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What Should I Know about Dating a Twin?

Twins sometimes date other twins, since they understand the complexity of their relationship.
It is important for twins to establish an identity separate from each other.
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  • Written By: Tricia Ellis-Christensen
  • Edited By: O. Wallace
  • Last Modified Date: 20 September 2014
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Dating a twin may be similar or not so similar to dating a person who was a single birth child. Sometimes, especially with identical twins, the amount of closeness between twins can interfere with romantic relationships. This is not always the case, however, and certainly some people of single birth may have exceptionally close relationships with siblings. There is some evidence to suggest that the closeness between some sets of twins may be even greater and more intimate than that in marriages.

When people have twins or higher order multiples, they are often strongly advised to help each child develop on separate paths, and this may be very important especially in adolescence. In a way, twins maturing have two roles: to establish an identity that is separate from their parents, and to establish an identity separate from their twin. This may work best when twins are fraternal and of opposite sexes. Without encouragement, identical twins are especially at risk of losing out on this important part of individualization.

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Perhaps one thing you should know about dating a twin is that you should view this person as no different than dating a person of a single birth. You might expect a higher degree of closeness between the twin and his/her sibling, however. If this closeness interferes with developing a relationship on a normal path, it may be that the person you chose to date is simply not ready to define himself or herself fully as an individual. Of course, there are plenty of single birth people that haven’t made this leap either.

In any dating situation, you should ask yourself if the person you are dating is suited to you. While you might show some understanding for close sibling relationships, if that closeness makes you personally unhappy, it may be time to find someone else to date. Of course, sometimes twins date twins, and there are even twin dating services. In some ways this may be ideal, since other twins may more fully “get” the complexity of twin relationships.

It would be wrong, though, to make huge assumptions about what dating a twin is like. Some twins for instance, though same sex, may have different sexual orientations. Other twins didn’t get along as children and don’t have strong sibling relationships.

Some people worry that if they date an identical twin, they will develop feelings for the other twin. Even when people look alike and are raised in the same family, they can be very different people. You’re not likely to have the same passion for the other twin, especially when you get to know the person you’re dating.

It can be a mistake to assume that even identical twins are all that much alike. Each person, regardless of who else they may be related to, is an individual. There are siblings who are close in age and look very much alike, but most people do not find themselves attracted to more than one sibling. The best advice is to make no assumptions, and simply figure out how your dating relationship works or doesn’t work for you.

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anon349775
Post 8

Well I thought I would have those cliché mistakes of not being able to recognize which is which (especially on a drunken night out). But I’ve been with her for six months now and not once have I mistaken her or called her the wrong name etc.

You will notice straight away the differences; it is very unlikely they will be that similar. You will be attracted to traits of hers which the other won't have. Of course, they will hold common interests but that will be about it. When I see them walking toward me, I instantly know which one is mine.

Oceana
Post 7

@orangey03 – I agree with you. It's amazing how totally different twins can look once you get to know them.

I grew up hanging out with a set of twins, and though they had the same hairstyles, I could tell them apart all the time. Other people had issues with this.

During senior year, one of them dyed her hair red. She claimed it made her feel more like an individual. No one in school had any trouble distinguishing between them after that, and I think it helped her establish her own identity.

shell4life
Post 6

The number one thing to know about dating a twin is that she will be very upset if you mistake her sister for her. This happened to my cousin.

I don't know how he made that mistake, because they had been seeing each other for over a month! He just walked right up to his girlfriend's twin and kissed her.

His girlfriend came down the stairs at that moment, and her first thought was that he was cheating on her with her twin. It took some convincing, but he finally got her to believe the truth.

However, she was so put off by the fact that he couldn't tell her apart from her twin that she broke up with him. He now only dates women who don't have a twin to avoid the trouble.

Perdido
Post 5

My brother and his best friend decided to start dating two women who were twins. After a couple of dates, it became apparent that they needed to switch twins. The twins felt the same way.

I'm sure the fact that they looked identical made the switch less awkward. Learning their names might have presented more of a challenge, though.

orangey03
Post 4

I always prefer dating someone whose friendship with me came first. So, I had already forged a friendship with a twin before I started dating him, and there was no way I would get him mixed up with his twin.

True, physically, they shared the same features. However, they each had a totally separate demeanor.

You might not notice it if you don't know any twins personally, but each person has a certain way that they hold their features. Some have a more relaxed expression, while others hold their facial muscles more taut.

These twins may have had the same noses, lips, and eyes, but the way that they held them made them look totally different. Their personalities were nearly opposite, too, so that helped, as well.

SarahGen
Post 3

My sister and I are twins and we are nothing alike. Nor do we share a closer relationship than we do with our other two siblings.

In fact, we are so different that people have a hard time realizing we are twins. They usually think we were born one year apart or something.

Both my sister and I have boyfriends and we haven't had any issues about that either. Our boyfriends don't think about the fact we're twins at all and we all hang out together sometimes.

ZipLine
Post 2

I do think that dating someone who has a twin would be weird. After all, physical attraction is important and if I'm attracted to someone, why wouldn't I be attracted to someone else who looks exactly like them?

donasmrs
Post 1

I know that same egg twins are supposed to look exactly the same, and from a distance they do. But I've also noticed that there are some slight differences that one gets to know when interacting with them. They're personalities are certainly different but their physical features are slightly different too.

When they show people mixing up twins in movies, I think that's funny because it doesn't really happen. Anyone who knows twins closely will be able to tell them apart easily. And most twins don't try to look alike, dress alike or have the same hair style anyway.

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