we have to and if i don't want to I'm evil and wrong.

No matter what, i will be wrong. she's a manipulator and is ruining my relationship because her marriage is crappy, meanwhile she is a dyke who is married with a gf and practically in love with her son.

It is sickening and i will get out of this twisted, manipulated, sick life and then the two of them can sit in the house together and be the husband and wife that they act like!

They are two of the sickest people i have ever come across. if he says he is close with his mom, run away. Move. Buy a plane ticket if you have to. please don't get sucked in or manipulated like myself where you fall in and you aren't good enough to get out.

anon92613
Post 42

I've been with a mommy's boy for eight years. The first few years we spent in overseas were great.

After we both graduated, he decided to return back to his home town, and wanted me to come along and live with his family.

My first stay lasted for six months only. Since then i hate his mom and his dad. now i have stayed for almost three years, but we moved four hours away from his mom. But she still irks me so much. She comes almost every week, and whenever she comes, my BF will be away from home almost whole day, and even if he's at home, he would be accompanied by his mom, listening to all her talks and so on.

She doesn't talk to me much, and often tells her son to treat me like a maid, do not takes me out or buy me stuff. She often behaves like the queen! She is the one planning all the wedding matters, she is the one to approve on the house renovations and designs. She always praises herself in front of my BF that she's the best mom, her cooking is the best, her advice is the best, she has the best point of view in everything. I hate her.

anon91583
Post 41

I've been married for almost 20 years. We live next door to my mother in law. I'm so tired of her being nosy. My husband gets home from work, and within five minutes she's calling our house, and of course he has to talk to her before even having a conversation with me. He would much rather sit at her house than spend time with me and our two boys.

I feel like I'm always second best to her. She tells him to spy on me, to make sure I'm not "up to no good."

I have wanted to move for the past ten years. But he won't even listen to me.

I just feel like I'm only here to take care of the kids (who are almost adults now) and the house. What I want most, is to either go to school or get a job. When I mention it, I get ignored.

He says how much he loves me, but I really wonder if he loves her more.

I'm heartbroken, and tired of pretending to be happy.

I hate her. I hate her. I hate her.

anon91020
Post 40

Being a mommy's boy is a sexual relationship that mommies have with preteen boys or teenager boys. It not healthy and it is a sin against God.

You women need help and I hope you get it.

anon89423
Post 39

Its nice to know I am not alone.

My (ex) fiancee, at 36 is completely controlled by his mother. She split up him and his previous fiancee, and we have been together three years and have a baby.

She didn't want us to marry and barred me from her house, but expected him to take our child. Which he did. Made me feel like rubbish.

Now three days ago she has ruined it for good. She called my parents saying all these things about me and demanded a meeting to 'discuss the children.' Thankfully, my mom told her we're adults and it's our lives. She knows how vile his mom is.

I tried to calm everything down by calling her and saying is everything sorted, and she was so abusive. I have never heard anything like that in my life. "You did this to my son".

I asked him to call her while i there and i witnessed the cruelest thing ever. He believed her, that i was shouting at her, and she was all sweetness and light and saying "do you want me to come and see you and look after you?"

She is utterly crazy, and his whole life she has manipulated and controlled him. She has never been nice to any of his friends or anything, and he can't say anything against her.

He knows now she has ruined it forever with me and our son. He knows his mom has 'won' again, and she has him as her 'baby'.

Nothing registers with her. I have never heard her ever say a kind word about anyone. She'll expect him to take our kid around to see her next week. I've told him there is no way when she purposefully ruined our relationship and thinks it's healthy for her to see him.

Her (ex) husband is there every day, quietly crushed by the woman and her other 'children' are as bad. It's so sad.

From childhood he has been abused by her, and she refuses to let him be happy. And he lets her do it.

At 36 years old he still can't stand up for himself despite being very successful, houseproud, popular.

He cries and cries now. He's scared of upsetting mommy, devastated he was so cruel to me and everyone is so disappointed in him, except, of course, his mom. She is pleased. She has got her way.

There is nothing you can do in these situations -- it's down to these 'boys'. An abusive mother/son relationship can carry on to adulthood and leave them scarred for life.

I don't think he will ever be happy now. His insular little family has hurt him again and again. I think he is fed up with it.

But in a few days mommy will be calling and saying "that girl was the evil one" and "come live with me", he'll end up doing it because she has made him that screwed.

Change only happens if they are brave. He is not.

Best wishes.

anon88786
Post 38

I have been married to my husband for 37 years and he was a mommy's boy, His mother would tell him lies on me. If she said something mean to me, she would go back and tell my husband (her son) that I hurt her feelings. But she was the one who said it to me. I found out later that she had schizophrenia and she believed everything that she told her son and he believed her also.

Years later, he told me that he couldn't believe how evil his mother could be.

anon84377
Post 37

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world.

anon84331
Post 36

I am living with my husband for two years, and we have no kids.

My mother in law lives with us. Sometimes i feel down graded especially when i cook for him and expect him to eat what i cook, but then his mom comes to him and asks him if he wants something she will do it. She knows i have the food ready for him and insists on doing something for him.

He then goes ahead and eats what she does for him and my food stays there. Only i eat my food. Can anybody tell me if this is ok? Apart from this we don't have any problems. when she is not around, everything is ok.

anon79591
Post 35

I am 35 years old and I have a two year old daughter with a 40 year old mommy's boy. I have been with him for six years and after I had the baby he told me to wait two years to pay his debts to get a house.

Now he tells me he is buying a house for his mom and that my daughter and I are welcome to come. I broke up with him. What do you think?

amypollick
Post 34

Anon78503: Advice? Count yourself lucky you didn't marry this guy. You would have always been in second place in his life. "Mother" will always be first. Pity any poor female who does marry this guy. The apron strings are keeping him close and will strangle another female. You just lost two years of your life. Consider yourself fortunate.

anon78503
Post 33

I am a victim of a mommy's boy. i dated him for three and a half years. Two years ago he put a ring on my finger and asked me to marry him and we started looking for a place to move in together.

He is 40 and has a son who is 11. His mom is 59 and he still lives at home. When i told him i was not going to live with his mother, he gave up on us looking for a place to live and he has put me off for over two years.

I have my own place and he still lives with mommy. on weekends, he would come and spend the night and he would get up early just to be home with mom. Out of three years i have never got to spend a whole weekend with him.

He works and she does, too. He pays all of her bills and she doesn't pay anything. She wants him to keep her up. He has lied and betrayed me and given me false hopes.

He has always lived with her. I have a lot of resentment towards her. I broke up with him two weeks ago; did i do the right thing? i felt like i would never have a life with him, it was just hurting me so much. Any advice?

othermom
Post 32

Advice for my daughter? She just started dating a 29 year old who is still living with his parents -- they're very wealthy.

He has his own business, is buying a house and the Mom already "loves my daughter". My daughter has even stayed over at "the parents" house with her dogs (she's a college student, supporting herself successfully for over two years) and is already saying he's the one. He is eight years older.

Selfishly, I want her moving back closer to home when she graduates and she's made it clear that "if" this works out she's be settling closer to his parents. I have bells and whistles going off big time and have already told her - jokingly - you better be prepared to share him. Advice?

anon73874
Post 30

I have been with my boyfriend (momma's boy) for eight years. We have three hours together with my daughter. Holidays, birthdays she never shows up even though she is invited. Every time we argue because it hurts my feelings that she never comes. She has a total of five grandkids and does not see any of them due to mother in laws taking their kids away from her due to lack of love.

She has two sons. This one I'm dating is like her only one who has fallen for her evil ways such as helping pick up medicines, food, rides, doctor appointments.

Even though he gets off at 5 p.m. from working all day and she gets off at 2 p.m. she waits all day till he gets off to ask for a ride. She's pathetic and sorry and acts if he has to cater to her.

Her husband died before i met him but she still insists he has to take his dad's place. Recently she was invited to a party. she didn't show up. as bad as i wanted to call her and tell her off i expected him to be mad at her but instead he laughed and giggled with her and did not mention her absence.

Everything she does is wrong but if i say anything about her he yells and gets angry to where he doesn't talk to me all day. i cannot stand my mother-in-law and am seriously ready to give her son back to her but I'm scared she is winning this silly game and i have lost.

But when it comes down to me or her, he always acts as if she's right.

anon70128
Post 29

I have been married to a momma's boy for three past three years. Ours is an arranged marriage but for the first year we had been living together away from his parents. At that time i felt he loved me a lot though his parents have been trying to meddle in our relationship through phone and all.

Gradually my husband changed. He started shouting at me about all things, finding faults in me always. He was talking all the decisions over with his mother and lying to me that he doesn't consult his mother.

he has turned into a hypocritical bully. financially also his mother has been the joint holder in all his bank balances. His mother is very smart and never abuses me directly but always does her backbiting about me in a euphemistic way. I can't bear that lady at all. i want to kill her. what should i do?

maya16786
Post 28

oh i forgot. We live with his parents and my mother in law takes care of everything mostly. They said they don't like the food i cook so she cooks for him and he loves her food. He gives all the money to her and keeps his travelling money. His mother makes all the decisions. She ruins our lives. he loves her so much he will even do anything for her.

she selects my dresses. i can't see my family or friends. she tells wrong things about me to him always.

She makes him hate me. he does hate me nowadays.

maya16786
Post 27

My husband loves me sometimes and sometimes he doesn't. I loved him for five years then married him six months ago. I am 23 and he is 24. Ours is love marriage and i converted to his religion for him. After marriage everything turned upside down. When he is with his parents he behaves one way and alone different.

My life is miserable. You know, he told me i can't see my parents because his parents says so, so i stopped. His mother says something always and has verbally abused me so many times. he also hit me after listening to his mom. The only thing that makes me feel he loves me is all night he hugs me and sleeps.

Most of the time he plays and smiles and is somewhat caring. I assume by this that he loves me. This morning he told me any other women in my place would have been happy and made us (that's him and his parents) happy. He said, “i should not have married you” and when i started crying he said why? Did i die or did i tell you I slept with someone else? this happened because i asked him if he really loves me or he was acting before marriage.

maybe it's my fault. i shouldn't have irritated him, but he is so concerned about his family more than me. He doesn't feel i left so many things for him. He says for me not to think I'm special. i hate seeing your face. He is a mama's boy. He is a nightmare, along with his mom.

anon64380
Post 25

I am glad I know now I am not alone. my husband is a mommy's boy and I am second i his life. Apparently he should have married so and so.

what did he say? Nothing. It hurts and one can only say it kills your relationship, so mums, back off.

anon62777
Post 24

I total agree with anon8279. There are very serious issues of an underground business of moms having sexual relationships with their sons.

I have read the above remarks and I notice these women justify themselves in what they do because they are women.

Now if a man had that type of relationship with a boy or girl, they want him to be put away.

We women have a double standard in what we do is OK because we are females but when a male does it, we call it sexual abuse.

It's a fact that some women have a strong, deep sexual feeling for young boys. They may also like kiddie porn. -- Pam

anon59019
Post 20

I am engaged to a man who has the most manipulating mother ever. She uses his ex-wife, under the guise of being "friends" with her to constantly cause drama. He has no kids with his ex-wife, and yet this woman still travels 200 to 300 miles several times a year to visit her ex-mother-in-law.

My fiancee allows his mother to make him feel guilty, to the point that he feels bad saying anything negative to her.

She is passive-aggressive, and when my fiancee doesn't do what she wants, she gives him the silent treatment, sometimes for days.

He in turn is so antsy; can't eat etc.

She can't stand me because I am choosing not to do things her way. She constantly bad-mouths me, but then when we're in each other's company acts as if she's the sweetest thing.

My fiancee talks to her several times a day, and if he doesn't see her at least once a day, goes through "withdrawal" symptoms.

He keeps saying how difficult a life she's had, but so have most mothers.

I'm trying very hard not to let her get to me, especially when she lies and will change my words into something completely different.

anon56575
Post 19

i love what i had read. Smothering,controlling big time. Sometimes I feel that my 40 year old boyfriend and mother act like they are married. there is a lot of jealousy and when my boyfriend pays attention to me, she makes me feel she is competing with what i give as my love for him.

it can be material items, or a helping hand, not expensive things. we share and help each other and when we have time we do a lot of things together like bike riding, but there she is calling and saying he needs to be somewhere with her.

there were times i had to throw her in jail and other times she told lies to the police. this relationship is strange and she contributes to his needs and they both have a stealing problem. this lady acts like his girlfriend. at times there is a lot of foul language and it's funny -- when I'm alone with him out, he talks and acts just like her.

I have told him at times to quit acting like his mom. Right now she's got him in a bind due to what little money they have. I feel for those two but I don't know how much longer i can go on.

All I can see that she is acting like a wife. They say there is a movie of this weird situation. please send feedback.

anon52059
Post 18

I have been in a relationship for the past nine years with a man in civil construction. his job keeps him away from home most of the month. his son and I see him on average, four days per month, and if we are lucky, eight days.

His mother decided to move to the town we live in and she got a job managing a boutique hotel. Now when he comes home he goes and sits in her bar and drinks. Even though she knows alcohol makes him violent she encourages the drinking and then proceeds to tell him I don't love him like a wife should, etc etc.

She is as strong as an ox, but when he hits home she fakes heart attacks, and a whole bunch of other medical conditions; she has become a joke amongst the local doctors - they refer to her as "the lady with mystery disease!" Not only that, they know when her son is home because she arrives in the emergency room.

She has lied and lied and lied, her son refuses to believe or see her manipulative behaviour and it has an enormous negative effect on our relationship. it has become so bad that she has decided to take it upon herself to stand in judgement of my faith and has declared me "satan's spawn!" how nice, yet she claims to be a Christian. this baffles me as my understanding of christianity is "judge not lest ye be judged!"

I have made the decision to not allow this person in my home as she creates far too much negativity. Until such time as her son can grow a pair of balls and let his mother know that while he loves and respects her, she is his mother not his lover, and I and our children come first in his life, she will not set foot in my home. As a Christian she must respect the sanctity of our relationship.

She could have gained a daughter, yet she chose to make an enemy of me, which was not a good idea. In doing so she has denied herself the pleasure of holidaying with us, joining us for dinner or Sunday lunch, or just spending a quiet weekend with us as a family.

She neglected her son as a young boy, and he became a terror in his early teens and early twenties, spent time in jail etc. After he and I met, he changed his life, not because I made him do it, but because he saw for himself that it is possible to be loved without ulterior motives, that kindness and understanding are good qualities and to get things done you do not have to threaten with violence.

Now she is in her 60s and he is in his 40s, and she plays the guilt trip card of, "You made me old before my time, you put me through hell." hello mother-in-law, you neglected him, you gave him no love and no guidance, this is why he landed up where he did, but now that he has changed his life for the better, she makes him feel guilty for not spending every moment of his free time with her.

Mothers should let their sons go when they grow up, and allow them to make their own choice in wife, girlfriend or partner, and not feel so threatened.

Moms who feel threatened feel that way because they are riddled with guilt for not being decent mothers when their sons were younger.

anon46861
Post 17

I had my girlfriend's son show up at my door two years ago after her ex found out he wasn't getting any more child support. I have basically been putting up with a lazy under-educated momma's boy. He is 21 and has a felony for statutory rape and will never find a job in our town. He is a momma's boy since she goes along with his silly ideas. This is not healthy.

anon43118
Post 15

I have been married to a mommy's boy for 37 years.

When we first got married and we got into a little fuss, he would say I don't have to listen to this and run home to mommy. When I got pregnant, he told me that his mom and dad and two sisters mean more to him than me and that damn b***ard I was carrying ever would. If he and I started getting along good, his mother would go and tell him that I hurt her feelings, and he would come and jump me about it and I wouldn't even know what I did or said. So both of his parents are dead now. But when they got old and couldn't take care of themselves, I took care of them. The only person who took up for me was my husband's oldest sister. My husband asked me to forgive him and I did, but his mother never did. She thought she did nothing wrong.

anon39349
Post 14

I have been married to a mamma's boy for the past 16 years. Initially, I admired the closeness he held with his family. But over time, I began to notice that the closeness was not a healthy type of connection.

Of the past 16 years of marriage, my husband has spent about 14 of those years having dinner with my in-laws. We have two children together, and after giving birth to them, I took off from work to spend time with my newborn. It was at that that that I began to notice the attention he gave to his mother over me.

During the three months I was home with each of my children, not once did he stop by to see how we were doing. We live and work in the same town and with him being self-employed, his schedule was flexible. Every day he would get to his mother's house at about 11:30 a.m. for lunch, and stay there until around 3:00. It would hurt my feelings to know that he spent this amount of time with his mother on a daily basis, instead of coming home and spending time with us. Not only would he have lunch with her, he would to back to his mother's house for dinner at around 6:00 and stay until after 7:30. I've asked him on numerous occasions reduce the amount of time he spends with his mother, but he refuses, stating that if I don't like it, I can leave, because his relationship with her will never change".

I blame myself for allowing this to happen all these years and after so long, it's difficult to ask for change when all along I've been tolerant.

My advice for you women out there in this situation - stop it in the beginning of the relationship. Teach your partner how to love you and what it is you need from him. If you allow this type of behavior to continue, it's hard to change once you've had enough. I never expected my husband to completely stop visiting his mother, but I also don't think it's healthy for a son to spend so much time with his mother.

My mother in-law has not been involved directly in our relationship (in terms of interfering with our lives), however, I think she has a responsibility to send her son home to his family instead of cooking lunch and dinner for him.

Signed --Miserable by my own doing

jenhmombay
Post 13

I am living with a mommy's boy for 16 years and several times I tried to break up with him. We have 2 kids. I keep on saying to myself that he'll change for the better. Little did I know that he will never change. I'm tired of competing being the best, I did everything to win him but at the end of the line I'm the losing end because his mind is set and tends to blame everything bad that is happening to him or to life on me.

I may be the worst wife and mom to his kids, or maybe even the worst person he has ever encountered. I think I'm slipping, but I'm trying my best to ignore or maybe to accept it. But it really hurts so much. Not just his mom but also his sisters as well. He just loves them so much that we have no match for whatever they have. What I'm doing right now is to stand up and be strong for my kids sake.

wiseman69
Post 12

Society and woman are just a bunch of hypocrites.

It's ok for a woman to care for her mother or family but not ok for the man to care for his mother/family.

It's ok for a woman's parent's to stay at the couples home but the man's family can not.

I hear women whinning about in-laws but I rarely hear man complain. Yes, some men do complain about their in laws but not as much as whiny woman.

*We live in a hypocratic society= stupid society! The only way people can get along is to respect people the way you want to be respected regardless of gender, race, religion or occupation! Love thy neighbor the way you love yourself!*

anon33129
Post 11

I agree, it is a greedy crime that these selfish old broads are committing. All hidden behind the banner of love. Hey, remember if you love something, set it free. Free to live and grow. My ex. 50 yr. old,youngest of 3 Italian sons, the other 2 married, still lived at home with the saintly mama, a truly sacrificial, parasitical relationship. The first time I ever phoned she told me he did not live there! Huh? It's almost obscene.

anon31542
Post 10

Mothers who claim to hold their sons hearts forever are only thinking of themselves and how wonderful they've been as a Mother feeding their own self-esteem and security. Cultivating sons from birth that the Mothers love is more stable and cannot be succeeded is almost like wishing her son would never find a better love, and if he did, then the Mother would either compete with it or be hurt from it. Both negative outcomes if this be the case.

Either they do not understand different healthy relationships and where the releasing boundaries are, being parental relationships compared to life partnerships, and can't separate them, or they simply think that theirs is the most important and are ignorant of the other and class it as irrelevant. Let men be men - Mothers do not make a Man a Man.

anon31540
Post 9

Isn't the husband supposed to provide everything the Mother needs? When the husband doesn't, then the Mother turns to a closer bond being her son/s. A parent's bond together is the ultimate, that they love one another, they then have children through a result of their love toward eachother.

Why does a Mother need to be close to her son?? For love? Where's the husband's love? Where's her friends love? What makes her choose, that it be her son? Because he is of her and he is male? Therefore the Mother is requiring more than her share of male love due to her own insecurities.

Have these Mom's experienced the same from their Mother-in-Laws? This upbringing should not be promoted.

anon29691
Post 8

I feel that most of the people who are writing these negative comments about Mommy's Boys are off their rocker and very very immature.

I myself have 3 boys - all grown. The oldest has a different father from the other two. The father of the two youngest died while they were young. I am proud of all my boys. They are very independent, self reliant and productive.

My oldest who still has a father and a mother is not very sensitive to women or anyone. He does not put up with anything and will cut you deeply with his sharp tongue, hurt your feelings and does not care at all.

My youngest two are very different (they are called mommy's boys by most people). They are very sensitive to the needs of women and both are willing to share the housework, cooking and whatever else is needed to make the relationship work. They do call me (their mother) for advice and we do talk on a daily basis; but I do not meddle in their relationship. When I give advice I give it to help their relationship- not to harm it. If they are wrong in a situation, I tell them that. I try to make them understand some things from a woman's point of view.

Instead of being jealous of the mother and insecure of yourself why don't you focus on the relationship and do what it takes to become a nurturing family with the mom included. It is not the guys fault that you may not have the same kind of relationship with your mom or dad. Their are worse problems in many relationships than a man who loves his mother. If the mother is meddling and causing problems, which are not warranted, then I understand; but if she is not, she will be an asset to you, not an enemy.

anon28686
Post 7

Being in a relationship with a mommy's boy is very tough. My boyfriend of 8 years is 47 years old and is still a mommy's boy. He puts his mother first..no question about that one. I feel like I am not appreciated. He works full-time and feels that for this reason, he does not have to do any work around the house or any cooking because he has a full-time physical job and according to him, I sit on my butt all day. I work full-time and take college courses. He tells me that school is easy and doesn't believe that my job is mentally exhausting(I work in customer service and get cussed out all day long). His mother has him convinced of this.

Needless to say, he doesn't do anything around here to help me out and I am struggling with medical issues in which I am overly exhausted, yet he runs to mommy's every chance he gets and does all kinds of work around the house for her. She runs our relationship by making all his decisions for him. We were going to get married back in 2003 *until* mommy found out and talked him out of it. She has told me to my face that I need to leave her son and quit trying to trap him. What the heck?

We don't have any kids, nothing either one of us own is joint, and he is twice my size? I would love to know how she thinks I can trap him. Honestly, I have thought about leaving many times because of his mom. And of course, mommy's boy is perfect to her so he does no wrong. I am always the one wrong cause mommy says. He is so coddled by her that he does not compromise and he tells me I do everything wrong, even if the correct result comes out. And to top it off, if I wear one of his sweatshirts, he goes off because I am not allowed to wear his clothes, but he sure expects me to wash them.

anon23210
Post 6

I don't agree with the person beneath me.

This person obviously is immature and doesn't know anything. I think a mothers boy is a mothers boy because they have spent a lot of time with their mother and now have a bond with them.

Another reason is that maybe the father was never in this boy's life.

I think this is a reasonable reason as to why a boy is mother's boy.

Not the reason stated below me.

anon23151 is SOOO IMMATURE!

anon23209
Post 5

This is anon23151 posting again. I refuse to believe that a 'mamma's boy' can be a good thing. I don't think that the person disagrees with me knows anything about how woman feel dating a mamma's boy. The mother seems to be the most important thing in his life and the girlfriend probably feels unappreciated and denied the attention and love she deserves in the relationship all because of the mother. Also mamma's boys rely to much on their mother and don't talk to their significant other about the problems they think are going on in the relationship.

anon23151
Post 4

i believe that a mamma's boy is just insecure and doesn't know anything about woman so he relies on his mother for guidance. he knows that the closest he would get to a woman is his mother so he clings to her for life and love.

anon14547
Post 3

My daughter's ex is one of these. He would call up his mommy and complain about his wife. Nothing his wife did-not even the coffee she made-was good enough for him, according to the mother. He actually brought her over to stay for three months and went away to the US, claiming work needs, just so his mother could "sort out" his wife. Between the two of them, four months later, my daughter walked out and filed for divorce. The mother actually told her that being a wife, she should take care of her son all the time and serve him like a slave or a handmaiden. We are Indians and this sort of thing is very common in families which are not blessed with daughters. But in fact, the ex has been living in the USA and UK and my daughter gave up a good job in India to join him there. The fact that she started working there after a gap caused a lot of heartburning in him and he showed this in every possible way. Unlike the men over there, he would not share in the household work and would expect her to do heavy-duty cooking each day-twice a day and pack his lunchbox as well, and do all, I mean all, housework. His mother would pop over every few months and would sit around reading children's books and Tamil women's mags or watch cable, without helping. My daughter was a bonded slave, that's all. He also turned out to be a true-blue sociopath. It lasted less than three years.

anon8691
Post 2

I am the mother of 4 sons, all adults. Because of the love of their mother, (me), they are wonderful, caring, tender, loving men towards their women. The cord was cut years ago. But, there is nothing more secure than a mother's love. She holds their hearts forever.

anon8279
Post 1

Some mothers should be put to death for years of abuse of their sons, smothering, controlling them, all disguised as 'love'. It is one of the greatest and most widespread crimes in society and it always goes undetected because it is hidden behind a 'mother's love'. The damage they do to the psyche of the child is enormous and significantly undermines their chances to form an adult and healthy relationship with a spouse. I am a victim of such abuse and the only reason I am not harming her is because I do not want to spend my life in jail.

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