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Why Does My Child Have No Friends?

A shy child may have a problem making friends.
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  • Written By: Tricia Ellis-Christensen
  • Edited By: O. Wallace
  • Last Modified Date: 31 March 2014
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There are many reasons why a child at school may lack friends. A child who has just moved to a new school district may simply need time in order to establish a social base. However, other things can also get in the way of a child making friends. Extreme shyness and low self-esteem, high intelligence, poor social skills, notable differences between the child and his peer group, and learning disabilities can all make establishing friendships challenging.

Some children suffer from painful shyness. Even around children they know fairly well, they may hesitate to comment or participate. Teachers can help the shy child by praising the child when he or she does choose to participate. Parents can also help by establishing play dates in a neutral setting with one other child. Alternately, the child may feel more confident on his or her home turf, and a play date in your home may offer a less crowded way to get to know other children.

Highly intelligent children may also have difficulty making friends. Their intelligence, especially in verbal language may make it difficult for other children to understand them. However, there is usually more than one child in a classroom with high intelligence. Pairing two very verbal children together can be an excellent way of helping children establish friends. Teaching them social skills, like actually listening to another’s reactions, and responding appropriately, can also help the very verbal child more easily make friends.

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Sometimes children are behind in social development, and merely lack the skills required to make friends. Learning how to be a friend, and learning skills like listening, sharing, and cooperating can help the child without friends. However, sometimes these children may take some time to learn and develop social skills.

Pairing them with a younger classmate, or with a student from a grade or two below the student may help the child gain confidence and be better prepared to make friends with children of his or her own age. Schools often assist children who lack social skills by forming friendship groups. Participation in these groups, especially with other children, can be an excellent way to enhance social development.

A child with distinct physical differences may also have no friends. Other kids may think of children with significant health impairments that limit their participation in school activities, as “weird” or “different." A child with a facial disfigurement might also be seen as an outsider. Kids do tend to gravitate toward other children who are like them. It can be helpful to look for the kids in school who are particularly sensitive and least likely to discriminate based on looks or ability. These children may make the best potential friends for a child who faces the challenges of being “different.”

Learning disabilities also may mark out a child as different. A child whose hyperactive behavior frequently gets him or her in trouble may be seen as having limited friend-making potential. Children who struggle in school and show emotional responses like crying, especially when they are male, may also have limited access to friends due to their behavior. Teaching social skills to these children is again important, and matching them with other students with less social panache may also be helpful.

Especially in elementary schools, students spend much of their time socially engaging with each other. The child without friends can feel distanced, lonely and apart from the crowd when no friends exist to include him or her. This can manifest in depression at home, disinterest in school, and lack of desire to learn. Thus the child without friends needs help from parents and the school. Even one friend to see when one gets to school can significantly impact the way a child views education, and the way a child develops socially into an adult.

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Discuss this Article

anon925734
Post 103

My daughter turns 10 years old this year. She has always had lots of friends, but I have noticed that they all seem to have gone their own way. My daughter says she does not like to play with them anymore because they all act too teenage and grown up and not like themselves. So, she plays by herself.

Please help me to help her. What can I do? I don't want her to be on her own. Help.

anon359069
Post 102

To any parents with a young male child: Sports are really, really, really important to making friends. I say this with experience, being a 13 year old male. I have slight Aspergers and ADHD and I'm also extremely intelligent (not to toot my own horn.) Honestly, especially with males, ages 8-14, if your son is good at sports and is athletic, they will have a much easier time making friends. I am extremely thankful both my parents were good athletes as a child, and I'd like to thank them for providing god habits and genetics.

Another benefit of a team sport like soccer or basketball is that it is quite easy to bond with kids you compete and work out with two times or more a week. Three of my closest friends were on my sports teams as I was younger. Sorry if I rambled a bit. I just really wanted to inform any parents who have a young son. This post is mostly for males, but it could work with females too.

anon347516
Post 100

My heart breaks for all the kids who have posted about their lack of friends. I'm not too cool with those who have posted about how easy it is to make friends because it's not. Some of us are not as extroverted as others. Some of us want friends, but we don't want to have to change who we are to get them.

I'm an introvert, and thankfully I had a "best friend" throughout most of my school years. This "best friend" wasn't always the same person, but I was happy to have one person I could count on. My son has struggled with making friends of substance. He's 16, very bright and wants someone he can talk to. He wants a peer who will listen to him and converse -- someone who would pick him first to hang with.

As an adult, there are now many outlets for us to find new friends, like Meet Up. I tell my son that college will be different and to hang in. I just wish all of the teens who posted could find a place to talk to each other. How do kids find other kids who think alike? How do we help these lonely kids find friends?

anon347181
Post 99

Well, I transferred to a new school. I used to be the most popular kid at my last school. Everyone loved me and wanted to talk with me. The teachers also liked me and I loved everyone back. I use to hang out daily with different people from my school. It was a mixed school with all races.

Recently, we moved to a small town and my new school is a horror. It's day three and I sit alone during lunch. Everyone looks at me, but ignores me. I wear the up-to-date fashion and dress and am good, but they all ignore me just because I think this school is full of white people and I am the only "asian pakistani" in workshop class. One kid said, "You make bombs," but I ignored it.

I mean I can mix, but everyone ignores me, even my classmates. I am the only South Asian and there are maybe three blacks out of 800 children.

I miss the old days. It just shatters my confidence. I wake at 5 a.m. and return home at 6 p.m. I feel like an alien. I am 16 years old and live in Belgium, in Europe.

anon344767
Post 97

I am a seventh grader. I am really a smart girl, but I thought only a few people liked me. This year (7th standard), I ran for election for class monitors. In my class, five girls including me stood for the election.

After one or two days, the election results came. I was pretty nervous. There are 30 students in my class. When the teacher announced the name of the first monitor, I couldn't believe my ears. It was me! I won 21 votes out of 30. Everyone said congratulations and gave me a big hug. I realized most of my classmates really liked and cared about me. It was the happiest day in my life.

anon342738
Post 95

My son is 13 and seems to be losing all his friends. He used to be very popular and hung out with the same group of boys for years. Then all of a sudden, they all stopped calling him and stopped including him. He tried calling them several times and they would either not answer or not tell him they were busy. He finally accepted it and made a new friend. They hung out for a few months several times a week and then all of a sudden, boom! The new friend is totally ignoring my son, too. I don't get it!

My son is the only child and I can't figure out what is going on. He's pretty sensitive to others' feelings, so he's very nice to them. But there's got to be something he's doing because it keeps happening. I've talked to him about it and he says he has no clue what he's doing wrong. He's very lonely and I'm worried he's going to become depressed.

anon338711
Post 93

My grandson has no friends, and he's 11 years old, he has ADHD. His parents are very strict and hard on him, often openly degrading him (some times really cruel) and are very critical of him, while his younger sister is always praised, and always behaving in a manner that pleases her parents. "She's easy to raise," they say. My heart breaks for him and I'm very worried because he knows his sister is the favorite child, and it seems as if he has no one who really is on his side, friend or adult.

anon338014
Post 92

Being social has always been difficult for me. While I was in school I had a few friends but never felt comfortable in large groups. I am 40 years old now and am still the same way. The only difference is that now I am fine with having only a few friends.

I have two daughters who are 7 and 9, and they have each other, which is great because there aren't any children their age in our neighborhood. It's difficult to always plan play dates for them as it seems everyone is so busy! I guess I will keep trying.

As for the young kids posting on here, it breaks my heart that you all feel so alone. Please try not to let people at school make you feel bad about yourself. If those kids are mean to you they aren't worth your time. You will make friends one day, just give yourself time. Focus on doing well in school and finding hobbies that you enjoy. School will be over before you know it and you will be glad you didn't waste your youth trying to impress your peers.

One last bit of advice: socialize with grown ups! Of course, be safe and make sure you can trust them, but you can form good relationships with older people, helping them with their gardening, yard work, helping them with their pets, etc. They may have a wonderful impact on your life!

anon337402
Post 91

I'm a 13 year old girl and I have gone to a lot of schools. When I was in primary school, I was in a public school and I had no friends. I think that is because I loved to read and I was very shy.

Nowadays, I go to an international school and I have a lot of friends because I stopped reading so much and I started talking about the things I read. I think that made a big difference.

So my advice is to open up and learn to talk with your head held high, because what you say is important/funny/interesting/awesome, no matter what other people think.

anon332552
Post 88

I'm a 15 year old girl, and am currently a freshman in high school. From first until sixth grade I attended an extremely small, selective private school. There I had one girl whom I considered my best friend, and as she was the only girl in my class, I was only friends with her. I then moved away and began my seventh grade year in a new state. There were over 900 kids in my grade and it was completely over whelming.

Looking back now, I realize that I was incredibly strange, with very few social skills. I was bullied horrendously throughout the seventh grade. That summer I made a conscious effort to change my personality.

The following year, eighth grade, was somewhat better. I had a few friends at school, but still never texted anyone.

I have been competing in diving since I was a young child and the winter of my eighth grade year I began training with a rival school across the county as I was incredibly lonely on my own schools team. For nearly six months, I thought I was accepted there, but soon was brought to the crushing realization that, once again, I was the outcast.

That summer, once again, I completely changed, and began to actually hang out with my teammates. My family soon moved to this school district, and I was thrilled. This year I went into high school, nervous, but excited to start on a new path.

I am now known as the sweet, kind girl, but I'm also seen as hyperactive and (fingers crossed) funny, I've excelled in my sport, and have moved to the number two spot on the team. I never fight with any one over spots, in fact I am one of the very few girls who is honestly happy for my teammates when they beat me. People on the team have told me how much everyone loves me, and how no one can dislike me because I'm so sweet and bubbly, and a fun person to be around.

I love being around people, and I adore my teammates, yet I still feel lonely. I'm still the friend who's cut out of conversations, or ends up walking behind everyone else. I'm still the person who has to start a conversation, or I'll never talk to anyone.

I can't help but believe that it's my fault, and that I am obviously doing something wrong. I still see myself as the girl who can't do anything right. I still believe that no one likes me, and that I annoy everyone to no end, and that the team would be better off with out me.

I have two best friends, one of whom is severely depressed and stopped speaking to me and all her friends on the team nearly three weeks ago. I text her once in a while to let her know that I'm still here, because I honestly care about her, but she doesn't reply. It kills me that I'm not good enough for her, and that I can't help her, because I would do anything to make her feel better. I can't stand the thought that I've lost her too.

My other best friend has a lot of friends, and always seems to be hanging out with them, even though she constantly complains to me about these people. She says that I'm one of her best friends, but I'm honestly terrified that I'm just another one of "those" people, or that she isn't just around me because she pities me. She never texts me first and I'm not even sure she would notice if I stopped texting her.

It terrifies me that no one likes me, or cares about me. It makes me doubt all of my decisions, and I'm afraid it may cause depression.

Please, someone, tell me what I'm doing wrong, because I can't keep caring so much when no one cares about me. It's horrible to have such a big heart when all people do is rip it to shreds.

anon326878
Post 84

My son is 5 and just started school. All his kinder friends are in his class, and while in class they are all great friends. At recess and lunch however, no boys want to play with him. They say all they need is one friend and they have that, so he can't play with them.

My son is very smart and he wants many friends. Is it just that his friends are at a different developmental stage than he is? Should I try to interfere or just leave it and see how is goes?

anon321713
Post 82

I have a 12 year daughter who has quite a few friends at school and seems to get on well. Most of her friends have been put into different sets from her so she doesn't see them as much any more.

I feel she may lose her friends as they go off in small groups and she gets left out. It doesn't seem to bother her. I also feel I as a mother am too over protective and really struggle to let her do her own thing.

I always think the worst and something is going to happen. How can I let go and chill out a bit more?

anon309448
Post 81

This is a very interesting forum. In my case, it's slightly different. My son is quite popular in school. I used to have plenty of friends and now no one calls and barely emails me. I'm not that lonely as I have a zillion hobbies, but wondering why, considering I have a good job and a loving wife. Any thoughts?

anon294166
Post 80

If you can be a firm, consistent friend to your child, I think the other friendships will form themselves.

I now want to start taking my child for swimming outings and hope she can have more friends there.

amypollick
Post 78

@anon261952: One program that has proved tremendously helpful for students like yours is a "buddy" program, where the good students sort of take certain other students under their wing and help them.

Some schools do it as an official club. One high school in my area has a club called Tiger Buddies (their school mascot is a tiger) and it has been wonderful. It helps student self-esteem and acceptance, and also aids the helping students. They learn empathy and how to be a friend to all kinds of people. Because it's a voluntary club, it tends to attract the kind-hearted students who want to help their peers.

anon261952
Post 77

It worries me that so many people have mentioned that public schooling may be a 'factor' for these kids and have suggested that private schooling may help with such issues. These kids sadly struggle broadly and band-aid solutions will not help!

As a teacher, I am looking for some suggestions for a child in my (public school) classroom. She really struggles socially and while I recognise 'undesirable' behaviours from her at times (as with most students) I can't see why she is so ostracised. We role play situations frequently to help her come off 'naturally' with others and we discreetly debrief all the time. I do notice she pulls funny faces when thinking or when very slightly disturbed by others, which I can see, does annoy the others.

My sister had very similar issues all through her schooling and my parents resorted to changing her schools many times due to bullying, but none of this ever helped, including the type of school. Yet thankfully, as an adult, she knows who she is, has friends and loves life.

Please keep all of your suggestions coming. It breaks my heart and I can only imagine how hard it is for her and her parents to have this constant sense of being on the outside.

P.S. Thanks to the person who said they had dyspraxia. I googled this and this is the first reasonable answer I have for this child's lack of coordination and physical skills.

anon254564
Post 76

My name is Steven. I am 24, and this article is so me. I went my whole life having no friends. I never did well in school. All I ever wanted was to have some friends, but I had none.

I started to get depression when I was in sixth grade and all I could think about was dying. I started to make suicide attempts in seventh grade and eighth grade. They put me in a hospital for a while. I loved it in there. I was actually happy for once in my life. Then they took me out and I started high school. I hated it.

I remember my senior year nobody wanted to go with me to the prom. I was heartbroken, so again, I tried to commit suicide but my attempt failed and all my classmates found out, and five years later, most still won't talk to me. I don't even want to go to my reunion. I am so embarrassed.

All I ever wanted was to have some friends or take my life. I just wish people would understand me and not judge me. I pray to God every night to take me to heaven but it seems even he hates me.

anon253421
Post 75

I found it better to drop out of social circles a little rather than try to get friends. Eventually, if you'll just be yourself and get on with life, you will find people you can trust. It's just for some of us, it's more difficult than for others. Basically, being introverted isn't necessarily a bad thing, as long as you're not lonely.

I always found people difficult to deal with and despite having a big group of familiar faces to hang around with. I've only ever had one or two friends, instead preferring daydreams and books. As long as you're not actively bullied or lonely, not having friends or being cool doesn't really matter, and sometimes, if you're like me, interacting with people can be so intimidating that you'll feel happier with a smaller group of friends.

anon251158
Post 74

Most children, even those who claim to have no friends at all, actually *do* have friends. Usually several. They just fail to grasp the definition of 'friend.' Many children are under the impression that a friend is akin to a flawless supernatural being with whom one never quarrels and whose only purpose is to please you.

Young children often don't understand that even the best of friends have disagreements, and do not "magically" improve every aspect of each other's lives. It's the same reason why children so often fail to acknowledge their own parents (i.e., those who love them the most) as people they are grateful to have in their lives.

Ever notice how kids trip over themselves to spend time with their peers and give impressive gifts at a classmate's birthday party, yet they almost never want to spend time with Mom or give her a gift (not even for Mother's Day)?

anon250670
Post 73

It's O.K. if kids and parents follow these few steps.

1. Parents or children join virtual worlds and socialize online, then in the real world it won't seem bad.

2. Don't be naughty. Focus, be nice and be yourself.

3. Help people and stay close to your age group.

4. Popularity is just stupid. There is no need to be popular to have friends. --TJ

anon249909
Post 72

Wow, this is probably the most intelligent and worth reading comment thread I've read on the internet. Ever.

So my advice is keep plugging away, observe and learn how people interact, and things will get better.

I guess the closest I've come to being depressed was when I was in high school and didn't have any true friends, and now I'm in university and have a genuine honest non-drama-y group of friends. And think of others. I've heard, and it seems to be true, that if you're feeling down, you can feel better if you genuinely help others without expecting anything in return.

surreallife
Post 71

anon244350, have you tried to befriend some mothers of the boys in your sons classroom? If you make some adult connection, the children might become closer too.

Also you could try, if your schedule permits, to volunteer an hour or two a week in the classroom. It might give you a better perspective and you just might be able to see what is happening and then be able to help your son better.

It is hard to adjust to a new environment for anybody, but in particular for a shy child. But I am sure he is not the only shy little boy. There will be others, who with a little of adult help might make a connection and become good friends.

You might also talk to the teacher and get some help there.

I hope you find a solution soon, for your sake, but most importantly, for your little boys sake. He should be out there playing, happy, carefree, and just being a little boy. I wish you best of luck.

anon244350
Post 70

My 9 year old is having some of the same issues as seen in these posts. I spent at least 20 minutes today holding him and crying with him over his lack of friends at school. My heart is absolutely breaking for my little boy and I cannot stand to hear him say "Mommy, I do not know what I do wrong, can you tell me so I can fix it?" How do you answer that? We have talked through so much trying to figure out any reason why they are mean.

He is new to this school and shy but so loving and kind. I do not know what to tell him or how to make it better. I cannot stand the tears and pain. I may try a sleepover or something to see if that helps.

anon242718
Post 68

I am a ten year old boy with a moderate number of friends. All the girls really like me, but almost all the boys despise me.

I see myself as the annoyingly funny kid in the class. I'm not really athletic, but I am one of the smartest kids in the grade. I feel the boys don't like me because I don't like sports and don't know what players they're talking about. I have one leg longer than the other so I'm kind of lopsided without orthotics on, (they're in my shoes).

We just started gymnastics in gym class today, and it went terrible! I had to keep me shoes on while everyone else took them off. You will not believe how any people yelled "You have to take your shoes off," and then they pushed me down. I am not the nerdy type or the doesn't-know-how-to-dress type. Why do the boys hate me and the girls love me?

anon242397
Post 67

My son was 8 years old and was going through the same problems as has his mother. He was getting bullied and beat up at school and my wife didn't know how to help. I think it's because he was too skinny and smart. All he did was read books. I believe those were his friends. So the bullying and getting beat up kept happening.

I never had this problem in school. I played football in high school and started boxing from age 5 until 19, so I didn't know what was going on but I got tried of seeing him come home crying and with black eyes. So, I took off from work and stopped working long hours and talked to my son and we went downstairs and worked out every day and I taught him how to box. I did that for one year and it gave him courage and look – the problems stopped. He is 19 now and has gone pro in boxing. Maybe that would help some parents out. It was long, but I cared for my son and I didn't want to see that anymore.

anon241974
Post 66

@anon102590: I used to have that problem too, with my best friend in high school. For me, she was the most important person and I would do anything for her. But she was quite popular and therefore had a lot of friends and didn't always have time for me. In fact, sometimes (even though I had other friends to hang out with) I felt lonely and sometimes I would just cry when she couldn't hang out with me for example.

But with time, I started to realize that you should never have only one friend. This is because no friend will be 100 percent of their time with you.

I realized that it is better to be just spontaneous and friendly with everyone (treat everyone correctly). That way you can make friends easily. Also, caring is an important thing, that is when a friend is going through some hard time, always be there. Call once in a while, when you haven't heard from a friend for some time. Those things will help you maintain friends easily.

Once you have a lot of friends, you won't have the need to be so stuck on your (best) friend. In fact, you won't care so much either when she ditches you for other things she wants to do for example. Moreover, joining an association (for example a hobby or community) will help you be more open and make more friends. I hope that I helped.

Good luck to your granddaughter!

anon239286
Post 64

@anon207116: You're wrong. There are guys who like the fat girl! I myself think fat girls are more attractive than skinny little skeleton.

anon231828
Post 63

I realized that many responses here talk about having no friends in school, and being someone who has felt this way before in the past, I want to just say - have trust and faith in being yourself. I was a shy girl who hated making conversations with people, but over the years I have honed the skill of talking to people.

I realized why shyness may be an obstacle to building friendships five years ago. This is because being shy means that you don't dare to share things with others about yourself, which may in turn lead to the misconception that you are aloof and unfriendly.

I would say, open up more, even though I struggled with trying to be more vocal, challenge yourself constantly to try out more things. This enriches your life, making you a more "useful" individual that you can be proud of.

And now, I make friends easily.

anon229243
Post 62

The reason most intelligent people don't have friends at school is because most children are ignorant. I have a handful of friends and I'm okay with that. I've been to five different high schools and most of the kids think it's cool to have sex in a bathroom, do drugs and fail classes. This is why I am not "cool". But I am 18, going to a wonderful university soon, have about six really good friends I've made over the years, and a wonderful boyfriend. To all the children who hate public schooling, keep the work up and move on because college and advancing is where it is at.

I wish I could say high school will also be the best years of your life. Unfortunately it is full of girls who starve themselves to stay skinny, a "social class" and the so called successful leaders will be the ones asking you, "do you want fries with that?" when you are older, assuming they aren't homeless or leeching off their parents. It may be sad sometimes, and depressing, bt you'll find friends at unexpected times and places. Just keep looking to the future and think of what you can do for yourself that will help you tomorrow.

anon227763
Post 61

Wow, what a response to a very important issue. I have just spent an hour and a half with my 12 year old son who is talking about no reason to go on living as life has nothing to offer.

He has no friends, school is boring, everyone swears at him. He has put on weight over this year as well which has hammered his self esteem. He is in the "smart" group of kids, so has been bullied for that all the way through school, however, he used to have a mate who had a similar story. He now finds this mate boring as well unfortunately. Have suggested to focus on things out of school, find something that sparks his interest. It's a bleak moment in motherhood.

anon226419
Post 60

@anon224091: Finding a job that isn't too physically or mentally demanding can be a real challenge for a teen. Working in most restaurants and retail stores is bound to be pretty stressful. Sometimes a department store like Target or Walmart will hire teens to haul in shopping carts or unload trucks or move stock around in the back. He wouldn't be dealing with customers that much, but he might have a demanding supervisor and older workmates.

If he's strong in some academic areas, like English or math or science, he might be able to work as a part-time tutor in your home or at a local library. You may have to work out the financial arrangements with the clients' parents, but tutoring younger kids or classmates one-on-one might be a good way for him to develop his social skills and feel like he's actually accomplishing something.

Speaking as someone who didn't have many friends when I was your son's age, I know how difficult it is to work in a fast food environment with lots of noise and pressure and older employees, but I also remember it helped me learn about how adults become friends. You can assure your son that eventually people will grow out of their teen years and start liking people because of common interests, not just status or appearance.

anon224091
Post 59

My son is 18 years old. He used to have one or two friends in elementary but high school brought no friends. He was uncomfortable in groups of kids. He was bullied a bit by the other kids who pointed out that he was very quiet and had no friends. It has been a nightmare.

He does Tae Kwon Do and has for six years. He will be getting his black belt next month. Tae Kwon Do has brought him some self-confidence. He has also gotten his driver's license. Now he wants to get a part-time job but is afraid. I am trying to find one that he can do and gain confidence from. He needs a job where there are few people and not crazy demanding like McDonalds. Any ideas?

anon221260
Post 58

I have dyspraxia which means I'm really clumsy and everyone laughs at me. Help!

anon218051
Post 57

Anon212090, there are no easy answers concerning your child's current situation. I wish there were. It's a bit of a Catch-22, since you know as a parent your child needs at least a high school diploma (or equivalent) to have a fighting chance in the world. However, the easiest path to follow would be to send her to a public school, which means bullying and social ostracism and all that other mean stuff children do to other children who are different in any way.

I would suggest looking into alternative educational opportunities such as magnet school programs or private/parochial schools. These schools aren't magically free of bullies or cliques, but smaller class sizes and stricter controls over student behavior make wholesale bullying more difficult.

Home schooling may sound like an appealing option, but many parents aren't equipped to handle the extra work. You might want to see if there is a homeschooling network in your area that can provide more information.

I would also suggest encouraging your daughter to become more involved in activities and groups outside of the school environment. Participation in church youth groups (especially ones out of the school district) might help her learn how to relate to kids her own age who don't see her at school every day. Activities such as the Girl Scouts or a martial arts class or YWCA program might also help her feel more comfortable around other people. If she develops other interests besides school, she might be able to put some of these things in perspective.

Bullies are a fact of life, unfortunately, so all you can really do as a parent is listen to her after-school stories and let her know it does get better over time.

anon212090
Post 56

I have a 12 year old daughter who had no friends. She has always been teased and bullied since pre-school. I tried to transfer her to different school so she would make friends, but nothing changed. She always cried and it broke my heart. I told her to diet, but because of her depression she gained more weight since then and she is a little bit slow so I guess she cannot cope with her friends.

Sometimes I wanted her to stop going to school and stay at home but her dad insists. What will I do? Can someone give me advice?

anon211242
Post 54

Wow. Some of the posts here are horrific. Just be yourself and let life happen. When I was in high school I was considered a nerd. No one really liked me and I was often the butt end of jokes, but I as I grew up I matured into myself and met these wonderful people whom I now call friends.

What people don't tell you in high school is being cool is a death sentence in the long run. I did my work and the teachers liked me, and I excelled. Now all my friends are working professionals and I have an extremely breathtaking girlfriend.

Side note: (Girls like guys with careers). I am a toy designer at the age of 22 and live a comfortable life. Be yourself and people will eventually love you for that. Just because the "cool kids" do not like you doesn't mean its the end of the world.

At the end of the day the "cool kids" end up working paycheck to pay check. My work is sending me to China in five weeks to handle some production specs. Take it from a nerd who made it: be yourself and don't sell out your morals to be cool. I was hated in high school but I always stayed true to myself. I didn't give a finkel!

anon209020
Post 53

It's amazing to see a website where people can be so open. I wish I had found this website a long time ago.

I have two kids, one in college and other one in middle school. They are opposites: one is very social and other one is an introvert. Both had different periods in their social lives and I'd like to share some experiences that might be helpful for everyone.

For parents of young kids: we can help a lot when kids are young, such as by inviting parents with their kids for playdates, having playdate in a park, go together to shows/movies, share food. Food is very important; it makes kids closer.

If kids get too connected to one friend, find another one in addition to that one. You may ask teachers who is a good match for your child.

For teens: Guys, I know it is hard to believe that you actually can have a friend, but you can, you really can! For the lady from posting 10: Everyone is special in his own way, and you have enough good things. Just believe in yourself. If you like yourself other will like you as well. Find a hobby, something that you love, something that makes you want to fly, and work to do it well. In the process of acquiring new skills, you'll find people who can share your passion, and maybe they will became your friends. Later on, share your talent and most important, use your talent to help others. People will come to you.

Common interests, the sincere will to help, having guts to talk, sharing food, loving yourself and respecting needs of others - all this will help everyone from young to old gain friends.

Do not give up. We are all social creatures, we need people and people need us! Good luck!

anon208966
Post 52

I am 10 years old and I have one friend and she can't hang out most of the time. I get really depressed most of the time and the worst part is she has no sense of humor.

I am homeschooled because the schools that I went to were 4 stars but in kindergarten my principal raped little girls. My first grade teacher didn't send me to the nurse when I split my gums open with a pencil. I was bleeding for an hour straight. Luckily, mom came for lunch and I had to go home early. I had only a few friends in both grades but now all I have is my cat.

anon207200
Post 51

My son is 15 and today is day three of school here and last night my son told me he feels like a ghost at school. He is in transition from alternative high school to regular high school due to being removed from regular elementary school because of his A.D.H.D. and not doing his work.

He says he has no friends and when he tries to say hi to someone or talk to them, he gets no response from them and they ignore him. My son is clean, dresses like all the other kids, and acts like a normal 15 year old, so what is up with that? Is it because he rides the special education bus (he has to due to being in transition)? This is not right if that is the case.

I want him to have a normal life with his teen and adult years and for him to have friends.

anon207116
Post 50

Some of you people are socially dysfunctional. I'm 21, now going to be a senior at MSU and VP of my fraternity. We moved all the time growing up (6 states in 16 years) and I never once complained to anybody. Yeah it stinks being the new kid, but that lasts less than a month. It's the easiest thing in the world to make friends, and here's a tip: don't be yourself!

Find out how the popular kids in whatever town your in act and affect their demeanor. It's really easy. People like people who act and think like them- or better yet are a slightly more outrageous version of themselves.

Say what other people only think and do the things they only talk about. Get yourself noticed. And play a sport. If you're unathletic it doesn't matter; play whatever you're best at. I'm a mediocre athlete and always found a role as the football team's comic relief.

However, everywhere I went, one thing held true: even the least athletic kid on the team had friends and though we may rip on him at times we had his back and were there for him when he needed it. And if you're a girl, one simple rule: put the donut down! No one likes a fat girl. Sad as it is, a girl's value in society is based solely on her looks until she graduates college (and it still plays a large role after). Parents don't coddle your kids. Please stop ruining my generation.

anon204053
Post 49

I never had friends. I had kids I would play with as a child, but they always ended up picking on me and calling me names. I was in special ed and often wet my pants due to being upset and that didn't help.

I was a bedwetter, too, and wore diapers to bed for it and the kids knew and called me names. My diapers became my friends. I loved wearing them and cuddling my teddy bear. I have always loved my diapers and still do. I have no friends now and am always alone. I am a child inside and my diapers and teddy bear make me happy.

anon194301
Post 48

I'm in ninth grade and am not popular as such, but am friendly with most people in my year. In our year, there are groups of friends, and if you fall out with your "group", it is very hard to join another group. Your son might be in this situation, and if so, give him time and he'll be fine.

anon191032
Post 47

My son is six years old and just recently his best friend doesn't want to be friends anymore. We don't know the reason, but it makes him really sad, and it breaks my heart. I'm thinking of calling the parents. Maybe they have something to do with it. What do you think?

anon187374
Post 46

I'm 18 years old and had very few friends through my elementary, middle, and high school years. I've never been able to keep friendships, and eventually it got to the point where I gave up entirely. Maybe I have poor social skills, maybe I don't; either way, I stopped caring a long time ago and my life has been better since. If you have no friends, I strongly believe that the best thing you can do for yourself is to focus on other things in your life. Perhaps after a while you'll forget that you ever longed for friends in the first place!

I believe that one can live a perfectly happy life without friends, just as long as they don't overvalue friendship. In my opinion, the media and even modern psychology severely overvalue friendship, often implying that life is absolutely terrible and tragic without friends and that one needs close relationships outside the family to survive. This, to me, is absurd. I believe that a good friendship is a privilege, a rare stroke of good fortune. To think that you can't live without friends, in my opinion, is ridiculous; it's akin to thinking that you can't live without a TV or the latest cell phone. Maybe life is more difficult without friendship, but you can still live your life to the best of your ability. Nothing is stopping you.

This is not to say that social skills aren't important. They are in situations where you must be around other people, especially when things such as the threat of punishment are involved. If you're already shy, why involve yourself with other people in situations where you don't have to, when you can devote your time and energy to hobbies instead? Gardening is a hobby I'm particularly fond of. When you garden, your plants become like your friends, but they can't insult or gossip about you, or reject you, or pressure you into doing things you don't want to do. Playful pets such as dogs or ferrets are also good. You might also want to try hobbies that involve creating stuff: arts and crafts, drawing, writing stories or poems, programming, etc. Try to find a few things that really interest you and immerse yourself in them.

The important thing to remember is that life is not completely hopeless without friends. If anything, you should count your blessings: you're likely to have less drama to worry about in your life, are less likely to be betrayed, and it's one less social group to worry about the opinions of. Be proud of being friendless, and remember that you don't need to have other kids as friends.

anon182688
Post 45

There are so many posts on here written by people who are suffering at school, or whose child is suffering at school. It is very hard to change the way people treat you at school, mostly because it is due to circumstances beyond your control. So I only have two things for you to think about:

First, all of this will change when you get out of the little bubble world that is middle school/high school. You will find your place in the world, and there will be others who are like you and who understand you and appreciate you for who you are. Trust me.

Second, try to find things to do outside of school that are not attached to school. Join a sports team, take an art class, join a community garden, volunteer for a group where you can help other people (there are so many of them out there), take language classes, join an outdoors club or an environmental group. even if these groups are not specifically for young people you might find yourself more appreciated by adults. Find a cause that means something so you can feel like you are putting your stamp on the world and are helping to make it a better place. It will help you feel better about yourself, and you may end up meeting some friends along the way.

I was always the weird girl when I was younger. Never the popular girl, I had some friends but they weren't real friends. Everything changed for me when i started to define myself not by who my friends were but by what I cared about and was interested in. I put energy into things that were important to me and through that I met people that were worthwhile. You have to build yourself up first, to know yourself and love yourself, before you find people that are really worth being friends with.

That is my experience. I hope you all find what you are looking for, and don't let them grind you down.

amypollick
Post 44

@anon176882: You have a fine mind, and that's priceless. I spoke up in class, am gifted, etc., but I wasn't the popular kid. I was the weird kid. But you know what? That was O.K. I'm very O.K. with it now. So you don't speak up, now. That's all right. It's a common misconception that high school is the end of life as we know it. And it is -- thank goodness!

It's a different world when you get to college. Some of your talented, popular classmates now will spend the rest of their lives talking about their high school glory days, because that's where it all ended for them. They'll be fairly decent college students, and when you're 35, with a good career and a healthy marriage, they'll be frantically trying to reclaim their youth, tanning their skin to leather in tanning beds and on serious relationship number three.

When you go to your 20-year reunion, you'll look much the same as you did in high school. They'll look like the undersides of old saddles. Trust me, hon. I've been there. Be who you are and be proud of it. By the time you're 20 or so, all this will seem like a bad dream. I know it seems impossible to negotiate right now, but this is a temporary situation. You'll get through high school and you'll do well in college.

It's a trite little cliche, I'll admit, but there's some truth to it: believe in yourself. But most of all, be unashamed to be who you are. Like what you like, listen to the music you want to listen to, dress in a way that makes you feel good about yourself, and pbbhffttt! to the "popular" kids. Be weird, if that's who you are. Be subversive. Just be *you." Good luck and take care.

anon176882
Post 43

I a 15 year old girl in grade ten and I'm having the same issue. I'm reading these comments hearing how people who don't have a social life get good grades, are at the top of the class, etc. I'm in advanced classes and was considered "gifted" but I never speak in discussions or think quickly enough.

My classes are full of smart people and they alienated me as the dumb kid who doesn't belong in the smart class. They avoid me when we pick partners.

I envy these kids because I'm wondering how they can manage both a great social life and still get good grades. Those who say they have no friends but have good grades are lucky. At least they'll be confident about their future, unlike me, who has nothing.

anon172846
Post 42

My daughter is soon to be 7. She is bright, intelligent, loving, out going, a real joiner, but she doesn't seem to have any friends. There are kids she plays with at school, but it never moves to out of school. She never gets invited to other peoples' houses.

I have read through a lot of these posts, and have recognised some of my daughter's characteristics in what is written here, and I think I have a start now in how to help her be herself and be happy, and one day have friends. Thank you.

anon170543
Post 41

ok so i found that this really helps a lot. i am one of the more popular girls because i always do this.

for all you people out there, take a step out. join a sports team or something. popular people aren't mean; they are actually some of the nicest people i have ever met.

if you just treat us the way you want to be treated, you'll find that you will make loads of friends. in my class there is only one kid with no friends and that's because she is so mean and she never says anything nice. be someone people will want to be around. just be yourself, no worries! hope this helped!

anon169940
Post 40

First things first. Stop thinking the worst. Stop beating yourselves up for not being like the most popular kids. Just stop right where you are now, and stop thinking. Full stop.

Why do we all want to fly before we have even hatched?

First, stop wanting what you don't have. The moment you stop wanting, your life will start to begin the way it should be: full of life's pleasures, because true pleasures come when you least expect them. They are the magical ones. Stop wanting a girlfriend or a partner or a best friend.

First you need to feel comfortable in yourself first. Otherwise you will lose them the minute you get them. because you come across as too needy or a bit dull. first work on yourself.

Life is like a painting. What i read here is that we all once had quite a colourful picture, but over the years it's faded and now we are left with a muddy shade or sketch of black and white.

Again, stop! You are the artist of your own life. you have the box of colours besides you, take out a brush, choose a colour and splash it on your canvas. Here are some possible colours for you to choose from: yoga, gym, motor racing, motorbikes, football, basketball, drama club, gardening club, acting, music, flying, hangliding, mountaineering, bush walking, geo tracking, massage, holistic health, reiki

Limit junk tv, limit online time and limit staying at home (this is vital as your momentum is crucial). Whatever! The list is endless. Just google your local areas. find one that resonates and go and explore it.

But i don't like that colour you say? Pfff. stop that attitude now. Don't think - just do it. If you don't like it. after you tried it, then you can say you don't like something. Don't use your negative attitude to paint your canvas anymore. Only true knowledge and experience are what makes a beautiful painting of life.

And so my friends, wen you have spruced up your dull canvas with a weekly or so splash of life, add some more colours. and keep doing it.

Forget about “I don't have any friends.” Forget about “I'm not married and old.” Forget about “I'm worthless, my life sucks!” Delete these thoughts from your mind completely when they come in to your mind. Think about one of the activities (colours) you're doing. Think about who you met or encountered.

Maybe you didn't hit it off with them, maybe they didn't like you. So what? Learn to accept that. Eventually you will get it right and someone will.

Life is a numbers game. We sit alone and wonder why we are alone? Come on, go out and circulate your love. We all have love inside us.

The reason why we are so depressed is because that love is locked up inside us. we need to share it to receive it back. But with no expectations, you expect something you will always feel downtrodden. Just go out and spread some love.

I promise you all: if you make this effort above, you make a calendar of weekly events outside of what you would normally do, outside of what your social stigma tells you is masculine or feminine, and

just go and do something you never did before.

There are groups everywhere outside the internet, groups of people who are painting their canvas of life, and will die knowing they did their best.

Maybe you're not so popular, or good looking, or rich, or fortunate. But right now at this very moment.

this exact nanosecond, all of us united souls have traveled time together to this exact moment, and for what? For this. We are all united and experiencing life for better or worse. The choice is ultimately ours.

anon169732
Post 39

I'm 13 and I haven't any real friends and it's really hard when it comes to science or gym class because we have to go in pairs sometimes.

I have only recently moved to secondary school and everyone is already in their groups and I'm just standing there with no one to talk to. There is one girl I particularly like but she has a best friend. she has already been over to her house already. It's nearly the end of the year please help me.

anon169564
Post 38

I have a fine, smart and kind child in middle school. We have been in this town for almost a year. My child has several friends at school and has made an effort -- efforts to make plans with these kids outside of school. Not only has there been no interest, but their parents are just as cool -- almost rude and unkind. Any ideas? My child sees these kids getting off the bus together daily and making plans to hang out and ride bikes.

anon167412
Post 37

It is so sad to hear that so many feel this way, I too when I was young, was bullied and teased, and i had one friend who was into drugs in high school, but the other two quit and moved. So I basically spent my youth alone, even young adulthood.

I then realized that people in general are not who we think they are, most people are sociopathic or will herd in with the ring leaders in life. This is harsh reality. I moved on, graduated from college, got married and have my child who also has one friend, but the difference is that we try to focus on who matters, and if it's just those we count on one hand, that is enough.

I try so hard to count my blessings, that i am alive, because in reality, i am lucky my druggie friend never hurt me or set me up, I am able to see, so many cannot see. I can walk, where so many cannot walk, get the idea? Sure it stinks when you're going through this. Trust me: I know how it feels to have no one and today I have one friend I can trust, but she lives 2000 miles away but I still try to be happy with that and with what is going well in life. People are sheep and they herd together. It's better to be your own best friend. Smile and laugh. Because no one is promised a tomorrow.

anon165492
Post 36

My son is 10 and is very intelligent. He went to a different school up until grade 2, then we moved. He feels like he just doesn't "fit in".

We have been here for three years. My son is in Talented and Gifted and the Challenge program. When he was a baby he was slow to walk and was hard to understand. He is now a bright, funny, intelligent kid but lacks athletic ability.

He is very outspoken and that seems to be part of the trouble. He likes to act silly and he has always been tall for his age. I feel so sad for him because not a week goes by that someone has not teased him and made him cry. I've talked to the school but they can only do so much. I just am at an end to what I can do to help. Any ideas?

anon160836
Post 35

I am an 11 year old kid and have no friends. I used to have a lot of friends while i was in the fourth grade. My friends seem to bully me and i have no friends. They said my face looks ugly, with a big mole. I am so depressed.

anon160491
Post 34

MY 8 year old is in second grade and tells me that she has no friends. I know that there are kids in her class that she likes to play with but says that if they are playing with someone else already then they choose not to include her. I am so distraught over this. I know you are at school to learn but I do not understand why kids are so mean to each other.

I want to talk to the teacher and see if she has noticed a problem with my daughter and if it is her that causes any of these problems. She does outside school activities but we have no kids where we live. She has a few friends that she plays with from kindergarten but they all go to different schools and they have parents who are super busy with work. I want her to have friends. It is killing me to hear her cry herself to sleep.

I have asked her if she is mean or dominating and she promises she lets them decide what they pay sometimes and I explained that helps. The one girl she likes playing with her mom told her that it can be her decision on what to play all the time and I am trying to get my daughter to give up on her. Please if you have any ideas I am open. Do you think talking to the mom is a good idea?

anon160095
Post 33

To anon153278, Answer 30: If your so called "friends" treat you like that, it's time to find some new friends!

Be brave, break away from them. Happiness will come when you find the right people for you.

anon159486
Post 32

I found this site because of my 8 year old girl. I found out the other day that she doesn't really have anyone to play with during recess and that she just plays by herself or reads a book. She said it was OK for her this way.

She is an intelligent girl, and loves art so much but very shy. However, she is very vocal to express her opinion when she thinks or know that something is not right.

Even during parties when invited, my husband and I realized that she doesn't play with anyone and tends to ask us to stay. She only had one really good friend during pre-school however they parted ways after that since they went to different schools in Kindergarten. This same child has the same qualities as my girl, observant, shy maybe this is why they clicked.

My girls study in an all girls Catholic school and I'm thinking her interests are different from them. She's not into "cutesy" stuff or girly stuff, or into rough playing but more into art anything related to art and swimming.

We are thinking of moving them to a coed parochial school to be with our youngest, a boy, who will start Kindergarten next school year. My eldest child 10, wants to shift schools and be with her brother. I realized too, although sociable, that she doesn't want her current school anymore. She said "girls can be mean" mom. Some only hang out with me because I'm smart and I help them out with their projects, spelling and math and computer.

She said "the popular girls" are not nice. This same daughter has a best friend, which is such a nice girl and have same interests with her. One good friend stopped talking to her just because she went to the popular group...and she was harboring this since last year..her main reason of wanting to move too, a change of environment.

After hearing these from my girls, it broke my heart. I told them, to tell me whatever is bothering them and not bottle them up. At first I was resistant to move them to a new school since the education is very good and we love the nuns, teachers and how the school is, however, after hearing their stories, I just saw a different side coming from my daughters, which greatly affected me.

I think the move will be good. We could all have a fresh start and I could be active in the new school since it's our parish, my husband and I can be more involved with all of them. The moms and daughters of their current school are so cliquish that maybe in the new school this won't be the same since we mostly belong in the same parish.

anon157800
Post 31

My twelve year old son is going through a similar problem. He has a mood disorder and due to getting bullied I had to change his school.

He was in the gifted program at his other school but now he's in a private school and the work is more challenging. He fights me every day about going to school and after school sits on the computer all day and night. I am afraid he is so lonely because he never wants to do anything. I don't know how to help him. I want him to feel good about himself. This whole situation is breaking my heart.

anon153278
Post 30

I am a 14-year-old girl who has friends that ignore me for no reason. They talk to me only if I talk to them, and they invite everyone else to a birthday party or give everyone else their phone number, but it's never me. This has had an effect on my self-esteem, and now I have to gain back my confidence. Thanks a lot, "friends."

anon151103
Post 29

My 7 year old son is in year two and has no friends because the same group of bullies since kindergarten has stopped anybody from playing with him. He says that it's ok that he doesn't have anyone to play with, that he would rather that than have to put up with bullies but i don't understand as my son is not shy at all and friendly but for some reason he is being alienated by the other kids.

anon150631
Post 28

My eight year old boy is in school and then daycare. He is very social and not shy at all. He can be pretty silly sometimes and is not athletic at all.

He has 'school' and 'daycare' friends but never seems to want to make the next step and see them outside of school. Maybe he needs a break on the weekend from all the social activity that goes on during the week, but he is bored sometimes but never wants me to schedule a playdate with anyone.

I can't tell if he is happy or not. I am concerned that he is not making connections, but he is only eight and a boy so I don't know if I am getting ahead of myself.

anon148874
Post 27

My son seems to have a hard timing making friends. He's 12 and very smart. He has been with mostly the same group of kids since grade 4, and for whatever reason, no one in the class wants to hang out with him.

He's a bit nerdy and socially a bit awkward. He takes martial arts and has since he was 7. He has achieved a lot of success with it, but not in school. He goes through periods where he seems ok about it, but then someone bugs him at school and then he wants to change schools.

I don't know if changing is the answer and sometimes feel he should just stick it out and try to deal with it.

anon145874
Post 26

I used to be so social in fifth grade but now I feel as if I'm in a depression.

I've lost friends, gained nerdy, less cool friends (not that I'm complaining about them) and I'm not sure why. I've had lots of depressing times right after fifth grade (not going into details), but what time was the one that made me so unsocial?

anon141133
Post 25

I'm a 12 year old girl, and i have lost my friends. They call me names. I have told teachers, parents and relatives, but no help. The teachers just said i need to ignore them.

i have but they have been giving me hate mails like this: "you have no friends weirdo, nobody likes you and (bully) wants to break you" by breaking me she wants to hurt me like in a fight. I'm scared to go back to school and i don't know what to do. I have become sick and sad i have cried and cried too. please help me!

anon138197
Post 24

well i have a friend who's going into a completely different high school from the rest of us and the kids there aren't making it easy for her and she hates the school so bad and wants to go to our school.

anon135007
Post 23

I'm a muslim girl who absolutely has no friends in high school, where everyone has friends. There are other muslims but they are not my "type" of friends. People often avoid me and talking to me. When they talk to me i feel like they are forced to.

I have acquaintances, meaning i talk to a lot of the people, but like stupid short topics. I have really poor social skills. I wish i could take some seminar or class on increasing my skills and development.

My horrible shyness causes a lack of confidence and prejudging that everyone is judging me (but really everyone judges and talks about everyone at my school -- even the closest friends). Maybe this is why i don't put myself out there: because I'm afraid the so called friends will betray me. I don't know. I just really want just one friend like everyone. You know?

anon129886
Post 22

Reading through all these posts, I've been looking at my current situation.

My son, who is 8 years old, just started at a new school and as someone mentioned, kids have already formed their groups and he still doesn't have any friends.

I went to a parent/teacher conference and his teacher told me that she admires my son that even though he stays by himself at recess and that he prefers to observe, he doesn't feel the need to follow or be like the other kids if he doesn't really want to.

Yes, I think every parent wants their kids to be liked by the other kids and have friends so they're happy and accepted. But really, some kids prefer one friend, two friends, many friends, no friends at school but a close cousin or a friend outside of school. Point being, there's always someone for them and as long as you continue to praise them and accept and love them, they will find their place with good friends eventually.

anon128907
Post 21

I have an eight year old son. My husband and I just had his second grade parent-teacher conference. This teacher of his "slammed us" with very disturbing comments about his anger issues and very poor social skills.

I've been an emotional mess since this conference. I want to help my son. I thought he was a happy child, but I don't know what to do. I'm a teacher myself, and I'm truly at a loss for how to help my son.

anon126813
Post 20

Maybe you should find out what is bothering your kid to not have friends. maybe he/she isn't sociable, or he/she's a bit of a nerd, which if you don't know, means that you have a usually smart kid, with no taste in fashion, and who seems a bit boring for the so-called 'normal intelligent people.'

I, myself, used to have no (well, yeah, 5 or so) friends until I reached middle school, and now I'm the most popular girl in my grade, but really, you should ask your kid about it. ask him/her about how he/she feels about having no or not a lot friends.

anon125455
Post 19

I am a 36 year old mom of five, with only two left at home. We have moved and both the 17 year old female and the 12 year old male are having problems making friends.

Since my husband and I don't have friends, can this be why they don't? My daughter doesn't choose it but I think my son does. Today I was called by the school and the counselor said he seems depressed daily. What would you do?

anon123140
Post 17

I am 14 years old. I do have friends and they do like me but for some reason sometimes i feel as if I'm just boring them to death! I have become a little shy these days too. I used to have a lot of friends where i live, but all of them have been transferred to different countries and cities.

Now, i just have one friend but I'm facing a lot of problems with her too these days. i feel extremely lonely at school and because of my low self confidence these days, i cannot even make proper conversations with people. I never used to be like this. I used to be the most social kid but i don't know whats happened to me now!

i feel really depressed and lonely. Please tell me what i can do.

amypollick
Post 16

@anon122808: Do I ever understand! I was the smart kid, too, and it isn't easy. Yep, I had the "friends" who just wanted to use my brain, and were not interested in being a friend to me.

Don't dumb yourself down with your classmates, but also don't try to show off everything you know. I understand sometimes you can't help it. Oh man, have I ever been there!

I'm pretty naturally gregarious, and fairly feisty, so I wasn't the sit-in-the-back-of-the-class type. You might have more success making friends with those a year or two older than you, or maybe even a year or two younger. I say the younger kids because they are often thrilled to be friends with one of the "older" kids and expect you to be smarter than they are, so it's not quite such a problem.

Since you know how it feels to be without friends, try looking around and making friends with students who seem to be in the same boat as you. If there are special needs students who attend your school, volunteer to be their helper and see what you can learn from them. And yes, you can learn a *lot* from them. And your true friendship might mean the world to that student, and to his or her parents.

Also check into volunteering opportunities in your community. A great way to make friends and find people with common interests is to volunteer.

You have been blessed with a great mind. Do your best to use it to be a blessing to other people. I promise, that's where you will find happiness.

anon123028
Post 15

my 10 year old daughter has been going to school on a transfer, because my wife works for the school system. next year she starts middle school and to help build her confidence and social skills I want her to attend a middle school that will put her around her neighborhood friends whom she can hang out with after school, and weekends and be friends outside of the school walls.

My wife disagrees, but this is a serous matter and always leads to a fight. any advice?

anon122808
Post 14

I'm in fifth grade and have no real "friends." Some days I sit alone at lunch and the teachers in there constantly ask if I want to sit somewhere else. Besides, I actually think I can make adult friends better than kid friends.

I'm the smartest kid in my school, basically, and sometimes I just think of myself as the answer key back in the corner, only speaking up to answer questions or help people with their papers. On the bus I don't talk, just sit. I'd rather socialize with a group of adults than my peers. I don't get picked on, but no one wants to talk to me. Whenever I sit down anywhere I feel like an instant deterrence. Or maybe it's because I don't want to talk to any of my peers. I don't know if it's my unwillingness to socialize with my peers, or the other way around, but either way I don't have any friends.

anon122361
Post 13

My son has just started secondary school. He went from being popular and having loads of friends, to having just one. This friend was bullied at primary school and now kind of bullies my son or manipulates him to do stuff he doesn't want to do.

My son spends his lunch times in the quiet room on the computer, or reading a book in the library. He had joined the football team to try and make more friends but nothing seems to be helping.

Every day he comes home and tells me he hasn't really spoken to anyone, and he's not been hanging out with anyone. It's breaking my heart. His confidence has taken a real battering.

espilopez03
Post 12

My 10 year old daughter is going through similar situation. new school, no friends. She has people she talks to in her classes but says nobody she hangs out w during lunch. I tell her to not be afraid to ask someone else if they want to hang out.

as i can see from the above comments, every school has a few lonely kids out there and if they only ask, I'm sure they can develop a new friendship. It has been two months since school started, and i am going to have her invite a "friend" to a movie with us on the weekend and hope she can develop that friendship to a deeper level.

To the kids reading this: don't be afraid to ask! There are a lot of kids out there feeling the same way as you.

anon120197
Post 10

I am 15 and I have no friends. The 'friends' I have now think I'm weird because I hate all of the things they like and they always make nasty comments on the things I like so the little confidence I did have from primary school has been completely destroyed!

anon119582
Post 9

We have just moved to a new location and that means my 10 year old sons goes to a new school. He does not have any friends as children in the school have been together a long time and they don't want to include him in their group.

My son cries at home that he hates the new place and wants to go back to where we have come from. It's heartbreaking to see this happen - how can I help him.

anon115977
Post 8

My son has low self-esteem and it is because i have over-protected him. Only today he missed out on a school trip to wales for six days.He said it was because he wasn't confident.

I tried to pay for this trip three times but he stopped me every time. Last year i stopped him from going because i said it was too dangerous and went through a whole list of things that could happen.

This year i realised the error of my ways, thinking that he would be happy to go. I'm so sad that he has lost the chance to do this because of me. How do i go about building his confidence? he always says he can't do things without even trying.

I do tell him how clever he is and how much he is loved and yet i have made him frightened of the world. I am so ashamed and sad. I want him to be happy and confident but don't know how to undo the damage.

anon113024
Post 7

i used to have a lot of friends like in fifth grade. i was popular-ish and part of the popular group for both fourth and fifth grade. i was invited to parties, and i talked and hang out with boys.

But for the last two years, I've been really quiet. except around like one girl. i have like a couple friends, well i don't know if they're considered friends but i am always shy in class and i never know what to talk about around my "friends." My best friend from last year moved away and she gave me a bff ring, and i still have it. it means so much. i got a fortune that says im going to meet an old friend and have a good life. hopefully that'll be her. I don't know what to do. i hate going to school now.

anon110218
Post 6

@anon102590: It seems like your granddaughter has some self-esteem issues or trust problems. if she thought she was good enough, she wouldn't worry about her friend making other friends. It seems like her clinginess made her old friends run away, which made her even more clingy, which made them run more. She needs to realize that she needs to decrease the clinginess, not increase it.

anon102590
Post 4

My 13 year old granddaughter, only likes to have one friend, but because one really does not grow just through one friend, if her friend tries to interact with others, my granddaughter makes trouble. She has lost every friend she has had, due to this. Is this a lack of social skills or control?

amypollick
Post 3

@Anon79871: Let me recommend martial arts. Make sure you pick a school that stresses a positive attitude and works with kids on issues like bullying. Call schools in your area and ask to visit a couple of classes. Most schools have beginners classes all the time.

Martial arts can do a lot of things for your son. Obviously, there's the physical fitness angle, but it can also increase his self-esteem through achievement (getting a new belt color is a big deal!), he can learn to be more assertive and confident, he can learn to handle it when kids tease him, and there's a certain status people attain when others learn they are taking martial arts. Take it from a physically un-fit middle aged woman taking jujitsu: People look at you with more respect if they think you can kick their butts with one hand tied behind your back. LOL.

Most important, martial arts teaches when to fight and when to turn away and it teaches respect for everyone.

Your son will probably make friends in his classes, too, which is a good thing.

I highly recommend martial arts for any young person facing this problem. There is a junior advanced yellow belt in my class who has come a very long way since he started. He's learning respect for himself and others, he's learning self-esteem, and probably needs it since his behavior leads me to believe he may be mildly autistic. I suspect he gets teased a lot at school. But he has really come a million miles since starting classes.

Good luck to you and your son!

anon79871
Post 2

My son is 10 and has always had trouble making friends. The kids at school pick at him, calling him fat and weird. My heart breaks and I am always telling him he's better than that and praise him for his good work. What can i do to help him develop good self-esteem?

anon70966
Post 1

I only have 1 friend and I don't know if I can call him a friend. I am the smartest kid in my class and nobody wants to be my friend. I am the nerd. The only friends I ever had were the nerds like me.

Everybody hates me. It's a very hard life for me. I wish that I was the cool kid in my class but that's never going to happen. I do have one friend who I've known for about one or two years and we both like WWE.

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