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What Is Unrequited Love?

Teens may experience unrequited love when their feelings are not reciprocated by the target of their affection.
Movie stars and other celebrities may become the target of unrequited love.
Unrequited love may progress into stalking where targets fear for their safety.
Unrequited love occurs when one person's strong feelings toward another person are not reciprocated.
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  • Last Modified Date: 30 August 2014
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Unrequited love is a term that is used when one person has strong feelings towards another that are not reciprocated. This type of love has been the subject of many books, films, and television programs. The person to whom these feelings are directed at may not even be aware that he or she is the object of someone's affection. Most people become aware of mismatched affections, however.

Unrequited love can be awkward no matter what the situation. In fact, it has ended many friendships because problems develop when one person wants to keep the relationship strictly platonic, and the other person wants to act on feelings that cross the boundaries of friendship. It can be very difficult to maintain a friendship under such circumstances.

When unrequited love develops in the workplace, it can be especially tricky. People have been known to change jobs in order to avoid this type of situation. It can often be more awkward for the person who is the subject of the affections. Although it may be nice to receive the attention at first, it can become difficult to handle and may spiral out of control.

Celebrities are often the focus of unrequited love. Some people develop serious feelings for others who they have never met. This happens more commonly with celebrities, as their lives are played out in the media. A misguided person may actually feel as if they know a celebrity even though they have never met.

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In fact, celebrity-based unrequited love may be characterized better as stalking. This stalking may become so severe as to warrant restraining orders against the obsessed fan. Celebrity stalkers who have a case of unrequited love can also become dangerous. In these cases, the stalker may turn up wherever the celebrity appears, including his or her home. In the most severe cases, stalkers have even killed the object of their affection.

Unrequited love really can happen to anyone. Anyone who is the focus of this sort of attention should try to deal with it immediately. It's important to maintain boundaries and refrain from giving any impression that there may be the chance of a relationship. While it may be difficult to do for fear of hurting the other person's feelings, it is often recommended as the best approach for long-term happiness.

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anon953615
Post 158

My friendship with my only guy friend is ruined because of unrequited love. There was also flirting and tension between us but once he found out my feelings were actually real/serious, that ended things between us completely! Totally sucks! Want to cry thinking about it.

anon354936
Post 156

I'm glad I came across this website. Ah, for my case, I've been living in the world of unrequited love. The one I love will never love me back. Not even once. I think I've a guy-repellent curse or something. I'm not that ugly even though I'm a plus size woman. I'm kinda reserved women, friendly and love to smile. But the problem is, whenever I have strong feelings for someone, he will never reciprocate my love. Then, I will move on and still end up having the same problem. Unrequited love. It hurts, you know. Those guys even didn't even give me a chance.

I have vowed not to fall in love. And yet, I fell in love with my ex-lecturer. I thought it was an infatuation but I've developed these strong feelings for him for almost five years. What I really want is his happiness and a chance to make him happy.

It's really odd. I feel there's strong connection with him, as if I've known him since for ages. Sometimes I can feel his presence. He is twice my age and a divorced man. I truly care about him. I pursued my master's degree at the same university so I could see him and even worked as graduate assistant there. I gave him so many hints (giving gifts, asking about his well-being) since he did not teach me anymore.

He was unapproachable, distant and cold. I tried so hard to break his walls, including making fool out of myself. As a result, he did smile at me every time he saw me. There was a moment when we made a lot of eye contact. I did catch him looking at me many times from the corner of my eyes. I even looked back at him when I caught him looking at me and he averted his eyes.

He started to be nice to me too. I thought he liked me back. Oh boy, was I wrong! I confessed my feelings through a text because I couldn't take it anymore. It was too painful to keep these feelings inside. Plus, I heard a rumor he was getting married. I didn't know whether it was true or not, so I blurted out my feelings because I didn't. want "what ifs" to haunt me.

I really wish he had told me he was getting married, but he didn't answer my question when I asked about that rumour. He even replied to my text message ambiguously. So, I replied, saying I love him. Bam! He didn't reply and he's currently ignoring me right now. At least, I know his answer now. At least, I've told him how I feel at last and I've no regrets.

anon336737
Post 154

We befriended each other seven years ago in a crappy workplace we both wanted to exchange for something better. He is five years younger than me.

I was in a bad relationship, unable to leave for financial reasons. He at the time was brokenhearted by his ex girlfriend cheating and ending their relationship.

I guess I had a crush on him since day one, but he saw me as his big sis from day one. We spent some time at his place, with friends and alone, always sleeping together, because I would always spend the night.

Well, he slept. I would be tortured by being close to him. So a couple times I initiated physical contact, but he would soon end it each time. I told him how I felt, but told me he sees me as a friend only. The last sleepover was too much for me. We almost had sex. He stopped it because he just does not see me that way. I could not lie next to him, watch him sleep and cry myself to sleep again, so I decided to stop myself from hurting this way. I started dating guys just to forget him, but felt nothing, and got nowhere.

Seeing him at work hurts, and not seeing him over the weekends hurts even more. I hope against hope I'll meet someone as mad about me as I am about him, and will put an end to this slow suicide.

I can't quit this lousy job to find a better one because I cannot bear not seeing him, since we don't socialize anymore outside of work and I know he would not seek my company if I left that place.

This is so stupid I want to spill my brains out, yet I still wake up and go to sleep with only one thought in my mind: him spooning me until I fall asleep. Stupid girl.

anon290218
Post 151

I met him in high school. We were in the same class for three years, without being close friends, but well, we used to have a pretty weird type of communication because he always knew how I felt about him. This was creating a tense environment for both of us.

When I first told him, he politely rejected it, but then I stupidly continued not to hide my feelings, hoping he would change his mind, understand how much I love him and be impressed, etc., etc. You know, those silly hopes. I was just 17.

Anyway, nothing happened and we graduated. He was dating with another girl from another school. I never saw/met the girl. He went to another city for college and I stayed in the same city during college. It had been two years since we graduated high school and we had never talked or contacted each other in any way. I couldn't get him out of my mind and heart, so I wanted to give it another try. I ended up understanding that he didn't even want to talk to me. I left it like that and I was very determined to move on.

I still have never fallen in love with anyone else like him and haven't had any romantic relationships, but during those years I was feeling that I really left him behind and moved on. But nope. I continued to stalk him on Facebook and so on, but never attempted to contact him again, until three months ago. It had been eight years since I last saw his face. I was praying so hard to get a chance to see him somehow, even if from far away. Then, a very awkward incident happened. I ran into him one evening. He has always been a very nice, polite person. He never, ever abused or made fun of my feelings. He has always been so clear and tried to keep me away but well, I am the crazy one. Anyway, that evening he politely gave me his most gorgeous smile and asked how I was. In my country, we kiss our friends on both cheeks and hand shake at the same time to greet, so he gave me his hand, and when I held his hand. I took it between my both hands and smiled back saying I was doing good and asking how he was.

It was an amazing moment, but still I wanted to tell him I was still the same. I looked for a little spark of hope in his eyes but well, I couldn't say anything, because I knew, there was no hope. Not 10 years ago and not now. We didn't talk any more. There were other people/friends there, so he left. A few days later, I sent him a friendly message asking how he was doing for all those years, etc. He never replied. Just like he did years ago. I understand him, he understands me.

This is really, really awful. I can't ever get him out of my mind. No way! I feel like I am somehow love-cursed. Be he is still with that girl who he was dating with in high school. I have nightmares about them getting married. I guess I have to live with that pain for all my life. Or who knows may be one day. I am so super stupid aren't I?

anon287978
Post 150

Unrequited love sometimes leads to stalking, roughness, and sometimes death for the victim!

anon263258
Post 147

I guess every one of us has its share of their own "unrequited love."

I know it hurts inside. Every time we think of our loved one doing things that will give us immeasurable pain - physically, emotionally, spiritually and psychologically, it's draining our life force. When our love interest is abusing us instead of loving us, just because they happen to be the person we love (as of the moment) whether you are male or female, when that particular person is hurting you, doesn't give you the respect you deserve as a human being, lest they insist on treating you like crap because they got the upper hand of manipulating your emotions since you were the one who said you love that person first, that is clearly not love!

I know some of us may have issues and complexes with ourselves, and that is so hard to deal with, but we don't need to be stupid and allow our brains to scatter everywhere just because we are loving that person! We should clearly draw a clear line of love for the opposite sex or the other (to those people whose sexual orientation is for the same sex.) Love is not about making you feel crappy inside. Love is a feeling that gives you ultimate euphoria! Think and feel the love of that person that he/she is giving you. Do you feel respected, cherished, your sense of self-worth intact, most of all, does the person you currently love, actually care for you?

If not, just stop loving that person. He/she is not worth of the time and effort you're giving to him/her. Be careful of people who use you to feel good about themselves. The world could become a pretty cruel world not because of violence, graphic sexuality, obscenity, but it's mainly because of people who thinks like that. Well, how a person thinks will never change unless he/she has a strong will to change to become a better person or to remain rotten, and worse, a degenerate, dehumanized being.

We talk about love like we really know about it. But do we really know what love should truly be?

Love is not something that should be possessed.

As Dorothy Parker said, “Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.”

People, in general, do not want to be possessed by another person. It's human nature. What you see in movies, novels and soap operas is totally incomprehensible. Love should make you feel free and happy with every breath you take. Not the opposite, such as making you writhe in pain and agony. Those are not feelings of love: hopelessness, powerlessness, frustration, self-pity. These are feelings of despair, which is not love. And these feelings are not unrequited love.

To women out there, stop being branded as women who are blinded by love. For love does not make you blind. Love makes you see the person you are looking at and at the end, makes you realize what kind of person you truly are. True love, in a sense, breaks those barriers you put up with, destroys your facade, and brings out the real you as a person, as a human being, as an evidence of your existence in this world. This makes you conclude that life is great and love fuels you to live without regrets since it's undeniably an exhilarating feeling!

Love is basically cloud nine in heaven!

anon258222
Post 146

I am counselor and I am amazed with the senses that people have described here to handle such painful situations. The hundreds of people I have counseled are all having the same concerns. That is, they are ignored and in many cases disregarded.

The interesting fact is that the much highlighted physical intimacy factor has only a 5-7 percent role in the case of many broken hearts. It is always true that people who love get more hurt than those who receive it. Both have an equal role in this, though. Collaboration and consideration can bring both parties to a solution, though.

As professionals, we may fail, because only you know your problem and your expectations. Many times, the seriousness of thoughts and emotions of the lover are treated casually and the receivers make these emotions public, creating sadistic tirades and fun with friends out of it. Either do they want to get rid of the old one, or to make them blame free. But this a dangerous approach, especially when thoughts and emotions are involved so deeply.

Anon254647's post is too shocking. In that case, parents have to be supportive. It will take some time to get out over the shock. In any case, if you are really interested in mending the broken relation and keep yourself happy by making your counterpart happy, you must be ready with a strong desire to help others and should be able to inspire respect, trust and confidence. Walk in their shoes.

Thanks to the blog-owner for the online help.

anon256741
Post 144

Simple rules:

1. Don't get attached!

2. Read rule no. 1 again!

anon254647
Post 143

I am 53 years old now and the generation gap is easily felt. My 24 year old son is being sexually stimulated by some of his gay friends. He is innocent and gullible. He has never said anything to me. This came as a shock to me when I knew his friends manipulated him and put him into deep depression. People addicted to playing around have an easy way to find the replacement in another pure guy like my son. They keep on destroying others and end with saying it is unrequited love. I cannot say how it feels now to deal with my son's issue.

anon253553
Post 141

I am currently in high school. My best friend is a girl who everyone says is my exact image in girl form, and recently I have had uncontrollable feelings toward her, but she lives with her boyfriend of one year.

He is a major jerk, but he pays her bills and she is poor so she can't run away even if she wanted. Lately she has been seeing me often and we have been getting closer, but I feel like she still loves her boyfriend. This situation is destroying my being. Every chance I get, I spend time with her in hopes that she will see how much I love her, but there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I'm losing hope.

anon250218
Post 137

Unrequited lovers are close to God. Unrequited love is divine. The classic example is the parent. How many of us do value their love in their way?

anon249823
Post 136

@amypollick: Thanks a lot for your valuable response. I get what you're saying. I had second thoughts but needed someone to bluntly tell me. I really appreciate it. Maybe it's time to move on. It's going to be tough but I have to get used to it.

amypollick
Post 135

@loner: Obviously, this woman has commitment issues. I don't think she's "testing" you. I think she's trying to keep two men on a string, and she's probably lying to her cousin, too.

Just because she had a crush on you in high school doesn't mean she feels anything for you now, except as the guy she can dump on whenever she needs a shoulder to cry on.

To be blunt, she's using you and you're allowing her to do it. You need to move on and find a woman who is interested in having a real relationship with you, not just chatting online or on the phone, which requires no commitment whatsoever.

I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but as a woman, I see very clearly what this girl is doing, and it's not fair to either one of you.

loner
Post 134

I read a few posts here and I am asking for your help on my story. Please be patient and read the full story and give me your feedback on it.

There was this girl sitting right next to me in high school. I talked to her a lot just to make my ex-girlfriend jealous, but little did I know that this girl sitting next to me had a huge crush on me. All of her friends had lovers, so she was really wanting to be in a relationship. A random guy from my school proposed her and she immediately accepted it (desperation). They went through a rough patch and broke up. He abused her in all kinds of ways and she was heartbroken.

A few years later, she contacted me online and we hit it off pretty well. We chatted for over four hours. She even told me that she had a huge crush on me in high school, which I kind of knew. At the end she said, “You can say it. I don’t mind,” and I freaked out and said, “I love you,” which was a really desperate move that I regret even now. She said she wasn’t taken aback by this but she needs some time to think and that she just got out of a horrible relationship.

I kind of got possessive and kept on asking her again and again and I freaked her out. We stopped talking for a while, then started back again, stopped again and so on. We shared a very special bond and she shared everything with me and so did I. I knew she was the one! I again proposed to her and she turned me down. This happened three times, but she kept on saying, “There is something that is telling me that things between us can never work out. We are better off as friends.” I was heartbroken. If I continue being friends with her, I would keep hurting myself.

After seven years, we met each other face to face. She said she wanted to tell me something very important and she didn’t want to say it online. I picked her up and we went to a romantic location. While on the way she said, “I kind of have someone else in my life,” The guy she is referring to is her second cousin. I was totally heartbroken, and my heart skipped a beat for a second. I had trouble breathing but I kept cool, and didn’t let her know how I was really feeling that time. So, I smiled back and said “Congrats. I’m happy for you guys.”

Back in those days, I asked her couple of times if she had someone in her life and she kept on denying it. In a way, she lied to me. I still love her like crazy. I cut off all my contacts with her from that day for four months. She kept on saying she misses me and doesn’t want to lose a friend like me. I know I have ended up in the “friends zone,” but I can’t believe that the girl who had a crush on me, when I finally let my feelings out for her, does this.

My question really is : Is she faking this to test my patience? The religion we both follow does not allow second cousins to marry, so one part of my mind still has hopes for her. We spend endless hours talking to each other, almost six to ten hours sometimes. I really wonder, if she really had a boyfriend, why would she talk to me more than she does with her boyfriend? Please help me out.

anon249416
Post 132

Two simple rules:

1. "One who loves you deserved to be loved." - because love by definition can not be selfish in nature. Understand carefully: a heart, that loves you, never would like to work against the interest of its love.

2. Now, open a straight, very personal and healthy communication with your counterpart to understand to what degree you love that person, or it is just a mind game. There is no "make it or "break it" formula for love. But, the open communication can save both of you from the feeling of rejection, insults or self-pity. What will remain after: Mutual consideration, increased respect for each other, one more great sister, a brother, or one more parent, or a great friend in hand. Love rules.

thomaschris
Post 130

I've felt I'm in love with my best friend for three years now. In fact, I told him what I really felt and how I truly loved him. He's even aware how I see him as the guy I'm interested in and not just my best friend.

anon245340
Post 129

Sometimes 'unrequited love' is just a case of bad timing. There was a boy who I think loved me when we were in high school. I wasn't ready for a relationship, but I was happy to spend time with him. He was my cherished friend. I kept sending "I am not interested" signals, because I didn't want our situation to change - what we already had was precious to me, and I felt it had to be protected.

Then for our studies we moved to different cities, far away from each other, but we stayed in touch. I realised that somehow he became a necessity of life, so I decided to move to where he lived. However, at that point he started seeing some girl. I couldn't get involved. I didn't want to rain on his parade. Not after the cold "just friends" treatment he got from me in previous years. So I kept silent. Seeing him became very difficult for me. We grew distant.

I can't seem to be able to let go of those belated feelings, but I won't be springing them on him anytime soon. So there you have it. Timing is crucial.

platovenus
Post 128

@anon244368: I read you. I pray you grow stronger. Unrequited love is just one word used by the perverted under the pretext of their dirty will and insensitivity. Love is love, and the response is what one expects from a sensitive and civilized human.

The craze for sexual gratification could be better called unrequited sex desire. This makes the entire issue so much simpler.

I was hurt for the reason that my goodwill and positive thoughts were all mocked in such a pathetic manner, that the person considered it from a sense of pride, sharing and making an issue out of it with other persons and considering it all a desirous move. That was disheartening, and I started doubting human relations.

I quit my job, became unstable, was disconnected from my near and dear ones, and was in my own little world. The circumstanced were such that my mom got a heart attack for what I was undergoing. How could she know that her care and love, which I inherited, is what not the world recognizes?

I lost my sanity, dignity, sense and personal growth. And where were those souls carrying the proud label of 'unrequited love'? The loss is theirs and they will not escape from divine judgement. Have this simple faith and be strong. Love is a powerful emotion. It doe snot have to weaken you. Please have a strong circle of friends who can value your worth if your communication is broken. It means they are with their mood and need. There is nothing like having a loving and forgiving heart like yours. Preserve it. Do not get hurt, please. They will never understand you; they never can. The biggest deception would be expecting goodwill, consideration and understanding from these people, but they do not have it to give. And there is where we fail. Segregate 'unrequited desire of sex' from 'unrequited love.' This probably could save you from the predicament.

anon245030
Post 127

I have been friends with my colleague for 18 months now I've had a huge crush on him for 12 of those months. We are both in long term relationships - mine is not as fulfilling as I would like it to be - and he sometimes drops hints that his isn't either.

We work in different departments but try and see each other at least once a week. We email occasionally and sometimes end up flirting heavily, always instigated by him.

Sometimes I think he feels the same way about me but other times I don't.

Due to mixed circumstances, there could never be a future for us so for now, I'm just enjoying being his friend, although the longing for him is killing me inside.

anon244368
Post 126

@anon229805: You got it, all right! In my humble opinion you described exactly what happened to me after not letting go of this “love fantasy” of mine. Basically, I met this guy at work, he flirted for about six months, my life was not working for me at the time so I needed to hold onto the fantasy that “this is the one,” the person who has the wonderful qualities I need, who would love me unconditionally, etc, etc.

Instead of putting myself out there and changing the difficult things that were not working for me (including aspects of myself), I bought into the fantasy that if the right person comes along everything will be perfect. I kept feeding this fantasy in my head, going to work, chatting to him and then going back home to my “boring” life and daydreaming of how perfect everything is going to be once we are together. I had all the clues that he was just messing about and simply getting ego strokes from me, but I wouldn’t listen to reason. We went out, but he just wanted sex and he was indifferent towards me and instead of bailing out and moving on, I got so hurt I tried to “convince” him that I was the right person for him and that he needed to reconsider.

In retrospect, I understand that my need was so huge that I was willing to compromise my values and needs over a situation that was *never* going to be a romantic relationship! The guy vanished, by the way, when he realised that sex was not on the menu and that I had different expectations. His niceties were just his way of getting laid and he wasn’t willing to pursue a relationship once “sex” with no strings attached was not on offer. And what did I do? I pursued him. I kept calling him every now and then, e-mailing him, wishing him happy birthday, Merry Christmas, Happy Easter, you name it! He had moved to a different city and I was the one contacting him every now and then pretending we were “friends” and I was simply trying to find out if he was “ok” and doing “well.”

He loved the attention and he played along but after literally years of this situation (I did this for two years), he got really abusive and degrading. I was so infatuated with this man without really knowing him, that I was talking to him even when he was talking about other women and putting me down. After all, I wasn’t affecting his life in any shape or form! I was there to talk to when he needed it and he was keeping this deal!

Eventually, he pushed for sex and I slept with him! Brilliant, huh? I cannot even begin to describe how awful that night was. He was abusive in bed. After spending the night with this man and watching him exert complete power over me, I went back home, sat down and asked myself, “What were you thinking?” I realised I wasn’t. So I picked myself up and went for therapy to deal with my issues and resolved never to do this to myself again!

You see, when a person you “love or like” does not reciprocate your feelings, quit the fantasy and move on. It’s only hurting you and depending on the other person it is either annoying them (if you are too pushy), or giving them ego strokes if they happen to be like the guy I got “involved” with. Some people love the attention and they will keep flirting with you on and off to get you to stay glued to them because it gives them power. But in effect, it does nothing for you. Its not real, it doesn’t help you, you are still alone and you just have a fantasy to hold onto. It’s literally the same as being in love with a cartoon hero because you have as many chances as being happy with them as with that fictional character. Save yourselves the pain!

platovenus
Post 125

My empathy for all you for the troubled emotion you expressed here. And my prayers to God to strengthen you.

I had a colleague, whom I knew two or three months, in my office. We became friends. I found him to have a wide-open heart and great intelligence. I considered (not sure, if it is a mistake) him in my group of a few best friends whom I have known my entire life with lots of hardship. One night, I was at his place. The next morning, he had to travel his hometown. We had a night long chit-chat, and some expressions of friendship, getting derailed to a romantic relationship. No mistakes were made, though.

He went to his hometown, and I did not want to about what all has happened. He had another friend, who used to take control of everything he did. That was so insulting and painful. Since then, I have tried various ways to restore the friendship. I offered to help pay for him to heal his emotional disturbance. All that took to me a deep, painful state.

Nothing worked out, other than me receiving all sorts of verbal abuse from his friend. I had never thought what could be reason behind such manipulative and crooked behavior by his friends. And this person behaved toward me as one would who had unrequited love or desire, and ignored me in a painful way in his conversation and communication. I talked to few experts. For me, nothing matters, other than my friend, his well-being and knowing I must not be mistreated by him. Then, I finally looked for some open communication with a third party. They suggested, ‘this is not the era of Lord Christ/Buddha’.

The person suggested my friend and his friend must be sleeping together. Now I knew why both of them mistreated me, and I was relieved. But, the transformation of friendship to such a cheap deal of ignoring me and trying to control my life and misinterpreting my pure thoughts and feelings as unrequited love, tarnishing my image at the office, put me through severe depression. To what end? Finally, I quit the job.

Some of the things I have gone through continued close to a year, but that was again a painful reaction of him ignoring me and non-transparency. He called me terrible names and abused me with language I had never heard of.

I cannot move on, and sometimes feel suicidal, not for seeking a physical intimacy and not getting it, but because of those insults, the painful act of being ignored and abused by both of them.

I hope this helps you. ‘Unrequited love’ is not a desire for sexual intimacy, as some say here. There are many things attached to these subtle emotions. We must respect others’ feelings and emotions. Unrequited love for the one at the receiving end is devastating. You must give a try to give a shape to it. After all, in the whole world, love has become such a precious thing you cannot get it. And, what is it with love being so closely knitted to sexual acts and perversion?

anon241866
Post 123

I know I will sound like a total idiot but, am a guy and I fancy my best friend, and around a month ago she got dumped by her boyfriend (they were going out for eight months). I was told that she likes me so I asked her out. She rejected me saying 'it will ruin our friendship' and 'wouldn't it be awkward?' and she also said that she needs time to get over her boyfriend.

Two days later her boyfriend starts talking to her after a month's time of them not even looking at each other. Please, can someone tell me what to do? I actually really don't know what to do because I think she still likes him, but she also knows that I like her and I just don't know what to do. Please help

anon239641
Post 121

Well, I'm working in a company and there's a coworker who I really don't have feelings toward, and all that he is to me is a brother. The thing is, it is unrequited love. He just ended his marriage and even before that I started sensing that he was crushing on me.

I always act like I know nothing and I made it clear but in an indirect way that I am not interested, and we also had a fight regarding work and I was happy because I wouldn't have to deal with him every time he comes to the office and tries to talk to me. But, after the general manager cleared everything up and after we fixed the problem, I still limited my time with him and tried not to have much contact with him, but still!

I seriously don't like him. He's not even my type, and it's a big no, and now because of him, I have a feeling that my fellow coworkers think that there is actually something between me and him. He's never said anything, but you always know when someone is into you. I hope he will back off with his feelings because I'm really not that type who gets involved in office relationships.

anon238780
Post 120

@Christy: I feel so frustrated reading your post as you are the epitome of how the man I loved and cared for behaved towards me.

Let me say it straight. Basically, you are insecure and very anxious with low self esteem. The man genuinely liked you, potentially even tried to love you, and you simply were too afraid to try because of your issues. Work on your issues but rest assured he only walked away because you left him with no choice. And you over analysed a simple boy likes girl situation.

anon238543
Post 119

The man I'm with now was the tow truck driver who towed my vehicle home after my vengeful very recent ex-boyfriend flattened two of my tires late one night at the local casino. The driver took me and my vehicle home safely, I paid him and he left. I was now broke without wheels and totally hurt by what the ex had done.

About five months later, the tow truck driver showed up at my front door. I didn't even know who he was. This was in the fall of 2008.

He turned out to be crazier than a coconut. We became friends in a silly "he's entertaining" sort of way. I thought he was cute but very odd, which I liked. He talked a lot and said nothing. He was distracting and funny. I loved and hated where this was going.

He got me into bed as I was too tired to firmly say no. Kind of like anon233767 described. (post number 116). Same basic feelings - he took as I gave in. It wasn't rape, but it also wasn't fully mutual. When I give, I really give, and there's no mistake. This wasn't that. It was hardly even a choice.

He never told me he was married until he took what he wanted in bed.

No matter how many times after I told him no more, you're married, he only grew more attached to me and continues the bad behavior. Ignoring him didn't help, nor did calling the police, or dating someone else briefly. This infuriated him. He too, vandalized a tire on my vehicle to make a 'love' statement (yes- the very same man who towed me home after my ex-boyfriend vandalized my tires, he did same thing). Messed up, I know.

It's been many moons since then.

He got his third divorce in July 2010. I've never been married, only broken-hearted many times. I'm his muse or something, I guess.

I've since lost all desire for sex because of how he takes what he 'needs' and doesn't reciprocate in bed. It's been four years now. I'm very glad we live separately.

I love and hate these last four years with him. He swears he's in love deeper than he's ever known. I don't feel anything.

I finally replaced the tires with a new set. It'll be interesting to see how many miles they'll go before emotions flare.

I know this isn't a helpful post, but I just felt like sharing a little. -- LAS, 2012

anon237799
Post 118

My story is not so much unrequited love. I'm not really quite sure what it is.

We went out for a whole year -- my first love and I. He then dumped me due to complications. I had such a hard time getting over him and then out of the blue, when I finally got over him, he contacts me with a text saying how you doing. It had been two years after we broke up and I used to text, call and email him constantly, but he would never reply. So he got back in contact with me in 2010 and I wasn't interested in him anymore. I went out with this other guy for nine months and broke it off because I was still in love with my first love.

He found out and started talking to me again. He told me all about his ex that he'd been with for two years and now he says he wants to be friends and nothing more. What is that all about? He's still in love with me because he's told me, but he just wants to be friends? What?

anon234068
Post 117

I met her in college and saw her in the college church. She glowed when I laid eyes on her and I felt butterflies in my stomach and my heart picked up a beat. I was hyper aware of everything around me but I did not know what was going on.

I even got to speak to her briefly about how to follow along reading the lyrics within the chorus book. When the chorus rehearsal ended, I did not attend another night because singing is not my thing.

Until one day when I could not find a seat in the cafe and I sat with one of my classmates, I did not know and was surprised to see that that girl that gave me such pins and needles was sitting at the very same table.

I thought I was going to burst, but then she started talking to her friends and she mentioned two words that made me pause in my eating. She said “gundam wing.” Apparently she was in anime and manga.

I soon joined the conversation and we all talked for hours. That feeling of my heart jumping and my hands sweating continued to plague me only when I was around her. I chalked it up to me somehow disliking her.

So I decided to spend more time with her to see what is about her that I disliked instinctively and found there was nothing. I just found that I liked everything about her.

I have never been in love before and I could not understand or see what was going on. We became fast friends, spending most or all of our time together talking about any and everything.

It was just so comfortable to be around her and natural that I was overjoyed to be in her company. We would play around with one another – just innocent things like wrestling and pinning one another – but eventually that turned into intimacy.

The intimacy was cuddling and snuggling together, just enjoying being around one another, just the two of us. I was so happy yet I did not realize that I had unintentionally fell in love with this intelligent, unique, beautiful woman until it was too late.

We would even say I love you to one another in a foreign language only we understood to one another.

That all changed when in her senior year and my junior year, I came to the realization that I was in love with her. It was around this same time that I had my heart shattered when I confessed my feelings to her, and she told me she only saw me as a friend.

I have tried my best to be her friend but it is extremely hard for me. She does not even talk to me anymore. I can feel the chasm in between us and it is unbearable.

Once a year, all my college friends meet at a local convention to see each other and catch up, since we all have graduated. It is nice, but I know she will be there and I will miss her.

She acts so distant to me and it used to hurt me so bad but now I just expect this and try to move past it. Lately I have been thinking I cannot do this anymore and I am considering not going to the next convention to see will if it be easier for me.

All of this has been going on for about four years now. I pray that everything gets better and that I don't lose my friends (even her). I wish that things would go back to the way they were, but I know they will not.

I think the thing I dread seeing is the day when she does fall in love and it is with someone else other than me. I hope by then that I am well over this situation.

I know this is long and I thank you for reading. As a side note, I have not mentioned everything but I have included the basics of my story.

For those of you out there experiencing unrequited love just thank God (if you are a believer) or be grateful that you were given the ability and the opportunity to love no matter how fleetly because love is precious in all its forms. (mind you when I say love in all its forms, I mean the legal, ethical, consensual kind of love).

Also, my story my be vastly different from all of you since I am a girl and the person I fell in love with is a girl as well.

Peace be with all of you and I pray that God heals all of your hearts including my own.

anon233767
Post 116

I am also an object of unrequited love. It has happened to me twice. One guy I left on a string for two years and didn't really tell it to him straight that I was not attracted to him. To say the least, I've learned that it's best to tell them right away and to leave no crack open.

This second time was worse. We only met two months ago and he had such an infatuation for me. I still wanted to be his friend, but I knew that he was taking our time spent together as something that it was not. He's about nine years older than me and last night I broke it to him that I couldn't see him in an intimate way. He stayed and asked why. He asked what I wanted and what he could do for me, and I told him I just didn't know.

We had kissed before and after that, I knew I wasn't attracted to him. I really should have told him then, but we weren't dating it was just one kiss. But he stayed and we were talking and he'd take my hands and kiss them and kiss my neck and breathe heavy. And I was just laughing. I have this fear of insulting people or making them feel bad. Then he was kissing my neck. This was all after I said I didn't like him. I still wasn't attracted to what he was doing. Words were spoken and he somehow ended up on top of me. I kept slinking away, pushing his face away from mine and such. But he just kept persisting.

I didn't say no and he asked me if I wanted him to move and when I said yes, he moved in between my legs. He ended up getting to bases I did not want him to reach but damn it, he stole them. Now he didn't rape me but he definitely stepped over some boundaries. He has apologized since then and I've come to terms with it.

But be careful when dealing with unrequited love. I went with it, I guess, hoping that it would help him move on. I can't explain what was going though my mind. It was like 3 a.m. and I wasn't thinking straight. Now I'm stuck with awkward semi avoidance. Life stinks. I can't wait for love to work!

anon233583
Post 115

i think i've experience this unrequited love thing. When i was in my 6th grade i met the boy that makes my heart skip a beat, but he is 2 years younger than me. so he is in his 4th grade that time. its really hard for my part coz i'm graduating and we will be so far. And i waited for him but its not working. i've been in love with him for almost 3 years.

anon233569
Post 114

I wasn't even interested in the guy that I sadly hopelessly care for now; I was just using him as something to get my attention off another guy.

He was so sweet, caring, and very much there for me in a great time of need. I began to fall in love with him. Shortly after wards he became mean always judgmental and telling me what he didn't like about me and talked about his ex all of the time. He tried to break up with me several times and I just clung on desperately and even tried to change myself to please him.

By the way, he is a very narcissistic jerk with trust issues.

It was the first time I'd been in a real love relationship and I wanted it to last forever. We got into a big fight and he broke up with me on xmas. I told him everything -- all of my secrets -- even the number of partners I've had. He is a very conservative person and couldn't accept my past basically calling me ghetto and a ho'. It absolutely shattered me. At first, he thought he was not good enough for me and now here I was thinking I wasn't good enough for him.

Ever since, I thought we were going to be back together, and .that was almost a year ago. Since then I have become a shell of my former self. From the countless times of rejection from my ex I have a shot self esteem, lost all sense of pride in myself, and lowered my self worth. I have begged him to be back with me, argued with him to be back with me, cried and pleaded about why can't we be together.

I'm very, very ashamed of myself. Every single time, I lower myself to that but I can't seem to help myself. I try to act like I don't care and be distant but it never lasts for long. On top of that, he doesn't treat me with respect. He cusses at me even though he doesn't even cuss and he lies about practically everything.

I get so depressed and I cry every day. I've let myself gain weight and just let myself go. I've never been so unhappy in my life.

I'm always fussing at him for the way he treats me, but it goes in one ear and out of the other because I never stop talking to him for long. I always come back and have sex with him, which makes me feel even worse.

All my friends and family wont even let me talk about him anymore because it's clear he doesn't like me anymore but I still put up with him treating me like anything and is putting me on the back burner for other girls. I've gone months without talking to him and he always chases after me and says he doesn't want to lose me, but he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now, even though he tried to be in a relationship with a girl who played him while I was trying to be with him!

He still is in love with his ex and seems like he respects and wants to be with every other girl but me. I know it's sick but I just want him to love and accept me so bad, I can't let go. I freaking need help.

anon232935
Post 113

I've been in love with her for seven long years. I'm sure she likes me but she don't like me in that right way. She isn't perfect at all but I just can't help myself. I am not interested in other girls all the time. I don't know what would I do. And sorry for my weak English.

anon229805
Post 112

I have read all of the comments posted here and I might as well share my experience with my long-time best friend, and "unrequited love."

I'm a woman (mentally) but I'm still a girl. I'm very much aware that I'm more mentally advanced than my peers, or what they commonly call the "precocious puberty" stage.

Coupled with my twisted personality to psycho-analyze every human being, I have recently interacted or keenly observed, I have come to a conclusion that we experience unrequited love because deep inside, in each of us, we have been painstakingly waiting for that "right person" to accept us, as a whole human being, together with our strengths and weaknesses, hoping that "right person" would eventually come to really understand us and love us unconditionally, and we should blame that "feeling of hope" that a miracle will happen that maybe someday the person we are harboring romantic feelings will finally come a day that he/she will reciprocate our feelings. Unfortunately, its usually one-sided, hence it is not mutual.

So, even if you have developed romantic feelings with your best friend from elementary, or you have been friends for 10 years or so, it is clearly useless to begin with, since you are the only one loving him/her, but on his/her side, the answer is: nothing at all! So yeah, do yourselves a favor, and save yourselves from digging your own graves because to be committed in a relationship. You and your special person should be mutually attracted to each other first!

If you feel that you are the only one who has that feeling, stop thinking about him/her! Stop yourself from letting him/her occupy your thoughts 24 hours and seven days! Give your mind a rest!

I know that you feel happy when you think about him/her. You have those "butterflies in the stomach," but I'm telling you that it's all in your head – specifically, those cursed endorphins, the so-called "happy hormones."

If you can't even stop yourself or you've tried but failed at every attempt, you've indeed become addicted to that feeling of falling in love, because what is conveyed in the media, books, or famous love stories are all crap except those stories that are based on reality and are God-centered. Sadly, most stories are the results of a human's wild imagination of the taboo.

And it's all right to reminisce about the past, but I'm telling you that everything happened is in the past!

What's the use in rewinding every second of that encounter! The person you have loved for the past years is not even with you right at this present moment!

If that person is not making an effort to become a part of your life in the past, what more is there in the present? Therefore, that person is undeniably out of the picture in your future.

Stop hoping for that person. It's crystal clear that he/she is not noticing your presence (do they even care if you exist in this planet?). End your idealism. Kill your idiotic fantasies.

No one wants to become a "hard-core masochist" because of romantic love. It's indeed unnecessary bleeding and heartache. Trust me, since I've been a fool before. But now, I understand this feeling more and more, until I came to love and realize the beauty of "unrequited love." That's why, the feeling became my best friend. It is always there to remind you of the present reality and not to be overboard (in some ways or another).

But, out of 6.5 billion people living here on Earth, and there is one person who have come to love you unconditionally. That's not pure luck, my friend, I say that's a blessing since a person like that, is 100 percent rare encounter. Or so, it depends.

amypollick
Post 111

@ican2146: O.K. I'm in my 40s also, and if I were available, and a 20-something (or any-something) guy did that to me, I'd tell him to fish or cut bait. I'd get him somewhere alone and say, "All right now. You've been sending the worst kinds of mixed signals. Come give me a massage, give me a passionate kiss, then I don't like you. Stop playing these junior high school games and let's either have a relationship or not. If you're not ready for that, let me know and I'll move on. But don't keep up this kind of crap." And see what he says.

Personally? He sounds like an immature jerk, which is what a lot of 20-something men are. And you texting him and saying, "Does he like me or not?" sounds like you've got some serious insecurity issues going, and nothing repels guys like insecure desperation. Tell him to man up and tell you how he feels, and if he still gives you "the kiss freaked me" routine, say sayonara and find a real man with some maturity. Don't waste your time with a guy who plays eighth grade head games.

ican2146
Post 110

He has been in a relationship before with a girl who ended up cheating on him. I just want to know if I have a chance of being with him and if it's because he is scared of his feelings or does he really not like me. Can anyone help answer my questions with what they think?

ican2146
Post 109

One night, he asked me over for a massage, which was the first time we had been alone together. When I got to his house he was in his bed with a shirt and undies on. I sat on the edge of his bed and within seconds, he was kissing me and it was so passionate at first. It was strong and heavy and then it was slow and precise. We only fooled around a little bit -- nothing heavy -- and then I had to go to the toilet and when I got back he was on his tummy so all I did was massage him and then I left.

On my way home he messaged me to say that he knew it that he can't handle this bleep and that he is not the one for me and to leave him alone. I was gutted because I knew what I felt in that kiss and I knew he felt it too.

Well, after a week of no connection but I would see him at work and he would still stare at me or he would sit an hold his head in his hands and sigh, I asked him via message why he had done this and his first reply was I don't like you and I don't want a relationship, but I couldn't believe him because only days before, he was saying other stuff that was nice. So I asked him to be honest and if it was the kiss and because he felt something when we kissed, and all he said was that the kiss freaked him out. When I asked why, he just said it again, that the kiss freaked him. So now I don't know what to do or think. Does he like me or not? Can someone tell me what they think because I really love him and I want us to be together. What do I do? Thanks for reading.

ican2146
Post 108

I don't know if mine is unrequited love. I have been working with a guy for eight months but in the last three, we have started to get to know each other and have been flirting a lot. I'm in my 40s and he's in his 20s. He is always saying he doesn't want a relationship, but he always asks me things that would mean us having to be in a relationship, like would I have more kids if we were together and where would we live, etc. He is a small town country guy. I'm going to post this now because I wrote a full post earlier and lost it so I'm going to post as I go.

anon229142
Post 106

This is the real thing and it all has happened with me.

When I was in school, I had a classmate who used to make fun of me, which in the beginning I really hated, but slowly I started liking that. I used to like him. I spent almost seven years of my childhood with him. I like him a lot. Actually I'm a boy and I always miss him

For six years, he was in a good relationship with me, but in the seventh year, we had some conflicts in the class, and I stopped talking to him for almost eight months. After that I went to him to say sorry. I told him that I liked him a lot, but after the breakage of the relationship, he never would talk to me again. I only started talking, but that talking was full of a lot of strength in my heart that really I can't express.

He never remembers me now, but I like him a lot and always remember him, but I think he doesn't like me. That's why two years later, he's still not in touch with me, but I'm can't forget him. I always think of old days passed with him in my dreams and now it has become a hindrance in my studies. Please, someone, help me with this unrequited love.

anon221782
Post 105

I don't usually post on stuff but as I read through all the posts, I felt a little better. A little more sane. I've been in love with this woman for almost five years. We worked together and I fell in love but nothing happened because I was married to a man at the time.

After we broke up, the woman and I slept together, we'd always had sexual tension, but she'd just started seeing someone and she really wanted to make it work with that girl. She asked me to stay away and I did. To the point that I quit my job, never called her, texted her, emailed her or anything. But I thought, I was so sure, that things wouldn't work out for her and this other woman and she'd call me sooner or later. I thought if I waited long enough she'd come to me. She liked me, just not as much as the other woman. It wasn't an easy thing for her either.

I didn't hear from her for three years but I thought about her all the time and finally a week ago she emailed me. All it said was hello. I emailed back a quick hi but haven't heard from her again. Why would she do that? Why wouldn't she just leave me alone? A few other people have said out of sight, out of mind and they're right. I've been okay, I've been seeing someone else who is wonderful and I love. And now, all I can think about is her again. I wish she'd either leave me alone or want me for real. Unrequited love hurts so much.

Thank you all for sharing your stories. It helps to know I'm not alone, that I'm not crazy to love someone who doesn't love me back.

anon215623
Post 104

I guess I fall under this category. I fell in love with this guy after two weeks after he started working with me. I didn't just jump into it. I was very cautious about it and thought it was lust at first.

Gradually, I became friends with him and started entertaining the workplace. It was the opposite of what I really felt. I was really sad and lonely inside. I have bouts of depression and can't really take rejection. I've actually tried to get over this crush. I've had it for five years. Nothing in my mind and heart has really changed. He knows that I like him and my friends thought he was immature because I wasn't going to lie to him. I'm honest. That ends up making me put my foot in my mouth.

I tend to get hyper when I talk to him, kind of like I'm on top of the world. He dated another co-worker of mine too. They also started out as friends, but she started talking about marriage three months into it. I think that was a turn off for him. Of course, when they fought I was the one being blamed for it. I didn't do anything. He gets mad sometimes. I do have some anger issues, but it tends to run in our family. I haven't taken my anger out on anyone. I do vent, though. I feel like telling someone is better then the first option.

However, I'm still in love with this guy. We stopped talking because I was trying to get to know him. I didn't think that was wrong and I was willing to be friends. I'm stuck, I can't figure a way to get out of this. It hurts.

He lives in another town now. Since the recession, we lost our jobs and went to school and graduated. He did give me the 'cold shoulder' in school, but then he starts talking to me again. I'm confused. He pretended like we never worked together last year, but that would be silly.

If we hadn't, he wouldn't have gotten mad at me. I don't like lying for the fact that most of my life, that's what's been told to me. I hate that and get a good sense of frustration in a one parent (mother) home and a sibling.

Any advice would be most helpful. I can't afford a therapist or anything. I'm broke. Same for any medications. My job doesn't cover my bills enough to do so.

anon213646
Post 103

I have a similar situation. I worked with someone for 2.5 years and over time I developed feelings for her. Unfortunately due to strict company guidelines I could never act on those feelings. I always thought we were in a way perfect for each other. My family had met her before when they stopped by my work and told me "Wow she is like a female version of you". We thought alike, liked almost all the same things, had a similar sense of humor.

Every day I had to work with her and not tell her how I felt was just sheer agony and torture! Now we had under the last company for the last four or five months had a new general manager who was my age come down. The two of them spent a little more time together hanging out as friends and due to policies and all I thought nothing of it. After a cooperate buyout of our building by another company we learned that we would no longer be working together in the same company. I was being forced to stay and she was being transferred.

Once the time came down to it and we were closely approaching the time where she would leave for good, I took the time I had left and decided to express my feelings for her during one of my shifts. Unfortunately her response was "Well I really like you as a good friend but I just really never thought of you more than that" That was kind of a blow to me but I was able to handle it just fine and I told her that it was ok and I didn't want it to ruin our friendship because in the end I cared about that above all else.

Five months later, I no longer work at that building and she quit that company and went to work elsewhere. Now I find that she is now in a relationship with our former GM when we worked together. That, to me, was a major blow. It hurts now more than ever.

What is worse for me is that I was kind of friends with both of them and are Facebook friends with both of them and I have to see everything they post about each other. I have never been good with emotions as I hide them 98 percent of the time. I just hope the heartache and pain goes away at some point now that she is so much more out of my reach now than ever before.

anon205622
Post 102

This is for @anon33834, post 4: I am a person who is being loved unrequited-ly; I have to seek help too, because I care for my friend, but that is all it can be, but he is suffering, and I am experienced on this and yet I cannot take his pain away, we, the object of the affections need help too. We need help in how to help our fellow others. We are all in this together, so there must be something we can do for one another.

anon179002
Post 101

I tell myself that it is just biology and nature's way of perpetuating the race. Perhaps if I depersonalize the situation the feelings will abate. Told the person of my feelings and asked to be told of theirs. I knew there was no such feelings toward me and was right. It helped but didn't take away the pain.

The only thing that works is avoidance. "Out of sight,out of mind." It takes time and those chance meetings can so easily renew the "passion" but absence does not make the heart grow fonder and is the only way out of the down mood. Stick around those who love you for what you are and leave the rest behind - at a distance, if necessary.

quietone91
Post 100

i went with someone four years ago. we broke up after being together for a year and four months. Since then, I've been trying to fill the hole that's been dug deep in my heart. I've had many relationships after that, but they have never been the same. i loved him so much, and still do. but i don't think he feels the same way about me.

I find myself to be on an emotional roller coaster. i try to forget about him, but it never works. I've always wanted to tell him how i felt, but i was afraid. i feel like I'm trapped in some lonely love cell. my middle name should be unrequited love.

anon170752
Post 99

I love him, love him like I have never loved anyone ever in my life and never again will love another person like him. he is too good, too wonderful and beyond belief. He will forever be in my mind, my heart, and my love for him will never cease because he will never cease to be the most wonderful person on this earth.

anon169072
Post 98

I've been good friends with a girl for at least a year and a half now. We always see each other and go out with friends and such. About seven months ago i began to realise i like her and while drunk at a party, i told her. I asked for a straightforward answer if she liked me back and she said she only sees me as a friend. As a result, the rest of the night ended in tears.

The next day i just made excuses and told her it was the alcohol playing up on me and i was just talking a load of rubbish, and she believed me.

About two months later she got a boyfriend, who just so happened to be one of my best friends, and from there on out, it was complete and utter heartbreak, pain and suffering.

I'd see them together all the time, kissing, flirting and i just had to watch as they did it, with no one noticing i was suffering. During this time i did a lot of stupid things. I learned songs on the piano for her and went to great lengths in hopes that she would see how good i am for her, which still hasn't happened.

She noticed something was wrong with me eventually, and i told her i liked someone, but didn't tell her it was her. i told her how i felt about this person (who in fact is her) and told her how i learned songs on the piano for her. Now that she knows this, it has made it even harder on me.

Today, seven months later, they're still together, and i still feel the same way. I can't tell her. I love her so much and i tried to get over her, but every time i see her smile it was impossible. i haven't even thought about a relationship with anyone else, and i feel as if I'm not going to be able to get over her for some time. unrequited love stinks.

anon163968
Post 97

It hurts and stinks, but in time it gets better.

anon156990
Post 95

I just found that my colleague who sits behind me dates the guy whom i like. I couldn't believe it. I was in shock and cried a day and a night before calming down.

All this while, my friends knew the truth that they were dating but never told me. I was a stupid woman.

This woman was my best friend when i first entered this company to work and i told her everything about my feeling towards this guy.

At the end, I'm the last one to know they were together. I was brokenhearted, but at same time don't know what to do. One is my best friend and one is the guy i like the most. How to choose? Choose to be angry or choose to bless them?

Finally i accepted the truth and acted liked nothing happened. This is only thing to do. Hopefully i can find a new job and leave the company soon. Out of sight, out of mind.

anon153402
Post 94

I've been in love with the same person for four years. He was my first love and I still haven't been able to develop feelings for anyone else.

The first few years were blissful. We ended up becoming best friends, however he wasn't interested in me, then, it turns out that he's pretty messed up in the head, and started emotionally abusing me for his own sadistic amusement.

He led me on too. I felt so used, but I kept holding onto the hope that it meant he felt the same way, but apparently I was nothing more than his mistress. He'd cheat on his girlfriends with me, I'd be collapsed on the floor in tears unable to move because of how badly it killed me.

It had a horrible effect on my mental health, and probably my ability to form romantic relationships. I still love him though. We barely talk, but I'm still craving for some attention from him.

I hate him so much, but I doubt these feelings will ever go away, unrequited love, how awful.

Rupesh Pawani
Post 93

Life is an intensely personal experience. It's full of mysteries and riddles. it's also all about perspective.

Regardless of your religious concerns/beliefs, one thing is for certain and may be at the 'tip of the spear' when it comes to life's questions: All things are entwined. Things happen for a reason. It may never be apparent but that doesn't have bearing on it's truth. If your love is not returned, it was not meant to be, and that is all. Call it your practice. Call it your learning experience. You can call it hell as well and be close to accurate, but for those not involved in your situation- we will call it life. And in time, so will you.

anon145587
Post 92

Six months ago, I told my flatmate that I had feelings for him when I learned that he was already dating someone for a couple of months. I basically gave him a letter saying that I was so embarrassed for my actions. Inviting him for drinks, movies, and hanging out with my friends, asking for foot massages all this time and he was already seeing someone for a couple of months.

I mentioned that I respected the girlfriend and I was sorry for feeling that way towards him. I also told him that I knew that it was a one way street all these time and I felt stupid and pathetic, and that deep down I was still hoping that he would reciprocate my feelings.

And now, I am still living with him. I guess he's no longer seeing the girl since he has not been going out as much. We still share meals but I have stopped inviting him.

Unfortunately, I still have feelings for him as I see him every day. I just don't know why I like him when he hardly ever talks to me. I guess I am just missing having a relationship. I think I should stop cooking for him or better yet move out. I just don't want to take the risk of finding a crazy flatmate as I have been very comfortable with him. -lonely heart

anon145254
Post 91

On my first day at work, I met this young man who walked into my room and introduced himself to me. He is good looking. He is certainly charming in a quiet and mysterious way. However, my feelings towards him were indifferent at that time. I just saw him as a regular guy.

During that time, I learned how popular and well-liked he was and still is. Despite the fact that my friends and my family also find him to be the nicest and great man they've met so far, I personally did not see it. I actually judged too quickly, thinking he was kind of snobby because of the way he dressed, acted, talked, and such.

No matter how many much I pushed him away, but he kept trying to talk to me. He was really persistent.

Then one day, he asked me to dinner. I kindly rejected him. He kept asking. I kept rejecting. Then I got irritated that he would not give it so I eventually agreed to.

After that dinner, I realized I was wrong about him. He was not who I thought he was at all. I had a wonderful time talking and eating with him. He was a true gentleman with a sense of dignity and respect. Unfortunately, things didn't go well between us after a few dates later. I wasn't myself. I needed and wanted to be alone. He wanted to be there, regardless. The more irritated I got, the more distressed he became as well. Eventually, tension were building up that we stopped going out and avoided each other.

Basically, after that long silent treatment we gave to each other, we no longer go out but we still keep in touch. I had a feeling I kept annoying him that I decided that I should let him go. He said he cared for me on the first date. I believed him. Now I came to find that he probably does not care for me anymore or even worse, he probably didn't care in the first place. He is quite a ladies man, and that time, I knew that this was a set-up. That was why I rejected him. I rather be someone who truly want to get to know me, and not because I was in a state where I seemed like a girl who needed someone to feel loved and cared for.

Funny story, I fell for him. That was beyond my control.

Although in my heart, I know that we would not be together, ever. There were so many factors that get in the way. Also, I know that I have to move on and let him go. I still look up to him. Although I tried not to show that I have feelings for him, and I think he may got a hint that I like him more than a friend. I lied to him that I like him only as a friend so that nothing can ever happened between us. As insane as it sounds, it is actually for the best- for both of us.

The last time we met up was this week to talk about things, and before we parted ways, he said something along the lines of keeping in touch.

As much as I wanted to, I know that keeping distance and avoiding him as long as possible would be the best thing to do. After all the obstacles and pain that we both experienced together because of me. I believe as I mentioned earlier, I wasn't in the best condition when we were together. I was having a lot of problems in life that I had to deal with. It wasn't fair to hold onto him when I couldn't hold other things in my life together.

I kept telling myself to let him go. Move on. It isn't simple. He told me to contact him afterward. I haven't and I hope I could maintain this distance so that we wouldn't have to go through this again. I know that he wants to move on too, but I also know that he doesn't want to lose me. He is kind of possessive in that way. I find that he does that other people as well.

I kind of want to lose him. I really don't think I could be just friends with him. Another thing is there is a rumour that he is spreading dirt about me. That changed my perspective about him. I was angry and heartbroken! Even though I do not know whether this rumour is true or not, I know that after that day I met him this week, he was hiding something. I do not know what, but he was definitely hiding something from me.

Basically, I felt that I could no longer trust him. As crazy as it sounds, I still like and value him in a way but I would not want to go back to him again.

He is actually the best man I have ever dated/met/known up to date. We shared so many things in common. Funny how life is.

I probably will not know how he felt/feels about me as we both haven't said anything about how we thought/think about each other. I felt the connection, and I am sure he felt it too. I think I prefer it this way. I know I would not tell him, ever.

I am just grateful to have met and known him at all. -Christy

anon144762
Post 90

It was two years ago. after my first love i thought i would never fall in love again. i was working straight out of college at a car rental and one time i find myself sitting in a car next to a girl with long curly hair. she was a medical student and i was about to start my medical school as well.

We had two weeks together and we fell for each other hard but we had to part our ways. i tried to keep in touch over the phone and email but she completely broke it off. it has been two years and two relationships later and i am still very much in love with her. why won't this pain just go away?

Suzie Dsouza
Post 89

Unrequited love is completely undesirable but you have to accept the fact that the other person does not have the same feelings about you. Remind yourself of the good qualities you have. Because somebody does not find an interest in you, does not mean that you are not a good person.

anon142042
Post 88

TO anon64446: I was an escort for years, until I met a man I inevitably fell in love with, in spite of myself. It was reciprocal for a month or so before he completely withdrew from me. I've tried being his friend, the bootycall, the lover, whatever, because I knew he didn't love me/want a relationship with me contrary to what he said in the beginning.

I quit sex work the minute he kissed me. I've been monogamous to him and him alone for nearly two years even though he's been dating and messing around and frankly does not care about me in the least.

I'm nothing but a ghost to him; a girl that he can't make the 20 minute drive for. It's because of how we met, I surmise, that he could never put down his walls entirely around me.

So yeah, if you think escorts don't fall, well, it happens. I'd worked for years without once blurring the lines between work and attachment. I made friends, yes, I was fond of some of my clients, yes, but I never in my wildest dreams thought it would be how I would fall in love. I used to make fun of the other girls who confessed feelings about their clients. I used to think they were weak.

Look at me now, a husk of what I used to be. Pining after a john that will never love me, let alone with the sheer magnitude with which I adore him. --FML.

anon141562
Post 87

I am in love with a woman 19 years my junior. We had dinner together but after that she pretty much ignored me, probably because she realized I had feelings for her. I've had no contact of any kind with her for over five months now but I still think about her constantly.

I know that we will never be together and that I'll probably never see or hear from her again, but I can't stop loving her. She was my dream girl. Unrequited love truly stinks.

anon131844
Post 86

I am feeling the pains of unrequited love right now very sharply. this woman named Dawn came into my life, quite by accident. she told me she was going to jail and I still stayed close to her. Gave her ride after car ride, went over her house, she came over mine, she cooked me meals. then she went to jail. She requested I visit her, which I did. I wrote here letters, she wrote me back telling me I am "kind-hearted, sweet” and what a wonderful person I am. Then I called the prison and found out that she was released. She made no effort to contact me.

I found her on facebook and e-mailed her. She replied, "Scott you're a great guy but I don't want to have you stuck thinking that we would be together. That's not going to happen for a few reasons, but I enjoy our friendship, can you handle being friends?" I replied, "Dawn could you elaborate what those few reasons are?" She then said, "Scott I cannot be your friend, good luck, God bless. " I was shattered. I have gone days without sleep, crying, loss of appetite etc, etc. I really felt for this woman.

anon131132
Post 85

It actually eases the pain to read what other people have gone through and to know that I'm not alone. The problem with my URL was that he was too nice to tell me he wasn't interested, instead saying that he was confused and had too much going on in his life to think of a relationship. Now everyday I live in the agonised hope that he might change his mind.

Don't despair, though. I think in some situations the love will fade over time and as your life changes and grows. I remember being utterly in love with my best friend in high school and being convinced we were soulmates. I told him how he felt but he didn't see me in the same way. Fast track to seven years later and we recently saw each other again.

I've changed a lot in appearance since then and he was floored by how different I looked, calling me later to tell me I was stunning and that we should hook up sometime. His behaviour and willingness to be with me now rather than back then just made me realize that any feelings I had for him had completely dissipated and all that's left is a kind of pity. So don't give up hope fellow unrequited lovers - it can sometimes get better.

anon127171
Post 84

There's a guy that I've loved for almost two years now. He isn't a celebrity but I see him every day on TV. Five years ago, I didn't pay much attention to that, not until last year when he was acquitted.

Okay, so he's a convicted rapist. So what? I never forced myself, but it just keeps coming back. I never wanted anything of this to happen. I never met him but I want to. I heard that he's already dating someone. It's just... oh, I don't know.

anon123967
Post 83

I met a man 25 years younger than me and had three months of heaven. Then he disappeared after telling me how much he wanted to see me. It's been about a month.

I am sure I will hear from him, but I think he got scared from how great it was. I am sure he thinks of me and yes, I would love my fantasy to be him and become reality. I am 48 and he is 23. I learned it's not all about the money.

amypollick
Post 82

@anon123441: This probably never occurred to you, but when you sent the student-teacher that long e-mail, he would have crossed a serious ethical line had he responded to you in any way. You understand he had to report it to the school. This was for his protection and for yours.

Even though you would obviously never have done anything like saying he raped you or molested you to get back at him, he couldn't know that. It was safest for both of you for him to say nothing, especially since he was a student teacher. His entire career could have been on the line if he had responded to you, even to say, "I'm flattered, but not interested."

An older, more experienced teacher might have handled it differently, but this guy is in his early 20s and I suspect, even though you didn't use the word "love," you freaked him out anyway. Also, he probably told his adviser at university about the situation and he or she instructed him to have no contact with you to protect you both.

While you probably felt he was being heartless, he was acting in a responsible, ethical manner. Ethical teachers do not have love affairs with students, especially in high school. It happens, but when a legal adult has a relationship with an underage student, that teacher can be charged with statutory rape.

It has little or nothing to do with his actual feelings towards you. The ethical, responsible, career-preserving option was to not respond to your e-mail. It hurts, I understand, but you really need to understand his reasons and the situation you put him in, however unknowingly.

You're 17. The world turns and times change. I've had unrequited love, and it stinks, but when you live your life, you get past it. Concentrate on improving yourself and getting a good education, pursuing your dream career.

Yes, it's a life lesson, but it doesn't have to be a negative one. Respect this guy all the more for behaving in an ethical, honorable way.

anon123441
Post 81

I'm not one to usually post my intimate thoughts but I figure this will help me and maybe someone else.

At first when I met him, I thought nothing of him. He was just some bight-eyed student teacher eager to connect with students and do his job. I was fifteen at the time and although I was obviously capable of feeling sexual attraction, I just didn't notice anything in him.

As time passed, it was obvious to me that he was a really nice guy and always wanting to make friends, so I started talking to him and hanging out (not specifically for him) after class.

After a while though, the most amazing and wonderful feelings started to blossom deep within me. I started noticing all the beauty in him that I had previously overlooked: from the way he spoke with such enthusiasm to the way he actually seemed to care when I was feeling down and how he would actually get my humour and laugh at my jokes. At that moment I realized that I was beginning to fall for him in a very significant way. I started to spend more time with him and would feel a deep pain whenever I didn't get to see him every other day and I began to actively flirt with him (at least I thought it was flirting). For a while, i truly believed in the possibility that he was interested. During that time I found myself so drugged up on love that not only could I not eat or focus on my studies (for thinking of him), but it also seemed that the horrible self-esteem I had felt my whole life seemingly melted away at the thought of him liking me back.

Now, seeing as he only came to my school for what I suppose is practice for a real teaching job, I quickly realized that unless I did something I would never see him again. He seemed to be happy to stay in contact with me as he readily gave me his e-mail address (I gave him mine as well as my number). Not being the kind of person to let something this big just go, I ended up sending him a long beautifully worded (I thought) letter explaining my feelings to him and what it would mean to have him like me back (I explicitly avoided using the word love throughout the message to avoid freaking him out by the seriousness of my feelings).

He never responded because I assume he didn't want to hurt my feelings. The only reason I know he read it was because he reported my actions to my school (not as heartless as it sounds when you really think about it) and even then I had to ask. The worst part of this whole thing, however, was that he never actually rejected me. This was very painful because it left me with the hope that he actually did love me in return. It also hurt because he never told me why I was rejected and seeing as I have so many things not to like, my self-esteem fell abysmally. It actually got to the point where it hurt so much (my hatred of myself) that I started cutting and tried to kill myself three times ( no one would ever suspect seeing as I always put on the facade of being happy) which I of course would never tell anyone for fear of (rightfully) sounding like a psycho.

The reasons to be rejected, it seemed were plenty. What was really horrible though, was that I liked him so much I wouldn't have even cared what he looked like, how old he was and I had fooled myself into thinking someone could actually like me on personality alone (like I did him). He was beautiful sweet, feminine (not excessively so but enough to be exactly what I was into), and likable while I was fat, ugly, and more masculine in terms of both looks and personality. Sure people seemed to love me greatly as a friend but it hurt to know that I could never be loved in a romantic way by anyone because of my looks. It did strike me that he might have just been gay so I wouldn't have even had a chance anyway but it will always only be a possibility unless by some miracle he tells me what happened.

I am now almost seventeen and to be honest, I'm still secretly in love with him (not what I tell my friends). I never bothered contacting him again because it would hurt too much to have his opinion of me lowered from what I assume would be viewed as pestering him and 'not getting the message'.

Now I hope I never fall in love again. It's a horrible experience and it will likely always be so for me because I am so unattractive. Some advice: to anyone who finds themselves the object of someones affection who they themselves don't love, please be honest and straightforward about your lack of feelings. It could mean the world to that person to know for sure (and maybe even why) that you don't love them.

regin24
Post 80

a year ago, i got very close with my colleague and I ended up loving her very much. But she only wanted friendship. The pain was unbearable. After I told her one day I loved her and she said 'no', my heart was shattered. We still remained good friends initially and talked to each other daily in the office and on the phone after work.

I had to take one week leave because I was so shattered. After two months I left the job as I got another one and about three months later, she left the city and eventually got married.

Now, I hate her and have no feelings of love for her. I am glad it's over.

anon120092
Post 79

People, you suffer because you want to. Be mature and accept the fact that not every woman/man that is the object of your affections will reciprocate the feeling. It took me years to understand that it's best to say your feelings and if that person doesn't feel the same, just wish him/her the best (no hard feelings, it's not his/her fault for not feeling the same for you. Love is something that happens, not something that you force yourself to feel) and move on.

Don't try to hold the hand of someone who doesn't want to hold yours. Life won't end just because a person you love can't love you back. There will be someone out there who will love you for real and for who you truly are.

anon117441
Post 78

Oh shut the crap people no one wants to read your pathetic stories of unrequited love. Seriously folks, who is going to answer your problems? despite unrequited love being a very sad thing that people do go through.

anon117430
Post 77

We were in a long distance relationship for almost two years, and although it got harder as it went on, we were always very close and loving. I went to see her for a weekend (nit the first time), and she hesitated to kiss me. A week later she ended it, and a month after that she was giving her number out to another guy, something unlike her even before we met.

I would break down and cry on the carpet, holding back so I wouldn't wake anyone in the house. I was destroyed, lost weight and have never recovered emotionally or mentally from how she left me. It's been a year and we are in contact via email because I can't let her go.

Sometimes I'm eager to call, and she picks up, greets me like but her voice and tone make it clear enough she isn't really interested in hearing me. I might as well be a ghost.

She says she is in love with someone else. My heart aches and it's difficult to breathe. Sometimes I want to swallow pills but I'm worried how that may affect my family. But God knows I want to die. I didn't just lose her, but the massive part of me bonded with her. I've lost faith in myself. She said I was a great lover, treated her well and didn't do her wrong, but that it just faded away for her.

Life feels like a game on a table. I'm done, I just want to get up and leave it now.

anon117405
Post 76

I too, have fallen victim to unrequited love.

It is so very painful, watching her, day after day, in a relationship I know she is not happy being in yet, finances are what keeps the couple together.

I so much wish to let her know my feelings but, I can never come between two people, even if it would benefit myself and the object of my desires.

He offers her financial status yet, no love or intimacy.

I on the other hand, offer her my undying love, while being of modest means.

anon114189
Post 75

I have an unrequited love with a co worker. At first it was nothing that has grown to a secret love. At times i look at the body language, and think, maybe? We seem to enjoy each other's company, however when i walk away there's nothing.

I tried to avoid her. Then one day she said that i don't come around anymore. She shows many of the flirting signals, but when it comes time to see if there can be something, she pulls away and ignores me.

I try and go away and think of other things. I get reminded of her by cars similar to hers. i see myself comparing her to others. This is ridiculous. -old fool

anon111692
Post 74

Unrequited love is so very real. I am in love with someone and have been for a very long time. He will never reciprocate, but that doesn't stop the feelings I have for him.

anon109237
Post 73

I am new to posting anything on the internet. But, i have loved this man for over 10 years, but he does not love me. I have told him my feelings after he hooked up with his present girlfriend.

He is so in love with her and it kills me. I have tried everything i can, but i can't get over him. It's been six years that I have struggled to get over him and they are so happy together and I am so miserable.

anon108969
Post 72

i fell for a girl wen i first started secondary school, about age 13. i used to go around to her house after school and we would constantly look at each other during class.

Her older sister would tell me to ask her out but i never did because i was to afraid even though i knew we had a connection, it was the biggest mistake i ever made as is had to leave that school because i was getting into trouble all the time.

I'm 25 now and i still think of her all the time sometimes keeps me awake at night. i do have a girlfriend whom i have been with for four years now whom i love very much but i just don't seem to be able to let go, especially when i see her.

now and again walking through town or driving past it brings all those feelings back. i hope no one will make a mistake like i did.

anon105525
Post 71

Some people say that unrequited love is not true love, but I know that that is unequivocally untrue. On the contrary, to love without expecting recognition or return is the highest form of love. I met a woman in the workplace, and we were friends. I got to know her, and admired her.

In my mind she is the most honorable woman I have ever known, and more than three years after the moment I last saw her, I still think about her every day. She was kind, humble, gentle, industrious and wise. Holding onto the memory of her has made me a better man, and been an ever-present personal reminder of higher, nobler thoughts and actions.

It is probable that she has no knowledge of the fact that her influence changed my life so much for the better, and still does. It is entirely possible that she never will. That is the beauty of the whole matter.

I would not hesitate to sacrifice or even give my life for her, just as I would not hesitate to sacrifice or die for my country. I love her because she was beautiful and kind to me. I love my country because it is beautiful and kind to me. More importantly, I love each of them respectively because they represent the greatest, purest ideals that I have ever known.

anon105275
Post 70

I cannot keep my mind off of a woman with whom I had an "emotional affair". She is married, and I am a single gay woman. I think about her all of the time and want to constantly be in her presence. It's incredibly painful. We both felt that we had an amazing connection, but she will never leave her husband for me. It's futile, but my heart won't let go.

anon104856
Post 69

Well, surprise surprise. i have also experienced something along these lines. I dated this guy for a while, and i never really felt much, especially when he told me he cheated on loads of girls and that he already had a girlfriend. What a catch!

Anyway, we parted and went our separate ways but we bumped into each other again after his gf dumped him. I don't know what happened, but he asked me out again, but I felt so confused with everything that had happened, i couldn't understand what I was feeling. I said no, and I've regretted that decision every day for the past six months.

The only thing that stands in our way is his religion- I have no idea what to do. i can't hurt him anymore, but it hurts me so much! And 'broken heart' I understand exactly how you feel- the same guy told me he loves me, but feels a relationship would never be right due to his religion. i don't understand!

anon104324
Post 68

I've liked this guy for almost two years already. At first I thought it was reciprocated, but as time goes, he has kind of backed away a little bit and we are in the friends zone now. However, I cannot get over him.

I will sometimes think that he likes me too because he keeps cracking jokes every time we talk and he always tries to make me laugh. But other than that, I think there are no signs that he sees me in a romantic way.

And now it gets worse because he lives in the same flat as me (housemate). I see him every day and my feeling is getting stronger and stronger. I blame myself because I cannot make him fall for me.

This unrequited love is so painful. I really want to get over him. But how? I still see him every day. I want to freeze my heart.

anon102179
Post 67

I am in love with a co-worker. She likes me but not in that way. She says that religion and society are the main problem but i can't accept that. I tried to force her to tell me that she isn't attracted to me but she would not. Said she didn't want to hurt my feelings. Now I cannot sleep, eat or do anything properly. She is on my mind all the time. I only feel better when I am with her, talking or texting her.

I cannot seem to move on and the worst thing is that I see her almost every day. She tries to help me by saying that it gets better with time, but I really don't know. All your comments have helped but it is depressing to know that some of you have had this stuff for years! I just want to get rid of the pain.

anon98117
Post 65

I met Mr. in 2004, and we became really close then too many people became involved trying to force the situation and he backed away and so I never knew where the friendship lay although that is all I ever wanted from him.

This year, however, we began to flirt a whole lot with each other and then in March decided to be friends for now until he sorted out issues.

Well, issues he has. He always told me he was shy and I know I am too, but then he started to avoid me like the plague for a few months and then suddenly out of the blue odd things started occurring. He sends me an sms saying "His mom says hi" (I only met her once two years ago.) His best friend starts talking to me online, even his best friend's wife says things like, "Oh I should find a picture of mr. from my wedding. He looked rather handsome." Like how am I to respond?

He seems to be paranoid to be seen talking to me and then this week I happen to park where he normally parks for lift club and he now parks behind me, but where I still see the corner.

I don't know what to make of the situation my heart breaks because I know in our flirting he was open to a point and now suddenly to go cold turkey... I feel like running away but I guess that won't solve anything. Help!

anon97521
Post 64

i met him when i was 15. we were both classmates in hindi school which falls only on saturday mornings. i still remember the first time i laid my eyes on him. it was attraction at first sight and soon enough i would think of him regularly, longing for reciprocation. We never spoke before, just exchanged stolen glances.

I would stalk him often on the net but never dared to communicate with him due to fear of rejection. i don't want to be only friends. I'm 20 now, still thinking of him on a regular basis -- until today that is. i learned why should we like someone who isn't into us or never will be. i know for a fact that he'll never have feelings for me due to my social background, the fact that I'm not so smart and also 30cm shorter than him.

For five years I've not moved on, not spoken to other guys and fantasizing about him prevented me from achieving my goals/college plans, whereas he is now in an ivy league university and probably has a girlfriend too.

is it all worth it? i think not. I'm basically ruining my life living in the delusion that one day, he'll say that he liked me all along, too, and then we'll get married. seriously, who am i kidding? It's never going to take place. if it means I have to monitor my thoughts, so be it.

anon93027
Post 63

I've been dealing with this for the past three years. It feels silly to love someone who I hardly know. We were in most of each other's classes in high school and now that it's over, I'll never see him again.

We were kind of friends, online, but it always hurt to know that he was in relationships with other girls and I knew I had no chance because our lifestyles were too different and a relationship would never work out.

It really stinks that I can't get over this, and it seems to actually be getting worse with time instead of better. I keep thinking of him. It's so depressing.

He's the only person I've felt these kind of strong feelings for. I just don't get crushes or "fall" for people. I wish I could stop wanting something I will never have.

anon91734
Post 62

Always seems to be the case with me. Either someone loves me, and I don't feel the same, or I love someone, and they don't feel the same. Is it karma? Did I kill a white deer at some point in a past life?

anon91393
Post 61

I met an escort and have fallen in love with her. She is everything I look for in a woman: smart, capable, driven. She is inspirational and beautiful. She displays steel and softness simultaneously.

Now the question is how to initiate dating and move away from business. I want to have a real relationship with her so much it hurts. Life was awful before I met her, now it is worse.

anon90577
Post 59

I met this man 13 years ago at work. I felt like I had known him my whole life. I was (and still am) married he was single but in a serious relationship. He would flirt with me and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

A year after our first meeting I revealed my feelings to him and he got engaged right after. I quit my job. Flash forward to two years ago, and we reconnected through a social networking site and begin chatting daily, learning more about each other.

I thought I loved him before, and it only grew deeper. Well, my husband confronted this man two months ago (via email) telling my URL that I loved him and begging him to cease contact with me. He obliged. I am heartbroken. The only reason my husband knew about my feelings was because I glow when I talk to my URL.

So, this no contact lasted for two months. I sent emails but received no reply. Finally, a little over a week ago he answered me back and said that we are still friends. I told him that to know him a little was better than not at all.

I fear that at 42 years old, I will never know his love, yet my heart will love him until I draw my last breath.

anon90280
Post 58

I'm still very much in love with a woman who left me four years ago. She's since been with a couple of other men and yet my forgiveness comes easily. We're still in touch but only in a very shallow way. She's never been good at being emotionally communicative or at emotional responsibility.

I've foolishly been helping her financially and in any other way I can. My hopefulness won't let me see that I may just be being used though in fact, that might be the case.

It's the lack of honesty that hurts the most; the limbo of unspoken dreams.

anon90124
Post 57

It has been over 10 years now that i have been in love with a family friend. it all started when were kids and he gave me my first kiss. we have grown apart since the days when we were childhood friends and now only see each other at family functions.

i know it is silly to say that you love someone who you are not even close with but every time i see him i literally loose my breath. it doesn't help that i have dreams about him all of the time that seem so vivid and real.

i don't know what to do. i can't tell him how i feel because it could ruin our family's relationship, but i don't know how to get over this. it just hurts too much.

the potential of him walking down the aisle with another woman makes me so incredibly sad, but alas, that is unrequited love. i guess sometimes you can't always follow your heart no matter how strong the messages it may be giving you.

anon88943
Post 56

i have been tortured by unrequited love since eighth grade in middle school. it's so hard because i even believe that you can't love someone so strongly at that age.

i think the hardest thing is we never got together when, for a little space in time, we could have back then. since we never did, i was cut off. throughout all of high school i secretly loved him. i tried not to let it rule my life, and have now been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend of three years.

it's so unfair though, that i, against my will still feel this strong pull to someone who probably doesn't even remember my name. I wish i could give that unfulfilled love to the guy I'm with because he's such a great person, but there is not a day i don't think of the guy who stole my heart in middle school so many years ago. sometimes it's the worst feeling in the world that nothing will ever come out of this strong magnetic feeling that i have in my heart for this stranger whom i don't even know anymore.

anon88703
Post 55

I'm probably just whining, in fact I am. But, whatever. I have had unrequited love for two years now. It is harder than most.

I have never been in a romantic relationship before, nor have I wanted to before now. It's like my heart is a block of ice by nature.

The only person I have ever felt anything for is five years older than me, the same gender as me, and her boyfriend moved in with her about a month after I confessed my feelings.

She is truly the most stunning person I have ever met in my life and I love her. I am just afraid that if I let it go, I will never feel this way for anyone else again.

anon88229
Post 54

I have loved Julian for the past 28 years. every Christmas, summer, easter and every night i miss him.

i have married, had kids, been to university, got jobs and moved a lot. None of it has helped. I hoped time might work its magic but no, i love him as much as I did then. I think he knows but i had a chance a few years ago to be with him but it turned out to be a sordid night and nothing else- not what i wanted at all and no sex just me not knowing what to do and thinking that was what he wanted.

I love him so much that life is just a painful endurance competition and I look forward to death. I just want him and every day is a reminder that it's not to be.

anon87640
Post 53

I feel safe with my friend and want to be with him. He is the first person I've felt safe with since an incident that happened in my past. He knows how I feel and we're still friends because I told him that I didn't want to ruin our friendship. Still, there is nothing more painful than loving and needing someone who doesn't love and need you in the same way.

To Brokenheart: First this seems odd to give advice through a machine to a total stranger, but eh, I suppose I will try to help you out.

If you do not love him then tell him if you have not already. The reason I say this is because when I told my friend that I had feelings for him he never told me how he felt in return, I suspect because he did not want to hurt me. But without him saying "I do not feel that way about you" I was left with hope, which can drive a person totally insane. Please be honest with your friend if you care for them.

Good luck. Sometimes the right thing is painful, but if you care about them you will be honest and direct.

anon87361
Post 52

I fell in love with a close friend, two years older than me. Because we were both in leadership positions in our group, I pushed him away and denied my feelings. He told me he loved me, and I tried to discourage it. I was in denial of my feelings and didn't want to get hurt.

He moved on. He is now living thousands of miles away. I wish I had acted on things before, but now he is happy. And I love him.

For everyone on here who thinks they are suffering from unrequited love, I hope you read this and know that the person may genuinely love you. But if they are cowards, like I was, you deserve better. You can move on, and you will feel better one day. I am so sorry I ever caused the one I love the feelings I feel now.

anon87083
Post 51

Oh man I have no idea what to do here. Part of me wants to express my feelings, just to get it off my chest. Whether he likes me or not, I don't care. If he doesn't like me I can banish the thought and move on! If he does, then awesome.

For almost a year now I've had a deep interest in a man, but I've been too afraid to act on it. Mostly afraid because he's about 12 years older then me, and where I'm at in life right now that's a significant gap of epic proportions. I'm afraid of making him super uncomfortable. The other fact is that my family knows who he is, and would probably respond negatively, even though he is a very nice guy (and I am really tired of their negative bull you-know-what) just because he is that much older.

But he struck me as interesting, you know? Someone told me that's how they met their husband, by driving down the road, taking a peek into a gas station owned by a friend's father and got a glimpse of a man that she felt compelled to get to know. And that's exactly how I feel. It's hardly a lovesick crush, it feels much deeper then that.

I just want to get to know this guy, and if he likes me great and if he doesn't I can move on. But it hurts. It hurts so bad I cannot force this feeling to go away. I have bigger things to worry about than a relationship but he has hardly left my thoughts in this year's time. This is so incredibly cruel.

The one time I got him alone he gave me a vibe of interest, but I was in such a hurry I didn't realize this until it was too late. And after that I never got it again. I feel like I blew it.

I wish I could just let this go and move on with my life, but every time I notice him leaving my thoughts he creeps right back in. Why won't this leave me alone?

anon84180
Post 50

I found love two states away at 15. Although the summers would end and life would go on, I lived for the day I would see him again. We ended up meeting every year, my visiting him or sometimes him visiting me.

The problem was I had no self esteem and I never professed my love for him. I went off to war and I guess the urges to reproduce were too strong. I got married to a good friend because I figured I would never feel the love I had for him and I wanted a happy life. Well I do have a happy life but my heart and soul yearn for this other man. I still talk to him 10 years later and dream about him.

All it causes is pain. I came clean to my husband and him. It seemed like the best thing to do. Amazingly my husband listened and accepted it, but now all I want to do is see my love again. I hope I don't have to feel torn like this for the rest of my life. Why does society make it wrong to love more than one?

anon83633
Post 49

I happened on this site searching to make sense out of something I've felt for 13 years and yet for the last five have been torturing myself with.

I love someone and have a sexual relationship with someone who says they love me but not in that way. They say the sex is an added bonus to a great friendship with someone who understands them, makes them laugh, they feel comfortable around. I am someone whose company they enjoy and look forward to seeing. They can just never love me.

What? I don't get it. we have been on again off again sexually for five years. He got divorced and we hooked up. I loved him as I have for five years. He was hurting and needing just a good time. We ended and he went on to sleep with someone else. That ended we hooked up again. He meet someone else he wanted to date and they got serious. It ended because of differences and guess what? We hooked up again.

It's been almost two years and everyone thinks we should be a couple but him. He has yet again told me he has met someone and has gone on a date but still wants to sleep with me until, or if, they become serious. He was to go on a date Saturday but was sick instead he asked me to come over and hang. That's all we did but still...

I don't know how to shake him. We will always be in each other's lives due to a family connection.

I'm at my wits' end and don't know what to do.

- lost

anon83465
Post 48

I am in love with my brother-in-law. Every time our eyes meet, a million thoughts run through my mind --- the majority thinking about how much I love him. Do you think he can tell?

I've tried for years to push it out of my mind and sometimes it does go away, but seeing him all the time only makes my feelings grow deeper. I feel so safe and loved when I'm in his presence. I can't believe I am finally admitting this. (albeit, anonymously, but still...)

It will never work out, so I want my feelings to go away.

anon82310
Post 47

Was in love with a girl for three years in high school, I honestly believe she adored me though not in a romantic way. She just really enjoyed my company.

I hadn't seen her for five years though I'd thought about her a lot and I haven't felt this way about anybody since.

At Christmas I ran into her unexpectedly at a bar and I didn't know what to say or do so I pretended I was fairly neutral on seeing her again.

The problem is I wasn't and I've been thinking about her all damn year. She's the best person in the whole world for me but I wish these feelings would just go away as they cause so much pain.

anon81351
Post 46

There is this girl i know. when she first came to my school four or five months ago, i talked to her and tried to be friends with the new kid. we became friendly with each other but i didn't want to get to into it (it was just until she had friends of her own) but with time she grew on.

A month ago she stopped talking to me and that's when i realised that I really loved her. (my classmates tease her and make fun of her because she isn't that good looking). i tried to talk to her like i did when they started teasing her but it was weird.

i told her how i felt but that made it worse. now we don't talk and she is hanging out with other guys (it tears me up inside). sometimes i catch her looking at me with a lovely sort of expression. the worst part of it is that i don't how she feels. i try to move on every day but she's still in my mind i wish i could talk to her again.

If only i had said something before she stopped talking to me.

anon80278
Post 44

I am now suffering from unrequited love. I'm so into my best buddy. i have known him for about nine months and i always been thinking about him. he is the first guy that i have been so close to. I've been to his house many times and we play games together, eat, tease each other, play cards and I hug him. But I'm not sure whether he also had feelings for me?

He just recently got attached to my buddy. When he first broke the news to me, i was so heartbroken, even though i eventually suspected he liked my other buddy.

I'm so depressed. -heartbreak

anon77945
Post 43

I was seeing a wonderful woman for three months and I fell in love with her in a big way. She just ended it, saying she is doesn't want to get emotionally involved because she has suffered too much in the past.

It was heartbreaking for me because we had such a nice time together and I had started to figure her into my long term plans. I will get over it for sure but at the moment, it blows!

crushed
Post 42

"You're my surrogate brother!" You know, I think I'd prefer a blade in the chest than hear that again. I've been in love with this girl for ten years or more and that's the the closest I've been to her. Now she's sleeping with a guy I know is an arse, but if I say anything I'll be told I'm "cynical". This is tearing me apart.

anon70340
Post 41

I have been in love with my college boyfriend for 30 years, but I haven't seen him for 26 years. We have talked on the phone and have e-mailed each other. we are both married with families and have jobs in the same state. Is this real for me? Why have I held on to him? He is all I think about. How can I ever get over him?

fancyfeet
Post 40

I have been with the same man for 22 years. He was my first. We have one adult child. We started dating when I was 18. A year later I cheated on him. It was a two-week affair and I only slept with him once. I realized it wasn't right, and I let it go because I knew then I was in love with the guy I cheated on.

The guy I cheated on came back to me, I got pregnant and 21 years later we are still together. That was the only time I was unfaithful to him. However, he doesn't love me. Says he can't get over what I have done to him. I love him with all my heart. I keep grasping at him. He is still with me but purchased some property with an old house on it. He is fixing up the house to move into. Says we will still have a relationship but live separately. He doesn't want me to move in. He is also on dating sites.

Is there any hope because I only see with my eyes which are in love with him.

anon66471
Post 39

I love him. He's younger, slender and good looking, where I am not. A romantic relationship could possibly be inappropriate, for other reasons, but he was so kind when I was suffering, that he'll have a special place in my heart regardless of what direction it takes.

Maybe I'm mistaking gratitude and respect combined with a good old fashioned crush for love, but right now, I know what unrequited feels like.

anon65968
Post 38

I think we (heartbroken women and men) should all get together one day and have a drink. What do you think? It would be comforting, for sure.

I too, have felt the pain, and share your feelings in here. I read all your postings and related to your pain, so much.

Let me take a moment and wish everyone of you joy and love, again.

anon64743
Post 37

i've been in love with this guy for a few months now and he has a girlfriend whom he loves very much. i know that i don't stand a chance, so i decided not to confess my feelings to him. it hurts too much. Nothing is more cruel than unrequited love.

anon64661
Post 36

I'm in high school and I like this girl that is a grade ahead of me. I'm a sophomore and she is a junior. We don't know each other that well and I barley say hi to her.

I had feelings of love for her for three years now but I think she does not like me that way. also she may have a boyfriend. I think I'll never be happy in my life again. Love hurts.

anon64446
Post 35

Personally I wouldn't advise falling in love with an escort. I mean, it's guaranteed not to be reciprocated which is ok if it's just sex but J. was different.

I went for sex but ended up just wanting the spoon position. I found I was thinking about her all the time, turned into a text pest and it got too much for J. "I can't treat this as a biz transaction there's too much emotional attachment". And then what's worse is thinking about 'the other guys' who do just want sex and no involvement, the reverse of me.

A double whammy of jealousy plus longing and all I wanted was to do things like go to the zoo. You could never tell what was real and what was fake, maybe she was just really good at her job.

I really liked her. I didn't care about the sex, and when I saw her walking towards me and smiling my insides felt like a melting marshmallow. So there we are - unrequited.

anon62456
Post 34

Don't have a clue where to start. I will just say that I am in love with someone else and have a significant other, too.

I was perfectly happy, had no idea what was about to happen. One day I realized I was head over heels for another. I let it go for months. Finally, I gave in (to the feeling only.)

After several more months, I told my URL and he told me he did not feel the same. He is not involved with anyone. He e-mails and calls me constantly often saying very provocative, erotic things. To a friend you say those things?

You brush your "friend's" hair out of her face and e-mail her at 4 a.m.? If he doesn't hear from me, I hear the frustration in his e-mails.

So he is my URL and I am just his "friend?"

I am so confused.

anon60658
Post 33

Having just ended my relationship with a woman who was a friend/exlover for over 30 years, may I warn everyone here on something? That we all need to be on the lookout for those we desperately and secretly love but can never have. The woman I have had a unrequited love for all this time has turned out to be a sociopath! Sociopaths don't have to be murderers to kill your soul. They themselves have no love emotions. They may pull you into their love nest only to toss you aside when the urge presented itself. There is a reason why I never felt love back from this woman I was obsessed with for this long. Because she was incapable of giving love back because she doesn't feel love. At all! Sociopaths have a chemical imbalance in the brain and they don't even think the way the rest of us do! Is all I am saying is to be very careful out there and check these love intersts out. Don't be gullable and fall for these people or you will be a slave to their manipulation and deceit.Do yourself a favor. Do a googlesearch on the words "sociopath definition". It may save you a heap of heartache later!

anon60274
Post 32

I am a 16 year old high school boy. I love my best friend, who is a girl. She does not love me. I am writing in simple broken sentences, because I have already spent my intelligent and emotive effort on A+ essays. Long story short, it is the worst feeling on planet earth, and I want to die. I should warn people to never become close friends with the opposite sex. Men and women can't be just friends. It is impossible. When Harry Met Sally for you right there. Eat that crap people, because it's the freaking truth.

anon60195
Post 31

I'm new to this site too, and found it while looking for stuff about unrequited love and fellow sufferers who are in the beautiful melancholy of this feeling.

The man I'm in love with is five years my senior, one of the senior members of a society I'm in at university, and completely oblivious to my feelings.

I know I'm biased (as I'm sure we all are) but he is my perfect man. he has his flaws, but everything about him is perfect for me and we compliment each other well. We make each other laugh and have similar likes, tastes and views. Unfortunately, he doesn't see me that way at all, and I'm fairly certain he has feelings for my best friend at university.

I'm unsure how she feels, but my intuition tells me she feels the same.

Oh well. I'll keep it all hidden, and wish them the best if they should get together. She's my friend, and even though he's amazing, her happiness means more to me than him.

anon57146
Post 30

Eight years ago, I met who'd come to be my own definition to this so personal, unrequited feeling.

While still in high school, we developed an average friendship, sort-of dead-end relationship and continued likewise throughout the moment he graduated and went off to college.

We'd get together after school, sometimes during school, but he was somewhat oblivious to the rest of my life. Now, I'm gay, and he, I believe, is not.

I'm firm on the belief that an unrequited affection is meant as that, just unrequited! Therefore, I canceled myself out, my feelings, my world, just for him. We continued as friends without that other "me," who'd bled a little more within, every time I saw him embrace his high school sweetheart.

Late at night, I'd fantasize about a world in which we'd share the same feelings. During the day, I'd fantasize about a place in which we could be together. This kind of pain is indescribable. You age so quickly within, and there's not a single day you wake that you're not wishing to go back to sleep, just to dream with him again, but forever.

Now, he's finishing graduate school and we got together again two months ago, for coffee. He, however, found out about my sexual orientation. We talked a little about that, and he ended our conversation with the question I'd since dreaded; "I'm not gay, but did you ever feel anything for me?," he asked. Immediately, I felt that classic ball in my throat, somewhat like choking, my eyes became watery. I felt I was about to let it all out, but I didn't! The hurting was intense, maybe not so much for the fact that he asked if I ever felt something for him, but his assuring comment that he was not gay. I respect that, but it hurt just the same.

A week ago, we had another coffee, and he told me he's getting married next year, in August. He then proceeded to beg me to become his best man. He said we’d known each other since high school; we’d grown quite close, unlike with any of his other friends, that it would mean the world to him if I were to accept his proposition. I held my aching feelings deep in me, and smiled, as I always have. "Sure, I wouldn’t miss that for the world," I replied.

I love him, I’ll always love him, and I hate myself for feeling this way. Unsatisfied with my life, I feel I've been cheated! Why must the story always end this way?

But my rule still stands: you can't express how you feel because it's not their fault. An unrequited love is a platonic affection that cannot be restrained, but cannot be revealed either.

I have to live with that feeling; it's part of me. My job is to die with it, and be to him what I've always been: his best friend.

anon55885
Post 29

I have been married to my wife for 14 years and up to now would never ever think of "going Out On her". She has bi-polar disorder and up to this year I have been able to tolerate her outbursts. But my father passed away in may and the stress form caring for him and his death has worn me down emotionally. I cannot tolerate my wife's outbursts any longer.

When she "goes off," so do i, and I totally lose my temper. Anyway, there is the woman I loved before her. The woman is 15 years my senior and 67 years old now. She recently told me that she thought she may die soon because of health problems. I told her then that I had these feelings of love for her that I had long put behind me and repressed, but that now I could not let her leave this earthly plane without telling her that I loved her, that I always had and always will.

Amazingly enough, she told me that she had love feelings for me. We have been corresponding via the phone and the e-mail now for two months, getting to know each other again. This woman is with another woman but they have not had a sexual relationship for over 10 years.

We had discussed leaving our partners and neither of us wants to lose the person we share our lives with. I truly feel in my soul that this woman loves me but that she really doesn't want to love me just one on one.

So she suggested I move with my wife near her and that we would have a affair on the side. Sex is not her strong suit and is something that may never happen. But the romance was what we both crave.

I know this could end my marriage and I am just torn about both the women in my life. I love them both. My wife knows about these feelings and of course feels threatened. But she is willing to maintain a friendship with her for my sake.

I also have loved this woman for 30 years as a friend and will not give her friendship up no matter what. What to do?

anon55650
Post 28

After seven years of no contact, me and my first college boyfriend found each other online. we've been talking for the last few months. he has since moved out of state and i'm finishing school.

we originally planned on having a long distance relationship but i weaved in and out of that idea because i was scared and unsure. now i'm at a point where i am confident this is what i want and he is the person i can't live without. however, now he doesn't trust my feelings and has decided to pursue someone else instead. it's like when i couldn't make up my mind, he wanted me. but when i was ready to give him all myself he turned his back and ran away.

he won't even talk to me now. i don't know what to do. i'm devastated beyond words. all i'm hoping is that he realizes what he told me the other day: that we really do belong together.

anon55234
Post 27

I am a gay college student who fell hopelessly in love with an older student in his building. I think about him all the time. I gave him a Christmas present, coupled with a note that explained how I felt for him. It was anonymous, but he knew it was me.

We finally met up three days later and he told me flat out that while flattered, he was not interested. He is also a Resident Assistant in my building and so dating him would be illegal. Not that that would have deterred him if he was attracted to me.

At the time, it felt surreal to me. When I came back to my dorm, I collapsed to the floor and began to consider committing suicide through overdose. But I stopped myself, because it is the selfish way out and it would only destroy the lives of those close to me and make him feel guilty for the rest of his life.

This pain is unbearable, but I have to live on, like the rest of you right?

anon54656
Post 26

I went chasing after the "why I am still in love with this one" girl I knew six years ago. We used to go out and we're good friends. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen and she loved me before.

But I had to move away and I never got to see her again, I never got to finish the relationship with her and it has been bothering me for six years. I haven't had any contact with her up until now (when I found her on a social networking website) and it kills me when I look at her picture.

We chatted for a couple days and got to know each other and catch up. I didn't tell her how I felt because I didn't want to scare her away from me, so I didn't tell her.

One day she asked me how I felt about her and she knew what I was going to say. I tried to change subject and she kept forcing me back on the topic. So finally I gave in and told her how I felt and what I had been feeling for the past six years and what I think of her. She started crying and I was on the brink.

She left after that and I messaged her s couple times with long messages telling her how I felt about her and one day I got an angry letter from her boyfriend (they broke up recently).

Now I am at a standstill because I don't know if I should keep trying with this girl and it's hurting me when I do and it causes me a lot of grief. She knows how I feel but I don't know what she feels about me and she hasn't told me yet. I don't think I could ask her but I will soon.

I still hang on to the love because of what we have been through. Example: One day we were supposed to be out on a date but I was late and she was getting beat up at the place we where supposed to meet. I fought off the two guys and almost killed one and she pulled me away. We were both crying and I took her home and explained what happened to her father.

Now my feelings are mixed and I don't know whether or not I should quit and move on or try to be with her again. But we are separated by distance too so I think a relationship isn't possible yet.

anon53752
Post 25

I sympathize and empathize with everyone who has written the details of the emotions they are going through in this very sad situation.

I am a gay man who has been in a 35 year relationship and have been totally faithful, but it has turned into a sexless one although we are always going to be great friends.

We have drifted apart emotionally and I am feeling a bit guilty since I have met someone quite by accident working at a local hardware store that I frequent. I went from wanting to get to know him better and wanting to be best friends which we have become.

We have had many talks and he has been totally honest with me that he does not want a relationship after having many failed ones, mostly because his partners have been unfaithful in the past.

If I could give my spin on things, and I hope it helps others reading this, my new love interest knows I am in love with him, and I don't expect him to feel the same, but I don't think he has ever been in love with anyone who truly was in love with him, or they would never have let him go.

He is my soulmate and we have everything in common. We have never had sex, but I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I know gay people are perceived as being over sexed, but it's a little scary for me that I have totally fallen in love with someone without taking it to the next level since it was not appropriate, especially that I am in a monogamous relationship.

Don't we all deserve happiness? I always think of the other person's feelings, but I have to think of mine also. I will continue to be supportive and the best I can be, and maybe he will welcome me into his life and be his life partner. Love to all of you.

anon53490
Post 24

I met him four years ago and at first, it was a love-hate relationship. We were enemies and acted like we couldn't stand each other, but on the inside I know I was in love with him, even though I didn't really know it at the time.

Soon enough a rumor went around that he liked me, and I realized how I really felt about him, about a week before we separated and didn't see each other for two years. I was going out with someone else who I'd met around the same time, but I thought of him constantly, wondering where he was now, how he'd really felt about me, etc.

A little over a year ago, I found out that the guy I had been going out with had been cheating on me for quite some time. I broke up with him because I knew it wasn't going to work out, but I was depressed for some time afterward. It was then that he came to the rescue.

I had acquired his e-mail address from a mutual friend and emailed him in desperation one day, lamenting my bad luck. I'm still not quite sure why I chose to e-mail him instead of anyone else, since I hadn't contacted him in any way for two years, but I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't sent that e-mail.

Over the course of the year since then, we've become best friends, brought each other back from depression and the brink of suicide multiple times, and mutually depend on each other for everything. It would be perfect if there weren't one problem: I'm madly in love with him. And I wouldn't be afraid to tell him so, if he weren't madly in love with somebody else.

I think this post has gone on long enough, so I'll stop now. The main message I wanted to get across is that I know this pain personally and doubt that I'll ever be able to get over it, even if I do get over him.

anon53418
Post 23

Unrequited love is not true love. Love needs to be nourished, how else will it survive and even grow? So get over it! Move on! Why let yourself be tortured by wallowing in self pity?

Even if you never find someone as perfect a match for you as the love in question, break the chains of despair. I know it's not easy but do not be fooled by love's evil twin.

anon53271
Post 22

I too, am new to this site. I am hopelessly in love with a married man that considers me only a good friend.

We met at work and at first, I thought he was just a good guy. But as I learned more about him over the next three years - his life story, his values, his many gifts I grew to trust, respect and desire him more than any other man in my entire life.

I could never tell him how I feel as he is completely committed to his wife and son. Here's the really tough part: His wife is a complete nightmare. He doesn't complain about her, but I've repeatedly witnessed her treating him shabbily, disrespecting him, and expecting him wait on her hand and foot. And he does just that - all in silence. (It's not just me that thinks this - an entire network of people have mentioned this to me without my soliciting their impressions!)

I think her telling him he's a piece of crap for 13 years has ended up in his actually believing her. It is soul-crunching enough to not be with the person you're meant to be with, but to have them so unhappily coupled and too loyal to see how they could break out of it is almost too much to bear.

He deserves to be treated well - if not by me, then at least by someone else. I don't know if there'll ever come a day when I'm free of this.

anon51161
Post 21

Everyone has had this happen one time or another, and it seems to happen to me every time I like someone. Why is love so uncontrollable? I've liked this person for over four years, and yet I just know he will never love me. I like him so much it hurts. </3

anon51005
Post 20

I am in love with a man who is 34 years younger than me, and he is a student! He is of legal age but I think of him as a man. i think of him all day, i wait to talk to him on computer every night, i hide my relationship with him from everyone. it is wrong, but i can't stop thinking about him. this is crazy!! My heart palpitates when i see him, I fantasize about him, i dream about him!

anon50909
Post 19

I too suffer the sickness, and that is all I have to say.

anon50015
Post 18

I stumbled across this website by accident. I too am in a relationship of unrequited love. I reconnected with a man after a 30 year absence. He and I were very close but married to other people 30 years ago. When we reconnected we were once again both in our second marriages, but mine was on the verge of divorce (which is now final). He stated that his wife was not interested in a relationship with him, but his little ones were his life. Things escalated between us and we got together (oh I have to mention we live about 800 miles are so apart). I fell deeply in love, and he loves me too there is no doubt, but I believe his guilt and a bad divorce keeps him from going any further, but we continue to be close, without a physical relationship (his choice, not mine). It hurts like hell because I probably won't ever see him again, but we continue to talk and correspond, and I don't want to lose him altogether. He's the one who used the term unrequited love, and that's what made me curious about what that meant. Affairs of the heart, joyful and painful, and how do you move forward? Do you have to cut all ties to find a healthy lovely relationship, or can you keep your unrequited love and hope the feelings lessen? I just don't want to feel bad anymore, I keep telling myself time will heal.

Afraid I'll never feel this way again.

anon49494
Post 17

Funny how things go, me posting like this. I have continued to have dreams of my unrequited love periodically over the years and the one last night has bothered me all of today. That's how I ended up on this site (first time). We were each others' "first love". It was a case of: either the person is wrong or the timing is. Ours was timing and youth (ages 22 him, 19 me). He married someone else not long after our break-up. I went on to graduate school and dated many people along the way, some even "seriously". I've been married (once) now for 24 years and am very blessed in many ways. Yet, still I dream of him, quite out of the blue, and feel so sad for days afterward. It feels so real -like it was just yesterday. My memories are still vivid. And although we are probably happier with spouses that are more compatible with our personalities, the memory of the pain and loss is revisited with every dream. I've come to believe that these kinds of wounds never heal; they just close over. So, I have resigned myself in that my first love was truly the love of my life. I say that because it's been over 39 years and still my eyes well up when I relive the time we had together and the pain of loss when it was over. I can't help but wonder if he ever experiences anything such as what I have described. I hope not. It's not a pleasant way to live. It makes me even sadder to look at my wonderful husband after one of these dreams, knowing what demons are at war in my heart. I do empathize with all those who share this madness.

anon49310
Post 16

He is one of my best friends and I love him. I love him more than anything on this planet, I would die for him. And he doesn't realize or want to realize, because it is too painful for him to deal with it. He's been hurt in past relationships and he can't take more pain he says. I know that's just something he says because he doesn't want to hurt me. He doesn't love me and never will. And it hurts so much I just want to curl into a ball and never get up and out again. But I know it's not worth it. I know I deserve someone who loves me. And that is the reason I keep breathing. And I guess if all I ever get is a brief friendly hug from him every once in a while, I'll have to be content with that. If all I ever get is a coldhearted "ya see ya" then I can't hate him for that. He's not doing it to be mean. He doesn't love me and it is not his fault. And that's what I hate the most. That I cannot even hate him. I can't love him and I can't hate him either. And I hate him for that!

anon48867
Post 15

I understand what everyone has already said. I was in love with a girl in college and we did everything toghter studying, sports, dinner etc. She went to study in Europe her junior year and I waited for her to return. When she did she told me she had completely changed and wasn't the same. We still did things together but the feeling wasn't the same. After graduation she told me on the phone that she would be too busy to go out with me anymore. She married someone else three years later. You ask how long unrequited love can last? This all happened 45 years ago but it seems like yesterday to me.

anon47372
Post 14

I am in a drama production and I am completely infatuated with my leading lady! It's an impossible situation because she is married, but no matter what I do there is no escape! I am so in love with her, and I feel like a creep for feeling this way.

anon46499
Post 13

I'm in the depths of unrequited love, and it's awful. To him I am a "best friend" but I think I'll always regret the night when I didn't let him kiss me because I was afraid. I've been through this before and I can say it is a waste of time. Go out and find someone who loves you. You deserve it. Easier said than done, I know. But it's true. I'll let you know when it works for me. I love him so much but he doesn't love me. He never will, I'll never know why. It doesn't matter how much I love him or how much I deserve him or how good we'd be together or how much I work for it. I should have kissed him, but even that probably wouldn't have mattered. You don't choose who you love. But you can choose to let go. Don't wait. Let go.

anon44581
Post 11

I am in love with someone who is 23 years older than me. He is the best person I have met ever. I am still in contact with him. He knows that I love him but he tries to overlook it. that is his greatness. I love him. I love him. I love him.

anon40789
Post 10

I was the subject of this. I am 33 year-old man and my childhood best friend fell for me and didn't it know until many years later. The feelings I felt when I learned what happened between us were something I would not wish on anyone. Even my own father dying and me being with him were not as painful as learning the truth.

I tried everything I could to fix things between me and her, but the damge was already done. I paid the price for not seeing it. Now as an adult, I cannot even talk to the woman that made me feel that someone could care for me and had the most impact on my life. I would do anything just so I could talk to her again.

hetomicharm
Post 9

At first I felt so unlucky that my love will not be reciprocated, but upon visiting this site, now I know why love chooses to hurt me.

I felt in love with my best friend for 3 years now. In fact, I told him what I really felt and how I truly loved him. He's even aware how I see him as the guy I'm interested in and not just my best friend.

However, he don't feel the same way with me and he can't return my feelings back. I can still remember the day when he said "Sorry". Though it hurts too much, I'm still happy because were still best friend and he doesn't take advantage at all.

I still have those countless nights crying and hoping. if we could meet halfway and wish he could realize.

Though it's impossible to have his love, I'm still happy that I got to see him every day and remain faithful to him as his best friend and the girl who love him so much.

anon37659
Post 8

I loved a guy for 2 years, but he broke my heart unconsciously. He was my dream guy, the one that makes me feel special and happy. But I guess he couldn't tell that I was in love with him because he soon got a girlfriend. He was the brother of my best friend. I knew that I had to stop these feelings for him but I couldn't control them. Every time I see him, he always leads me on, thinking that he has feelings for me too. Even though his rude insults cut me like knives, I still love him.

iamhiei
Post 7

I was a servant to unrequited love since high school. Then I spent 10 years in college where at its end years I met someone. She had a boyfriend at that time. Both of them 13-14 years my junior. Her boyfriend was my close friend too, so I laid low. But I knew her boyfriend was cheating on her. We stayed as friends until I left to work next town and had girlfriends of my own. But I couldn't take her out of my mind. One day I texted her number where I found out that she had just broken up 2 months ago with the boyfriend she had next to my friend. We became closer, long distance. By Christmas I went back to our province and proposed to her. She is now my girlfriend for 7 months. Unrequited love maybe whimsical. Love has its own time, I think, especially if it's really for you. But I can't say my experience applies to everyone. I just hope my story helps.

anon34868
Post 6

I have been in love with a man for 7 years now. I have always felt that he is perfect for me. We were very close as friends and somewhere last year he just decided just like that, that he didn't want to be my friend.

It broke my heart and now, quite unexpectedly we work together. I have this constant lump in my throat and I spend much of the day trying to fight back the bits of my heart and soul that leaking out of my eyes I feel. I am constantly in pain and I can't get out of this mindset that two people who are so meant to be together have to eventually get together right?

I have tried to go on dates and it doesn't work because I feel nothing. I don't even want to love anyone else. I am so broken. Its not as if I don't love myself. I love my life and everything I have and everything I am. I am so grateful for it all. But I also feel like I cannot live without him. I'll survive, but I can't live. I am so broken... I may have been broken for 7 years. I don't know how much longer I can survive like this.... I just don't know. So unrequited love... it isn't about the person receiving it.. it is about the person that love chooses to break.

brokenheart
Post 5

Thanks everyone for your supportive responses. For me, what has helped is the passage of time. It has been two years since the official breakup and just recently have I begun to feel a little less sad. I think I will always hold a special place in my heart for this man. He was so special to me. I am in my 50's and he is the only man I truly loved. It was hard to accept that he could not participate in a relationship. I think it took me this long to finally gain a little bit of genuine acceptance. To all of you who have gone through this, I feel for you as the pain is very real and very deep. Thanks again for all of the support.

anon33834
Post 4

I love how this post focus's on how the person who is being loved unrequitedly feels. The only people who would actually read an article on Unrequited love is someone who is the one unrequitedly loving someone else. Those of us like that feel terrible, lonely, depressed and worthless because the one person we love doesn't want us. How can you give advice to the one on the receiving end without helping those on the other side of the equation?

anon32715
Post 3

Ahhhh I have a bad case of unrequited love and it's lasted about two years! I have never met anyone more perfect for me and I don't think I ever will. Problem is he loves someone else. I'm ok with that, they are good together. But I just feel sad that there's no-one out there for me and wonder if i could ever be somebody's first choice.

sandyforfun
Post 2

I had a long-term relationship for six years. We were in our late 40's and early 50's. The ex-wife and children were against his relationship with me. His father died, who he was very close to, and suddenly, instantly, he told me he no longer felt the same about me. He brought the ex-wife back into the picture but she ended up moving away. I guess he still wanted the past after his father passed. He was the love of my life and it's been a tremendous struggle to get back on my feet. I miss what we shared yet I know he will never love me again. I don't even know what I did to make him stop loving me. I was exactly the same person. Hope no one has to go through anything like this ever.

brokenheart
Post 1

I am new to this site. I was drawn in by the article unrequited love which I am experiencing now. The object of this love has loved me, even tells me he loves me presently, but has no interest in getting together. He lives in a different state and uses that as an excuse not to see one another. It is certainly more complicated than this but I just wanted to briefly share my story. Please respond if you have anything relevant to say.

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